Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Retirement

I don’t know about you guys, but one of the blogs I like to read (other than my Girl Slutty McWhore) is Confessions of a College Callgirl. Try it – what she did I can only dream of doing. But if you’re not an avid reader of hers, she just announced that she wants to retire her blog. She said that after a certain point there’s only so much you can write about sex and hooking.

Well I support her decision to give it up, but at the same time it makes me think that if she finally got burnt out, well what about me? After reading her touching farewell, I realized that I couldn’t just go home after another grueling day at work and tell a goofy story about some perv who wanted to be spanked with a pool cue while I call him “daddy.” It all felt just kinda meaningless after reading that.

Not that I won’t tell that story later. It’s just that I spent some time thinking about what I’m doing with my life and where this entire mess is actually going. Yes, I’d like to move on to some line of work that’s a little bit more meaningful (and clothed). Maybe find some guy who’s relatively normal who doesn’t mind a girl with limited career potential, and settle down. And like College Callgirl, I’d like to eventually walk away from all these stories and at least be able to say that it really happened, people believed me, and maybe someone learned a few things and had a laugh along the way.

But in the meanwhile I guess I’ll just keep chugging (or jerking?) along. I have to admit that I don’t fully understand what it’s like to be a hooker. I know that most people tend to lump us all together – escorts, streetwalkers, erotic masseuses, strippers, etc. – under the label of “Sex Worker.” But I can’t seem to relate to the burnout that hookers tend to go through. And that is probably a really really really good thing.

I know that I’m an erotic masseuse. I jerk guys off for a living, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I don’t have any problems admitting that. And I really don’t feel like any less of a person for doing it. I mean – someone’s gotta do it, right? And if not me, then it would probably be some drug addicted skank who doesn’t give a fuck about how your day at work went and just wants you to cum quickly so she can spend that $50 on her next fix. At least I know most of my customers on a personal level, and I know how to make their day a little brighter.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though College Callgirl may be gone, I’m still here. And I think I’m OK with that.

CJ

24 comments:

Elijah said...

Bravo!

TomboCheck said...

And we are glad that you are still here. :)

A pool cue you say?

Anonymous said...

baby,
who said men want a lady with a great career? Fuck the great career, I want a lady with values, a good heart, smart and funny, who will be by my side in the good and bad times. Men don´t want one of these arrogant bitches who want to compete with them and complain and nag all the time.
You already have everything, just look around for the right guy.
Bob

Harv said...

Man you scared me there for a minute, when i saw Retirement flash up in my Reader i thought for a minute you was quitting the blog. Glad to hear you are here for a whilst longer yet, i love reading your funny stories lol. Ill check out that other blog you mentioned take care!

ReggieRay said...

Anyone else get wood reading this post?

Anonymous said...

CJ
What I like about you is that you are down to earth, not like these other sex workers who think they are so smart and so audacious because they break rules. It is all vanity and delusion.
But you see your job as a not very good one and wants something better. I sincerely hope you find it. In reality, the fact that you don't lie to yourself or glamourize sex work like other bloggers do is an indication that you will find. A good first step is to find some other job and learn to live with less money. In time, things will improve, because you are smart.
Good luck.
Bob

Nightside Jonny said...

I've just stumbled across your blog and love it, so please don't quit just yet.

Jack said...

Your blog almost inspired me to start my own. But then I came to my senses and realized that guys like me are a dime a dozen and nobody wants to read about my compulsive adultery and perverted misadventures.

Slutty McWhore said...

Well, I have definitely reached the burn-out stage as far as handjobs go. However, I have also been an escort, and I do think that you reach burn-out wayyyyy faster than that?

What's up with this asshole, Bob, by the way?! Women with careers are "arrogant bitches who want to compete with [men]". Yeah, rrrriight. Women only get careers because we want to beat men?!!! Didn't it ever occur to Bob that we perhaps want to have fulfilling careers and lives for exactly the same reasons that men do? Self-improvement. Something challenging and intellectually stimulating? Apparently not.

Clearly, Bob is afraid of smart women who are more educated and successful. For all his supportive comments, he likes keeping women like you and I in the massage room because it's probably comforting for him to see us as sex objects.

