Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Q&A - Round 2

OK guys, I promised you I'd answer ALL of your questions, so here goes. Q&A round 2:

Q: Well, I've been wanting to ask the following for a week, so here goes. In your post of 8/27/2009, you wrote, "Personally, I don't consider anything I do as actual sex, so I don't have any ethical dilemmas with it."

However, on a few occasions (for example 2/3/2009), you also claimed, "...(believe it or not) I would never want to date a guy who went to massage parlors. Heck, I even have problems with guys I'm dating going to strip clubs!"

My question: if you don't consider what you do to be sex, one can only assume the guys you're doing it with also aren't having sex. So in that case, they can't be cheating on anyone, so what's the problem with dating them?

A: You have assumed wrong. Just because what I do isn't sex, doesn't mean that the customers aren't having it. Think of what I do as a form of masterbation with a little assistance. The customers get off - I don't. And I wouldn't want a guy I was dating to be getting off with anyone other than me. And that includes strippers and other erotic masseuses.

Q: Are you still having fun with the blog or does it seem like a chore some days? I was gung-ho about my own blog for a few months and then it wore off and felt more like another obligation.

A: I love the blog and especially you guys. Sometimes after a particularly busy day I don't feel like saying much, but for the most part this thing serves as a sort of therapy.

Q: Do you want readers to email their pics to you at your yahoo address? are you curious about any of us like we're curious about you?

A: No, not really, but I'm a little curious about some of the guys who write me on a regular basis. LOL I want to be anonymous and you should too.

Q: How much do you charge for the different options?

A: The "Standard" prices for options are $80 topless, $120 G-string, and $150 nude. Mutuals (when I feel like offering them) are $200. But with the wacky economy, we've all been taking liberties with what we charge.

Q: How does "the business" make money? you said audrey doesn't take from your tips, then how does she pay for the business space, etc.?

A: Door fee. It's basically the same cost as a therapeutic massage. From that she pays for the rent, utilities, and our hourly salaries.

Q: Do they have happy ending parlors for women? lol

A: Oh they exist, but I've only heard stories of this from high end day spas where wealthy housewives go. The stories I've heard...

Q: What do you plan to do when you get older?

A: Own a tanning salon.

Q: Do you feel pressured to stay skinny/attractive due to your job?

A: I guess. I've seen some nasty looking girls in my time who still made decent money. But we're not like strippers where the appeal is purely visual. We're hands on (pun intended) so we tend to be more average looking. Also, we can't slut ourselves up for work either, because that would just draw attention. We have to dress and look conservative when at work.

Q: Do you plan to get married and have kids? if so, will your family ever be notified of your career? or would you switch careers?

A: LOL. By then I hope to be a very successful tanning salon operator.

Q: What are the most disgusting/ridiculous/inappropriate things you have ever dealt with from a parlor dude - or owner or co-maseusse for that matter - (and/or one of us jerks from the internet) and how did you handle it??

A: There are like 50 things that come to mind. But I'll save those for a post all by themselves. Short answer: Getting assaulted and almost raped was the worst experience. Getting told to blow the boss to keep my job is next. And finally, I just ignore jerks who say nasty things in the comments. I usually keep their stuff up there just so others can get a kick out of it.

Q: What time am I picking you up on friday?

A: I get off work at 5.

Q: Since you are into happy endings.. What is the size of the longest mr. happy your eyes has laid upon? Can you tell us your vital statistics...

A: 12 inches. As for me, I'm a size 2 with DD cups. And I put it that way because I know those are the only statistics you're interested in hearing. LOL

Q: Understanding you do your best to keep your sessions all business for you - that said - tell us about a time when you got home from work and masturbated thinking about a session earlier in the day.

A: Never. I've had hot customers before, but I've never had the urge to fantasize about it later.

Q: You've mentioned previously how you like to watch a man "shoot" - so tell us about a few memorable experiences where you couldn't believe how much the man "shot" during the release.

A: Guy shot so far - it went straight into his own mouth.

Q: Can you give me a Top 5 list of the best overall bodies you've massaged. I would think the categories should include height/weight/chest/arms/legs/buns/penis/skin tone. Feel free to add other criteria - thanks!

A: Ugh... too much effort. But I can tell you that the best bodies I've ever had the pleasure to work with were professional hockey players. Compared to other professional athletes, THOSE guys are in shape.

Q: During one of your earlier blogs you talked about what you've given for items received - playstation, fixed speeding tix, etc. I was fascinated with this one below - can you give me as much detail as you recall about it?

