Freak of the Week - The EMT

This is not my story, but I just had to tell you anyway. As you know, I try to share the stories of particularly interesting customers. I will confess that ever since I started this blog thing, I try to pay a little bit more attention to what my customers do and say. Well, I hit gold yesterday.

I got a new customer who’s an EMT. And no, he wasn’t on the clock when he stopped by. Anyway, we started talking during session and eventually we started swapping stories of some of our more bizarre work experiences.

Believe it or not, he won.

He started telling me this time he had to respond to a single car accident where the guy was already dead. I guess in these cases, you don’t have to drive quite as fast with the sirens blaring.
So he shows up at the scene and sees where a car had gone off the road and into the trees. He gets out of his ambulance and approaches 2 police officers. Now before he can ask “What happened?” these 2 guys are laughing and stop just long enough to point and say “He’s over there.” Now he’s really confused, but just goes and grabs his gear and starts walking towards the wreck.

As he gets closer to the car, he starts to hear a buzzing noise. At first he thinks it’s odd that the officers would just leave the car running, but then he realizes it’s not a car engine he’s hearing. So he slows down and sort of creeps up to the car as he tries to figure out where the noise is coming from.

But as he gets close enough to see the driver, he forgets about the buzzing noise because something is not right. Now this guy, as an EMT, has seen plenty of dead and mangled bodies. But this one looked different. At first glance, all he saw was a mass of yellow mixed with red. The source of the red was obvious, but the yellow must have been a sweatshirt hood or something because the victim was all in yellow…

… That’s an odd sweatshirt. It’s made of all yellow… feathers? He looked in the front seat and the poor victim was NOT wearing a sweatshirt. He was wearing from head to toe (…drum roll please…) a complete chicken suit. So there he was, some poor guy slumped over his steering wheel (or embedded into it), dressed from head to toe as a chicken.

When he snapped out of his surprise, he once again noticed the buzzing noise. It was coming from the back seat. He moved over to get a better look. According to Mr. EMT, what he saw was an open suitcase. Well, this suitcase wasn’t an ordinary suitcase. Apparently it had been packed full of dildos, most of which were now scattered all over the backseat of the car. Some buzzing and bouncing – some not.

My mouth had hit the floor with this story. When I asked him what his reaction when he saw this, he said (and I shit you not), “Damn – those are pretty good batteries.”

And I thought I worked with weirdos.

CJ