Damn you guys ask a lot of questions. But I guess I can only blame myself for not talking to you guys sooner. So I'll get as far as I can now and answer the rest later.
1) Why did you leave the business?
Long story, and one that I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with telling. In fact, telling it is part of the "Therapy" that Velma prescribed for me.
2) How do you keep what you do from derek? Most guys like to visit at work, etc.
Since going independent, it's been a non-issue. I've been telling him that I've been doing in-home hair and massage for my mom's friends. I think he's been laying off with any questions because he knows it's a touchy subject.
3) Is Derek still wanting you to get married?
LOL - It was kinda meant as a joke, so it's died down a bit now that I'm making money again.
With what you do being so lucrative, why don't you ever seem to have any money?
It depends on how many customers you can see on a regular basis that determines how steady your income is. Sure, I may get the occasional $500 session, but if it's only once a month, then it suddenly doesn't sound so great. When I was still back at The Business, I could count on a steady stream of $100 topless sessions on a daily basis.
And another thing - I may be earning way less money now, but I'm not exactly broke. I absolutely positively refuse to touch what I have in savings. In my mind, that money is meant to keep me afloat when I'm ready to retire my massage table. So digging into it in this time of my life has always been a sign of failure. As long as it's there and untouched, I know that I'll be OK. And let me tell you, I came pretty damn close to cashing it in a few times recently...
1. You mentioned hitting rock bottom in an earlier post and receiving needed therapy from your friend Velma. What did you confess to her of doing to clients or letting be done to you?
I knew you guys would get around to asking this and I've been preparing myself mentally to answer it. To be blunt, I let a customer finger fuck me. It fucked with my head in ways I didn't expect and couldn't explain. At that point, I had never felt so ashamed of anything I've ever done before - and that's saying a lot for a girl who's done double customers, facials, submission, etc.
That other stuff was just fun in comparison - this was just plain outright whoring. That's when I stopped writing, stopped talking to friends, almost broke up with Derek, and thought of emptying my savings account. It was really that bad for me, and served as my wake up moment to start turning things around.
How old are you, really?Early 30's now. I think I was 28 or 29 when I started this damn blog thing.
Please comment on the differences in ejaculations between older and younger men.
More volume and distance with younger guys.
2) How do you keep what you do from derek? Most guys like to visit at work, etc.
Since going independent, it's been a non-issue. I've been telling him that I've been doing in-home hair and massage for my mom's friends. I think he's been laying off with any questions because he knows it's a touchy subject.
3) Is Derek still wanting you to get married?
LOL - It was kinda meant as a joke, so it's died down a bit now that I'm making money again.
With what you do being so lucrative, why don't you ever seem to have any money?
It depends on how many customers you can see on a regular basis that determines how steady your income is. Sure, I may get the occasional $500 session, but if it's only once a month, then it suddenly doesn't sound so great. When I was still back at The Business, I could count on a steady stream of $100 topless sessions on a daily basis.
And another thing - I may be earning way less money now, but I'm not exactly broke. I absolutely positively refuse to touch what I have in savings. In my mind, that money is meant to keep me afloat when I'm ready to retire my massage table. So digging into it in this time of my life has always been a sign of failure. As long as it's there and untouched, I know that I'll be OK. And let me tell you, I came pretty damn close to cashing it in a few times recently...
1. You mentioned hitting rock bottom in an earlier post and receiving needed therapy from your friend Velma. What did you confess to her of doing to clients or letting be done to you?
I knew you guys would get around to asking this and I've been preparing myself mentally to answer it. To be blunt, I let a customer finger fuck me. It fucked with my head in ways I didn't expect and couldn't explain. At that point, I had never felt so ashamed of anything I've ever done before - and that's saying a lot for a girl who's done double customers, facials, submission, etc.
That other stuff was just fun in comparison - this was just plain outright whoring. That's when I stopped writing, stopped talking to friends, almost broke up with Derek, and thought of emptying my savings account. It was really that bad for me, and served as my wake up moment to start turning things around.