"He once came in to see her and ended up giving me a foot rub while waiting for her. I absolutely LOVE getting my feet rubbed – probably more than sex. No kidding. He did such a good job, I took him in the bathroom and took care of him right there."

A: I took him straight into the bathroom and gave him a hand release into the sink while I let him squeeze my breasts through my shirt. Very quick and sanitary I must admit.

Q: Have you ever had a couple come in? or multiple people? Or does this happen ever?

A: Rarely. But I once had a couple where the girl just wanted to watch. She sat in a chair while I gave her boyfriend a typical session with Happy Ending. It was her B-day gift to him. She got turned on by watching, but I think she secretly wanted to make sure he only got a hand release and nothing more.

As for multiple people, we occasionally get college kids in groups of 2 or 3 who are too scared to come in by themselves. It's probably some kind of fraternity or dare thing. We usually tell them we're not "that kind of place" then send them home - angry and frustrated.

Q: You know how Letterman has his Top 10 list..well how about CJ's Top 10 or Top 5 list of the best dicks you've given a helping hand...forget about the person attached...just the most memorable dicks and why?

# 5) Professional baseball player with a tiny dick. Laughed about it with the co-workers for weeks (kids - don't use steroids)
# 4) Guy with the super-wide dick (see above). Looked like a mutant worm.
# 3) 12 inch dick. Also see above. Scared the shit ouf of me.
# 2) Dick that made a 90 degree turn left. Freaky.
And the #1 answer...) 12 inch dick again (see above). But this time it was attached to a 70 year old man!!!!

Q: Let's say the shoe is on the other foot...and you walked into a spa for women, knowing you would be getting a happy ending at the finish, from a male masseuse. Based your experience in the industry, knowing quality, professionalism, etc...what would you expect from him, what would you want him to look like, what would you want him to do during the massage, what would you want for your happy ending and how much would you expect to pay?

A: Personally, I wouldn't use any service like that, but I get your point. I guess I'd want him to be good looking AND be a LMT so he knows what's he's doing. And for me, my happy ending would be a fabulous foot rub.

Q: What are your standard prices?

A: See above. But beyond the "options" are the "extras." Those are only offered to Regulars and include things like breast release, butt release, foot worship, etc. I usually charge $50 -$100 for the extras.

Q: How do you deal with customers who are assholes and just don't get it?

A: If they don't get it after a warning, I just throw their ass out and tell the other girls to blacklist him. No money is worth the hassle.

Q: What do you do if you see a client outside of work? As a former sex worker (I did internet porn and was also a domme), I had a very fun encounter running into a well known politician (at the local level) at an event. He was with his wife.

A: Not sure if you mean "meet" outside of work or "bump into" so I'll answer both.

I've only met Sugar Daddies outside of work. And they all knew I'm not full service, so the sessions were similar to what happens in The Business. It's more like a "date" so nothing was ever hurried, they often included dinner and drinks, and there was lots of casual time afterwards. It's funny - SD's have never asked for anything freaky like foot worship, or costumes or anything (other than lingerie).

As for bumping into a client... This is a small town, so it happens every now and then. Personally, it doesn't bother me one bit. But I have learned that the best thing to do is follow the customers lead. If he totally ignores me (i.e. with the wife), then I do the same. But if he says 'hi" then I'll respond. Can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "OH SHIT" look from some guy in a grocery store as he's pushing the cart for his wife.

Q: As a girl that basically tugs guys to survive (eat & pay rent), why are you so adamant that you don't date guys that visit parlors and do you think that it may be hipocritical (looking from the outside in) on your part? Also, would you be hurt if your boyfriend/husband visited a parlor (since you don't consider it a sexual act)?

A: I don't think it's hipocritical. The customers are getting off - I'm not. That's why I won't date a customer, or let anyone I date to visit a parlor.

Q: Are you ever ashamed that you constantly ask for free stuff, like a new car, money for Atlantic City, new computer, etc... Do you notice that you do that, or is it just a by-product of your job (to expect much for doing so little)?

A: I do that as a joke. Now if someone were to actually give me a car or a computer - that would be a whole different matter! At work I'm very careful about who I make such jokes to because more often than not, customers think you owe them if they give you something. Sorry guy, but I didn't ask for that Daughtry CD, so don't think I owe you a double.

And as for expecting so much for doing so little... Hey - handjobs are at market price. If you think I do "so little," I'd like to see you perform a full body massage for 60 minutes to a 250 pound trucker with lower back issues, THEN still have enough strength left in your arms to stroke his dick for 5 minutes.

