Tuesday, September 8, 2009

ANSWERS!!!! (Part 1)

HOLY SHIT you guys are curious. OK, when I first had the idea to answer questions, I figured I was being lazy by making you guys do half the typing. But crap - you guys had me blushing on some of those. I promise I'll answer all of you guys, but I'll do it over a couple of posts. So here goes...

Q: OK, I'll be the first to ask a question. I don't mind parking my Jaguar in the lot of a topless bar, but I've never had the nads to visit a massage parlour. Have you ever heard of anyone taking license plate numbers and blackmailing patrons? Are there any other privacy concerns you can talk about? ...And a followup question, if you don't mind. What's the best online resource for rating parlours?

A: I've never seen anyone record licenses before, but occasionally we'll get a police car parked across the street to kinda scare away customers. Usually lasts about a day. And then when they come back as customers (we get a lot of cops, both local and state) they tell us that it was because a "concerned citizen" made a call, so they had to do something just for show.

I don't follow the rating websites that closely. As long as no one is saying anything bad about us (or using real names), I just ignore them.

Q: Ok, questions, im planning to visit a massage parlour next weekend and yes its gonna be my very first visit,do i pay the money upfront on the counter before we go in or after? ya other blogs did mention about asking the options and extras before the session starts, do u mean we ask all this on the counter or insider the room when im naked?? if u know what i mean, and yes im kinda nervous since its gonna be my first time and honesttly i really do need that massage with a little twist at the end

A: Money up front is just for the room. Tip inside is for the massage and options. I offer options after the customer is in the room and expect to be paid then. NOTHING about options is discussed outside the room, and if you bring it up we'll change the subject.

Q: You often refer to your old "Internet Sugar Daddy Days". Can you tell us more about that? I'm considering seeking a sugar baby. Did it ever work out well for either party?

A: I could do a whole post on this topic alone - so I proabably will later. But here's the shorts answer. A couple years ago when I was between boyfriends and just bored, I went on line to a couple of those sugardaddy websites. Had the weirdest conversations with guys claiming to be Wall Street big shots and Hollywood producers. Exchanged phone numbers with a couple. Met only 1 - and he turned out to be just a married travelling salesman who was just really lonely.

Q: What's the working life for a topless masseuse? strippers start rotating out at age 25, NFL players usually only average 3 years. and what's your plan for a second act?

A: Let me put it to you this way... my boss is pushing 50 and she still has more Regulars than any of us (she's a dirty slut too, but that's just me thinking out loud). I would say average age is 35. Young girls are rare in this business - I was sort of a novelty when I started. When I retire the masseuse table I plan on starting a tanning salon with the money I've socked away.

Q: So what's the smallest and or largest guy u ever tugged, and did you laugh or giggle at the size? Or when you saw mandingo, were you remotely curious, or just grossed by the sheer size.

A: Both ends of the scale I would call medical freaks. The smallest was the size of my thumb when fully erect. Largest is broken into width and length. Longest I'd say was about 12 inches - I didn't have a ruler on me. The widest one I ever worked with was barely big enough for me to put both my hands around - and it was by far the freakiest thing I've ever seen. The long one just scared me.

Q: How many times does a guy have to visit you (or how often does a guy have to visit you) to be considered a "regular" or "VIP"?

A: A "Regular" is anyone who sees me (and just me) on a regular basis, whether weekly, monthly, or even quarterly. I'll call someone a Regular after his 3rd visit. I guess I'd call a VIP anyone who routinely tips above and beyond the standard. And to be called a "Sugar Daddy" you have to tip GENEROUSLY beyond the standard.

Q: Is there any usual tip vs. door fee scale that nubes or rookies should expect?

A: I can only speak for The Business, but the house fee is standard no matter how many times you visit. You pay for the amount of time you spend in the room and is identical in price to a therapeutic massage place.

Q: If one takes a shower before visiting an mp, can one skip the TS/stand-up shower? (These seem to be common in NJ/NY)

A: Yes - they are used most often by customers AFTER the massage. We only insist on using it before the massage if the guy has some B.O. issues.

Q: Have you ever considered being an independent and working from an apartment? I don't know about the market where you are, but in most places you can get $120-180 per hour. You get to keep the full amount, but then you have your expenses such as rent, web site and such. But it seems to work for a lot of women and I've found the experience much better than a parlor.

A: No. As you can tell, I value my privacy and the last thing I need is a string of guys knocking on my door. As for a 2nd apartment - I wouldn't feel safe working by myself like that.

Q: 1) Is there anything we can do to get the happy ending if the masseuse doesn't bring it up at all? I've gotten nothing at a place from one person while a different person gave me the HE.

A: I've said it before and I'll say it again - you should never have to bring up the Happy Ending. If it's not being offered, there's a reason. Either they don't do it, or you're not eligible - yet. I would suggest asking the girl who gave you the HJ if the entire business offers happy endings.
Remember guys - if you've been to a place a couple of times and they've offered you NOTHING - then you're in a legitimate therapeutic place. We make most of our money offering options, so if they're not being offered to you, then don't embarass yourself by asking.

