Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Freak of the Week

I'm back. And in cases you were wondering, I worked Sunday with Audrey. And let me tell ya - when I saw her at work, I walked straight up to her and said... nothing. I am such a coward!!!!! I couldn't say anything! I totally chickened out - even after all that shit I said the other day, I didn't have the guts to say anything. But if it makes you feel any better, I gave her the cold shoulder. Don't worry - I will have my revenge. Don't know what it will be, but I'll get it. Unfortunately, I can't steal any of HER regulars because they're all scumbags.

Now desperate times call for desperate measures. As you know, business has been weak lately and I have bills to pay (and I'm already a couple hundred short thanks to the BITCH). So yesterday I did something I don't usually do. And NO - I didn't blow some greasy trucker (someone around here has to have some morals).

We get new customers here all the time, and when you get one in the room, you never know what to expect. Is this their first erotic massage? Do they know the rules? Are they freaks? Are they dangerous? Are they RICH? (LOL) It's always a crapshoot with strangers. Anyway, this guy comes in and I guess he's normal looking. Doesn't seem nervous, makes some small talk while I book him in, wears nice clothes. So I get him in the room and tell him to make himself comfortable.

Let me take a break here to describe to you a typical session. Usually the guy gets disrobed while I leave the room. Then I return and discuss the options. After I see the cash, I disrobe according to the option he's selected. I give him a relaxing massage for the time he paid for, allowing 10 minutes for the happy ending. Then I'll tell him to roll over, tell him to close his eyes, relax and let me do my job. I provide him with a hand release, clean him up, throw my clothes back on, and leave.

This guy has obviously done this before. As soon as we get in the room, he starts asking me all sorts of questions about the options and whether they include actual sex. I inform him that we're not that kind of place (Cops usually make this mistake - they want evidence of naughty stuff up front and don't want to get undressed) but if he wants that, there's an Asian place right off I-76. He quickly backs off, says that 's OK and starts to get undressed. That's fine with me - since a cop would usually leave by now.

He agrees to a "nude" option for $175. Cha-Ching! CJ can pay her phone bill now! This is more than I usually charge, but I sensed from the beginning that he had some money to throw around (This is a bargain compared to what he'll pay at the Asian place).

Then he drops his pants.

A lot of guys joke about how a woman smells like fish or whatever down there. Let me tell ya - it goes both ways. Now before you start arguing, I can pretty much guarantee that I've smelled more dicks than any of you guys reading this - and I assure you - a guy can smell just as badly if not worse than a woman. It can be a combination of things: bad hygiene, bacteria, sweat, or just too much spicy food. But THIS guy - PHEW!!!! I swear it hit me the moment those pants hit the floor. It was like a combination of pepperoni and ammonia, sprinkled with shit.

I don't know if he noticed my double take, but I really was dumbfounded for a few seconds. Since I am a professional, I can usually suck it up and deal with it, but in this case I felt out of my league. There are tactful ways of dealing with this kind of situation, so I used my best charm to suggest that I give him a quick splash of one of the aromotherapy oils. It won't kill the smell, but at least cover it up. Guys - if you're listening out there - could you PLEASE wash up before you come visit? It's the least you can do.

Mr. Smelly doesn't even bat an eyelash at my suggestion that his prick get immediate attention. Heck - maybe that's why he didn't wash - some weird smell fetish thing. So I lather him up real good, and also take a quick survey to make sure he doesn't have any open sores or anything else disgusting (Damn I love this job).

Well, he LOOKS clean. So after working him up semi-hard, I go to wipe the oil off when I realize something is wrong. The smell is down, but now it's on MY HANDS!!!!!!! IT WON'T RUB OFF!!!! ACKKKKK!!!!! I wipe them off, I switch to soap, I try alcohol, and IT'S STILL THERE. I start to wonder if I really need a cell phone this badly.

So Mr. Smelly here hasn't rolled over onto his back yet, and seems to be enjoying the show so far. "You are soooooo hot. Have you ever thought of going full service? You'd make a ton of money."
I've heard this a million times before from you guys - as if I'll somehow finally succumb to your particular charms and let you introduce me to the world of whoredom. "Sorry guy... I love my job" I manage with a smile. It's interesting that I'm no longer offended by the offers and even find them amusing. In a bar, this would get you at least a drink in the face.

