Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Confesions of an Erotic Undercover Detective (Part 1)

My little confessions over my vacation were not the only uncomfortable moments that week. In fact, the whole massage parlor, masseuse thing became kind of a running joke. Let me explain.

In Atlantic City, the boardwalk is chock full of cheesy souvenir shops, greasy diners, amusements, and (... drum roll please... ) massage parlors. But these aren't the kind that I work in, or even the AMPs that I deplore. On the boardwalk there are actual massage parlors filled with rows of massage tables and chairs for all the world to see. They are not happy ending places, but more of a walmart of massage services.

They rely on the tourists and make their money with low prices and high volume. And by coincidence, they just happen to all be run by asians. I can't claim that they're all sex slaves trapped by the mob - particularly since there's no sex going on and half the staff are guys.

So there we are... Derek and I walking down the boardwalk and passing these places every day. It started off with little jokes like "Hey CJ, is that what you do?" or "You wanna try it?" At first I would just laugh it off, but then it became "how about a couples massage?" or "I bet you could show them a thing or two."

Oh you have NO idea.

But it just got old after a while. I mean he just kept bugging me about it until I had to tell him to knock it off. However, I felt guilty for snapping at him and eventually it was me who brought the subject back up. As a peace offering I actually offered to buy him a massage. Heck, I should have thought of it before - for just $30, he shuts up and I get 45 minutes of uninterrupted shopping.

Unfortunately it backfired. When we got inside one of these boardwalk places, they did the hard sell and tried to get us both in. Now let me take a step back and describe what these places look like. They're basically an entire shop space that's nothing but massage tables and chairs. There's no store front, so you can see inside the entire thing from the boardwalk. People just walk in and get a table or chair massage while hundreds of people walk past and gawk at you.

Needless to say I was horrified at the thought of lying down on one of these nasty ass tables while teenage boys point and giggle. You may think I'm in no position to criticize another parlor, but let me tell ya, in my room at The Business, you could eat off those floors (just in my room - Audrey's room was a biohazard).

There was NO way I was gonna touch those tables, but I did agree to a 30 minute foot massage by a rather fatherly looking Chinese gentleman in a dress shirt and tuxedo vest. Meanwhile Derek arranged for a 45 minute full body massage with a short, round Chinese woman wearing a T-shirt with Justin Bieber. Derek double checked to make sure I was OK with him getting a massage by another woman, and I was like "knock yourself out."

Now let me add one more piece to the puzzle here. This place was basically a line of 6 massage tables and massage chairs, then there's a privacy divider in the back. Apparently there's one more table behind the divider that can't be seen by the public. And behind that is the business office and restroom for the staff.

It was behind this divider that a short, busty Chinese girl suddenly appeared. And when I say "busty" I mean artificially busty. I think both my eyes and Derek's popped out of our heads. He gave me this sort of "I'm sorry" kinda look as she led him back BEHIND that divider. I figured there wasn't much trouble he could get into in a place like this, BUT I wasn't going to touch him until after he thoroughly scrubbed himself off back in the room. All I cared about at this point was getting my foot-on.

Let me tell ya something... I've never had a professional foot massage before. I mean, I've done the pedicure thing where they might rub your feet for a minute or 2, but that is NOTHING compared to 30 minutes with a professional. Holy Shit. I swear to Gawd, if this old guy was a sex slave owned by the mob, I might have to reconsider my stand on AMPs. It was soooooo good that HE made a foot rub feel like a blowjob. It was THAT good.

I completely forgot all about Derek and his petite top heavy masseuse behind the divider. She could have been blowing him for all I care, as long as it didn't bump me from the cloud I was floating on. But alas, all good things must come to an end. I didn't need a happy ending to my foot rub because 25 of those 30 minutes were pretty much happy ending enough for me.

I wrapped up before he did, so I got to sit in the massage chair and just relax for a few minutes. I asked if I could smoke a cigarette, but Tuxedo said I'd have to go outside first. Damn men are all alike - they thrill you then leave you.

Derek walked up a few minutes later and we walked out together. I asked him how it was, and he said not bad considering he had all his clothes on (you don't disrobe in these places - they just do you in your shorts and T-shirts). I asked him jokingly if she offered him a "happy ending" and he said no, but she did offer him something else.

He motioned for us to keep walking while he fished in his pocket for something. A few store fronts down, he pulls me around a corner and shows me a piece of paper. "She gave this card and told me to call this number if I wanted anything else."

Why that little motherfucker. That full service skank propositioned my man right in front of me! I wanted to storm back there and tear that little slut a new one, but Derek calmed me down and convinced me to just laugh it off. Ha ha.

Now the business part of me actually wanted to call that number and see what the deal was. Is this how parlors advertise in Jersey? I have to admit I was curious.

But this wraps up part 1 of my expose on Atlantic City massage parlors. Time for me to get my ass to work!



acidspit said...

CJ-- I'm in SoCal, and I'm starting to see more and more of these Asian men massage parlors, too. They're EXCELLENT, but way too cheap if you ask me. The masseuses are usually men, and they've at least gone through some sort training in China/Taiwan. The more reputable places will have their diplomas tacked up on the wall. The prices are cheap because the owner takes a cut of the hourly fee that the masseuse makes, and the masseuse makes the remainder of the hourly charge and whatever the tip is. I tend to tip heavily in these places because I know they get so little from their hourly wage... and they can only see so many people a day! They usually work for like 10 hours straight, to boot.

I'm a little torn because it's so cheap and because I know that it's not right that they're being paid so little. I know that they're making a lot more money here than they would if they were home, but still, that's not much consolation for my conscience. I try to tip them more though...