Men like bob are EXACTLY why sex workers get burnt-out. Jesus fucking Christ.

Bob said...

Slutty baby,
Hold your horses. In fact my partner is a successful executive in a multinational company with graduate work done in another country. Hard to say I want her to be in the massage parlor. She worked like a horse to be where she is and I admire her.
What I meant is that I didn´t chose her because of her career, I chose her because of her values, her brains, her good heart. A career is not a decision maker.
It seemed to me that CJ was thinking she was less desirable for men because she didn´t have a career (typical feminazi brainwashing). So I told her that she doesn´t need a career to get a good man, that she already has everything it takes.
And that she can be better than many career women who are bitches and can´t have a relationship. This is so true.
And about burning out sex workers...hard to do it when I have never seen one.
Get it now ? Girl, you must have a sore spot on this subject.

cj said...

Let me weigh in at this point…

Bob – you gotta be careful whenever you use the word “bitch.” Especially if you’re implying that it’s the alternative to what I’m doing now. So what should I be when I grow up mommy - sex slave or arrogant bitch? Hmmmmmmmmm… I mean, I get what you’re trying to say, it’s just worded poorly.

Slutty – I hear ya. What really makes me question EVERYTHING about my life nowadays is the occasional abusive customer. In the past I could just say “NEXT!” but now that I’m living handjob to handjob, it’s getting harder to do that.

At least I can still say that I’m proud of myself for never ever having done anything that made me feel shameful afterwards (for money that is). But after just a few days of keeping my pride, but making NO money, I start to question what the fuck I’m doing here.

I really doubt I’d have these same dilemmas if I worked at the mall. Know what I mean?

So where does that leave the modern erotic masseuse these days? Too much pride to whore around. Too little money to go legitimate. It’s like we work and live on the edge of this ethical knife. A little to the right and I’m selling Tupperware to housewives.
A little to the left and I’m sucking guys off at truckstops. Ugh.

Please feel free to weigh in on this topic guys…

CJ

Marcos Dutra said...

Poorly written or do you read what you want to read there, even if it is not in the post?
Neither you nor foul-mouthed Slutty are career women, and you can't become one next week. It takes years. So, how could I be talking about you?
And after 20 years in business, I can assure you many career women are bitches, as many career men are jerks too. I'm not saying that you will be a bitch if you start a career. Only that non-career women should not feel inferior to them.
It was a compliment, my God !

CJ, your situation is hard and I sympathize with you, but it is a no brainer. You either want your peace of mind, to follow your values, staying poor, or you go for the money and no peace of mind.
Millions of people choose to get on the bus and go to work, many times a boring one, instead of robbing a bank, so they can rest their heads on the pillow at night and sleep well. The hope is that eventually things change, or you can get a better job, or start studying, etc.
But even if you don't advance, billions of people are poor in this world and still they can have some happiness and fulfillment in their lives. The quick fix may be quick but is never permanent, and really doesn't fix anything. If you stay in this job or worse, if you become an escort, it will eventually eat you inside.

Jerk said...

You raise very serious issues, C.J., and I'll try to respond appropriately.

I can sympathize with ambivalence about sex work. I know I'm ambivalent about participating in it as a consumer. I worry about the providers lives, where they came from, and what kind of future they will have. Maybe that is overly paternalistic on my part. After all, I can go to a restaurant without worrying about what my waiter's future will hold. (But maybe I should?) I do know that, for myself at least, the physical intimacy of an erotic massage or sex with an escort inevitably carries with it an emotional component. I don't know how other people handle that.

Regarding boundaries, morals, and choices, I wouldn't presume to tell any adult how to live or what he or she should do. I can only wish you the best, C.J., wherever your life takes you, and thank you for sharing a little of your story.

Jack (under my new name, Jerk) ;)

Tanya said...

CJ,

I just found your blog yesterday and love it. Please don't retire!!!

Greg Voltaire said...

I must say, the life of an erotic masseuse is not an easy one, right from the get-go. The main part of it seems to be society. We live in a society where we treat sex workers as evil, dirty things, at the same time they are jerking them off. They see them as below-par and what amounts to non-human. So they see them as people who can be pushed around. Goddamit, I'm doing this whore a favor by letting her jerk me off. Because no other man would be so self-sacrificing as to allow a filthy slattern to touch him. Why should I treat her nice?