Q: Would you ever consider having an open relationship or swinging. If not, why? If you have, what would it take to entice you to begin and would you feel comfortable with it long term?

A: Never occurred to me. Believe it or not, I'm the jealous type so the open relationship thing is out. Also, I'm very particular about who I date, so hooking up with a bunch of strangers at a swingers party doesn't appeal to me either.

Q: In previous posts, you've talked about pretending to masturbate for guys, doing a guy with a dildo, finishing them with your feet, and allowing them to finish on "The Girls". How is that different from blowing them with a condom on or having sex with a condom and how do you separate the two psychologically?

A: It's actually quite simple - I won't do anything that involves insertion. So no blowjobs, no fingers and no dildos. If a guy wants to cum on my feet - that's just a mess that can be wiped up and has no other meaning.

Another thing to keep in mind is even though I do have "extras," I don't offer them to everyone. So if a guys wants something above and beyond the hand release, he has to be a Regular and I have to be really comfortable with him.

Q: Have any females ever come in to the Business in search of an erotic massage? Or what about a couples massage? Or a couple where the female wants to watch the male get a happy ending? Have you encountered any of these situations and if not, would you be willing to do any of these if the situation occurred?

A: I answered a similar question last time. Yes, we do have female customers. But no, they are therapeutic massage only and have no idea about the other side of The Business. Once I had a couple where the girl wanted to watch her boyfriend get a happy ending. Other than that, the session was normal.

Q: CJ, Do most guys shoot when they cum? Or are most of them dribblers?

A: Most are shooters, but not very far. Sort of a combinaton I guess.

Q: How many guys have you slept with in your life?

A: Yikes. Wow. Including 1 night stands? Jeez. Let's just say that I've had about 6 serious boyfriends so far.

Q: What was it like the first bunch of times you got cum in your hair and on your face? Did you find it gross or was it no big deal? Have you ever titty fucked in your private life?

A: It's totally gross and I hate it. First, it's just nasty because it smells and it's hard to clean up. And second, you pretty much have to jump in the shower to get it out - then your hair is fucked up for the rest of the shift. It's just a pain.

The face isn't so bad as long as it doesn't get in the eyes. In that case - that shit burns! Then you're stuck with red-eye for the rest of the day and all the other girls will look at you and say "Allergies huh?... yeah right..."

I was titty fucking before I started in The Business. That's when I learned to start calling it a "Breast Release."

Q: Is your boss hot?

A: Audrey is hot for an aging rocker chick who got stuck in an 80's time warp. I swear - her hair style hasn't changed in 25 years. But a lot of guys seem to dig her.

Q: Do your customers have to sign a waiver?

A: No. It's hard enough trying to get them to use a real first name.

Q: What is the largest and longest cumshot you have seen?

A: Longest one hit the wall behind the guys head. Made him clean it up too. I don't know about the largest, but I have seen guys that must have been saving it for a month because their orgasm seems to last a full minute and that shit just keeps pumping out. And it doesn't freak me out either - I get a kick out of it like satisfaction of a job well done.

Q: Another blogger and I were talking about yours and commented how awesome it would be to have a female version of it. Amazing what beer does to your thought process. I'm sure that wouldn't be very realistic, would it?

A: There was a guy in my massage school who used to tell stories like this. Let me make a phone call and get back to you on this one!

Q: So do most masseuses get paid a salary or commission? They don't work just off their tips do they? Thanks

A: Depends on the place. I would say most probably pay their girls off the books, or they work for tips alone.

All right - I did it!!! I answered all your questions, now I can take a nice long nap.



em jay peeeeee said...

thanks for taking the time to do that! Lots of fun questions and some interesting answers. So when do you want your foot rub reward?

Anonymous said...

That was good but lets not just say 6 serious boyfriends... lets say one night stands too. How have titty fucks change for you since they started off recreationally for you?

Anonymous said...

Hi CJ,
Love your Blog. Curious though, about not dating a man who frequents a place such as yours. I like the way you answered the question on being like a "prop" for masturbation and do not want your man getting off on anyone but you. I don't think you do, but could you elaborate a little on, Do you somehow look "down" on men who frequent your establishment?

Anonymous said...


So you have created in your mind a justification of how two people can engage in the same activity with each other, but only one of them is having sex while the other is not. Fascinating. And I'm not kidding here. It really is fascinating.

So let's dig deeper. You wrote a while back about how you actually did come once and the guy was the only one who saw your O face. Did you slip up and have sex on that occasion?

