Friday, February 5, 2010

Freak of the Week - Napoleon

Let me tell ya - ever since we inherited Audrey's old Regulars, it's been like a genuine carnival of freaks around here. Not that they're all bad - in fact, some of them are real sweethearts. It's funny, a lot of these guys are finally realizing that the other girls here are not the two-bit skanks that Audrey made us out to be.

But with all the nice guys also come the not-so-nice. Take "Napoleon" for example. I'll call him that because this guy yesterday definitely had a Napoleon complex.

Before I get started here, let me point out that I have nothing against short guys. Heck - I'm short! I've even dated guys not much taller than me. But once in a while you meet one of those guys who's like really uptight about it. Funny thing is that real "little people" who come in here don't have attitudes. Personally, I think the Napoleon complex kicks in with guys who are just short enough to realize it, but not short enough that they have to accept it.

Napoleon was right smack in the middle of that range. The first moment I knew something was weird was when he called in and asked for Audrey. I explained to him that she's out for the time being, and the rest of the staff is taking care of her customers. He actually demanded to get her personal number, then said "this is not acceptable" and other things that assholes usually say when they don't get their way. Didn't bother me since he's not one of my Regulars.

He didn't make an appointment on the phone, but surprisingly turned up at the door 30 minutes later. Once again he demands to see Audrey and I gave him the whole talk all over again. This time he doesn't ask for a phone number but instead says something like "you'll do."

I'll do? What a way to flatter a girl. Especially one you want to touch your dick. I gritted my teeth over that one. If he wasn't one of Audrey's Regulars but just a newbie walk-in, I would have just said "I'm sorry sir, but I have an appointment beginning in a few minutes. Why don't you come back in 3 hours?"

[You heard it here first guys - if a masseuse tells you to come back SEVERAL hours later, she wants nothing to do with you]

But since I don't want my bad customer service skills to get back to Audrey from one of her more loyal customers, I say "well I think I can squeeze you in before my next appointment. AND it can only be for 30 minutes. Sorry." (not)

"Hurmph!" That's the best way I can describe his snort of displeasure. My teeth started grinding for a 2nd time since meeting this guy.

I got up from behind the desk and walked towards my room. "I can take you in the second room on the right." I turned around and continued "Make yourself comfortable and I'll be back in a few... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

At the beginning of the hallway Napoleon was standing there with his pants unzipped and his junk hanging out. He grabbed it and started swinging it before asking in a very serious tone "Is this OK with you?"

I've seen flashers before. I've seen exhibitionists before. But it was the way he asked if it was "OK" that caught my attention. Those guys would either be laughing or at the very least grinning at this point. But I suddenly realized that Napoleon wasn't trying to shock me - he was being dead serious.

And it was this sudden realization that kept my right foot from contacting his sack in a very sudden and unfriendly way. So instead, I just kinda looked puzzled at him.

"I said" he repeated, "is this OK?" And for a little added emphasis, he shook his dick again.

I looked at his dick and had to admit it was disproportionably large for his height. But since it was still attached to an even bigger asshole, my surprise was quickly replaced with annoyance. "Looks fine from here. Will you please get in the room before someone sees you?"

As I tell this story now, even I'm a little proud at how well I handled this situation. But if there's one thing I've learned about dealing with jerks, it's that they usually respond best when you return their level of jerkiness. Too little and they walk all over you, too much and they get defensive.

Now if you think that a short guy standing in the middle of your work with his dick hanging out of his pants should have been slightly more shocking to me, consider what I do for a living. My biggest concern at that moment was getting him away from the windows. Since I've worked at The Business, I've done sessions in the break room (so we could both watch TV), the office (as an F-You to Audrey), and the bathroom (the 2 minute "special"). And one time at the old Business, I even took care of a customer while he sat in the chair behind the front desk.

Well my honest response seemed to satisfy Napoleon. He quickly shoved it back in his pants and said "I just needed to make sure before we got started. I don't like to surprise anyone." And with that, he FINALLY went into my room.

Funny usage of the word "surprise" I thought afterwards. He should use a dictionary for something other than standing on.

The actual session went more or less normally. Once on the table, he finally shut his mouth and behaved. Even though he's one of Audrey's Regulars, he didn't try to finger me or anything. That's what you call a good day at work - when no one tries to finger you.



Anonymous said...

Did the short man have any weird request and can tointell us more about the time behind the front desk?

Jordan said...

I was having a pretty tough weak at work, and then I read your last few sentences. I guess it isn't that bad, since no one has tried to stick any fingers in me!

Anonymous said...

What if one of Audrey's regulars comes in and demands to cum on your face or an ass release? Or you found out she's blowing some guys?

mdcraig62 said...

From what I understand from reading CJ's blog is that it's more likely that Audrey's blowing everyone rather than just a few.
CJ, am I wrong?

Anonymous said...

Weiiiird, my exbf had a large dick for his size and he did that ALLLL the time in public... Lol. JK by the way.

Mike said...

Now that you mention it..

It is a good day when nobody tries to finger me too....

cj said...

No weird requests from Napoleon. In fact, he was a perfect gentleman once I got him in the room. Maybe a little gruff, but that's it.

The desk story is kinda funny, but I'll save that for another time when I can do it justice. Let's just say that's the kinda stuff that happens late at night when everyone is tired and loopy.

Anon and MDCRAIG,
None of her Regulars have asked for anything freaky (yet). I've gotten weird vibes from a couple of them, so I ended up not offering them any extras. Just not worth it. A couple guys have asked for butt releases, which I don't mind. They don't require any work on my part! LOL

I already know Audrey blows some of her customers. We've all been trying to get gossip out of them, and so far it has only confirmed what we've known all along - that she routinely lets guys go down on her or finger her. And a special few get offered blowjobs.


Anonymous said...

Other than when a customer requests it, have you or the others girls had to use your feet to make sudden and unfriendly contact with a customer sack. I ask this because it is ironic that a customer comes to see you in order for you to be very nice to that part of their body. Yet, because of their bone-head behavior, they leave 'The Business' with your footprint in their groin and hoping that their equipment starts working again real soon.

Unknown said...

A couple guys have asked for butt releases, which I don't mind. They don't require any work on my part! LOL
uhh would you mind explaining this ?