Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Wow - I can't believe that I actually went a week without realizing I hadn't posted anything. But I guess you could say that I've been "distracted" lately. That's the polite way of saying that I've gotten laid.

Hmmmmmmm... Bitch about work or go fuck? Tough one there. Answer Email from borderline stalker or quickie in the shower? Let me think about it...

The beginning of a relationship is always fun. It's the middle part where I have to juggle privacy versus intimacy that I hate. And then there's always the end part where everything turns ugly and I eventually spend a Saturday night drinking tequila and sorting out my CD's from his.

I've been talking to you guys about the fine line you have to walk regarding personal relationships when you're in this kind of business. So will I take any of my own advice and try something different this time in the hopes that maybe it'll turn out differently? Probably not. I know me and I fear change. So I'll just stick with what I know - the slowly spiraling maelstrom of lies and deceit that ultimately ends with total relationship destruction and emotional ruin.

But for now I'm getting laid! Go me!

So let me start by giving you guys a quick idea of the unique aspects of dating an erotic masseuse.
Always Wait For Us To Shower
The last thing you want to do is suprise us with an "intimate" encounter when we first come home from work. "Oh baby... you smell so good, what's that scent you're wearing?"

"That's jizm from my 3 o'clock."

Give Us Time To Decompress After Work
I once had a boyfriend that basically tore my shirt off after I came home from work - wouldn't take "no" for an answer (the Girls are known to have that affect on people). He proceeded to give me a very thorough tongue caressing of my nipples. And I might have enjoyed it too, but unfortunately all I could think about was the breast release I had given 30 minutes ago. Totally weirded me out.

Don't Buy Us Lingerie
You really don't know what awkward is until your boyfriend asks you to wear that "special" thing he bought you last week and you suddenly realize you've already sold it to a Regular. Or even worse - you can't wear something because it's stained. And those stains aren't his...

So that's what I'm about to go through now. Wish me luck and I promise to bring you something more work related next time!



Anonymous said...

Why do you put yourself in this position, if i found out after dating a girl for months that she did what you do i would be soooo much more bothered that she was not up front at the start than about the actual job. A jobs a job trust on the other hand...

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear you're getting laid!

The lack of posts lately had me wondering what was going on with you. I also wondered how you would keep "Derek" from figuring out what you really did after the trip to AC, the massages, and all your detective work.

I found it funny that you'd give us advice on dating a massage therapist, when you never let guys know what you really do for work. Maybe it should have been advice for dating girls who SAY they're a shampooer at a spa.

I hope, now that you're getting some, we'll see you post more often. I love your blog and always look forward to the next post.

Anonymous said...

wow, I would argue that if a man licks a nipple that has another man's sperm on it, without the licker's knowledge, this is a form of sexual assault. be careful about that. Why is it assault? Because you are causing a man to ingest dead sperm cells which he would clearly not consent to.


Anonymous said...

Just like the prior post, it's more examples of hypocrisy.

Quick! New entry!

Brick Henry said...

jesus fucking christ

what do these people want from you? you are in the sex business, giving handjobs and breast releases and such to men for money. your readers KNOW that is what you do, and it is because of that your readers read your blog. they KNOW what you do, so they also know the point of view you have about touching men's dicks for money.

why then do they criticize you for being who you are and doing what you do? that sounds like the height of hypocrisy to me. how do they have the right to point at you when they knew from the beginning what the subject matter here was going to be?

were i in your shoes, so to speak, i would shower before going home. that way there would be no dead sperm clinging to me when my man jumped me.

buy goddamn, if i were reading a blog written by a safe cracker i would not then criticize him for being a thief. that is what safe crackers are anyway, thieves.

you have an audience that seems to be conflicted in some ways. at least the vocal portion of your audience. they take vicarious pleasure in reading what you do and hearing about what you observe and think. then they scurry like little vermin to write you negative comments. what the fuck is that all about?

Al Sensu said...

I think I love you CJ, but agree next time you should try being upfront. Too late for Derek though. Good luck with that.

Anonymous said...

this is an easy problem to solve... everytime he asks a wierd question blow him, take a shower and get yours. the answer is always blow him.

Anonymous said...


How retro.

