Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Internet dating update

Hey guys,

I checked out some of those sites you suggested, but decided upon Match. They have that 6 month guarantee thing, so why not. I will NOT do E-harmony. A friend of mine once had a bad experience with them.

I have this friend who's a very devout Presbyterian...

(I know what you're all thinking - what's a nice Roman Catholic girl like me doing with a member of what's basically little more than a cult? Well, I'm very open minded when it comes to issues of religious tolerance, and I have a great capacity of caring for these poor, misguided heathen souls).

...Anyway... she was on E-harmony for several months and ended up being courted by this like-minded, religious guy. They talked for weeks and weeks about their love of the Bible and God and Jesus and even Little Baby Jesus. So when they finally decided it was time to meet, the conversation suddenly turned to what she looked like.

He was very quick to let her know that he worked out every day and was a fitness freak. When she described herself as slightly less than perfect (I think the term she used was "fluffy"), the e-mails suddenly stopped. Well, she kept at it and reminded him of their shared love for God, Jesus and Little Baby Jesus. He came around, apologized and agreed to see her.

You know where this is going, right? They had 1 date that she said went "well" but he never contacted her again. So if you think I'm going to take some stupid personality test that scientifically calculates and finds a guy who still turns out to be an asshole - you can forget it because I can do that at the local bar for free!



just bob said...

Good luck with match. I'm in same boat as your friend... everything is great until they see my picture.

Porter Woodward said...

Oh come on now!

On the Intarwebs, we're all supermodels, don't you know? That's always the dicey thing with "meeting" on the Internet first.

1> You can make a very real personality connection.

2> That can cause you to have some preconceived notions.

3> Looks - no matter how we deny it - do matter.

So frustrating really. But you're absolutely right about the bar thing; the Internet doesn't make it any easier or harder to find someone special, or just another a-hole.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I met my boyfriend on (we have been together almost 3 years, living together for more than 1 year). Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure there are assholes on Match, too. (or any other site you may try) As far as pay sites vs. free sites, you might weed out the broke/tightwad guys a bit by using a pay site. On the other hand, at the end of all this, you might end up asking yourself why you paid good money to meet the asshole you end up meeting. It's pretty much a crap shoot no matter how you go.

Maybe you could post all your responses to the blog and let your loyal readers help you weed out all the assholes....


cj said...

Dear AJ,

Now THAT is an idea!!! How funny would that be if I based my choices on an "American Idol" type of game with you guys as judges?


Anonymous said...

If you post responses from your suitor, you will _have_ to anonymize them, and probably paraphrase them. You really don't want your secret identity blown by a rebuffed suitor on one of these sites.

Anonymous said...

That is terrible. How dare a man desire a woman who isn't significantly overweight!

Lilly said...

You're going to run into assholes everywhere. To say that "my friend met an asshole here" doesn't mean you'll have the same experience. You might have a WORSE experience elsewhere.

I've used a few different online methods to meeting people, be it sex only, friendship, matter where, I can find true genuine people and asshats.

Photos on these dating sites are crucial. If you post an honest photo, those offended by your looks won't even waste your time by contacting you. If you're not upfront and honest on the profile about your can't expect much.

Anonymous said...

Considering your special circumstances -- specifically the need for someone who neither recoils from nor fetishizes your work -- I'd recommend OK Cupid, which has a culture that is OK with alternative lifestyles, which is one category one might place an often-stigmatized line of work into. I keep seeing ads there from women I already know as in-person friends, which was somewhat embarrassing the first time.

If you decide that keeping your past a secret is better, Plenty of Fish might be a better cultural fit.

Craigslist seems like an annoying place to look for any kind of relationship, because the ads disappear rapidly, and you have to keep posting them frequently. But if that's a tolerable nuisance, it might work. I made a friend there by politely answering a "casual encounters" ad, just praising her writing, even though I wasn't personally interested in what she was advertising.

I haven't tried a pay dating site in ages, so I don't have any ideas there.