"How much to finger you? I'll make it worth your while. How about a hundred bucks? Come on... It's just you and me in here. No one will know..."

As a veteran in this business, I have learned how to read customers like a book. From his approach, I have already gathered the following:

1) He still has ALOT more $ in his wallet after tipping me
2) He has a fingering fetish
3) He gets off on women who say "No."

Luna once explained to me that there are 3 types of guys who pay for sex. The first is the powertrip guy who gets off on the act of paying a woman to do his bidding. A massage parlor example of this would be the customer who spends the session ordering you around.

The second type is the self-pious guy who thinks this is all below him, and he's ONLY doing this because you need the $$ to help better yourself. I've seen this kinda guy more times than I care for. He can be recognized by his slogan "You could be doing a lot worse than me right now..."

The third kind is the regular John who treats a session as a business transaction. How much for how long? This kinda customer is what we usually get in the Business. Just normal guys who know exactly what to expect, and just relax and enjoy the session. Luna and I agree that this is the best kind of customer.

Now back to my story...

Mr. Smelly is a Type One. I know how to play these guys, and since I have a Visa bill to pay off after the cell phone, I decide to work him. I usually don't take advantage of guys, but I really really really love to buy clothes.

I look deeply into Mr. Smelly's eyes, and start to run my still-stinky hands over my naked thighs. Then I try to say as innocently as possible without sounding offended, "You want to do what?" Smile. Bat the eyelashes. "Nooooooo... I can't let you do that." Bat. Bat. Smile. "You want to get me in trouble?"

"One fifty." He's grinning from ear to ear. I know the squeaky wheels in his brain are turning, and he thinks it's working. It is working, but in my favor. "Just to finger you for a few minutes. How about it?"

Naked guys have a "tell." I glance at his cock, and it's twitching. He is really enjoying this, and this may even be what he truly wanted today - bartering for sex instead of just getting it. But his little head is speaking louder than his big one and it's yelling "Keep going! I've got way more than $150 in my wallet!"

"I don't know..." I look down. Out of the corner of my eye I can see that he's getting harder. I'm starting to think that for my academy award winning performance alone, I should get something. I mean - I'm mentally jerking this guy off right now. I have to choose my words carefully because if I actually say "No," the powertrip ends, he gets irritated, I get nothing, and we both lose. If I actually say "yes" then he gets his mental cumshot, and I go home with a sore pussy and no self esteem.

There must be a happy medium...

I slowly move my right hand between my legs. "You wanna finger fuck me?" The game continues! "But that's against the rules" I purr as sweetly as I can. I swear I can see a vein in his head throbbing. Time to reel him in. Slowly I start moving my fingers up and down my crotch. His attention is now completely downstairs. "I can't let you finger fuck me." Emphasis on the you. I'm not actually saying No just yet. Let's see if he puts 2 and 2 together.

"$200. I'll give you $200." I move my fingers over just an extra quarter inch to my lips. I start just barely brushing them with my fingertips. "$240. I can give you $240 if you let me finger fuck you right now. Please..."

$240???? Bingo! He has $240 in his wallet. Now that we've settled on a price, I have to figure out how to pull this off without any greasy fingers poking me. I move my left hand to the other side of my pussy. With both sets of fingers, I can now slowly spread my lips. Timing is critical... "Here? Is this what you want?" As my lips part, I let out a low sigh. "Do you really want to finger fuck me?" I pause now to let him make the next move.

"Oh yes... I want to soooo badly." His hand has now moved to his dick and he's starting to take care of things for me. I continue not saying anything and keep rubbing my pussylips with my fingers. "Please please please...!" he starts moaning. And with that sign, I can now seal the deal.

"You want me to keep going?" I use my sultry voice this time. Smelly nods quickly like an idiot. I still don't know if I can pull this off. If he cums before we agree to something, I lose the cash - like in some bizarre porno form of Let's Make a Deal. "You like that?" I'm stalling for time.

