Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Cheapskate Option

Last week someone made a comment about how he always offers less than the regular cost for options. This set me off. I mean, I know that times are tough for everyone but would you start bartering at McDonalds? I didn't think so.

I think it would be helpful if I responded to this calmly. Yes, we do get guys in here who try to barter. In fact, over the past year it's gotten really bad. It's partly the shitty economy and partly because Audrey has kept cutting her prices without telling us.

This is how it works at The Business:

We keep our prices fixed. All the girls (including the boss) are supposed to charge the EXACT same amount for options. Now if you took notes last week, you'll remember that options are topless, G-string and nude (extras are our own business and we can charge whatever we want for them). We do this for your protection and ours.

It protects you (the consumer) because a girl can't rip you off by making up her own prices. And it protects us because it keeps our tips fair and prevents girls from stealing customers from each other. As long as everyone sticks to the posted prices, it actually increases repeat business.

Some may argue that what a girl charges in the room shouldn't be anyone's business. BUT, when a girl secretly cuts her prices, what happens is that her customers eventually start expecting the other girls to cut theirs. I can't tell you how many times over the past year I've gotten some cheap ass guys in here with a fucking $20 bill asking me for a hand job because "Audrey did it."

So back to the original issue, yes - we get guys in here trying to barter, but we tell them no. I mean, if a Regular comes in and he's a couple bucks short of what he usually gets, I'll let it go. But for the most part, we don't barter on options.

However... Over the past year things got so bad that I eventually created a new option for cheapskates. So whenever some cheap ass bastard came in and gave me a song and dance about how "I've only got $40" AFTER he's on the table, I would offer him a 1 time only deal:

Choose between a handjob or a topless massage - you can't have both.

I've discovered that this ultimatum worked in my favor. For anything less than $80, they either got FIVE MINUTES of my attention for a happy ending. or they got 15 minutes of massage with a view of the girls. That was my "Cheapskate Special." Remember that in the delicate art of negotiation, always offer 2 solutions - both in your favor. So if a guy tried to offer $60, he would either get a 5 minute handjob from a very disinterested masseuse, or 15 minutes of a half-hearted massage from a topless massuese (and that 15 minutes is spent on their stomachs so they can't see much!).

And let me tell ya, I think I've had maybe 2 guys walk out, but the rest stuck around. You would be surprised how many guys suddenly "found" a few extra bucks in their pocket. And the ones that came back ALWAYS paid full price after that.

OK, enough ranting for today. I was gonna post a new pic, but I got in a pissy mood about this sore subject. That's what you get for distracting me. So maybe Thursday!



Joker_SATX said...

As they say, Lust is Lust but Business is Business!

Anonymous said...

You should make people who request 50% off look at themselves nude in the mirror while they tried to bargain. I would guess most of them would come to their senses...maybe even pay more.
It also sucks that the actions (words) of rude readers can ruin what should be a picture day for the rest of us.


Anonymous said...

LOL - No need to barter at McDonald's. They don't try to charge $22.79 for a cheeseburger.

Anonymous said...

It protects you (the consumer) because a girl can't rip you off by making up her own prices.

Exactly, the fixed prices ensure you get ripped off equally by all the girls.

Kay said...

Can't you ban anonymous posts? Especially bitter, boring ones:)

Anonymous said...

Great post CJ and noooo pictures until Thursday. Keep with the HNT industry standard :]


Advizor said...

I agree with kay, most anonymous posters here are just rude.

I like the idea of set prices, then I can pick the most beautiful girl (CJ) for the same price as the ugly ones. It means I get to have the best, without feeling price pressure.

And when I say that, it is strictly wishful thinking, I've never had the privilege.....

Anonymous said...

Many of the brothels in Nevada allow the girls to set the prices for the other reason--it lets them 'price walk' customers they don't want to be with (i.e., set the price unreasonably high so the customer agrees to go back to the parlor). The house does set a minimum, though.

Of course, being legal makes all the difference, because a customer that's pricewalked can't really cause any trouble that the brothel bouncers can't take care of.

Anonymous said...

Banning people? Wow, some people can not handle differing opinions. That's a shame.

Anyway, I see nothing wrong with negotiating prices. CJ claims she offers a service, and people haggle over prices for a number of services every day. I have someone coming to install flooring for me tomorrow. You don't think I just accepted his first quote, do you?

If CJ doesn't like customers who try to negotiate, she can throw them out. If they don't like the prices and CJ won't negotiate, they can find a cheaper place down the street. If CJ's "girls" are really worth the extra, she'll still have customers at the higher prices. If not, she'll go hungry. Capitalism is a beautiful system.

Double Trouble said...

I find it humorous how the anonymous poster always seems to be the enlightened and hypocritical inviduals. The guy who preaches condemnation but yearns to participate at the same time (i.e. look at the post above this one).

