Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Grinch That Stole Christmas

This has turned out to be a really awful week. What started off as the most fun holiday season in a long time has now taken an ugly twist - not just for me but everyone here at The Business.

This past Saturday, I was covering the day shift with Maude. The morning was going just fine when guess who walks in the door...

Audrey. Back from the dead after 9 months. I speak to her on the phone about once a week, but this was a total surprise. I could tell by Maude's reaction that she was expecting this little visit but didn't bother to warn me.

At first it was all a kissy-kissy lovefest. But when things settled down and Audrey got down to business, she went into total bitch mode. First she explained that she was here to "help" us out during the busy Christmas weeks. "Help?" I asked. Last time I spoke to her, I said the workload was just fine and that the 3 of us were handling it just fine. But I guess she saw the numbers from Maude and that greedy little bitch thought she could drum up a little bit of extra spending cash at our expense.

Now I know that Audrey still owns The Business and I have absolutely no right to complain about her wanting to work. But come on - to just show up unannounced when we have a full schedule and basically take away HALF our customers each shift? That's bullshit. And when I say that I'm being generous. That motherfucking cunt has pulled out ever trick in the book to take all the good customers this week and stiff us with all the therapeutics and cheapskates. It's almost like she came out of retirement with a vengence just to remind us who's really the boss around here.

And that wasn't even the worst of it. From the moment she set foot inside the door, she wanted all the decorations to be torn down. She started by telling Maude to "get rid of all this crap" on the front desk. I winced when I heard that because I know how much the decorations mean to her. Heck - it was all I could do get her to take down the lights and move the tree.

Audrey tore into her sister. And let me tell you, the got into it right then and there. I've never seen Audrey yell that much before (not including some of our fights of course). But when sisters fight it can get ugly and personal.

When it was all over, I had never seen Maude that upset before. And that's when it occurred to me - Maude takes this job seriously. Sure - to some people she's just the lady that schedules handjobs and cleans the toilets. But to Maude - she's The Office Manager. And this job didn't just give her a steady paycheck, it gave her a purpose.

I know that sounds funny, because most people would say Mother Theresa had a "purpose." But I guess when you've spent most of your adult life sitting in a trailer staring at a TV, then it's a lot easier to find a purpose. And The Business became Maude's.

I'm not gonna fault her for it. In fact, I'd be the biggest hypocrite on the planet if I did (instead of the top 100), since I've made a career out of this place (and a decent one at that). I guess I just never figured the front desk to be important since that's not where the money is.

So I've been trying to cheer Maude up this past week, which is not easy considering it feels like death around here - what with most of the decorations being taken down and Audrey here almost every shift. We're all stressed out with all the tension in the air - and Christmas almost here. Luckily, we're closed for the 3 day weekend. I don't expect Audrey to come back since it's usually dead until the end of January. So we'll just have to suck it up till then.

But if it makes Maude feel better, maybe I'll encourage her to decorate for Martin Luther King Day.



Anonymous said...

"That motherfucking cunt has pulled out ever trick in the book to take all the good customers this week and stiff us with all the therapeutics and cheapskates."

What tricks has she pulled to get the good customers?

Tiffany said...

My guess would be cheaper massages with a dash of full service. It seems like Audrey's style.

jael said...

Sorry to hear that it's been a bad week. Wishing you, yours and everyone in the parlour a happy christmas - and hope 2011 starts of well! thanks for another year of awesome stories.

Anonymous said...

If Audrey is such a "bitch" why don't you and the other girls start your own business or buy her out? Let's face it, she needs you more than you need her.

Btw, I'm a new reader and really enjoy your blog.

Merry Christmas!

Continuous But Plural said...

I am so not surprised Audrey would come back to do this at Christmas, your last money-making weeks before the dead calm that is January...I guess she's fighting with her boyfriend and wants to make him jealous and angry...

ingua word verification said...

i would find that stinky guy and have him come in when the rest of you have clients. audrey will be stuck with him and the rest of you will have a good laugh at her expense. how dare she belittle her sister in front of you? who the fuck does she think she is?

and if the rest of you go off on your own be sure to report her as a full service house to the local baptist auxiliary, i am sure they will know what to do with the information.

Anonymous said...


Why don't you try the other tool of the working person against the boss.

Launch a sickout.

Findout when Audrey is planning a shift and call in sick.
Don't make a scene, just everytime
she's in, leave her the whole smash.

Let Audrey deal with the Therapeutics, the cheapskates, the stinkers and the good clients.

Only take a shift if Audrey is absolutely not around.

cj said...

I think I answered your comment directly in my last post.

You got that right. She knows she can come in and basically do whatever she wants in the room. Then after she leaves, the rest of us will have to fight off the octopuses who think we're ALL full service. Ugh.

Read the older posts. Contemplated buying her out a couple of times and even going independent.

Last Anon,
Funny you should say that. On occasion in the past, we've done sickouts. Sometimes planned, sometimes not. Since Audrey has no life, she didn't even notice. Just more customers for her that day.