Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Final Word on Andy

Since I started writing down all my weird stories, I have yet to figure out what you guys think. Take Andy for example… I never would have thought that his story would be so controversial. I mean I’ve told you guys stories about hookers and drug addicts and throwing bodies in dumpsters, but people had really strong opinions on what happened to Andy. The best I can figure is that the guys out there are relating to Andy as a fellow customer. Am I getting warm?

Anyway, Andy finally came back this week. I apologized to him once again and said I felt kinda like a jerk for ignoring him last time. He laughed and said it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Now I wasn’t sure if he was just being kind or whatever, and under different circumstances I would have just dropped it right there.


Since there has been so much interest in this topic, I decided to get to the bottom of this once and for all. I confessed to Andy that afterwards I felt guilty and wanted to find out if what I had truly insulted him – so I told a few people what had happened (or maybe a few thousand on the internet, but who’s counting?). The opinions I got back were:

1) I was an asshole for treating a customer that way
2) Andy was a perv who obviously found the whole thing kinky
3) A combination of the 2.

Well, Andy had a good laugh at that. And he felt a little embarrassed that his incident got shared with a few people (Oh Gawd – if he only knew). Then he said for the record (and I quote), “To tell you the truth, I think it was a little of both. At first I thought you were being a little selfish when you wouldn’t put your phone down, but only because I look forward to catching up with you and your stories during the massage.”

“But then I started to pay attention to what you were saying on the phone, and I could kind of hear your sister on the other end. Well then I just closed my eyes and relaxed, and after a while I started to feel like a peeping Tom. And I have to admit – it felt kind of dirty but exciting at the same time. Does that make any sense?”

I nodded, but I didn’t want to explain that it took an anonymous reader on the internet to explain it to me.

Andy continued, “So by the time you began to jerk me off, I was already feeling like I was spying on two sisters have a private conversation. And I think it was the whole taboo feeling of it that I pretty much had no trouble cumming.”

There you have it guys – right from the horses mouth. And I tried to quote him as best I could remember. So I guess I can stop feeling guilty about that whole incident and get on with my life.

In fact, it kinda sounds like I may have found a new “option” I could charge for. So whadya think?

1) $50 for calling sister.
2) $60 for calling “boyfriend”
3) $70 for calling mom
4) $100 for calling your wife and pretending to be an “old friend”



Greg Voltaire said...

I think it depends on what you say. If you're talking to mom about the grocery list, then that may be a tad freaky (not the good way) to know you came to milk, butter, and eggs.

Also, as for call to "boyfriend", offer an option with call to "girlfriend" and then go into the details of last nights drunk, all girl, videotaped orgy.

Anonymous said...

Or when a guy wants to break up with his SO but doesn't feel like doing the dirty work himself, you make the call for him while giving him a handjob.

Unbroken said...

All that stressing that you may have done a customer wrong...and it turns out it was a little added bonus! It's nice when you catch a break and things work out well. Bet he'll continue to be a repeat customer.

Anonymous said...

This blog is fucking awesome. Do you have an email address where I can write to you directly? I have so much I want to say!

cj said...

Dear Jack,

I love it. And I think a "Dear John" call would cost about $500!! lOL

Dear Anon,

I have an e-mail account attached to my profile, but feel free to write whatever questions you want out here, since chances are I'm going to share the answer with everyone anyway.


Anonymous said...

Some people get a thrill from their partner doing things with with someone else. It would be interesting if you had a customer who wanted you to call his girlfriend and put the whole session on speaker-phone.

Anonymous said...

I get the pervy thing, especially if he could hear your sis. But the tense situation wouldn't have worked for me, and actually spoiled the experience.

I think everyone missed a possibility: Andy reads this blog, recognized himself in your story, knew you were all stressed about letting him down, decided that it was no bid deal (even if he was thoroughly pissed when walking out of The Business), and actually got pretty excited by the perspective of you making up for your screw-up. From reading the blog's suggestions, he even knew to pretend to be a perv.