So, hypothetically, you would have no problem dating a guy who worked in a high-end spa and gave happy endings to rich ladies for a living.

Even further, you'd have no problem dating a guy who just fingers other girls or maybe goes down on them... just so long as he doesn't get off himself? That's great for your future boyfriends! You could walk in on him eating out another chick, and his excuse could be, "but I didn't climax myself!" And you'd have to be cool with that.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget HNT tomorrow :)

em jay peeeee said...

Anonymous # 3 - who the hell wants to go down on chicks and not get themselves off? Your scenario is implausible. I don't do 68's

(that's a 69 where I owe you one...)

Anonymous said...

If a regular became famous in some respect, would you start blackmailing them? What if some C list of D list celebrity came for a massage and a rag like the Enquirer offers you $5000 to tell-all for the backpage of next week's issue, would you sell him out?

Anonymous said...

Don't you get think the feigned affection, flirting, and offers of all kinds of $ from strangers on the net who don't even know you're real to be lame? I mean, there are guys from all over the country saying they want to know what spa YOU work at and the lengths they're willing to take to get a massage from you. Are there not a million MPAs standing between them and you? The way I see it, you're an MPA like all the ohters, difference being that you blog about it.

em jay peee! said...

Anonymous # 6 - how do you know the affection is feigned? What CJ and I have is real, dammit!

P.S. the way I see it, you're just another dude on the internet saying mean things while hiding behind the shield of anonymity.

Anonymous said...

Self-loving liar. Wow! "Hey, look at me, look at MEEEEEEEE". Vomiting.

Anonymous said...

Who gives a shit if it is? Did it make you feel smarter to point that out? You're an ass clown.

cj said...

Boys Boys Boys...

Play nice now. Let me just say that I love all you guys! LOL But I really wish you'd stop asking questions on top of other questions. It's just getting too confusing for me.

Anytime baby. Haven't had a decent one in AGES.

Interesting question. Since I started doing breast releases at work, I've gotten very very good at them. I have it down to a science. You see, you just don't oil the girls down and start slamming away. It's all about angles, leverage, and lubrication. I keep my hands dry to maintain control and pressure. Also, I control the positioning (standing or straddle) because you guys just don't know what you're doing.

Other Anon,
That's a tough one question. To be honest, I kinda look down on the married guys. I just don't think that's cool. And it's weird because more than half the customers are married.

Third Anon,
You can't let it go, can you? First off, we're not engaging in the same activity. Second, I would not be happy about a boyfriend doing the erotic masseuse thing either. Is that hipocritical? Maybe. But they're my rules, not yours.

4th Anon,
I haven't forgotten. It's just that I've gotten real nervous about the next pic since it's of me and my co-workers. I may skip that one.

Next Anon,
I've had up to B-list celebrities and A-list athletes in here. But the masseuses code of ethics prohibits me from saying anything. Besides, that's the quickest way to shut down a business. Not worth it. Besides, erotic masseuse stories aren't exactly as interesting as hooker stories.

You bring up an interesting point. Every time someone writes me about an appointment, I tell them to go see their local parlor. They are everywhere and you could probably have as much fun there as you could at The Business. It's all about attitude.

One of my loyal readers (a big shout out to "William") has had some wacky experiences with other providers, and I'm happy he's done it.

As for the "feigned" affection, I think it's sweet. A lot of you guys out there have never tried a massage before and are too nervous. But my talking about it has made them feel a bit more comfortable about it, and that's all I'm really trying to accomplish here.

I (Heart) U.


Anonymous said...


you do the Q&A quite well, have you thought of doing
some guest writing for Dan Savage?

Raphael said...

Love your blog, have read from the beginning.

My only problem in your answer to the first question is if handjobs aren't sex, then why aren't you doing blowjobs?

You aren't getting off on them, so they should not count as sex. BTW, when you start with the oral, I'll be headed to PA to see ya.

Anonymous said...

Raphael, she doesn't do BJs for the same reason that you can rub your own feet: your body is disgusting to her. But she'd love a footrub! Some therapist.

Otherwise, what we see here and elsewhere is a nice example of magical thinking (like Clinton's definition of "is" or "sexual relations"). I don't think it's hypocrisy as much as denial in CJ's case.
Dan Savage? Are you kidding? He would tear CJ a new one for being so confused. This guy cuts through BS like a red hot razor into butter.
"They're my rules, not yours"? Typical girl answer... Nice logic. She's not a hypocrite if she only contradicts herself. Right.