Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Confessions of an Erotic Employer

As you know, I've been more or less running this place for the last couple weeks. Well, nothing makes you feel more like the boss than having to hire someone. Ugh.

The "New Girl" just quit. And by "quit" I mean no one's seen her in several weeks. She was only part time and spent most of it working with Audrey, so I really had little to do with her. Oh well, it's not a big loss. I mean she was so inconsequential that I never even had to make up a fake name for her for the blog. But with Audrey gone, I couldn't find anyone to cover those shifts. So I called the new girl at home and she confirmed that her new semester at school has started and she couldn't make it anymore.

Now it's my job to find a newbie to fill in and I can't blame Audrey any more if this goes badly. We usually get at least 1 girl a week coming in looking for work, but for the life of me, I can't remember anyone applying for a job since before Christmas.

I swear, I must have spent 3 hours on the phone with Audrey this past weekend filling her in and trying to figure out where to find a hardened (no pun intended) professional to fill her shoes. I called a couple girls I used to work with and with no luck. Everyone else seems to have gone legit lately (is someone trying to tell me something?).

So for all you girls out there reading this, think you got what it takes? Massage experience preferable. Strong right hand a must.

I remember a girl I used to work with at the Old Business. She had been working there for a couple of months before she quit - or should I say fired. What I remember about her in particular was that she was petit and drop dead gorgeous. You could say she was adorable in an Abercrombie/Fitch kinda way, and opposed to Playboy bunny way.

She was a rather good worker as far as I could tell. Very punctual, no complaints from the customers. Just did her job and didn't cause any trouble. Then one day, a customer finally said something to the manager about "taking the training wheels off" the new girl. Turns out that just like me - no one really told her exactly what the job involved - just what it DIDN'T involve. I guess she interpreted the "DO NOT DO THIS" list to include many things including clothing options, happy endings, or even massages.

From what we could piece together from her customers after she was gone, was that she would come into the room and pretty much just tell customers what she won't do. So after playing 20 questions with her (to which the answers were almost always "no"), the guys ended up taking matters into their own hands, while she assumed various sexy poses for them. She never even got nude. The new girl was so hot that guys would jerk themselves off and blow their loads while looking at her. As far as we can tell, the furthest any customer ever got with her was a topless.

I guess the customers were either too embarrassed to say anything to us, or they just hoped that after 3 or 4 visits she'd finally grab their prick and do her job. But no. Took a couple months before the bosses found out and let her go.

But let me tell ya - just stand there and let guys look at you while they took care of themselves? It must have been a pretty damn good gig for those 2 months!


p.s. JUST got around to answering comments from the last 2 weeks!!!! Sorry!!!


mnwhr said...

Yeah, she must have been either, hot, bossy or some wicked combination of both.

Anonymous said...

I just saw what appears to be an uncropped version of your blog photo on another site. I'll tell you where so you can get it taken down if you want, but wanted to check that there was a delay where you review comments before they're posted. I don't think you'd want me telling the whole world.

Not gonna read you anymore said...

Is there a reason all you do is bitch nowadays? Whine, bitch, whine, bitch, whine. What the fuck happened to you?

wait2cme said...

how did she make money then?

Lawrence said...

Good work, if you can get it.

Just Visiting said...


Some places (or girls) get you in and get your money before you realize how little they offer. By then it can be too late. Of course, they get no repeat business.

I had to watch out for some of these (and once fell prey to one) when I was a more regular massage customer.

Anonymous said...

Not gonna read you anymore... whine and bitch? Isn't that what you're doing right now??

Anonymous said...

hi cj,

i have a question i haven't seen addressed here before. you mentioned in one of your older posts that you allot 5 minutes for the "happy ending." as an older guy, it takes me longer than that, usually a lot longer. what advice would you have for a punter such as myself who would like a "happy ending," but needs more time to get there?



cj said...

mnwhr & wait2cme,
Get this - guys still tipped her for a topless and sometimes more! That's what was so weird about the whole thing. It's like saying "no" just made guys throw money at her even more.

And since we didn't hear about what was going on for 2 months, I think that the customers got embarassed over how they got cheated and that's why no one said anything for so long.

Contact me at my email address abou the pic. Thanks!

Ya know, I was reviewing my posts since before Christmas I see what you mean. I really have been just whining and bitching a lot lately. I'll try to dig up some good Freak of the Week stories since no recent customers have qualified.

I know what you're talking about and the best thing is to let your masseuse know up front. I have some Regulars who routinely need 10 or more minutes. What I do is adjust the massage time to allow for the extra time.

The "5 minute" rule is really for guys who try to squeeze more time out of their session than they've paid for.


Anonymous said...

Since you've started managing The Business and can pick your own co-workers now, I was wondering what you look for in a new masseuse - what qualities, experience and stuff like that. Do you advertise for masseuses or just take walk ins?

Also do you have any stories about good co-workers versus having to deal with a hot mess?

cj said...


I did a post on this topic a while ago. The best masseuses in my opinion have a therapeutic background. Anyone can take their top off, but it takes experience to deliver a decent massage.

We normally don't have to advertise since we get walk-ins a couple times a week. I've turned down a few girls already since they looked like trouble down the road.

I've worked with quite a few good workers. In fact, maybe I'll do a post just on this topic. I mean, I spend too much time talking about the freaky ones. Thanks for the idea!


BrokenClock said...

Do you often get guys who DO just want to look while they take care of business?

If so, do you oblige? Poses, etc?

cj said...

Yes, we get the "lookers" every now and then, but they're pretty rare considering they're paying us to do the work for them.


Anonymous said...

Dear CJ,
First of all, thanks for such an awesome and entertaining website. You’ve really helped take some of the fear of the unknown out of this for me. I have been considering going into 'the business' and I've been wondering about a few things. First, I'm a little nervous about finding a decent place to work in with decent people to work for. Also, I've heard that some places charge the girls 'session fees'. I’m guessing it’s like a rental fee or something just for using the room? I've only heard it second hand and don’t really know what to expect. I don’t want to be too na├»ve and taken advantage of by being too nice. How much of my tips am I expected to give back to the house? Could you shed some light on this subject for me?
Thank you...

Anonymous said...

Hi CJ, How do you expect the new PA massage law to affect "The Business"?

cj said...


Some places will charge you per customer they send your way. At The Business, we're not charged, but the house keeps all the door money. The worst places to work for take an actual percentage of your tips. Avoid those at all cost!

As for the new laws, we're a little nervous here. It looks like the typical parlors will have to close unless they start hiring girls with with CMT licenses. We have 3 girls on staff with their licenses, but the new laws will allow the state to come in at any time to audit us.