Friday, February 1, 2008

The Business

The “Business” as I like to call it is located in a small, indiscrete shopping center. Our location is pretty good since we’re on a busy road and between 2 major freeways. We have 3 billboards to help direct the trucker clientele our way, and an ad every week in the local entertainment rag. Unlike your typical bordello or Asian massage parlor, our store front is nicely dressed up in drapes and a small neon “Open” sign. The front door opens to a small foyer leading to the front desk. The Business is tastefully done in cranberry with gray highlights. There are a few spa related items scattered about the rooms such as pictures of beach scenes, candles, dried flowers, etc. We even keep a few bottles of massage oils out on the counter for purchase (don’t look closely – they’re covered with dust).

We have 3 session rooms, a waiting room for customers, and a small break room round back. The waiting room is off to the side so we can shuffle guys in and out without anyone having to bump into each other – important in a business where anonymity is a virtue.

Each session room has a rather spacious massage table and a small shower stall in the corner (truckers won't come in if you don't have showers). A small closet is available for customers clothes. They seem to appreciate the closets – must think we’re going to pick their pockets I guess. A silver towel warmer is installed in each room as an extra little perk for our guests, plus it makes the place look classy. Upon first glance, we look legitimate, and that’s the important thing. There are no mirrors on the ceiling, no glory holes in the restroom, and no purple velvet couches with stains.

Audrey is the owner and #1 employee of the Business. She’s had this place for almost 7 years now, and worked the parlor circuit for over 15. She’s short and wirey with a mass of bleach blonde hair. She dresses like she’s 18 when she’s actually 45. At first glance I guess you could say she looks like an aging rocker chick. As an employee, she takes customers like the rest of us – which can be annoying at times. I mean, we need to make our money too. As the owner she keeps the door money. Remember – we work off tips, but the customer pays at the door for the amount of time he wants to spend.

Trina is my co-worker and best friend. She’s been here the entire time it’s been open and got me my job here. She’s normal height and a bit on the heavy side. Guys love her since she has big, natural tits.

Let me tell ya – in this line of work, the natural look works better than the slutty look. I’ve known girls who’ve gotten into this business and thought implants would increase their tips – WRONG. Implants and slutty makeup work for strip clubs where it’s all about looking and not touching. In a massage parlor since you actually get to touch, guys prefer real tits and the “Girl Next Door” look. Most guys do not like chicks with tattoos or piercings (especially guys WITH tattoos I’ve noticed).

Want to hear something funny? In general, customers prefer a girl who either looks like their wife/girlfriend or used to look like her in her youth. No kidding. This is what I’ve gathered from clients throughout the years. There are of course lots of exceptions, but I’m not talking about guys with fetishes for women with big feet, pink hair, midgets, etc. I’m talking about the run-of-the-mill customer who just wants to relax for an hour with one of us.

That reminds me – I almost forgot my other co-worker Luna. She’s an ex-hooker who’s been in the Business for about 6 months now. She doesn’t quite get it at times. I mean, she still tends to come in to work dressed like trailer trash. I don’t know how many times Audrey has talked to her about it. She doesn’t have implants, but keeps insisting that’s what’s keeping her from making “real” money around here. When you’re a 40 year old, alcoholic pill head, guys kinda shy away. Audrey keeps her away from the front desk since often turns off the customers. Customers will come in and if she just happens to be out front, she'll lie and say she’s the only 1 available – unless he’s a known bad-tipper, in which case she’ll pass him off on us in a heartbeat! Bitch.

Let me back up here and explain how we divide up customers. A massage parlor will traditionally have only a few girls at any given time. Since we are NOT full-service, we won’t march out a whole harem of lingerie wearing sluts like at the Bunny Ranch. Customers don’t normally pick their masseuse – instead we take turns sitting at the front desk and the next customer is ours. Regulars can request us by name or make appointments if they have favorites.

Now I’m all worked up over Luna. We all have bills to pay, so I don’t need anyone stealing customers from me. I can tell you stories of all the times she’s ripped me off. Ugh. I can’t stand working with her because it feels like babysitting. She doesn’t own a car, so she’s always bumming a ride. She rarely picks up the phone, and when she does she’ll lie about who’s working so she can steal the appointment. God I hate her!!

Ya know – sometimes I think I started this blog just so I could bitch about her. Phew – that feels better.



A said...

haha, too funny. this is great!

the Bastard said...

Doesn't matter where you work or what you do--chances are you'll have a boss who annoys you and at least one co-worker that makes your teeth itch.

Anonymous said...

And DO YOU want to hear something funny? Your clientele is exclusively male, but you think like a girl.

1. Guys couldn't care less about gossip and bitching. I know I've skipped over all the talk (behind your co-workers' backs) in this blog.

2. Guys go to parlors for the action - not the decor or the ambiance! How many metrosexuals do you have in SmallTown, PA?!
The Business charges a lot and offers little, and it's clear why: gotta pay for the lease, the redecorations, the licenses, etc.
AMPs wouldn't be in business if mongers could tell you what color the walls are - but they can't, and don't care.
Now I'm a borderline metro myself! lol
I do enjoy atmosphere and especially cleanliness. And this, my friend, can ALSO be had in some AMPs, along with LMTs that'll lick your ass or go all Asian cowgirl on you, while being perfectly capable of giving a great massage. If I told you how little it costs, I'd make you cry.
That may not be available in your hole in the woods, but some of your readers in major cities have a right to know.

And if looking for legit, I really dig the Thai places with their painted-on smiles, burning incense, relaxing music (no commercial radio there!), hot stone foot baths (those therapists DO touch your body!) AND excellent technique. I've paid as little as $35/hr (!), and a 90' Thai-swedish combo usually costs me $80-100 TIP INCLUDED.

But please, please tell us again why we HAVE to stay away from AMPs, you know, for the children or somethin'.