How old are you, really?Early 30's now. I think I was 28 or 29 when I started this damn blog thing.
Please comment on the differences in ejaculations between older and younger men.
More volume and distance with younger guys.
Did I promise to answer everything or what?
How much are you charging and how does it compare with what people paid at the business? Are you typically getting tips on top of your fee?
I'm not so much getting tips as I am charging a flat fee. My customers now are all Regulars, so we've pretty much already established how much per session.
On average I'm making more per customer than I did at The Business, but that's because these are guys who know what they want and have the ability to see me regularly. However, I'm waaaaaay less busy than I was before.
Congratulations CJ on gaining some control with the table. I think the next step for more control is to limit the release to hands only. You can offer topless or nude sessions if you're comfortable with your customer. Please stay safe!
Basically, I've just learned to use the word "no" more often. So now I've been pretty much limiting happy endings to hand, butt, and breast releases.
Why so reluctant to tell anyone you're dating what you do, straight-up? (I mean, third date, sure...) What if they momentarily freaked out but then were cool about it? It would make your life a lot easier. :) It seems like Derek would probably understand if you told him.
I've gone over this before, and very early in the blog. Telling a guy what you do NEVER works out. They're cool with it for a little while, then one day it suddenly turns ugly. Happens EVERY time.
Hey CJ! What would Derek do/say if he found out what your job really consists of?
I've been dreading that recently because I really like this guy. But I think he'd handle it really badly and end up dumping me. For real. He's not nearly as "worldly" as other guys I've dated. I mean, he doesn't go to strrip clubs, or bachelor parties. Shit - he's embarassed to admit he watches porno. So I think he wouldn't take it well at all.
Have you ever had an orgasm while working? How?
Yes - I did a whole story about it here...
Fuck - Marry - Kill:
1. George Clooney
2. Tom Hanks
3. Mel Gibson
That's sooooo easy. Fuck George, Marry Tom, and Kill Mel. Give me a tough one!
Have you considered applying for work at an AMP? It would seem to have the structured rules that you and your clients now require. Non-asian girls do exist at a couple of places in MA/RI. Are you capable of letting go of the rigid generalizations you've made about these places in the past.
The ones around here do not hire local girls. The girls are all driven in from NYC. That's not my opinion, that was in the police reports from when the were busted. Also, I can't tell you how many girls I've interviewed while working at The Business who said they were turned away from the AMPs because they weren't "their" girls.
Glad you're feeling better. I really enjoy reading your blogs. I'm in the area and go to AMPs about once a month or so. Answer me this:
Is it normal for a guy to not be hard at all during the massage and when the flip comes? I'm early 30s and by no means have ED (yet) and I have a GF who I see on the weekends (she lives out of state). So I get laid pretty regularly but like to get polished off once and a while. I feel like these ladies expect me to be hard and ready when the time comes. Most usually just grab my junk and then I'm good to go. But recently I had one woman kinda just look at me and gensture "well get ready".
I guess if I was a 50+ guy who didnt get laid from his wife this would be like a super exciting situation to have a lady half naked rubbing you down but for me, I'm not excited until she touches it.
This is not usual at all. In fact, it's more common for the guy not to be hard when it's time for the happy ending. The woman who gave you the (ahem) hard time was not very professional.
1) How often does someone take you up on the "You provide the clothing for me to wear as long as the tags are still attached" offer?
How much are you charging and how does it compare with what people paid at the business? Are you typically getting tips on top of your fee?
I'm not so much getting tips as I am charging a flat fee. My customers now are all Regulars, so we've pretty much already established how much per session.
On average I'm making more per customer than I did at The Business, but that's because these are guys who know what they want and have the ability to see me regularly. However, I'm waaaaaay less busy than I was before.
