Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Credit Cards

I got a funny comment the other day about how could you explain to the wife that you used the credit card to buy a gift card for a masseuse.

Credit cards are a double edged sword. It's just so easy to charge everything, as long as you don't mind the papertrail. We take credit cards here at the Business, but our policy is to use them only for the room charge. NO EXTRAS ON CREDIT CARDS.

This is for safety reasons - ours, not yours. As a mostly cash business, there is no papertrail as to what anyone spends here. The "official" books show what kind of business we've been getting, but only the room charges - no tips. And each of us usually maintains her own log on what kind of tips we've been getting.

The problem with this system though is that it doesn't apply to everyone. Guess who lets customers charge the extras? (drum roll please...) Mega Bitch Audrey of course!!! She thinks she's being slick too by running the cards when she thinks we're not paying attention. What an asshole. I don't know how many times I've had to turn away customers because WE couldn't let them use charge cards.

Another funny thing - Audrey never tried to hide the name of The Business on the charge slips. Say you came in and charged $60 for an hour session. The receipt would say our full business name - making it completely obvious what you did and where you did it!!!! Other places I've worked for used non-descriptive names like:

"Rt. 202"

This way, when the wife (or boss) finds your credit card statement, it looks more like a big client dinner bill than an afternoon of baby oiled delights. I can't tell you how many times I've had to handle THIS kind of phone call:

Me: This is CJ, How can I help you?
Angry Wife: What kind of business is this?
Me: This is a day spa ma'am. What can I help you with?
Angry Wife: I have my husbands credit card statement here and it says that on the 12th of March, he spent $150. What could he possibly have spent that amount on?
Me: I can't discuss credit card transactions on the phone ma'am.
Angry Wife: This is my husband! You tell me what he spent that money on!
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, I can't discuss that.
Angry Wife: Fine, then just tell me what costs $150 there.

The correct answer is of course, 2 fingers up Audrey's snatch, but I usually just end the conversation with "I'm sorry ma'am."

So if you have a snooping wife or corporate card, do yourself a favor and just use cash. Especially if you want to negotiate extras. Nothing kills the mood faster than having to pause a session just to run a credit card.



Advizor said...

That is just too funny. I can't imagine anyone ever using a credit card for your delightful services. Why on earth would you open the door to that conversation.

It's bad enough for me when I spend too much at Best Buy.

Thanks for the post. It made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

When just a child, I loved to steal cookies from Mommie's jar.

I'd sneak in when nobody was looking and grab a few chocolate-chip delights, then tiptoe to my room.

Invariably, Mom would burst in a few minutes later and I'd be caught.

As a five-year-old I wasn't bright enough to clean up the trail of crumbs.

Use a credit card to buy my "cookies" these days? Sounds like "crumby" idea.

Anonymous said...

Invite her to come over, give her a happy ending.

cj said...

LOL... never thought of that!!!


belle said...

I work in this profession too, and much prefer it when clients pay with cash. It's bad manners to pay with a credit card!

Kate M said...

I just read all your 2009 posts. I can relate to so much of it. A lot of it is so typical as to the type of clients you encounter in this industry.

You seem to be taking this job quite well. It doesn't seem to bother you. I was also in the happy ending massage industry and it fucked me up badly. Many of the guys were extremely abusive and it took a psychological toll on me.
I also started getting sick of constantly being groped, sucked, slobbered over etc. 99.9% of the time the guys wanted to see me naked, so there was hardly an option of being semi-clothed. We also couldn't allow them NOT to touch us, because then we'd be considered 'boring' and never build up a regular clientele.

Many of the guys were fat, old and ugly. Some of them were psychotic. I felt like their sex toy. I stopped feeling human.

The Tickling Master said...

That's insane!! Man, it's just plain stupid to think one can bring a credit card to an mp!! Bring cash!! (Oh yeah, & don't be obvious about it.)