I'm all iPod and flash stick


PS when you tell guys you do erotic massage do they tell you to stop, storm out or wan you to do more?

Anonymous said...

She obviously doesn't tell them because she knows that once they find out it's over. It might take a while, but it'll end, and badly. So she's willing to lie to them, and ultimately break their hearts and make them feel like fools so she can get what she wants.

Miss Q said...

Fellow sex-worker piping up here!
I don't know you, so I'd never presume to make a judgment call about your relationships, but I just wanted to say, there is hope for dating a guy without it all coming crashing down around your ears, or having to constantly lie. I've been in my job (sex work, but a different area than yours) for more than two years and have never lied to a partner about what I do (and oddly enough, none of my partners patronized sex workers, other than the occasional strip club, although I frankly wouldnt' have minded). I'm getting married in two months. And I'm not quitting either...you can have your cake and eat it too, is what I'm saying. Don't give up.

Anonymous said...

Another fellow sex worker here too. There's a great, lengthy post on an EROTIC website in the ladies section that covers most of this and more. The post was written by a well respected woman with about 20 years in the biz. She has successfully managed her personal life while juggling her professional life.

Anonymous said...

CJ, did you see the news about the massage places being raided for prostitution in Reading? Extremes was the name of the place. Hope you are safe.

Anonymous said...

I think I figured out who you are....

Double Trouble said...

... I think I found out who you are..

Nah that's not creepy at all. No way. Nope, nothing to worry about with that guy, just your average normal sweaty hairy 50 yr old male sitting pantless in his basement sifting through years of CJ blog posts gathering tiny bits of clues logging them secretly in a Moleskine journal making hundreds of library visits checking out all of the HS yearbooks around eastern PA to find a photo of her...

Creepy? Nahhhhhh

Annnnd THIS is why the EMP line of work is dangerous. Just be careful out there CJ. :) It's a crazy world out there.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Not even close! But funny Double Trouble, I will give you that. And I am not dangerous, and am actually a dressed fan of this blog. Just stating the obvious, which you don't see. I just saw it, and it is soo obvious. I am going to keep your secret CJ, and sorry if I gave too many clues.

cj said...

1st Anon,
I've been through this many times before, and this is what I know.

2nd Anon,
You know what they say... "Do as I say, not as I do."

That's why I made it a point to never happen again. Just totally weirded me out.

5th Anon,
You are soooooooo right! I've learned since then that the absolute surest and quickest way to distract a guy is with a BJ. Works every time!

6th Anon,
In the few cases where I have confessed after dating has started, it has always been fascination, followed by regret, then suspicion ending with blind jealousy.

Miss Q,
You're a lucky girl! I'm not saying that I'll never do it, but I guess he has to be Mr. Right for me to feel comfortable enough to finally give it another go. But congrats on getting married!

Next Anon,
Could you email me a link to that website? Thanks!

I've been following that story since the beginning and even talk about it here. All AMPs except 1 place. Luckily, things have quieted down for now so hopefully the coast is clear.

I get this all the time. 99% of the time they're completely wrong. And that 1% when theyre right? The secret is to deny deny deny.


Anonymous said...

And yet another fellow sexworker here. I have successfully been in a relationship for two years and I go through great lengths to fabricate my work life. All the other girls at the office are in relationships as well--one girl is dating a guy who knows exactly what she does and encourages it (he must be at the fascination stage) although he's been hanging around too much lately and asking too many questions. Another girl is afraid she is developing a sleep-talking problem. Our personal bedside drama makes for an interesting story or two. The manager is An old married lady and we all want to live up to that so she tells us to just "sugarcoat" everything. Does that mean the old bj trick again?

Anonymous said...

The BJ may make us oblivious to anything else, but it's only for 5'. The rest of the day can be spent obsessing and agonizing.

I think that for an open (honest) relationship with a provider to work, the partner has to be a sex work customer, past or present, and not necessarily of that particular provider.
You basically don't want him to ever feel he has some moral high ground, even imagined. A john calling you a whore would be a hypocrite.

BlueLantern said...

Congrats on getting laid regularly! I'd be really interested in finding that post about dating a sex worker. Personally, I'm a fan of honesty. It's more difficult, but that also means that the right person will accept you for all of you.