Congratulations CJ on gaining some control with the table. I think the next step for more control is to limit the release to hands only. You can offer topless or nude sessions if you're comfortable with your customer. Please stay safe!
Basically, I've just learned to use the word "no" more often. So now I've been pretty much limiting happy endings to hand, butt, and breast releases.
Why so reluctant to tell anyone you're dating what you do, straight-up? (I mean, third date, sure...) What if they momentarily freaked out but then were cool about it? It would make your life a lot easier. :) It seems like Derek would probably understand if you told him.
I've gone over this before, and very early in the blog. Telling a guy what you do NEVER works out. They're cool with it for a little while, then one day it suddenly turns ugly. Happens EVERY time.
Hey CJ! What would Derek do/say if he found out what your job really consists of?
I've been dreading that recently because I really like this guy. But I think he'd handle it really badly and end up dumping me. For real. He's not nearly as "worldly" as other guys I've dated. I mean, he doesn't go to strrip clubs, or bachelor parties. Shit - he's embarassed to admit he watches porno. So I think he wouldn't take it well at all.
Have you ever had an orgasm while working? How?
Yes - I did a whole story about it here...
Fuck - Marry - Kill:
1. George Clooney
2. Tom Hanks
3. Mel Gibson
That's sooooo easy. Fuck George, Marry Tom, and Kill Mel. Give me a tough one!
Have you considered applying for work at an AMP? It would seem to have the structured rules that you and your clients now require. Non-asian girls do exist at a couple of places in MA/RI. Are you capable of letting go of the rigid generalizations you've made about these places in the past.
The ones around here do not hire local girls. The girls are all driven in from NYC. That's not my opinion, that was in the police reports from when the were busted. Also, I can't tell you how many girls I've interviewed while working at The Business who said they were turned away from the AMPs because they weren't "their" girls.
Glad you're feeling better. I really enjoy reading your blogs. I'm in the area and go to AMPs about once a month or so. Answer me this:
Is it normal for a guy to not be hard at all during the massage and when the flip comes? I'm early 30s and by no means have ED (yet) and I have a GF who I see on the weekends (she lives out of state). So I get laid pretty regularly but like to get polished off once and a while. I feel like these ladies expect me to be hard and ready when the time comes. Most usually just grab my junk and then I'm good to go. But recently I had one woman kinda just look at me and gensture "well get ready".
I guess if I was a 50+ guy who didnt get laid from his wife this would be like a super exciting situation to have a lady half naked rubbing you down but for me, I'm not excited until she touches it.
This is not usual at all. In fact, it's more common for the guy not to be hard when it's time for the happy ending. The woman who gave you the (ahem) hard time was not very professional.
1) How often does someone take you up on the "You provide the clothing for me to wear as long as the tags are still attached" offer?
Except for 1 guy, It's not nearly as popular with the Regulars I've been seeing lately, but back at The Business, I'd get a lingerie request a couple times a month.
2) What has happened to The Business Establishment since you left it?
Once again - long story and I will get to it.
3) Do you like "mood music" when you are working?
Of course - I bring a boombox, or at the very least CD's of what we call "spa" music. At The Business, we had satellite radio so we could listen to relaxing music. Most requested music type - country. Hardly relaxing.
4) What was the most unexpected, yet appreciated, gift you ever got from any client?
Diamond earrings.
5) You are President for one week, what one thing would you like to accomplish?
Abolish all sex laws. Honestly, everyone has sex, but as soon as $$$ enters the equation it becomes a giant problem that must be controlled, hunted down and stopped. Give me a break.
I recall in an earlier post you described your Oscar winning performance of video recording the HE with a client and ending the session with the peace sign. However you also briefly talked about other sessions which were recorded but you didn't elaborate about those moments. Were they worth a leading actress award?
Always! I actually enjoy fussing with the lighting in the room and the camera angles. Sometimes it's to avoid capturing my face, but it also helps if the visuals capture the best parts of me and the action. Heck - I've even come up with dialog with some of them!
