Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Freak of the Week - Stinky Stan

I know it's been a while since I've had anyone worthy of FOTW. But I've been sitting on a couple stories for a while as I waited for the whole serious cloud to blow over. Lucky for you guys, I can finally tell them.

Stinky Stan is relatively new, but he's already been in here twice in the last month. In fact, we've had a whole wave of newbies recently, and business has been decent. Anyway, the first time I saw him, we had a normal session with nothing exciting to write about.

Then the other day he comes in and Trina lets me know with a "Get your ass up front cause I'm not going back there." I was like Huh? And she was like "You'll see."

You know how you can tell some people are around before you see them? This was the case of Stinky Stan. I started walking up the hallway when the smell hit me. And it was pure ass. Imagine a really dirty diaper left wide open and sitting right in front of you. That's what this smell was like.

I think I actually staggered when it first hit me. When I regained my composure, I held my breath, waved to Stan, and quickly ushered him into my room. I asked him very kindly to jump into the shower and then get comfy on the table, and I'd be back in 10 minutes. Then SLAM - I closed that door and let out a gagging noise. Trina was already coming down the hallway spraying Lysol.

Some of you guys out there are probably wondering why we didn't just throw him out. On occasion that has happened - usually when it's a repeat offender who REFUSES to hit the shower. Then there are some customers that even the shower isn't enough.

So I figured a quick scrub and 10 minutes for the room to air out would do the trick. And it did. I came back in the room and Stan was up on the table and fresh as a daisy.

I started the session (45 minute G-string) and things are going smoothly. Then it hits me - a whiff of ass. Now if a guy passes gas in the room, it's no big thing and I can tolerate it. But this odor didn't go away. In fact it began to get worse.

I tried to ignore it and just concentrate on the massage, but after a while it just became too much. I stopped the massage so I could light all 3 aromatherapy candles in the room. I didn't say a word either. He knew it. I knew it. The candles knew it. It was BAD.

Stan wasn't one for small talk. And I didn't want to talk because I figured the less I opened my mouth in this cloud the safer I was. My stomach started to ache and I could actually feel a sort of gag in back of my throat. Have you ever noticed when you're sick, that the thought of throwing up just makes you want to throw up even more? Well that's what began to happen here.

And right when I thought I couldn't take any more, I looked up at the clock and... 20 MINUTES LEFT?!?! Holy fuck. I can't... No way... Oh Gawd...I'm gonna...

"Excuse me."

In a great display of restraint, I casually opened the door and walked out - almost butt naked except for a G-string. I didn't care if my own mom was standing outside that door. I shut gently shut it then jumped into the customer bathroom. I didn't even make it to the toilet - I hurled right into the sink. The cool air in the room felt good, but I still retched and heaved a few more times.

After a few minutes, I calmed down and cleaned up myself and the bathroom. I checked the clock behind the desk. 15 minutes left. Ugh. May as well be infinity.

I realized right then and there that I could not finish this session. Mentally I could not be in the room for even a few minutes. So I took a few deep breaths to calm down (and savor clean air) and I walked back in.

"I'm sorry Stan, but I think I've got food poisoning or somerhing..." Like I'm really gonna tell him the real reason!

Then Stan looks at me with a deep feeling on concern and understanding. A moment passes where our souls seem to communicate without words but through eyes only. He pauses and lets out a slight sigh. Then he says the most profound words I have ever heard in my entire life.

"Oh that stinks."

I told him I really had to end our session early and apologized for not getting to the end part. He was disappointed, but I offered him a double next time and he was cool about that. But it didn't really matter at that point because my brain was already in the back office trying to catch its breath. I don't know if Stan noticed that I didn't even dress up - I just grabbed my clothes off the chair and left the room.

I put my clothes on in the office and begged Trina to see him off. She mumbled a few words to him about how I didn't look good and it was very understanding of him, etc. I would say it took about an hour or so for my stomach to settle back down again.

So next time someone says "that stinks so bad I wanna throw up" picture me standing over a sink wearing only a G-string and actually doing it.



JohnnyJackoff said...

You should have told him to take a second shower, and told him that he smelled bad. I always shower before going to a MP as well as taking a shower when I get there because I know cleanliness makes up for how fat and ugly I am. If I stink I want to know so I can take care of the problem.

Tigerlily said...

what could possibly stink that bad?

Advizor54 said...

At some point, if it's that bad, he may want to see his doctor. Every body farts, and they all stink, but something this powerful may be something else.

Good for you for staying with it as long as you did. :-)

Roaring Lion of Two Fisted Cool said...

I sorta feel like I did that one time I saw grandma naked....thanks for that :-p

J said...

Do NOT give him a massage again! Someone that is that blatent about something so revolting obviously has a scat fetish. He is getting off from making you uncomfortable. Don't put up with that, it's not worth it. Especially with that trite comment, "Oh that stinks."
Don't give that fucker the pleasure of seeing you again.

Tex Banana-Bread said...

I go to them AMP's with stink ass all the time. They don't care, they even wash me! They just wanna make the money, you know? I give them credit. They're into it all, blow jobbing me, letting me suck they titties, fingering that ass & snatch.
And they jack me so good, I shoot it off over my head! It's lovely!

LSH said...

Holy shit.

Pun only kind-of intended.

That's absolutely revolting! I'm way sorry that you had to go through that. :(

Anonymous said...

This update isn't out 24 hours, and there are no "hah, it serves you right" comments from anonymous posters like there were 2 weeks ago. I am shocked that they're slipping up.

Maybe the guy had a star-trek fetish... he liked kling-ons?

Next time, throw the guy out! Seriously, why do you put up with the nonsense? "Go home, take a shower & scrub yourself, change your clothes and come back and we'll be happy to see you" would have been fair.

Anonymous said...

the whole story sounds wonky.. I smell a rat.. uh wait bad choice of metaphors.

did you now hear the sound escaping when I was farting? why did you pretend to ignore what we both heard? why do people put on these kind of shows?

okay i'm not that man, but that's what is probably thinking.

I suppose prostate massage is out of the question next time?


SJ said...

When I read stories like that I am so glad I have no sense of smell.

cj said...

Hey guys,

I don't think a second shower would have done it. I think the guy was dropping SBDs throughout the session. A single one would have disappeared after a few minutes, but the fact that it kept getting worse?

I double checked and his ass was clean after he showered. And it wasn't bad in the room when we got started. But once that smell came back, it just kept getting more and more foul. Like when you smell a diaper pail at first and think it's bad - then you actually open it!

I swear - next time he shows up, I may just tell him I'm booked. I hate doing that to a customer, but it just wrecks your whole day when you have to throw up.

BTW - thanks to you guys making an effort to stop using "Anon." I appreciate it! It makes it so much easier to sort through the comments.


monsab said...

CJ, I'd love your SBD's to be floated down upon me while I waggle my toggle switch deep in your dirty brown ditch. May I please, please you? You gawky little stink waffle. I can make your butter drip, mommy!

Anonymous said...


Why not insist the rooms get a decent sized exhaust vent with fan.

yes audrrey is a cheap shit, but
being able to get some serious air changes and add a ionizer

may helpa lot.


A Daft Scots Lass said...

Urgh!!! Can you believe it?? I hope STinky STan doesn't cum back.

New follower...

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the Anon, I just don't sign up for much. Had to say though, you could send him to me! I was blessed with the ability to raise the soft pallate in the roof of my mouth, thereby completely shutting down my sense of smell. I have to mouth breathe, but so what? It's WORTH it!! My mom can do it too, but not my sister. Go figure. Sorry about your cookies, cookie, and thanks at least for the chuckle!