Then it comes to me (no pun intended). I'm standing next to the oils stand, about 4 feet from him. The room is dark, so he can't really see to clearly. Summoning my most sincere voice yet, I ask him "Do you want me to keep going?" He nods. That's it - I've sealed the deal! "You can't finger fuck me, but I can finger myself. Is that OK?" And with that I run my index finger directly over my clit. He's practically drooling on himself at this point.

"Oh yeah. OH YEAH!" With an agreement met, he starts wanking away. I have to put on a convincing show for him, so here I go... With my left hand rubbing my pussylips and clit, I move my right hand towards my hole. As I'm about to insert it, I curl my finger up and out of sight. I'm counting on it being dark, so he thinks I'm fingering myself knuckle deep. I can hear him moaning away over on the table with the occasional "Oh yeah baby..." So I know he's enjoying the show.

After a couple minutes of this I finally hear the groans of a happy ending. He was MOST happy too. As I suspected, he had exactly $240 remaining in his wallet. Up until this guy, I had never pretended to fuck myself for a new customer. I've done it for a couple of regulars, and none of them have ever noticed that I was faking it. So I just made an extra bit of cash for my acting abilities! I wonder if I should switch to a career in movies?

Funny thing is that my hands smelled bad for the rest of the day. Yuck!

See you guys later! And keep asking those questions!



urotsukidoji said...

OMG this blog is fun.

You are a kind of interesting woman, intelligent, clever and focused that knows to handle a man (not your actual customers) and yet still being a regular girl living the life.

I can't believe your boyfriend hasn't found out your "activities", c'mon, no surprise show up at work, or picking you up early, or whatever reason?

When do you expect to get out of that world? I mean, you expect maybe get married and stop working or what?

Just keep up the good work (I mean the blog, not your job lol).

You have now a new reader.

cj said...

You would be surprised at how little interest guys have in my livelihood after I tell them I'm a shampooer. I never ask for a ride to work, and a guy has NEVER tried to surprise me. I once got flowers delivered, but that's it. I think the idea of a spa is just so girly to most guys, that it turns them off to visiting altogether.

I've been attending the local community college for the last 2 years. I think I can squeeze another couple years outta this job (no pun intended) before I graduate and get a real job. I know my time here is limited, and that's another reason why I wanted to start telling my stories!

Great questions!


The Girl in the Mirror said...

so if your hands smelled like pepperoni and ammonia and shit, and you rubbed them all over your bajengo... deductive reasoning... how long did it smell like that???

cj said...

Smell didn't completely go away till the next morning. Ewwwww.

I actually keep deodorant in the room for emergencies, but it doesn't always do the trick. Call it perils of the trade.


Anonymous said...

just found your blog via college confessions and am doing some back reading...this post was hilarious, I'm not sure if that what the intent was but i couldn't help but laugh.

Anonymous said...

Yeah-yeah-yeah, hilarious stinky dick.

Wait, what?!

Quote: "This is a bargain compared to what he'll pay at the Asian place)."

$175 for a nude massage? Are you FUCKING KIDDING? Honey, your body-your prices. You can lay down the law with your boundaries, your rules, your options, what's moral/legal and what you think is (very different things)... It's all YOUR deal and customers should vote (with their feet).

But don't make up shit like Asians are even MORE expensive than you. Cause they ain't. Not by a long shot. Unbelievable.

Ully said...

"...a combination of pepperoni and ammonia, sprinkled with shit'." that is my new favorite metaphor! I haven't been to a massage parlor*, but this kind of micro-theatre sounds hotter than receiving a HJ.

*I know I'm late to your blog, excuse me. Found it while doing "research" on the subject.

Ully said...

"...a combination of pepperoni and ammonia, sprinkled with shit'." that is my new favorite metaphor! I haven't been to a massage parlor*, but this kind of micro-theatre sounds hotter than receiving a HJ.

*I know I'm late to your blog, excuse me. Found it while doing "research" on the subject.

Balam said...

Ooh, I wonder if one of those stainless steel things for getting garlic off your hands might help. lol. they work wonders.