The thing to remember, CJ, is that anonymous #5 who left a comment telling you that you are something bad is really just some small person who gets some miniscule amount of satisfaction for themself by treating other people poorly. I am sure that you know that already, but it helps to remind yourself of that as you are reading them. :) Best wishes! -Mondo
Thanks Mondo! That shit really doesn't really bother me anymore.
What is your advice to a wife whose husband has been using your extra services and options and has thier heart, trust, and security broken?
He obviously doesn't deserve your trust and I don't blame you one bit for feeling that way. I don't like seeing married men and I do consider what they do as cheating. But if it helps any, what goes on in the room is totally mechanical and devoid of emotion. At work I do not consider myself a "girlfriend" or "mistress" to any of the customers. I know that doesn't justify any of their behavior but it's that detachment that helps me to deal with it. It's probably the crappiest part of being in this line of work.
I've been dying to hear the story about you leaving the business. This should give you plenty of opportunities to bad-mouth Audry. That's got to be good therapy for you, too.
You're absolutely right - it is part of my therapy and I'll get to it when I'm feeling comfortable enough. And believe it or not, there may not be as much Audrey bashing as you'd think.
can you repost the famous pictures of you, trina, and cindy?
Nope - sorry. Got way too close to getting discovered after that.
Can you please, please show us your breasts?
2) What has happened to The Business Establishment since you left it?
Once again - long story and I will get to it.
3) Do you like "mood music" when you are working?
Of course - I bring a boombox, or at the very least CD's of what we call "spa" music. At The Business, we had satellite radio so we could listen to relaxing music. Most requested music type - country. Hardly relaxing.
4) What was the most unexpected, yet appreciated, gift you ever got from any client?
Diamond earrings.
5) You are President for one week, what one thing would you like to accomplish?
Abolish all sex laws. Honestly, everyone has sex, but as soon as $$$ enters the equation it becomes a giant problem that must be controlled, hunted down and stopped. Give me a break.
I recall in an earlier post you described your Oscar winning performance of video recording the HE with a client and ending the session with the peace sign. However you also briefly talked about other sessions which were recorded but you didn't elaborate about those moments. Were they worth a leading actress award?
Always! I actually enjoy fussing with the lighting in the room and the camera angles. Sometimes it's to avoid capturing my face, but it also helps if the visuals capture the best parts of me and the action. Heck - I've even come up with dialog with some of them!
The thing to remember, CJ, is that anonymous #5 who left a comment telling you that you are something bad is really just some small person who gets some miniscule amount of satisfaction for themself by treating other people poorly. I am sure that you know that already, but it helps to remind yourself of that as you are reading them. :) Best wishes! -Mondo
Thanks Mondo! That shit really doesn't really bother me anymore.
What is your advice to a wife whose husband has been using your extra services and options and has thier heart, trust, and security broken?
He obviously doesn't deserve your trust and I don't blame you one bit for feeling that way. I don't like seeing married men and I do consider what they do as cheating. But if it helps any, what goes on in the room is totally mechanical and devoid of emotion. At work I do not consider myself a "girlfriend" or "mistress" to any of the customers. I know that doesn't justify any of their behavior but it's that detachment that helps me to deal with it. It's probably the crappiest part of being in this line of work.
I've been dying to hear the story about you leaving the business. This should give you plenty of opportunities to bad-mouth Audry. That's got to be good therapy for you, too.
You're absolutely right - it is part of my therapy and I'll get to it when I'm feeling comfortable enough. And believe it or not, there may not be as much Audrey bashing as you'd think.
can you repost the famous pictures of you, trina, and cindy?
Nope - sorry. Got way too close to getting discovered after that.
Can you please, please show us your breasts?
Look at my pic and imagine the rest!
How do you pay Velma for her help? :)
How do you pay Velma for her help? :)
My undying gratitude! That and I promised her half of whatever money she can scrounge up by turning this into an HBO series.