Q: When do we ask for extras? The place I have gone to, which does do the HE, hasn't offered any other extras. Do I just ask? I asked another person there and they just laughed and i didn't even GET the HE.

A: Sounds like you got lucky and she's offering you the Happy Ending on the side. If that's the case, DO NOT ask the other girls for one so she doesn't get fired. But since the HE door has been opened, feel free to ask for extras. But I have a feeling that if she's secretly giving handjobs on the side, then she's probably not likely to get topless.

Q: I would like to try the prostate massage -- is that common?

A: Hell no. That's a specialty you really have to ask around for.

Q: When is the last time you sucked a guy off? What have you learned from the parlor that you can you use on a boyfriend or person you're having sex with? How much is the most you've made in one year?

A: Thank you for showing an interest... Anyway, I won't answer that directly, but let's just say that I got laid about a month ago. As for the work tricks I bring home - I did a post about this a while ago. I don't bring any home. Guys I'm dating usually don't want handjobs and rarely ask for massages (believe it or not). During my prime, I got over 6 figures in cash during that 2-3 years when the economy was booming.

Q: How do I go and find a Massage parlor that offers options in my town? What are things to look for? Is it mostly word of mouth that is the advertising of such parlors?

A: Start with the phone book and look for places that DO NOT advertise as "therapeutic" or with LMTs on staff. Next, try the weekly entertainment rag - most towns have them and the seedy ads are in the back. We rely mostly on the weekly rag and our billboard - not word of mouth.

Phew - that was tough! I promise to get to the rest of them later, but in the meanwhile, feel free to keep 'em coming!



RIV said...

Thanks for the insight!

Another blogger and I were talking about yours and commented how awesome it would be to have a female version of it. Amazing what beer does to your thought process. I'm sure that wouldn't be very realistic, would it? :)

As usual, a great read!

Jimbeam said...

Hey CJ, thanks again for the asnwers, its a good insight into the world of MP

Keep them coming

The Tickling Master said...

Thank you for your answers, they were really appreciated!

Anonymous said...

Hi CJ,

What is the largest and longest cumshot you have seen?

Anonymous said...

Is your boss hot?


Do your customers have to sign a waiver?

Sam Sneed said...

Hi CJ,

I have a follow-up question to a previous one. I have been to this asian massage parlour three times. They seem to be the "extras" type of place -- they advertise in the tabloid with the sexy places, they have an asian name with asian people, they have no real sign and you have to ring a bell to get in after going up some stairs. BUT, the person there that has given me the HE after each of two massages, has never brought up the extras. The closest she has come to talking about them is she only said something like "would you like the lotion?" at some point. In fact, the first time I went there, (my first massage parlour visit), when I gave her a tip at the end for 20 (thinking I was a great guy since there had been no talk of any extra fees), she said "it's 40." When I said "for what" she sort of vaguely motioned toward her crotch. So of course I figured it out and paid 20 more. Anyway, my point is, where and how do I bring up the extras if she isn't bringing them up at all? Or am I just supposed to keep waiting, or go somewhere else?

Sorry for the long question. Thanks CJ.

Reflex said...

Sam - Read CJ's posts regarding Asian Massage Parlours. The girls in those places are literal slaves, and likely kidnapped. Most people really don't realize what they are supporting when they go to them.

BeenThereDoneThat said...

Counterpoint to "Reflex": Yes, I am sure there are AMP's that are run by organized crime and may have smuggled the women there and may even make them pay a fee for the smuggling that makes them like indentured servants BUT in my experience, this is not the case with most AMPS in most cities in the Texas, Florida, California and Nevada. Uh, except maybe SF - I think they might have a problem there with the trade. That city is all fucked up anyway...they have open prostitution going on all over the place.

Al Sensu said...

Thanks, CJ. It's a good point about safety. Some ladies require you to provide a work number as a form of checking you out, some require references from other providers, but for the others, I do think they take a chance.

cj said...

I started to answer this one and discovered I had enough to do a whole post. So hold your breath... Maybe next week.

Same goes for your question. A couple of the questions from last week were about this and I want to settle once and for all the confusion about the happy ending.

And yes - you should know better than to be visiting Asian places. Shame on you. Go American!


Anonymous said...

Well in NJ you generally have 3 kinds of MPs. Asian (AMPs), Latin (LMPs), and East European/Russian (RMPs). So it's tough to go American. Most of the Asian places are staffed with Koreans who come in from NYC. The ones I've talked to consider themselves business women, not servants.

Anonymous said...

Sam Sneed, you found out that CJ's advice is largely irrelevant when it comes to AMPs. The Business operates in a different way, and... either she has NO IDEA what's going on with Asians, or she blatantly LIES. Period.
BeenThereDoneThat speaks the truth, while Reflex is only parrotting CJ.

There's other sources for AMP intel, and plenty of review sites. Not that hard to find, guys.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and parking in front of a parlor, unless you know for a fact that it's 100% legit... is NOT smart. Be discreet, for yourself and the parlor.