Tuesday, May 19, 2009

HappyEndingz - International Edition

Things have been rather dull around here lately, so I decided to try something different. I've started making friends with other erotic massage therapists, so I've been learning how they do business in other parts of the country. It's funny - I used to think that what we did here is typical of any massage parlor, but boy was I wrong. For example, in parts of California, it's not uncommon for parlors to give happy endings, but not offer any options. So that's why I'm starting this new topic called "HappyEndingz - International."

Now before we leave the country, I thought we'd start right here in the Good Ole U. S. of A. I've told you all about the Businesses here in SE PA, and let me tell ya - they're all pretty much the standard rub-n-tug with options, and full-service often available. But there are variations to how a parlor does business depending on where you are in the country. So today let me start with...

The Great Northeast

With all the truckers and businessmen we get through here, I've heard stories from EVERYWHERE. For example, if you head over to the Pittsburgh area of the state, you start to see less massage and more full-service in their Businesses. Meanwhile, the places in Jersey are a lot like here - hand release with options. And the closer you get to NYC, the more Asian places you'll find. Customers from NYC say there's no lack of parlors, but we're a hell of a lot cheaper out here in PA.

New England
Recently I've gotten a lot of complaints from guys from CT. I guess there was a recent crackdown on Businesses, and now they're almost impossible to find outside of the big cities. And I've had a number of readers e-mail me about the lack of places up in New Hampshire, Maine and Vermont. For you guys up there, all I can suggest is to hit the internet. Believe me - Businesses are everywhere - you just have to know where to look.

Oh Canada
A lot of my traveling customers have told me that upstate New York is practically not worth visiting since Canada is SOOOOOOOOO much better for parlors. When I first heard this, I didn't think much of it. I figured, so you can get a blowjob up there - so what? Get this - it turns out that massage parlors are legal in Canada. Actually, let me rephrase that. In Canada, there is nothing illegal about massage parlors. The way it was explained to me is that the government doesn't condone what goes on, it just doesn't care. So Businesses up there are free to set up shop and advertise their services.

Canada sounds like a fun place if you're a horny guy. I've had 19 year old college kids tell me that they would road trip up to Windsor or Toronto and get a room for the weekend. Then they would call a liquor store and (are you sitting down?) have a case of beer DELIVERED TO THEIR HOTEL ROOM. Then they'd call up an escort agency and have a girl come over. AND IT'S ALL LEGAL. I guess Canada is proof that it's a man's world.

And then in a category all by itself is the biggest party town of all - Niagara Falls. All of my customers who've been up there say this place is insane. Apparently in Niagara Falls, you can find strip clubs that are actually ATTACHED to massage parlors! But these guys also tell me that the parlors up there are really just brothels, and you can't count on getting a real massage. In fact, if you just want a hand job, they said you can get that INSIDE the strip club - and it's perfectly normal!!!

I had this one customer who used to travel to Buffalo all the time for business, so he used to cross the border to "attend the ballet" every chance he got. He used to go to this one place where it wasn't uncommon to see 3 guys getting hand jobs and 2 more getting blown in the VIP lounge. I asked him what's the point of an attached massage parlor if you could get a happy ending inside the club. He said that if you wanted to actually fuck a dancer, you would arrange to meet her in the parlor next door. With that kind of shit going on up there in Canada, our humble little Business wouldn't last 2 seconds.

So that's it for the northeast. If any of you local guys have more stories to tell about this area, please share. And please don't stop visiting your places so you can save up your money for a trip to Canada. Remember - we're in a recession so we need your American dollars right here!



Anonymous said...

Okay, as a Canadian, I can clarify the laws a bit. Everything you say is more or less true. But it is still an offense to be "keeping a common bawdy house"; it's just that the law tends only to be enforced where there is a strong community will to see it enforced. In Niagara Falls, there really isn't much of a will, but I can tell you that much of the in-club, semi-public sexual stuff (blow-jobs, hand-jobs) has been curtailed somewhat because of a few token police raids. As for prostitution, that is not, technically, against the law here; but "soliciting for the purposes of prostitution" is. But again, enforcement is a different matter, so a blind eye is turned to very explicit ads in Toronto weekly magazines, but streetwalkers are harrassed because they are perceived as a nuisance. Oh, and you don't actually call the (government operated) liquor store for that delivery, but a delivery service that keeps liquor/beer store hours---which is maybe a distinction without a difference, but there you have it. As I said, though, in the main, everything you said is true. I suddenly feel pretty good about living here!