What was your best memory of the business? Out of the times and experiences you had there, you had to have one day that was one that stood out as one of the best.
What was your best memory of the business? Out of the times and experiences you had there, you had to have one day that was one that stood out as one of the best.
I miss working with my friends, particularly back when Cindy and Trina and I were there and everything was just fun and games. Heck - that's probably way back before Cindy became an addict. Back then coming to work was a party.
Did you ever go full service with any clients since leaving the business.
If you consider the finger fucking incident as full service, then I guess so.
you said you are doing clients because you need the money. Um, can you discuss your budget?
You are single, no kids, you should be swimming in cash.
Well nowadays it's just enough to pay rent, truck, food, clothes, and cell phone. I have to admit that my real weakness is my truck. I probably shouldn't be driving anything that big and expensive, but I can't help it. There's just something about a little girl driving a big truck that I get off on and cannot let go of.
Did you ever go full service with any clients since leaving the business.
If you consider the finger fucking incident as full service, then I guess so.
you said you are doing clients because you need the money. Um, can you discuss your budget?
You are single, no kids, you should be swimming in cash.
Well nowadays it's just enough to pay rent, truck, food, clothes, and cell phone. I have to admit that my real weakness is my truck. I probably shouldn't be driving anything that big and expensive, but I can't help it. There's just something about a little girl driving a big truck that I get off on and cannot let go of.
Well guys, I'm going to end it here for now. But I promise to get to the rest - I owe it to you guys. Maybe this weekend. Thanks for helping me with my therapy!
CJ
22 comments:
Thanks CJ! I suggest that you reveal the whole story of why you left the business in your book. What a great teaser...
SHallBe here..
glad your feeling better..:)
You sound a lot happier now CJ. Thanks for "releasing" some of the answers . . . LOL!! Hope things continue to get better.
Just stumbled across this blog - love it!
I have a question if you're up for it.
I'm trying to find a professional masseuse that will provide a proper therapeutic massage with a happy ending option. Needless to say, it's a challenge. I'm guessing you're one in a million, but how would you recommend finding another you?
I've tried Craigslist, but anything listed there smacks of outright prostitution. Can you give me any pointers on how to source a great masseuse with your point of view?
Thank you CJ...and quite honestly, I do hope that someone from HBO, SHOWTIME or STARZ is reading this and does decide to make it into a mini series or something...
I do wish you much financial success...
When youre doing ass or thigh releases how do you prevent the guy from slipping it in for a thrust or two ? Seems really risky.
CJ
Its so great to have you back. I am, of course, dying to hear the story of how you came to leave The Business. This time, I hope you don't listen to Melissa, and make us wait for the book.
I am very much struck by how you felt you had crossed a line by allowing digital penetration. As a guy, I suppose that there are just some things about a woman's relationship to her body that are difficult for me to put myself in that position. I manage to convince myself that, by partaking of services like those you offer, I am not "cheating" on my wife, since I only receive manual stimulation. I know she would not agree, and might feel like one of your angry posters, but this is where I draw the line.
So, all you did was allow his hand to gain access to your inner sanctum. To me, it seems comparable to the line I have drawn, but for you, it was over the line, even though his penis did not gain entry to any of your orifices. I don't know. I guess I'm just rambling, sounding like an insensitive male.
But what I'm saying is that, to me, it does not sound like crossing the line. I understand that it felt that way to you.
Mike
Thanks CJ! You're a fantastic writer and I find your candid comments about erotic massage interesting.
I've been reading your blog for about a year now and it appears, to me anyway, that Eric therapy is working well...
CJ, you're all kinds of awesome to post the things you do. Finding a LMT that does the things you do is like finding a lottery ticket....obviously, I have not been that lucky. Yet.
