Thursday, May 28, 2009

Welcome to the Tan-N-Tug

I just wanted to give you guys a quick update on what's going on with the landlord. Audrey and I talked about what's happening with The Business during lunch since Trina was off (she tends to panic easily, so we don't want to scare her with talk of moving). I told Audrey that under no circumstances should she give in to this guy - INCLUDING the raising of the rent.

I pointed out the window of the diner, "Look up and down this street alone. There must be a dozen empty shops that we could take over." I think my voice was carrying because I noticed a few heads turn, but I didn't care because I was pissed. "We wouldn't even have to change our billboard!"

I was surprised to see Audrey actually agree with me without much of an argument. "You know CJ... I didn't mention this to you before, but the maintenance on that place has been getting worse. It might be time to think about a new space."

Actually, I did notice about the maintenance. Audrey is known for paying people with her own ass. Ever hear of Layaway? Audrey uses "Get-Laid-Away." Electricians, plumbers and carpenters have all participated. I have to admit, that takes some dedication to your Business when you're willing to take one for the team. I, on the other hand, am not dedicated. More than once I've had some guy in here who's all like "I don't have to pay... I did your carpets/lights/locks/toilet/etc...." Sorry buddy, but THAT coupon can only be cashed on Audrey's shift. LOL

Anyway, we started talking and Audrey knows a guy (she always "knows a guy...") who can gut and rebuild any office space dirt cheap. If we just doubled our current space, we could split it in two and dedicate half to The Business, and the other half to a tanning salon. The layouts could even be identical, or mirror images. And it would save us money since we'd be converting 1 large space instead of 2 little spaces.

I've already done research on tanning beds, so I know where we can go locally for buying and/or leasing. I have a nest egg that I can use to help get things started too. Ya know - I'm kinda excited about the possibility of starting a new Business. Keep your fingers crossed and wish us luck!

So here's a question for you guys. What would you call a Business that did both erotic massage and tanning? The Tan-N-Tug? Best suggestion gets a free hand release - I'll mail you a bottle of lotion! LOL



HighOnPoker said...

Sun-N-Fun. Or Happy Tans.

Anonymous said...

How about the Shake n Bake?

Tan n Tug is pretty good though!

marginalutility said...

If you put some seed money into the new business, make sure you get a share of Audrey's cut! It's only fair...

marginalutility said...

Oh, and I commented in response to your comment in the last entry.

marginalutility said...

OOOps, one of my listings is incorrect. Slutty Mcwhore already reads your blog and no longer does full service...

Anonymous said...

If you're going to put money into this, you might want to seriously consider speaking to a lawyer and seeing what sort of partnership arrangement you might draw up. Given the fly-by-night nature of these businesses as you mentioned before, you could find yourself in a dispute that would be impossible to resolve (even if both of you have the best of intentions).

RIV said...

TnT Tanning? (Tug and Tan?)

Seriously, you've gotten some good advice from people on here, so I can't add much. Wish you the best, though.

cj said...

Shake N Bake???? ROFL

Highonpoker - how about "Happy Tannings?"


Advizor said...

I agree that you need to set up some legal protections for your investment if you start this as a partnership. Or, if you want to loan the money to the Boss, just get it all in writing, including a repayment schedule.

As for names?

Show a pictures of a beautiful bikini-clad chest and a tanning bed with the name, "Fake-N-Bake" underneath.

Or These...
Wham bam thank you Tan
No lines allowed

The motto could be, "Where every tan has a happy ending."
Let us put your tanning lotion in all the right places...

I don't know what to call it, maybe... "Don't Arrest Me Its Only a Hand Job Tanning Salon and juice Bar."

Anonymous said...

If you invest absolutely get a lawyer involved. Make sure you are shielded personally from any liabilities the company or its employees may incur. So if Trina scalds someone and they sue that you do not lose your personal savings, home, car ....

Anonymous said...

There's a chain of tanning salons in Portland OR called Tan Down Under. With a koala-bear logo. That would be perfect if it wasn't already taken.

Anonymous said...

Solar Kneads

Anonymous said...

Snake tans.

Full Moon Tanning.

Where the sun don't shine tan?

Also don't buy new tanning beds get them used off ebay 35% of retail.

don't set up more then 2 beds,

pat and cherie

Anonymous said...

I want to see you and Audrey butt naked sucking each others pussies. She can fuck you with a strap-on while Trina watches and fingers herself.

Anonymous said...

"Drop A Load" Massage and Tan Salon.

"Heat'em up and move'em out" Tan and Massage Salon

CJ's Tanning salon - Home of the secret tanning lotion. Cultivated right on the premises!

Oh ya...doesn't the term "Seed money" seem oh so appropriate too!!

Out of a Bottle said...

How about 'Cum & Tan'? Or Tantastic Endings?

dan said...

This would be easier if we knew the current name of The Business. :)

I know 'Tan n Tug' et al are mostly jokes, but shouldn't the name be more discreet?

- Suntouched Studios
- Flip Flops Massage & Tanning
- Beach Bunny's Beach Bums
- Brown & Served
- Dayum, Have You Seen the Tits On That Girl!?

dan said...

Actually, plain ole "Beach Bums" would probably be better.

What about "Head To Toe Massage & Tanning"?

dano said...

Oo..."Hands & Tans"


Ok, I'm shutting up already. love the blog :)

Anonymous said...

1. Golden Touch Massage & Tanning Spa

2. Summer Fun Relaxation Spa

3. Warm Glow Massage & Tanning


Anonymous said...

CJ, I need help! So I went to 2 separate MP's near my area to try them out. They both looked shady so I figured I'm in, but I got nothing so far. I did notice that at both places during the massage, the masseuse would always ask, so is this your first time here. (And since it technically was), I said yes. Did I miss the code word entirely and screw myself twice?!


Anonymous said...

CJ - Shield yourself, I really don't trust Audrey's business skills.

Marginal - In the interest of not hijacking this thread, I responded in the previous one.

Anonymous said...


tug n glow

parlor glow

happy burns

cj said...

Dear Anon,
This is off topic, but I'll let it slide...

"Is this your first time?" sometimes gets you a therapeutic only. Your next time should definitely open some doors. But the next time you're in a new place try "No... but it's been a while."

Good luck!


cj said...

To all you guys...

You are all too fucking funny. I showed these to Trina and we were just pissing ourselves laughing! But I hope to pick a winner next week.


Anonymous said...

sorry for the off topic. To make it up.

How about,
'Dark Tans with a Splash of White'

Anonymous said...

TANTric Spa
Pink & Tan
Passionate Tan
Love Your Tan (or just Love Tan/Tan Love)
Peek Tan
Magic Fingers Tanning
Personal Touch Tanning

...2 Hands for a Tan Man?

jingle: "Come and Tan with us!"

This is too much fun! I can't wait to hear what you decide on.

mommasboy said...

"3. Warm Glow Massage & Tanning"
Posted by J gets my vote.

Oh, and to the people who mentioned getting a lawyer and signing contracts with audry - RIGHT ON.

If you're seriously considering investing your 'nest egg', you need as much protection as possible.