Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Dress Code

What a crappy weekend. Audrey riding my ass. A cancelled date. Made no money. And to top it off, I’m totally PMSing.

Last week I was reminded that I didn’t explain our dress code. Yes – we have a dress code, which sounds ironic in a Business where we get tipped to take them off. Let me explain.

Ever watch those HBO specials on the Bunny Ranch? Remember all the girls wearing lingerie while hanging around the bar? Well forget all that. Think Gap sales girl (or Abercrombie Fitch in my case). It’s harder to explain what we’re supposed to wear and easier to explain what we can’t. This is a list of what we are NOT allowed to wear to work:

Dressing Don’ts
Tank Tops
T-shirts with dirty captions

Swimsuit tops or bottoms
Tight jeans
Belly shirts
Low cut shirts
Short skirts or dresses
Heavy makeup
Cargo pants

Basically, we’re not supposed to wear anything revealing, dirty, or just trashy. In other words, don’t wear anything that a regular masseuse wouldn’t wear, like heels. Shortly after we hired the new girl, Audrey caught her in the back parking lot washing her car IN A BIKINI!!!! Audrey flipped!! In any other business, that wouldn’t have been a big deal, but in our industry we try not to draw attention.

What Audrey would like to see us wearing is harder to explain since nothing is really mandatory. I think the closest comparison I can think of is that we’re supposed to look like the girls in a hair salon – just in case anyone suspicious were to stick their nose in the door.

Dressing Do’s
Polo shirts
Plain T-shirts


The funny thing about all these do’s and don’ts is that we only really follow them when Audrey is around. I have what I call my “massage clothes” which are khaki’s and polo shirts – stuff I would almost never wear outside of work, but I save for when I'm on shift with the boss. On days that she isn’t around – jeans and T-shirts baby!

And I can tell you right now that customers don’t give a crap what we wear (especially since it’s usually lying in a crumpled heap on the floor within the first 5 minutes of Session). As for Audrey – she doesn’t follow her rules anyway. Her daily uniform consists of tight black jeans and a rock band T-shirt of some kind. In the winter she may wear a black, frilly shirt – kinda like a bad Stevie Nicks clone.

What we wear underneath the clothes is still our own business (thank God). During a topless massage I’ll usually wear my panties with SpongeBob, pirate skulls or something else cute on them (my favorite pair has a big smiley face). For the occasional G-string option, I keep 3 different ones in my purse – all from Hot Topic.

And before you ask, the answer is NO. We do not keep lingerie, fuck-me heels, riding crops, rubber ducks or anything else on the premises. Anything “special” that a customer wants me to wear he has to bring in then take home himself. And I’ll only wear stuff that’s brand new – No tag, no wear. Oh -- I also charge extra to dress up.

But I can bore you with those stories later on. I need to go yell at something. Then find some chocolate.



medic said...

About attracting attention and all that … I'm surprised the cops don't close down these sorts of places if they want to, considering word of mouth, etc., but I suppose they don't prioritize these things.

mnwhr said...

It does appear that you strive to dress like folks working at the mall. I guess attracting no attention is the best way to saty off the radar.

Anonymous said...

I can understand a dress code designed to NOT draw attention to your business. (especially the cops) But, I felt in your last post that Audrey was pushing her weight around a bit. If she wants you to follow the dress code, she's going to have a lot more luck in leading by example, than by enforcing it on everyone except herself. As for her bra with the hole in it, I think that's just trashy. But, it sounds like her willingness to provide full service is what's keeping them coming back rather than her appearance. Surely, she's making enough money that she could afford to buy a new bra. I can see why this is pissing you off. But most bosses are assholes in one way or another.


cj said...


The towns tend to leave massage parlors alone - as long as they're not full service.


Audrey is just a bitch. And she leads through bitchiness. But the bra thing I just don't understand! Maybe that hole brings her luck or something. I don't know.


Unbroken said...

Let me know when Audrey's NOT working. I love a girl in jeans and a t-shirt! And I just HAVE to see those Spongebob panties!!

cj said...


I have so much more fun at work when the boss isn't there! I hang out with customers in the back, I can smoke, I can talk to friends on the phone, I can crank up the radio. Heck - 1 time I even did a session in the office so we could both watch TV.

It's just so much less stifling when she's not there!


Henrietta Hussy said...

that's weird that there is such a strict dress code. I find this surprising.
i would totally bake your brownies right now.

Anonymous said...

I again have to interject, following medic's comment and CJ's response.

CJ doesn't do full service, so in her mind, what she does is somehow OK (just an extra muscle to massage, right?), while FS is "wrong" and cracked down on by LE.

That's both wishful thinking and disinformation.

Cops couldn't care less about prostitution as long as it's a victimless crime. They really only get involved when someone gets hurt or complains. Sex is sex, and anything that involves nudity of the masseuse or customer and genital contact is considered prostitution in most jurisdictions. CJ thinks she's somewhat legal, as if there was a special category for her. There's a word for that: denial.

Then there's the (crucial) issue of community standards. Ever been to San Francisco and wondered at all the streetwalkers and pimps in the open, not even getting a glance from cops driving by? Different community standards. LE cracks down on what is not acceptable in a given area. Lots of illegal activity gets a pass.
And that's why whorehouses are usually outside of city limits or in bad parts of town, where community standards are low and tolerance high.

When I lived in Hollywood, there was a large selection of whorehouses and jack shacks within 10 minutes of my place (lucky me!). In the nice suburbs I now reside in, there are very few massage places and a constant fear of crackdowns. Cops don't play in these parts. The "community" wouldn't look the other way, you see, so they don't. And I have to commute for some action, but that's my problem...

So the reason why LE investigates, raids, and shuts down parlors has little to do with full service/handjobs, and much to do with complaints.
If the place is too obvious, brings in nasty customers, or simply ends up on the radar too much, they go after it.

But does anyone believe for one second that in most cities, cops don't know exactly where parlors are and what goes on inside? They're often customers themselves! They just look the other way because, frankly, if they were to arrest anypone doing something wrong... they'd arrest EVERYONE.

When CJ encourages her readers to drop a dime on (competing) Asian parlors, under the pretense that they're "slave" houses or "nasty" full service joints, unlike her classy establishment [sarcasm - we all know what goes on in there with Audrey and others], that's what she's trying to generate: complaints (as if calls for boycotts weren't enough).
Fyi: I'm told that parlors calling the cops on each other is not a rare occurrence.

To her credit, CJ at least lets people like me post their side. Readers can make their own mind.