Our compasses are fucked up. When it comes time to leave the business, we find it hard. Yeah, it's not the most fun in the world. And yeah, you get the occasional ass. But I make a living giving MEN handjobs. What could be easier. Aside from pulling teeth. So when the sex worker decides she's fed up, and that happens a LOT, they leave, then come back because society sees them as broken. As people who degraded themselves. You can't possibly be a feminist, you become a sexual object for hundreds of men. You can't possibly take this job and Johnson and Sons, or you would have done that instead of being a prostitute. (They also see no difference between sex workers)

This is preaching to the choir of course. I doubt we will ever tag the memories of the handjobs you gave, with rare exceptions, into the "happy memories fishin with daddy by the lake" column. Hopefully though, they will go into, "experiences which made me stronger" "made me see a small piece of humanity, both good and bad" or maybe even "how I learned all men are assholes and converted to lesbianism".

I must say though, I really hope CJ, College Callgirl, and Slutty don't stop the blog. I've said it a million times. Blogs are what the writer makes them. If you started out as a look into the life of an erotic masseuse, then moved onto your hopes, dreams, fears for the world, then goddamn those who say it can't be done. Any reader you would really want to keep around doesn't stay for the handjob stories (not that they are not hilarious). They stay because it's a window into life.

As for the question of balance, a little to the left and you are blowing guys in truckstops, to the right and you have a life of paycheck to paycheck working as cubicle monkey for mindless robots who've been swayed by the power of Avon, it would seem it comes down to why you need to do either of those things. Blowing guys in trucks stops may make a tad more money, but at the awful price of your dignity. While monotonous hypocrites who sit around all day talking about the newest recipe for Coque a Van may give you a tad less money, but you may consider yourself with more dignity. Why must you do either? Why not hope and aspire. Become a masseuse to the stars. You have a degree. You're intelligent. Follow your dreams. Become a writer, work in a ditch. Wait tables. Do what makes you happy. Interpsersed with things to pay the bills. Keep your dignity as much as you can. Never regret, but learn from mistakes. Give a blowjob for an extra $1000. Don't hate yourself for it. Just ask was it worth it.

Eh. I try. Turns into rambling, as always.

Greg

ReflexVE said...

The comments on this blog are more revealing of the problems of blogging than anything else. Unfortunatly CJ, College Callgirl, Slutty, and most of the other blogs(not just the female ones, Unbroken does the same for the girls) become a free fantasy, a sex service being provided without charge or obligation to the readers of the blog(not all, but many). You charge in the massage parlor for thier happy ending, but on the web you give them that happy ending for free with your stories, and their selfishness leads them to do their best to convince you never to quit, no matter what damage it may be doing to you inside.

Not to say that the blog is bad. It started as a 'confession' and 'explanation' just as College Callgirl's did. But in the end it will just be a jerkoff of the week for those who enjoy erotic fiction that may not be fiction. Whether you wish to provide that, especially without compensation, is up to you of course.

I gave my opinion on your industry a few weeks ago. I honestly feel that your a dying breed and that you will be forced to make a choice sooner or later as to whether you want to be that truckstop worker(even if you do it in your parlor) or give it up entirely. The longer you wait to make a decision the more desperate your position will be, and the less in control of that decision you will have.

Make your decisions sooner rather than later so that whatever position you find yourself in it is the position you are most at peace with.

My unsolicited opinion(as though I do not have plenty of them) is that you need to pursue a career as a writer in some fashion. Its difficult in this world to find intelligent, well spoken individuals who can appreciate non-simplistic social interactions. To some degree you remind me of a geisha, your job has forced you to listen and discuss a wide variety of topics with a wide variety of individuals, which has built you into an excellent communicator who understands both verbal and non-verbal communications. That is an extremely valuable skill. Were I you, I'd go back to school and get a degree in Public Relations, you'd be amazed at how well your skills will translate.

Sucre Bebe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sucre Bebe said...

CJ, writing, like anything else, can become burdensome. Do it as it suits you, not the other way around.

