Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

I had a client last week who made a comment about how I should write a book about all the wacky stuff that happens around here. This guy, Ken, thinks he's a super freak because he asked me to spank him.

Not while he had a dildo shoved up his ass.
Not while choking on a used G-string.
Not while calling me "mommy."
And I wasn't even wearing a rubber nazi officer uniform.

He just wanted to be spanked before the happy ending. That was it. Just a spanking.
And yet the way he was carrying on, he thought he was a bona fide porn star. "Oh yeah... I like it kinky. I bet you don't get requests like THIS every day."

Dude - you don't even know the half of it.

I didn't say anything because I really didn't want to burst his bubble. If it will make him happy, I'll let him think he rocked my world. "No Ken... You are a WILD MAN!"

I guess this is the sort of thing that happens when you have a midlife crisis. I can only assume that the missionary position is all he gets at home. If that's the case, then a little spanking is pretty crazy for him. Oh well.

I'm not knocking Ken. I'm just saying that I've seen some pretty strange things in my time. Some things around here are just so odd that I doubt that many of you guys out there would even believe them.

Now I have what I call my "A material." Most of that stuff I've shared with you guys here. Stories of sugar daddies, guys in womens underwear, unusual happy endings - stuff like that. Things have been so boring around here lately, that I usually try to share a funny tidbit as soon as I've wiped the cum up and shown the guy to the door.

Then there's the really weird stuff. Stories that are so strange that I've only shared them with other masseuses. And when I do, I get only 2 responses. Either "yeah right." or "Holy Shit - I heard about that guy." So I find it funny when someone says I made something up. All I can say to them is if you can't believe any of this shit, then you ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm sure one of these days I'll get daring enough to try to do these stories justice, but until then you'll have to put up with the boring day-to-day crap going on around here.

Take yesterday for example. No one came in. Well, one guy did and he wanted to see Trina. Since I was working with Audrey, he was outta luck. So he went out and came back with a box of donuts and one of those cardboard containers filled with coffee! We may not have had a single customer that shift, but we went home happy - buzzing on caffeine and sugar.

Now THAT is a true tale from the massage parlor.



Anonymous said...

You really need to share those really strange stories with us. It would be a lot better than spankings and donuts. And, you'd probably get a better response from us than from your cohorts.


Anonymous said...

Hey CJ ,

i'm a ex-masseuse from montreal (canada) I really like your blog, it's very interessting to see that this job is so much different everywhere yet always the same.
I have a lot of weird story too but I can't wait to read yours !

take care !


Anonymous said...

You never know about those donuts. A guy I used to work with had a story about another guy who came in with a box of donuts for his office workers, only for them to find a picture taped to the bottom of the box of his dick sticking through a bunch of donuts.

I don't believe the story personally. Sounds like an urban legend, but wouldn't it have been funny if that "nice" guy who bought you donuts turned out to be a freak like that! Laughs for all (except you).

cj said...


Wild Bill said...

I have been an occasional customer of non-amp parlors for a while. A few days ago I started fooling around with a delightful young lady (I am about 20 years older) and due to both of our living situations we needed a place to play. The back of my Expedition wasn't cutting it so I got the idea that maybe if we went to the parlor I use maybe they would rent me the room for an hour or so. They said they would but would have to charge the normal rate. We were kind of desperate so we agreed. We were just getting started when she came in the room and suggested that since were were already paying the rate why not let her come in and help things along. We agreed and she stripped immediately. We all had a great time and the greatest sex ever. The masseuse even gave me a gratis bj warm up when I lost it for a few minutes, and she really knew all the right places for her hands on both of us. Yum. We have an appointment with her tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Love the "non-amp comment, Wild Bill. Way to suck up. Almost as unbelievable as your story.

Anonymous said...

And right before that on 11/13/09 12:37 AM, a REAL whore would've commented: "Yummmmm." Regardless of her own thoughts. We men often go to whores because our women find us disgusting and gross, not to get more of the same!