Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Greatest Customer Ever

Since work has been pretty dead recently, Trina and I started reminiscing about the "Good Old Days." Right before 9/11, I remember the last place we worked at averaged about 100 customers a week. Today, this place would be lucky to get 40.

So we started swapping stories of the best customers we've ever had. Back in the day, I remember getting young pimp daddies throwing cash at us, rich business men tempting us with luxuries, and successful working stiffs blowing their bonus checks.

Trina and I composed a list of the best customers we've ever had. And don't worry - some of the more interesting ones I'll talk about in detail later...

The Premature Ejaculator

Trina once had a guy who paid for a 1 hour session, plus took a $150 option. He came DURING the massage. Was so embarassed, he cut the time short and left within 15 minutes.

Quick Draw McGraw

I once had a guy who asked if he could jerk off in front of me. No clothing removed. He pulled it out, wanked on it for about 2 minutes while I just stood there, then shot a huge wad on to a towel on the floor. He zipped up, and left. Quickest $$$ I've ever made.

The Retard

This guy had never been to a massage parlor before and was nervous as all hell. I mean stuttering, shivering nervous. BUT he kept acting like he was a pro when he was totally clueless. First tipped me $80 for topless. Then asks if he could touch The Girls, so I charged him another $50. Then asks if I could strip to G-string, so I charge another $50. THEN asks me to lose the G-string! So that's ANOTHER $50. A total of $230 for what turned into a typical $150 session. I don't normally do that to customers, but he was such an asshole.

The Millionaire

I don't know if this is true or not, but Trina swears it is. It's kind of an urban legend among masseuses. Trina said she knew this girl at the last place she worked who got this "Millionaire" one night. And after THREE HOURS in the room (which is absolutely unheard of in this business), she emerged with a diamond necklace reportedly worth thousands of dollars. Rumor has it, he was leaving his wife, or caught her cheating on him or something... Anyway, he allegedly went around town giving away all of her jewelry.

(You wanna know what I think? I think that some stupid bimbo blew some old geezer in exchange for some cheap ass cubic zirconium bling. And then she made up this story to cover her ass. That's what I think!)

The Fans

This isn't any customer in particular, but a group of guys we call our "fans." They’re these really young guys who totally fall in love with us. I’m talking maybe 18-21. They are sooooo cute and sweet. They bring us cards, candy and flowers. They ask us out on dates (I once got asked to a senior prom). And they’re never pushy or rude. They’re just totally in heaven when a woman touches them like we do.

The Greatest Customer Ever

The greatest customer I ever had was Sugar Daddy Brad (SDB). One day after we had been seeing each other for about 6 months, he comes in and asks for a 1 hour session. We get in the room and do a typical full body massage. We talked the entire time about work and politics and whatever. In the end I give him a regular hand release. Then as he’s dressing up, he hands me a $600 tip. I was totally blown away. One of the things I love about SDB is how he does these random acts of generosity. I mean, most guys would have flashed a big tip at the beginning of a session in the hopes I’ll feel obligated to give them something extra. But SDB actually tips just to say “thank you.” That was the single most memorable session I’ve ever had.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

SIX Benjamins buy you love... Ah, the whore with a heart of gold!

Oops, I probably owe a $50 for irony (and another right there, and another...).