Man4Plan
Well CJ, I have just spent the last 3 hours reading your blogs and I have to agree with many other posters that this collection of knowledge and experience is begging for a Showtime or HBO dramatic series in the tradition of Hung or Breaking Bad. I had my first EH experience at 18 as a graduation night present. That was back in 1985,lol. Please keep writing because some of us need your experiences for therapy of our own. "Everyone has a good book/novel in them".. I think yours will be great....GM
Gotta disagree with those that say your line is in the wrong place. As you've already seen it gets harder to stay on the right side of the line as things get harder. If the line were just sex, then you would eventually cross it. That said, the line you crossed was not the big line, it was a protective line. getting fingered is not full service, it's another step in that direction, but full service means almost anything goes, including sex. Know where your line is and don't cross it again. Also, forgive yourself if you do make a mistake. You're human.
CJ I'm a 24 yo female. I am very fit (runner) and I live within an hour of you. Can I make an appointment with you for a 1.5 hr session?
I have tried to resist the temptation to get involved in the side discussions among CJ's readers, but it looks like I can't resist any longer.
I wanted to follow up on what theuno said and to try to clarify. I am not saying you put the line in the wrong place. Where you draw the line is entirely up to you. These are your standards which you have every right to determine for yourself. Which is why your customers should respect them. I was trying to say that what you did was a minor transgression, that you should not beat yourself up about. I think theuno makes a better point on that. You are human, and humans fuck up sometimes. The only people who don't transgress their standards are ones who have no standards. You have standards and you have struggled for year to live up to them. By and large, you have succeeded, despite a lot of pressure. That's a lot better than...
well, I won't point to any of the leading public figure hypocrites, but you can think of your own examples.
And now that I'm chatting, can I ask the last anonymous whether she wants a therapeutic or whether the reference to digital penetration is what got her interested in a massage from CJ?
I’m the last Anon post. I am not lesbian but I have enjoyed another woman’s touch. I enjoy a massage more than most and would love a happy ending after a great massage. I have been to men and have had plenty of great sessions but they all want to stick it in and I’m not looking for that. I’m not looking for oral although I love giving and receiving. I want what most of you want, a pretty half naked girl to massage me, tease me, then flip me over kiss my neck and manipulate my clit till I cum, then finger me a little and play with my nips while I play with yours until I stop shaking
CJ - I don't think anyone has said this yet. I think Eric is in love with you.
Do you have any advice for women looking for a happy ending? usually when i go in to a parlor, they give me a normal girl who doesn't offer the real deal. How do I let them know what I am there for? i just want a massage with some fingering after.
Hi CJ,
I just found this blog, oddly enough as I was searching for a place to umm..relieve myself. Anyways, just wanted to say you are f...ing hilarious!
If you ever decide to change your line of work I recommend:
1. TV Show commentator
2. Celebrity Blogger
3. NFL halftime reporter
Pick your head up...you're a smart girl, and obviously good looking. What more can you ask for?
Oh, and I would recommend you stop taking facials...
Hay cj maybe u can help me this girl I know thinks she's not a whore but she makes dudes cum for money and lies to her bf about it. How can I get this girl to wake up or shuld I just wait till she winds up raped or tossed in a swamp???
@ TO, if Eric was in love with her, he'd probably read her blogs without her having to ask...
I'm guessing you're one in a million, but how would you recommend finding another you?
Thanks for sharing these important information.
Hey cj. Reading all your comments about the Asian places really make me sad. Do you not realize alot of massage parlors are trafficked girls from other countries doing this against their will. Specially when a massage parlor is full of non americans. And speaking as someone who was lured and trafficked in Canada. Raped on a daily basis. Beat on a daily basis, for two years or my life. Which is a short span compared to most trafficked woman. Only reason I was able to leave was thanks to the laws you hate so much, and the police finally coming to all of our rescues. Obviously I know even its going to happen if its legal or not. But it makes it a hell of a lot easier for our captors if it is legal. You should really do your research before putting these woman down. You may choose to live this life. Not everyone does. And to us its hell on earth.
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