I enjoy your words but I am aware that one day, you may cease to share. I will miss you but I do understand.

As for pride sometimes that is all one has, so do not regret hanging onto yours.

As another person who expects to go the way of the dino-extinct-I sympathize. Mistresses and sugarbabies who demand certain types of treatment are on the wane ,because there are many who will do what I won't, for free.

You will survive~ You have many skills and you will find a way to work it out.

cj said...

At the beginning of the week I was planning on writing another installment of Freak of the Week when all this heavy stuff happened. All I did was write about how College Callgirls retirement affected me and made me think about similar events in my life.

Boy, was I NOT expecting this kind of response.

Some things encouraged me, and other things really pissed me off. So I'm feeling very confused right now and don't know how to respond. But I think everything brought up deserves to be addressed, and I'll get to it in time.

In the meanwhile, if so many of you are clamoring for "erotic fiction" let me leave you with some. So here is my very first attempt at fiction writing...


The Customer, by CJ

After jerking Tony off, I saw him reach for is wallet.

"Not so fast," I said. "Since you're such a great guy, this one's on me."

The End.

Anonymous said...

Very well said.

I don't understand why you think your self described limited career potential would be a deal breaker with guys. I don't think guys are wired that way. Maybe women aren't either, but I have no way of knowing.

Hey, I enjoy your writing. I really do. You have a nice "voice". Have you considered applying your writing talents in a way that might be income producing? a book? it must have crossed your mind before. yes? it's easier than you think.

Greg Voltaire said...

Reflex -

I don't usually respond to what is said, and forgive me if I sound blunt, but what in the hell are you talking about?

There is no WAY I can imagine this could be seen as erotic fiction. She describes the handjobs as what they are to her. Monotonous and usually boring. Occasionally funny. Now unless there's someone out there that orgasms to Ben Stein's voice (and I am sure there is), this is a laugh and another person's life. I know I certainly don't want her to stop because it gets my rocks off, I don't want her to stop because she's a really really good writer.

And I don't see the logic in the thought that she is a dying breed, because there will always be men too afraid to get a blowjob because of STD's, who still want to get off and have a wad of cash.

ReflexVE said...

Greg - You'd be suprised what gets people off(go re-read the comments to the Andy situation). However I suggest you read the comments more often, its quite clear that this is a thrill of the week blog to some people, and there are a good number of them who read simply to see the 'inevitable' day when CJ gives up on her morals and goes that extra step. Your own post fell into that catagory, as you could not resist encouraging her to cross that line for a grand.

If you read her because she is a really good writer(and she is), then wouldn't she be just as fun to read if she had a different topic? Why would you need her to keep talking about this in order to find her interesting?

As to the last statement, she already is in a position where her business is dying, she's pointed that out repeatedly, and how others in her place of employment are having to resort to compromising thier standards in order to make any money. With the economy in a downturn that does not look temporary, and the competition all willing to offer more for the customer's money, her options long term are quite limited IMO.

Greg Voltaire said...

Reflex- I was not in any way encouraging her. I simply said that if she did, she shouldn't regret it. It would be the same situation had I told her to get a real job, don't regret it. If she did, I would not get off to it. It would be just a simple fact and how it was interpereted would be the hindsight of how it worked for her. And should she, she shouldn't feel regretful about it any more than if she became an accountant. Just see it either as a mistake or a good move and go from there. Learn from it.

And did I not say exactly that? That it's her blog and she should do with it what she will? Hopes, dreams, fears, handjobs, roosters, recipes, stories, life, any of that would be equally as good if it were funny and intelligently written. Look at Slutty. When was the last time she wrote anything about handjobs? Has her writing or fan base decreased in quality or number at all?

Yes but at the same time (and getting into an economical argument is not the best idea) for a few reasons, her business will exist. Prostitution is eternal, and so is erotic massage, because there will always be those, no matter how bad or good the economy is doing who simply will not get a blowjob from a sex worker.

Bob said...

Not every reader is a jerk. I'd love to see her get a normal job and be happy, even if it means the end of the blog. In fact, I got tired of the hand jobs stories already.
My interest is in the personal side of the blogs. Without the net, I'd never know how this world of sex workers works.