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure you called that number. (the post title kinda gives it away, too) I can't wait for part 2. Hopefully it will come very soon. I really enjoy this blog and I'm happy to report that I've now visited a local massage parlor to see for myself what this happy ending stuff is all about.

Anonymous said...

CJ, I'd love to give you a happy ending. :)

Joker_SATX said...

Interesting...but really...were you surprised?

Anonymous said...

I was in AC and visited one of the boardwalk places but my experience was a little different. Opposite the long open row of massage tables were a few curtained-off spaces. I got fully naked. The towel came fully off during the massage, so I thought things might get interesting. Then, no conversation about it, no request from me, but I was obviously enjoying the massage and aroused on the flip --and she kindly took care of me, great technique, too. I tipped nicely, of course. I was sure that this was exceptional, though. My body is slender and hairless (full body waxing) so maybe I was a bit of a space oddity to her, or maybe I just got lucky!

Ms Smack said...

Great post! Loved every bit of it.

Cheers from Australia


Anonymous said...

CJ, what's your favorite way to have an orgasm?

Masturbation with hand or vibrator.

What's your favorite position? Least favorite?

Anonymous said...

I read your earlier posts about the 'non disclosure' policy you have with your boyfriends. Derek sounds very sweet and maybe a little naive the way you write about him.
But, I believe the right kind of guy could handle the truth about what you do. Aren't there sex industry workers who are in relationships where the significant others is in the know about their job? I'm sure there are.
My wife and I are swingers so I may have a skewed view on this subject. The thought of her with another guy or girl is a turn on and something I support. You may find a guy that not only accepts your career but is supportive as well.

Anonymous said...

Hi CJ, I just discovered your blog and am catching up on the posts. I read your advice on asking to see other girls if the one you meet at the front doesn't strike your fancy. I live near a big Chinatown neighborhood in Chicago, and have a huge number of parlor choices that offer erotic massage. I've found one with a hot cutie I like to see on a regular basis. But if I'm interested in variety, it's tough. Most of the girls you find at parlors here are pretty plain looking. They give a fine massage and can manage a handjob but it's not that hot an experience. Is it too rude to ask questions like "who is your prettiest girl here" or "which girl is really popular with men?"

rachel-xx said...

Love reading about your life. Question, and maybe you answered this elsewhere and I missed it, but what would you have done if the place you went into did provide a 'happy ending'? I know you said there weren't any where you were at, but what if you had made the peace offering somewhere less restrictive. Would you still have been as pleased to buy him a 'massage'?

cj said...

Tipping them well is the best you can do. It's a similar situation in a lot of salons as well. I was stuck doing the same thing when I first got out of massage school - the salon took a huge cut of the money and I basically made $30 per massage and very few people would ever tip.

Are you kidding? I was TOTALLY surprised. I mean - advtertising their services in broad daylight on the Atlantic City Boardwalk? I swear - is it possible to enter any Asian business around here without getting an offer to have your dick rubbed?

Hate to burst your bubble, but if they did that for you, they did that for everyone. It's all about the tips. When it's not negotiated up front, they're assuming you're gonna taker care of them on the back end.

Doggy style. It's totally the best.

Next Anon,
Good luck finding that guy. When you do, send him my way.

Last Anon,
Yes, it is rude to ask. We HATE it when the question comes up. The polite thing is to just keep stopping by. If you don't like the girl at the desk, just ask a few questions about price, and leave. But when you do fine one, stick by her.

If they had offered him a happy ending, I probably would have been on the phone to the cops. I am against AMPs THAT much. If he had actually ACCEPTED a happy ending with me only 15 feet away, I would have dumped his ass on the spot and taken a cab home.


Anonymous said...

CJ said: "I am against AMPs THAT much." No shit.

You know, I've strayed with two Latinas and they both made me regret it almost instantly ("that's good pussy, eh, papacito?"). But I've never been tempted by white parlors (because white chicks drove me to parlors in the first place?). I did work right next door to one once, and the girls there were snotty, probably because the place was legit and they thought of themselves as "therapists".

Next time I visit the friendly neighborhood AMP, I'll tip twice thinking of all the hatred here.

To acidspit: I'm in SoCal too and you're right, AMPs are cheap and omnipresent. It's clear that you're talking about Thai places, and male or female provider, they're legit regardless, BTW. The technique is usually awesome and they work for peanuts - I'd hate them too if I were a white masseur with an expensive diploma...
Don't feel bad, man, they're not slaves, they just work hard (more like 12-hour days, 6 days a week). But since they rely a lot on tips, do treat them right and go often, you'll get that back ten-fold. The Thai are among the friendliest of Asians and thai massage is full of health benefits.

For extras, you gotta see the Chinese and especially the Koreans, who'll get you laid for $150 total and whose girls can be smoking hot (I prefer the homely ones with experience - they're so sweet, but I know I'm alone). Much to hate from all other WOMEN, yes, I can see that.

Anonymous said...

Wrong or right, moral or unethical, sexual advances, either offered or solicited, it actually depends on the subject's reply when such a matter occurs. If two consenting adults join in an act involving sex, who is to blame? Nobody.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely, but society has a way of injecting itself into people's private business if it can make a case that, as a whole, it is being threatened by the activity.

Hard to do that when two adults are alone in a room, and THAT's when peripheral issues of trafficking, illegal immigration and organized crime are brought up. By playing those up, claims of "victimization" can be substantiated, and Big Brother has the excuse it was looking for to step in.

All that crap wouldn't be possible if we didn't live in such a puritanical society with a snitch mentality.

DavidB said...


In past posts you have stated that you don't give foot massages (although I don't know if you have explained why). Based on your experience here of how good an experience a well done foot massage can be for the customer if done right, would you reconsider your stance?

I know that you don't make money on the theraputic massages that you give to women, but you might be able to charge for a foot massage as an "extra" in that case.