Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Office

I will admit that nothing exciting has been happening around here lately. Hell, my last post was about cleaning up around the place. So one of you guys was kind enough to remind me that I owe you a story from the good ole days, so here goes...

This goes back a couple years now, but I like to remember it and savor the feeling every now and then. They say that revenge is a dish best served cold. Well I say it's best served hot and sweaty.

I forget why, but Audrey had been on my nerves about something (like I really need a reason). What's new, right? Well I had been fantasizing about getting back at her; things like a banana in the tailpipe, glue in her massage oil bottle, ants in her session room, etc. However, I'm a big coward when it comes to things like that, but it's always fun to think about.

Well one night, I was on shift by myself and one of my Regulars drops by. We'll call him Ted. He's actually a friend outside of work too, so when he came over we sat in the lounge and just chatted for a bit. I was telling him some of my revenge fantasies when he asks "What's that room there?" and pointed to the door across the hall.

"It's Audrey's office. She doesn't like us going in there. In fact I don't know why she left the door open." Suddenly I big smile crossed my face.

"Well what's in there that's so important?"

It was her damn chair.

She NEVER wanted anyone sitting in "her" chair, let alone standing in her office. It's not like there's anything important back there. It's mostly just binders of invoices and bills and stuff.

Let me describe it to you. Pay attention because some of the details are important later on when I talk about leverage, support and angles and such.

Audrey's office is located at the end of the corridor leading to the back of The Business. On the right is our lounge and to the left is her office. It's about the size of a walk in closet and contains a U-shaped desk. On the left is a computer and keyboard. On the right is a small collection of Audrey's knick-knacks like trolls, dolls, and bears. And in the middle of the U is one of those giant desk pads that's also a calendar. On a small shelf above are various notebooks and binders. Below the desk is a filing cabinet on wheels, the computer case, and some boxes of office supplies.

I must have had a devilish look on my face because Ted asked "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

I think I was because all I said was "Get naked."

Ted's a good sport and he quickly complied. I joined him, then went to the closet for a fresh bottle of baby oil and a roll of paper towels. I told him to sit down in her precious chair. I took a second to get a look at him because I wanted to remember his large, meaty, butt-naked frame settling into her sacred seat.

I knelt down in front of him and slipped a paper towel under his balls to catch any excess oil before I lubed him up. I started to work his cock until he was nice and hard (that's the great thing about having friends who are customers, because you can skip formalities like the massage and just get to it). I kept stroking him for a minute before he asked "So what do you want to do?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh...." I answered. "I haven't really thought about it. What do you want to do?"

Guys have a natural knack for this sort of thing that girls just don't have.

"How about a titty fuck, and I cum all over her chair?"

"I like the way you think." Suddenly I didn't care anymore about the towel under his balls. I figured I could just wipe up the mess and she'd never be the wiser, right? So I scooted up and pushed The Girls together and tried to lower myself onto his prick. Unfortunately, it didn't work. The chair arms kept me from getting close enough.

Ted was quick to work on a solution. "How about you lean back against the desk and I'll try it standing up?"

So I kinda arched my back over the desk pad so The Girls were pushed forward. Meanwhile, Ted put his weight on the two opposite sides of the desk. And just as he was getting into it....


We both jumped up. The desk is attached to the walls and so it couldn't support Ted's full weight. He tried to shore it up with the rolling filing cabinet and a couple of phone books, but it wasn't enough. At this point I couldn't help but think what a wonderful man Ted was for trying so hard to figure out how he could titty fuck me and cum on Audrey's chair. That man's a saint.

We played with the idea of me lying on the desk spread eagle with my head hanging over the edge so we could try an upside-down breast release. But there was no way I was going to put my full weight on there after what just happened.

In case you thought that idea was just too bizarre to even try, Ted demonstrated it for me using one of Audrey's teddy bears. I think it's name was "Bosco." When that idea got shot down he suggested I suck his dick by simulating it with one of her dolls. I said "Ewwwww" to that one for several reasons.

Finally he grabbed a troll doll and started pretend-fucking it doggy style. When I was done laughing I agreed to a butt release while I leaned over the desk. When he was ready to cum, he was to turn around and shoot it all over her chair in the doorway.

Sound complicated? It was. So I leaned over the desk pad and let Ted start sliding his freshly lubed cock between my ass cheeks. I bent over as far as I could on the desk with my ass up so he'd have a good angle to work with. He grabbed an ass cheek in each hand and began to rhythmically pump his dick back and forth in between them. After about a minute he starts to moan. "Oh good" I thought, "This is gonna be the funniest thing ever."

Ted starts to cum, but he doesn't turn around as planned. He got lost in the moment and forgot what to do. So I yelled out "Ted!" He begins to panic and grabs his dick and squeezes real hard. Have you guys ever tried to actually stop yourself from cumming? It's harder than it looks, isn't it? So instead of holding his load in, he actually increases the pressure of his ejaculation. And he shoots.


