Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Freak of the Week - The EMT

This is not my story, but I just had to tell you anyway. As you know, I try to share the stories of particularly interesting customers. I will confess that ever since I started this blog thing, I try to pay a little bit more attention to what my customers do and say. Well, I hit gold yesterday.

I got a new customer who’s an EMT. And no, he wasn’t on the clock when he stopped by. Anyway, we started talking during session and eventually we started swapping stories of some of our more bizarre work experiences.

Believe it or not, he won.

He started telling me this time he had to respond to a single car accident where the guy was already dead. I guess in these cases, you don’t have to drive quite as fast with the sirens blaring.
So he shows up at the scene and sees where a car had gone off the road and into the trees. He gets out of his ambulance and approaches 2 police officers. Now before he can ask “What happened?” these 2 guys are laughing and stop just long enough to point and say “He’s over there.” Now he’s really confused, but just goes and grabs his gear and starts walking towards the wreck.

As he gets closer to the car, he starts to hear a buzzing noise. At first he thinks it’s odd that the officers would just leave the car running, but then he realizes it’s not a car engine he’s hearing. So he slows down and sort of creeps up to the car as he tries to figure out where the noise is coming from.

But as he gets close enough to see the driver, he forgets about the buzzing noise because something is not right. Now this guy, as an EMT, has seen plenty of dead and mangled bodies. But this one looked different. At first glance, all he saw was a mass of yellow mixed with red. The source of the red was obvious, but the yellow must have been a sweatshirt hood or something because the victim was all in yellow…

… That’s an odd sweatshirt. It’s made of all yellow… feathers? He looked in the front seat and the poor victim was NOT wearing a sweatshirt. He was wearing from head to toe (…drum roll please…) a complete chicken suit. So there he was, some poor guy slumped over his steering wheel (or embedded into it), dressed from head to toe as a chicken.

When he snapped out of his surprise, he once again noticed the buzzing noise. It was coming from the back seat. He moved over to get a better look. According to Mr. EMT, what he saw was an open suitcase. Well, this suitcase wasn’t an ordinary suitcase. Apparently it had been packed full of dildos, most of which were now scattered all over the backseat of the car. Some buzzing and bouncing – some not.

My mouth had hit the floor with this story. When I asked him what his reaction when he saw this, he said (and I shit you not), “Damn – those are pretty good batteries.”

And I thought I worked with weirdos.



RIV said...

Well, at least your weird stories involve people that are still (for the most part,) alive.
Yeah, cops tell me about the weird stuff too. Thanks for sharing it. I can only imagine the jokes in the funeral.

"It's a fucking chicken!"

Greg Voltaire said...

Know what though...I bet you're glad that you didn't have to meet the man dressed as a chicken with a briefcase full of dildos at YOUR place of work. It would've been so much more awkward.

But it would've been a hell of a story.

Freak of the Week - Chicken Man

medic said...

That's an awesome story.

Henrietta Hussy said...

i dont know why i am laughing because some guy is dead, but that is pretty hilarious.

did they ever figure out why he was dressed as a chicken or why he had a shit load of vibrators with the most resilient batteries known to man??

nhcareyjr said...

Now I know what happened to the chicken man who was supposed to show up at the party!

Sucre Bebe said...

Gee freakin' whiz!

Anonymous said...

God bless EMT's man. One of my friends is one. He's young and been in the game for only a year but he has stories to tell. He literally saved the lives of 2 people last week and literally revived a guy from death while keeping him alive long enough to get him to the hospital. In my opinion they can be just as important as doctor's...the shitty thing is my friend barely makes 15 dollars an hour after all his training and working 48 hour shifts...nothing against what you do cj but society can be fucked up regarding where our priorities are. You can pull 80-200 dollars per hour of work while my buddy can barely make ends meet. All I'm saying is these guys live stressful lives saving others and we don't even appreciate them (give these guys a raise for crying out loud...sorry about my blow up-end rant). :)