"You loser douchebags go to MPs? Disgusting! Those crack whores are nothing but full of STDs... now here's my 20 bucks so where's my handjob and extras on the side later tonight?"

CJ, you really must have a thick skin to put up with this type of self-righteous bullshit from these types of guys. Here's to your generosity of new pictures, funny freaks of the week and the craziness that is your life. Cheers

Anonymous said...

Never have I "preached condemnation" (and I'm the same anonymous as two posts above), and I participate in the discussion for the same reason everyone else does: I'm interested. Frankly, I call BS on about 30% of what CJ writes, but she has a certain flair to her prose and a good sense of humor.

To the contrary of what you imply, I have treated CJ the way she has said she wants to be treated: as a service provider. And if that's so, why should she be different from any other service provider? The commodity she trades is subject to the same rules everyone else plays by. It is those who seek different treatment who are the hypocrites.

But more curiously, I find the second paragraph of your tirade most amusing. I never took the conversation into your "loser douchebag" territory. You did. What, I wonder, does that say about you?

cj said...

Yes, I guess you could say that we rip you off equally! LOL But it's you guys who are willing to pay for all this running around, secret handjob, behind the wife's back bullshit.

Good point. You pay the same for options whether it's me or Grandma Audrey, or the chunky new girl. It's only fair.

Other Anon,
If a guy is annoying, I'll still charge him the same for the options. BUT, if he wants extras then I may inflate my standard tips - just because. HEHEHEHEHE.

Repeat Anon,
30%???? 10% at the most! You think I jerk guys off all day and then have to make stuff up at night? With all the crazy shit that happens around here, why would I want to invent more of it? When it's a slow week at work, it'll be a slow week here baby...


Jaydin said...


Us Michiganders have a thing for strip clubs - something tells me "erotic massages" would be far..../less/ regulated here, lol.


Anonymous said...

I'm the anon who originally posted about negotiating rates the other day. CJ, what about the MPAs who try to rip customers off? Are you going to pretend that doesn't happen? Like I'm paying $150 for a mechanical topless handjob from some old, washed-out MPA. There's always option B which is to say "Thanks, but no thanks" - there are always other MPAs available, or other MPs. I don't play the bargaining card unless I have reason to suspect the MPA is being unreasonable in hopes that she's hit paydirt and I don't know any better. I also don't leave tips for the ones who do this. An MPA who is above-board and honest with her pricing gets me as a happy repeat (and a 20% tip on whatever we agreed upon)

Anonymous said...

What you would like sounds like a massage parlor cartel. Price collusion doesn't work. Keep in mind that the owners probably like the loss-leaders (the MPAs with lower rates) because more visits by more customers equals more $$$ in the form of door fees for the owner.

Kay said...

Just for the record, Anon, I enjoy differing views.

It's rudeness to people who don't deserve it that I can't handle.

As for banning, I said that tongue-in-cheek in the vain hope you would moderate your comments.

Sorry for hi-jacking your comments,CJ. Love your writing!

cj said...

I never said that girls don't try to occasionally rip off the customers. Sure that happens - I've seen it lots of times, but mostly at other businesses. The problem is whenever you rip a guy off - it's adios muchacho. He will never return.

So What's the point of making an extra $50 off a single guy when I'd rather have a new Regular? The thing about parlors is that when a customer feels cheated, he doesn't just blame the girl - he blames the whole business.

Remember that Audrey is the owner AND a masseuse. So she has no compelling reason to rip off the clients. I would say that about 2/3 of our business is from returning customers.

If we were closer to the freeway and relied heavily on the one-time-only customers (like some of our competitors), then yes - it would be to our advantage to shake down every guy who came in. So maybe that's the kind of place that you're familiar with.

We've found that by keeping our prices fixed, it helps the customers feel more comfortable knowing what to expect when they walk through our door. And feeling comfortable with us is what keeps them coming back (no pun intended).

Now if you want to talk about ripping anyone off - what about the guys tring to pull fast ones on us? I don't know how many times I've heard the old "I'll hit the ATM after we're done" routine. Give me a break! And then there's the girls trying to steal customers from each other. THAT'S where the real stealing is!


Anonymous said...

I am not familiar with the business, but it's strictly a luxury service. I compare it to going to the spa or an expensive hair salon. They have a price, I can either pay it or not. I can't imagine asking my hairstylist to accept less money than she usually charges to cut or color my hair. First, she has bills to pay and relies on making X amount of money per day. Second, it's like saying to the girl, "I don't think you're worth that much." I want her to do a good job on my hair and be focused, not stewing over the fact that I was a cheapskate. If I can't afford her prices, I'll go to Supercuts.

I don't have much sympathy for the plight of your anonymous posters here. "I want to be sexually gratified by a beautiful woman, but I expect to pay the lowest price possible." Fucking Wal-mart mentality. Give me a break.