The first load lands on Audrey's desk pad. As Ted is turning around to the left, he gets another load smack in the middle of the computer keyboard. The next load, as he's trying to get to the chair, actually splatters against the doorway and wall. So by the time he gets turned 180, all that's left is just a few dribbles of semen, which he desperately flicks towards the chair by shaking his dick. So there he was, standing naked and sweaty in front of Audrey's chair, squeezing out the last drops of cum in revenge.

Needless to say, the joke was now on me. The doorway and wall were easy to wipe up. And the month of June on the desk pad was permanently stained. But have you ever tried to clean semen out of a keyboard?

And that's how I defiled Audrey's office. Minutes of fun. Hours of cleaning. A lifetime of memories.



Reformed Slut said...

That was hilarious!
I think I'd have gone to buy a new keyboard rather than attempt to clean it. hahaha
Did she ever figure out anyone was in there??

Mark said...

oh man... she so had that cumming... her i mean coming... serves her right.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's better not to clean up after yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you let a customer (friend or not) slide his lubed up member around that close to not one but two possible entry points. Even if he really didn't mean it, with all the lube all it would take is a slight mistroke and he would be in there.

Just Visiting said...

Which makes one wonder... how close have you come to a "mistroke?"

Anonymous said...


you should have let him come in your cheeks and then sat down.

Anonymous said...

"We played with the idea of me lying on the desk spread eagle with my head hanging over the edge so we could try an upside-down breast release."

Gee- and to think the last post was about spring cleaning and dust.

Joker_SATX said...

Awesome! Simply Awesome!

Matt said...

so...have you ever had a slight mistroke on a but release?????

Anonymous said...

MUCH better post.

Feel like answering a few questions?

1. Do you have any female customers?

2. Do you like sports?

3. Ever gotten pulled over and used the 'girls' or anything else to try and get out of a ticket?

4. Jay-zee or Eminem?

5. Any customers ever not been able to get IT up?

6. What's your record for most Happy Endingz in one day?


Anonymous said...

Baahahahah! That was hilarious! Found this site for posting/checking out escort classifieds. Pretty cool.


GC85 said...

Dear Wise and Knowledgeble CJ

You've mentioned before about online dating. I know you didn't use free sites but i cant find any apart from flirtomatic. I'm not looking for love just fun. ccan you help?

Btw great post did Audrey ever come close to finding out? Or ask you who spilt tipex on her keyboard?

GC85 said...

And has anyone ever hade a 'mis-stroke'?

GC85 said...

And has anyone ever hade a 'mis-stroke'?

Anonymous said...

Hey CJ, my friend got a happy ending head from a massage parlor for a 30 dollar tip. He paid 60 for a hour then a 30 tip and got sucked off. So should I expect the AMPs around here to be that cheap, or should I expect this to be a special case? This is the west coast BTW, I guess the regions make a difference.

Anonymous said...

CJ why do you do ass releases without a condom? That shit can give you herpes, and if a "slip" were to ever occur and he entered inside of you then you'd be at risk for a lot worse. I mean what if they lost themselves in the moment and decided to just stick it in there? Bag your clients up, be safe!

Anonymous said...

for future reference, you can wash a computer keyboard in the dishwasher and it doesn't hurt it. Just don't add the dish soap or the high temp drying setting. Don't plug it back in till it's dry on the inside. That would've fixed it.

Anonymous said...

"CJ, why do you do ass releases without a condom?"......

....priceless. Not a question you hear asked everyday.

Matt said...

not cool dude, she's an author and a massage therapist.

Customer Wannabe said...

Of course he's not cool - if CJ's a whore, that makes him a whoremonger. Calling her names helps him forget that :/

Dee said...

The new Mac keyboards are designed with gaps in between the keys. Now I know why.

Anonymous said...

OK, so I'll be the only one - I'm used to it, anyway...
I hate reading about the petty vengefulness and backstabbing among girls. And whores can be really bad about that. But THIS?!

If I caught someone doing what you and Ted did near my stuff, you'd have both been DEAD. Plea of temporary insanity caused by acute germophobia would've followed, and I suspect that a lot of jurors would've sympathized.

Besides how gross that little payback was, you're concerned about catching something from the guy's dick near your ass, but not about sperm on someone's keyboard and seat? Yeah, sure, you sanitized. Like a crime scene clean-up pro. Dis-gus-ting, I'm sorry. Looks like your readers dig, though, so keep it up!

Anonymous said...

To the West Coast anon: good deal. HE places (not FS) are in that range for the house fee, and tips are normally $40 for HJ and $60 for BJ, so he shorted the girl, to be honest, and should make up for it next time, IMO. I bet he got a pretty good massage, too. ;)

AMPs are so cheap (even those who have LMTs, but DON'T make you pay for that!) that I'm for OVERtipping the girls - they're not crack whores, after all. If you do, just don't brag about it to other mongers because they think you're "spoiling" the girls, the cheap bastards. The ones spoiling them are the assholes who haggle or walk without tipping - that creates a lot of bitterness and suspicion, never mind bad karma, and hurts all other hobbyists on top of the girls.

I just hate that white girls make so much more than Asians, while doing half the work. So while I enjoy a good deal, I make sure to treat the staff right, and that inludes the mamasans.