Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Truth is Stranger Than Fiction
I had a client last week who made a comment about how I should write a book about all the wacky stuff that happens around here. This guy, Ken, thinks he's a super freak because he asked me to spank him.
Not while he had a dildo shoved up his ass.
Not while choking on a used G-string.
Not while calling me "mommy."
And I wasn't even wearing a rubber nazi officer uniform.
He just wanted to be spanked before the happy ending. That was it. Just a spanking. And yet the way he was carrying on, he thought he was a bona fide porn star. "Oh yeah... I like it kinky. I bet you don't get requests like THIS every day."
Dude - you don't even know the half of it.
I didn't say anything because I really didn't want to burst his bubble. If it will make him happy, I'll let him think he rocked my world. "No Ken... You are a WILD MAN!"
I guess this is the sort of thing that happens when you have a midlife crisis. I can only assume that the missionary position is all he gets at home. If that's the case, then a little spanking is pretty crazy for him. Oh well.
I'm not knocking Ken. I'm just saying that I've seen some pretty strange things in my time. Some things around here are just so odd that I doubt that many of you guys out there would even believe them.
Now I have what I call my "A material." Most of that stuff I've shared with you guys here. Stories of sugar daddies, guys in womens underwear, unusual happy endings - stuff like that. Things have been so boring around here lately, that I usually try to share a funny tidbit as soon as I've wiped the cum up and shown the guy to the door.
Then there's the really weird stuff. Stories that are so strange that I've only shared them with other masseuses. And when I do, I get only 2 responses. Either "yeah right." or "Holy Shit - I heard about that guy." So I find it funny when someone says I made something up. All I can say to them is if you can't believe any of this shit, then you ain't seen nothing yet.
I'm sure one of these days I'll get daring enough to try to do these stories justice, but until then you'll have to put up with the boring day-to-day crap going on around here.
Take yesterday for example. No one came in. Well, one guy did and he wanted to see Trina. Since I was working with Audrey, he was outta luck. So he went out and came back with a box of donuts and one of those cardboard containers filled with coffee! We may not have had a single customer that shift, but we went home happy - buzzing on caffeine and sugar.
Now THAT is a true tale from the massage parlor.