Wednesday, July 2, 2008

CJ Comes Over to the Dark Side - Part 2 – Anatomy of a Happy Ending

When I started writing Part 2 of my first day at work, I realized that there was just too much to cover. So I’m going to have to break this up into a 3 part series if I’m going to do it justice. Now if you remember, it’s my very first day at work in a massage parlor. I have just had my first experience with a customer who wanted to see me naked (gasp!) And he wanted me to give him a handjob! (double gasp!). Keep in mind that I’ve only been at work in the Business for about 60 minutes.

Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dawn had a good laugh at my expense with that first customer. He took that whole fiasco in stride since he was good friends with those two. As some of you guys have suggested, I think they had him come in just to break in the newbie.

I’m still shaken up by what’s happened so far, when Dawn takes me to the back office to explain the “Birds and Bees” of erotic massage. I think Dawn gave me the talk since she was also a LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist).

“I see that Rita didn’t fully explain what we do around here?” She said with a smile.

“Uh… No. What kinda place is this anyhow?” At this point I was mad, confused and embarrassed. Mad that they threw me into this. Confused by everything new around me. And embarrassed by my reaction.

“That’s OK CJ. Let me explain…” She took a deep breath. “This is what we call Erotic Massage,” She made quotation signs with her hands. “We give NON-therapeutic, relaxing massages to men,” I liked the way she stressed the word ‘non.’ “And we end each session with what we call a ‘Hand Release.’” She saw my eyebrows arch at that. “Have you ever heard of a Happy Ending… No? Well, basically it's a handjob.” She looked at me and let it set in.

Basically? -What the Hell does that mean?! I didn’t say anything – I just continued to look at her with my eyebrows arched. She must have thought I was mental. “Are you OK with that?" she asked.

I wanted to think first before answering. Up till now I’d only given handjobs to 3 different boyfriends, and most of those were foreplay – not to completion! But I felt really stuck there sitting in front of her, hearing all this for the first time, while that $100 tip was burning a hole in my pocket. I decided to just say yes.

She could tell I was nervous and did her best to put a spin on things. “This is NOT a full-service massage parlor” she said as if that explained everything to naïve, country-bumpkin, kid-outta-high-school me. “There is absolutely NO sex allowed in this Business.” I think the look I gave her was something between total incomprehension and relief. She continued, “You end every session with a hand release and nothing more. The customers are not allowed to ask for anything else, and the girls are not allowed to offer anything else, or I’ll fire them.”

Looking back I now see this was a load of crap, but live and learn, right?

I remember thinking “Well that’s good!” as if that 1 minute explanation really made getting naked and jerking strangers off completely normal and OK. But I think the burning $100 tip was slowly curing my confusion and irritation. She double and triple checked with me that I’m OK with all this, and I said I was. This is when Dawn finally told me the full rules of her Business.

The first thing she explained was that her Business offers “Relaxing” massages – not Therapeutic. I went to massage school, and they didn’t exactly cover the “relaxing” technique (nor the Hand-Release for that matter, but I digress). Dawn described it as “…deep tissue, but at half the intensity. Ever do a one hour deep tissue on a fat house wife?” My hands ached at the thought. “Well, we don’t do that here.” Phew! Even I liked that idea.

The next thing she explained was that all sessions end with a hand release.

All? Every single guy who walks through that door? Aren’t there any customers who just want a massage and a topless girl to look at?

“ALL sessions end with a release” she said as if that was the end of it. “Now pay attention because this is really important. When you get to the last 7 or 8 minutes of your session, end the massage with the customer on his back. “ She looked seriously at me then continued, “Now it is absolutely essential that you begin the hand release by saying the following…”

And this my friends are the words that launched my career, spawned a thousand handjobs, and continue to haunt me to this day.

“…If there is any part of your body that you would like to be massaged at this time, please indicate so by placing my hand there.”

And that is how CJ became an Erotic Massage Therapist. Mind you I was still a “virgin” since I hadn’t actually provided any happy endings yet – which is the true milestone of going over to the Dark Side. Dawn filled me in on the more mundane details of how they do business including what options we were allowed to offer, pricing, etc.

Armed with my new knowledge on how to offer a happy ending, I went back to the break room to await my first chance to practice the dreaded “hand release.” So for now I’ll just say that my first customer – the naked man asking me for a handjob – was the highlight of my day. It only went downhill from there.



Unbroken said...

I'd love to see the look on your face - with the raised eyebrows - as Dawn explains the Happy Ending to you! You had me smiling during this whole post. Can't wait to read Part 3!

Anonymous said...

This is great stuff and the reason I keep coming back to read more. I'd love to hear how they explained all the options and pricing and their instructions on how to offer them.

I also think your first customer was probably there to break in the new girl as others have suggested. It seems sort of strange that Rita didn't explain things to you better before putting you in that situation and subjecting you to all the ridicule that followed.

I can't wait to read the rest of this story.


Anonymous said...

Very interesting stuff. I'd love to hear more about how they explained to you, or you figured out, the process for not letting it squirt all over the ceiling and walls!

ez cheese said...

Fucking cliffhangers

Nacho said...

I LOVE your blog! Google Reader suggested this too late for me to vote in your readers' poll, so add another chick to your tally. I can't wait to read the rest of this story. Have a happy Fourth!

mnwhr said...

Just bounced into your blog from another and the writing is great. I'm looking forward to catching up and reading more.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, those "dark side" entries are great. We often wonder how girls "graduate" to sex work, and what meakes them do it ($100 in your case, it seems).

Is this a PA thing, that HJ "speech"? I've never heard it before.