And I agree with the posters who suggested you only accept comments from registered users. Anonymous = coward.

Douggie A said...

I disagree with the ban anonymous movement. It's a public board set up for public viewing and if you can't stand the heat, you don't need to be in the kitchen.

Besides anonymous might be brutally candid but his points are valid. He's looking at it from a guys perspective and I don't think he deserves the hate. I don't see any rudeness, just a guy making his points and I would add, far more eloquently than his bashers.

I love the blog, the writing is top notch and CJ appears quite capable of handling disagreements.

Anonymous said...

The posts by the anonymous guys generate the traffic and discussion here. Sure, CJ could ban anonymous posts, but then the only comments she would get are requests to meet her and "OMG LOLZ how big R the guyz dicks u see? LMAO " And CJ, I never lie about not having any other money in my wallet, I just say NO without elaborating.

Anonymous said...

Wal-Mart mentality you say? And yet Wal-Mart is the largest, most-successful retailer in the world. Guess there's something to that whole thing about having lower prices than the competition eh? And Charlie, we're not talking about haircuts here (I can give myself a kickass handjob but I can only give myself a really shitty haircut). Though I suppose if I was a customer of Supercuts, If the people there tried to charge the same thing as a stylist working in a salon on Fifth Ave, I would just find another place or have a friend or relative do it. Hell, I could always shave it for free.

Anonymous said...

LOL - As if creating an account and calling myself "LionFan1483" would make me any less anonymous.

Advizor said...

You are right that creating an on-line profile doesn't make you any less anonymous, heck, I'm writing this from the West Wing of the Whitehouse and Michelle doesn't know a thing about it.

But what an ID does do, is create a sense of accountability and consistency. Everyone who sees my name on various blogs can decide if they agree or disagree with me. I have a consistent approach to most things and I feel that I need to stay true to that approach. It also builds a sense of community, I see Joker around a lot, I have favorite commentors and bloggers and I know what I'm going to get when I see their writing.

I'm not going to flame someone under this ID because I want to maintain on-line friendships and I don't want to be attacked on my own blog, so I keep things civil.

I agree that CJ can handle the occasional negative and anonymous post, it's just nice, but not required, when people maintain a certain sense of ownership over their behavior.

Riggstad said...

as a business owner, I work a lot with the banks. One particular banker said to me, "In this economy, if you're not negotiating every nickel, you're losing money."

That being said, it is a "luxury" industry and you pay for what you get.

However, I don't think negotiating anything is wrong. But expecting it because you are a few dollars light is horseshit in my book.

I would expect you would be able to tell a huge difference in someone negotiating and someone just being cheap, and to not take offense to the former.

Anonymous said...

I'm a male escort in nyc... i wrote about this in my own blog but thought it was worth mentioning again here. Price is a matter of self respect. The decision to be a sex worker isn't an easy one... We're putting our bodies/safety/reputations on the line by doing it. Frankly, I think I’m worth more than I charge. The prices are set, and I’m not going to haggle when I’M the product. There is no shortage of men happy to pay the price.

I feel lucky that I’m OK with the idea of sex for money… for those that feel forced into the profession because of necessity, it must be especially awful to have to literally lower their own worth for a ‘bargain hunter.’ If a guy seriously can’t find someone in his price range, perhaps his own hand would be a little more affordable?



Anonymous said...

Yeah, internetrentboy is right. Business, commodities, market... it's all fine and dandy when we talk about products, but not human beings.

Providers sell a service that's way too close to their personality and physique to be looked at separately. I NEVER haggle. When some provider does have an inflated sense of self (in my subjective opinion), I just don't come back or request her, but I won't insult her by saying that she's worth less.

On another note...
Many people here have profiles so they can either sell something (I just have points to make, myself) or kiss CJ's ass in a more "personal" way. Food for thought from just another guy. What I write has no other message than what you read. If it has value to you, great; if not, you're welcome to skip. I am not making up a cute name or hiding myself behind a suggestive avatar - both MASKS.

That's funny. Anybody tried Second Life? It's a virtual reality - look it up. Well, most people pick unrealistically attractive physiques and seductive handles there, and turn the simulation into a hook-up site. Perhaps not surprisingly, they HATE majorly on those who decide to live under a more modest or different appearance (robot, insect, stone... you name it). One because they can't let go of "first life" (the real world)'s prejudices, and two, because the latter screw up their little dating game. "No non-humans in the ballroom!"

I see the exact same closed-mindedness and hypocrisy here from people who think they're NOT anonymous. All masks people, all masks.
Not everybody wants to get a rush out of paying CJ a compliment that she will know to come from THAT specific SECRET admiror.
Never underestimate the power of denial.

Oh, I'm sorry... was that "rude" to call posters on their bovine feces?!