Thursday, October 2, 2008

Newbies

Things are picking up again here at work, so we might actually bring in a new girl. Not like we’ve actively looked for one since Rachel left. Things got slow enough during the summer that we were able to manage all the shifts between the 3 of us.

But weird enough, fall is a busy season. Go figure. October tends to be a great month, and it peaks with the Mother of All Massage Weekends – Thanksgiving. I am not shitting you. We usually make more Thanksgiving week than any other single week of the year. I think it’s for 2 reasons. First, you get that heavy holiday travel, and second, everyone’s wallets haven’t been emptied by Christmas shopping yet.

I’ve heard a hundred variations of this story from first time customers over the years…

You get on the road to Grandma’s house for the annual turkey and family fistfight, when you start fantasizing about some stress relief at the hands of an able-bodied masseuse. Then you see that big friendly sign beaconing you to the warmth and comfort of The Business at the next highway exit. You figure you could use a break, maybe get some gas, hit the bathroom. Without thinking, you find yourself making that turn, just to “take a peek.”

You pass the first gas station since it’s always pricier next to the highway. You’re sure the next one is cheaper. Before you know it, you’ve gone a little further than you expected but now that you’ve gone this far you may as well drive by. Then you see our big neon “Open” sign, and it pulls you in like a moth to a flame. Heck – you may as well stop in and check it out. You tell yourself that you can always just walk out if it’s not your thing.

You park the car in the far end of the parking lot, as if you’re going to the insurance agent (the newbies always do). Then you make what we affectionately call the “Walk of Shame.” It’s the path from the far end of the lot to our door in the back of the building that passes by every other business here. As you’re walking, you check your wallet and wonder if it’ll be enough and if we take credit cards.

Then before you know it, you’re in front of The Business. At this point you’re probably too nervous to even notice the very tasteful red drapes in the window. Audrey spent a lot to time picking those out. You begin to wonder, what the heck am I doing here? Is this really one of THOSE places? How does this even work? Am I supposed toBEEEEEEEP… BEEEEEEEP.

“Uh, hello Nana!... Yes, I’m on the road… No, I just stopped to get gas… No, I’m running about – ummmm - an hour late I’d say… Yes, I’ll pick up some cranberry sauce… Is Betty there yet?... No, I’ll call her later… Yes, I’ll drive carefully…Buh-bye.”

Now your heart is pounding. You just bought yourself an hour, so you might as well try it. Just by looking through the door, you can’t see behind the desk – damn! You turn your cell phone off before you push the door open and walk in. The place smells faintly of flowers, thanks to an aromatherapy candle on the coffee table. You look around and realize it’s a lot cleaner and more pleasant than you thought it would be.

“Hello Sir, can I help you?”

You turn around and you see a very pretty blonde girl sitting behind a desk. She’s wearing a form-fitting white polo shirt with a beaded necklace. Her dirty blonde hair has that sort of Just-Rolled-Out-Of-Bed look that you can only get with lots of vitamins and an incredibly over-priced stylist. She smiles at you in such a way that reminds you of your last girlfriend’s super-hot sister.

“Uh, yes please. I think I’d like a massage.” And so begins the high point of your Thanksgiving Day weekend.

And if you come back a 2nd time, we’ll tell you how to park behind the building.

CJ

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Nana?" - LMAO

Jerk said...

Wow, C.J., you really nailed that one. That is EXACTLY what it feels like that first time. And yes, the cell phone does always go off with a call from the wife, at exactly the wrong time.

Throw in the fear of being arrested or robbed and set it in the parking lot of an average hotel, and you've pretty much captured the first visit to a full service escort.

You never cease to amaze.

Jack

zencycle said...

You witness much the same phenomenon in strip joints here in new england, especially the wednesday before thanksgiving - thanks giving eve. Many companies let their employees out early, and a good number of those don't go straight home. I am a frequent patron of the few "gentlemens clubs" in the area (there are maybe ten within 50 miles of me)and over the 25 years I have been able to go, thanksgiving eve is by far the busiest of the year.

The Crow said...

Ur funny as hell... I wish there were more people who wrote as well and are able to laugh at everything. Power to you... :-)

Anonymous said...

Does the week of Turkey day means lots of extra perks or variations of you finishing them? More, topless, nude or bikini, request? Do you get customers asking for "between the buns", pearl necklace or facials, since x-mass shopping has not started yet? Do you push these revenue enhancers like McDonalds when they ask if you want to super size your meal?

Greg Voltaire said...

I would imagine it's fun to watch them squirm a little bit. What goes through their mind I wonder. Could I get arrested? Could my wife be shopping in this area? Which would I rather have happen?

cj said...

Hey guys,

2 things. First, I wouldn't say that there are more "variations" as you call it during Thanksgiving. But we do see more nudes and mutuals. I think it's because Regulars don't change their routine, and newbies don't know about them. If a newbie is going to ask for anything, it's usually sex.

As for the variations, I can't speak for the other girls, but I only offer them if I'm comfortable enough with the customer. You gotta be careful because if a guy just paid $100 for a session, then you ask for another $100 for something he didn't ask for, it's a real turn off. But if a customer has the right attitude and lets you know he has money to burn (especially if he came in expecting full service), I'll offer them.

Second, I wanted to say that newbies can be really funny. I've had guys who were literally stuttering and trembling because they were so nervous. I think the most common thing guys admit to being nervous about is getting caught by their wives/girlfriends.

CJ

Henrietta Hussy said...

thinking about makes me think about my family on thanksgiving and how many of them decided to get their cocks rubbed before coming over for dinner. i feel weird now.

excellent post either way!

ryan manning said...

the next night we ate whale

villageidiot said...

hot damn - this sounds better than turkey and stuffing! and I luuuv turkey and stuffing....

mr-e-1999 said...

Still reading though your posts, only like a year behind... Loved "Newbies" I laughed my ass off when Nanna called.

Seth said...

Nailed the entrance so perfectly that I'm creeped out.
Thanks for writing this blog.