Friday, May 1, 2009

It's A Boy!!!

Congratulations to Cindy who had her baby last night!!!!! It was a bit earlier than expected, but mom and baby are doing good. Baby X was born at 11pm and weighs 7 lbs. 3 ounces. I was there, along with the Baby Daddy. I don't know him all too well, but he seems to be a good guy.

Funny story - I've been fighting the Swine Flu for a couple weeks now, and I think I'm losing. Anyway, last night after Cindy went into labor, I started to feel sick, so I ended up disappearing into the bathroom throughout much of the labor pains. Poor Mr. Baby Daddy had to deal with most of it.

So finally, I threw up my dinner and then felt better. By the time I had cleaned myself up and got back to the delivery room, Baby X was just starting to appear. I was there for the whole thing and got to see the birth, the cord, the afterbirth, I mean everything.

Afterwards, I spent a lot of time doing the obligatory phone calls, e-mails and text messages to all their friends and family. I figured it was the least I could do so they could relax and spend time with the baby. Besides, when it comes to text messages and e-mail, they're both pretty clueless.

Speaking of clueless, have you ever seen a woman with implants try to breast feed a baby? It's scary. You keep worrying that poor baby's gonna suffocate, or get crushed by a flying boob. Those things are swollen so badly that they look even more fake than before.

After things settled down, I headed home early this morning. So now I'm dead tired, and I'm working night shift. I hope I make some money tonight so I can buy that kid some presents. I don't know what kind of a mom Cindy will make, but he's damn fortunate that he has Auntie CJ to look after him. All my nieces and nephews LOVE me.

So all of tonights happy endings are dedicated to Baby X. And if any of Cindy's Regulars show up tonight, I hope I can hit them up for donations. And if any of you out there are feeling generous, please send those Babies-R-Us gift cards!!

Auntie CJ


Advizor said...

Where do we send the gift cards?

Congratulations to the new mom! It's amazing watching a baby come in to the world. Not to be to dramatic, but it's one of the few moments that really does just blow your mind.

Thanks to all the doctors and nurses who make it happen every day.

And, as for nursing mom's with implants? My wife's best friend, an amazingly beautiful, stunning, cute, hot, petite Asian girl with the best implants ever, just gave birth. I'll try to sneak a peak during feeding time and let you know how they look. I'll tell her I'm doing "research" for a famous web-site....

JimmyD said...

"I've been fighting the Swine Flu for a couple weeks now"

Really? WTF are you doing at a hospital in a delivery room? You the one that sounds clueless, about basic hygiene and safety.

And you're still working too right? So how many clients have you coughed on?

If you're just saying you have swine flu, when actually it's the flu then you should still be very cautious and clean. If you DO have swine flu then forget Typhoid Mary, shame on you Swine Flu CJ. Get the shit checked and stay home.

cj said...

Hey Guys,
I was making a joke about the swine flu - duh. But I do have allergies, and that combined with the chemical smell in the hospital and all that stress of the birth just made me lose my lunch. When I wrote that I was wondering if it was in poor taste. Whoops!

Anyway, If you guys out there are feeling generous, please forward baby gift cards to me at, and I'll pass them along to Cindy and Baby X. Thanks!


Advizor said...


Sending a gift certificate by e-mail means paying for it by credit card, which means coming up with an answer for this question...

"Honey? Why are we buying baby gifts for a massage therapist who gives hand jobs in another state? Just curious hun, mmmm, ok?"

So for now, please give her my best wishes and congratulations.

And to JimmyD - DUH!
You really need to develop a sense of humor....

cj said...

That reminds me of a real funny story. I think I'll do a post on it. Thanks for the idea!


Advizor said...

I'm glad I could help. Have a great weekend!!!