Monday, August 2, 2010

The REAL Client List

This is something I've been wanting to bring up for a while now. Some of you guys out there have expressed concerns about getting arrested or "outed" if you just happen to stop by a massage parlor at the exact wrong time. Believe me, for the most part you have nothing to worry about.

Yes we do keep a "client" list here at The Business - but it's not what you think. It's basically just our own log of how many customers we have during the day, how long a session they requested, and anything else noteworthy. Nothing different from what you would find at a day spa. We do make it a point not to gather any personal information from clients, since this obviously scares the living shit out of them.

Most entrees look like this:

Tony. 3:30. Walk-in. 45 min.

Pretty much harmless stuff. Now what you see in the movies and the newspapers about client lists being submitted to police - that's another story. When you're running a high-end escort service or bordello - no matter what they tell you as a customer - they will go out of their way to gather as much dirt on you as possible. So when they do get busted, the owner can use it as a bargaining chip. Heck - look at Spitzer. For his $5000 hookers, he bought absolutely no privacy, did he?

When you're at a local place like The Business, and the clientele are auto mechanics, truck drivers and travelling salesmen, the prosecutors really have no interest. In a small town like this, there are no political points to be scored with a witchhunt of the Townies.

If there's a big scandal like when the DC madam revealed her client list, it's because there's some ulterior motives involved. One politician trying to destroy another, etc. When you're small beans, like us, people really DON'T want to know who's been a customer.

For example, when I first got into the business (a few years ago, ahem) there was a scandal involving a rival parlor. Apparently there was a big sting and they ended up catching a couple cops and several "upstanding" local citizens. And when all was said and done, the only thing the city had to show for it was a giant embarassment to the police department, and several high-profile divorces. AND the parlor later reopened across town as if nothing ever happened!!!

So in other words, there really is nothing to worry about if you go visit your local massage parlor. There are no hordes of police and camera crews waiting to pounce as soon as you drop your pants. Unless you're a former vice president of course.



wait2cme said...

I don’t know about that. Your right about the cops not bothering with none “important” but if a place gets busted for something dealing with a Rico predicate. The phone records will be made available to the public after a while.

Anonymous said...

Right - phone records - if you are paranoid either buy a prepaid cell just for this type of convo. You can leave it in the glove box as an "emergency" communication tool without raising questions. Or even simpler - just be "tony. Walk in Customer." No phone. No problem.

cj said...

Wait2 and Anon,
Once again, you're thinking of the DC madam and not a small town massage parlor. The cops are NOT going to go through our phone records. What are they going to do - arrest you for talking dirty on the phone?

In those high profile cases, they go through the phone records because you never know if Senator Johnson just happened to call up a few times. Remember - there's no law against calling a parlor (or brothel for that matter) - but boy is it great for the tabloids if you just happen to be famous.


Anonymous said...

I respectfully wish you would show the recent commments on the left or right side of your website's home page. I can't tell when each post gets new comments (or you respond to comments) and I need to go back to each individual post to see if there are new comments, as opposed to seeing, for example, on the home page that your readers (or maybe even you) have posted new comments. I'm no blogger expert, but many other blog sites have this function and it makes it so easy to keep up to date with new comments.

Anonymous said...

By the way, love the site.

Anonymous said...

One local massage parlor I visit regularly keeps index cards on the customers with a name (false one if so desired) and date of visit. After you are in there for 5 visits you get one door fee free. I never worried about records being kept probably because I don't feel I am doing anything wrong. I just hope on my record next to my name is written "great guy, beautiful penis, make his visit especially memorable."

Anonymous said...

I left a comment for you a while back on another post...Here in Loudoun County, VA they are busting all massage parlors, yes, they are Asian, but they are naming they guys who were in the establishment at the time of the raid. Very Scary. Theses guys are nobody's. The Sheriffs department is having a blast, they are taking down these places one every like three weeks.

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cj said...

I'll talk to me techno nerd and see if he knows what you're talking about. But I guess if it makes the comments easier to read, and use, then I might add it.

Next Anon,
We also do the index card system, but it's mostly for therapeutic customers.

Last Anon,
It's an election year. Some asshole politician will claim he "cleaned up" the town in the news. Meanwhile, he'll be a customer the day after the polls close.

Well thanks! I think.


Anonymous said...

CJ? Sweet? lol

Some cities (Santa Monica, CA, for example) require the parlor to see ID and even keep a copy for their records...
Some parlors just have a guest book and let you fill it out or ask for your info. Happened to me twice and I made up everything. No way I'm leaving real personal info at a parlor, known or not, or paying by card, or using their ATMs, and I never call. I just show up, pay cash, and know my regulars' work days.

Yeah, well, as far as busts, the risk is low, but it's there, I'm sorry to tell you. I had a very close call going to a parlor once on a Tuesday, then returning on Friday when a raid had taken place on Thursday (the place was still closed the next day when I showed up)... When it's the feds (IRS & ICE) with local LE support, they go in there in full SWAT gear. Fun!

And it is true that some agencies like to shame customers by having their names published or posted on the door of a parlor they shut down. Just an FYI.

Not trying to scare anyone out of the hobby because it's freaking awesome and screw the prudes. But be adults and look at the facts, so you won't cry when it happens to you or to a masseuse you like.