Anonymous said...

Great post, CJ!

I just wanted to point out that yes, you can have liquor/beer delivered in Canada, but it's ridiculously expensive. Like four times the regular price. So most people don't do that, unless they're already smashed and think it's a great idea to order more booze.

Also, when you made a post ages ago about the lingo used in parlour ads, I looked in a newspaper here. Canadian ones use the same wording, a bunch of ads said "Now Hiring."

That said, I'm proud to be Canadian. Especially since gay marriage is legal here. Also, marijuana is technically illegal (unless used medicinally) but it's so common it seems legal. Unless you're running a grow-op, it's unlikely you'll get busted. I've seen people lighting up on major streets, in Vancouver, or Toronto.

Advizor said...

I've been to strip clubs in California, Las Vegas, and Texas, but the ones in Canada ROCK!!!

California has strict "no touch" rules and if alcohol is served, the girls can't be naked.

Texas was pretty good but the clubs were getting raided a lot a couple of years ago so I stopped going.

Vegas was the best, but the clubs were always crowded and the girls had to at least pretend to dance.

Then I went to Niagra Falls. Mercy Mercy. Full-nude, full contact dances with the most beautiful women I have ever seen. It was basically fucking my clothes on. I picked her out of a line-up, kind of a parade, and she took me to one of the back couches. We chatted for a while and she put my hand on her breasts and started touching me.
When the next song started she slipped out of her thong, straddled my hips and started kissing my neck and playing with her breasts. On the 2nd song she put my hand on her ass and told me to "tickle" her, but she whispered that I couldn't go in. It was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. I'm not sure if her orgasm was real, but it certainly looked and felt like it, and mine was out of this world.

God Bless Canada.

Dave said...

Let's hear some details about Chicago providers. I've been trying to work up the courage to go into one of the places and it would help a lot to hear from people about spots that they like and what to expect. Thanks

Anonymous said...

I know things change in different areas. What I have a hard time figuring out are the difference related to how laws are enforced in different areas. I know in some places, you have to "prove" you're not law enforcement with an act that law enforcement would never do. For example, touching the girl on her privates, or placing her hand on your privates when the appropriate cue is given, etc. After that is done, everyone can talk freely about services and options.

From my reading on your blog, it sounds like there's not much enforcement around there as long as you keep a low profile. I also know that in some areas you won't be offered extras until you've seen a girls a few times. I guess the thought is that law enforcement won't spend that much time, money, and effort to bust a massage parlor, and the girls won't risk getting busted until they are comfortable with you.

You said that you've been making friends with other massage therapists in other places. Do any of them have blogs? If so, you must share, so I can read them too.


Anne said...

Keep in mind that like the US, Canada has regional differences in jurisdiction. What you've described is mostly relevant to Ontario. Where I am from, British Columbia, prostitution and marijuana are more tolerated but the alcohol delivery is not possible, for example. Some provinces and territories are more restrictive.

Anonymous said...

In New Orleans, all the massage parlors are AMPs and you can get full service there for $160 or so. In comparison, escort full service here runs from $200 an hour and up, and is most typically in the $250 to $350 range.

The strip clubs in the French Quarter are very tame by comparison to those in Texas, for example, and are mostly innocuous tourist traps. To the east of the city, however, are a couple of wilder strip clubs where various "options" can be had.

Your best choice for non-AMP massage with happy ending in this town is from independents, who can be located in the usual places on the internet and work either in or outcall.

cj said...

I've heard that the suburbs of Chicago have (or had) a thriving massage business. Sounds like they're similar to us in that you can get a happy ending with options.

Only 1 had a blog, but she hasn't updated in a while. I LOVE Slutty McWhore. Check her out at serizy.blogspot.com.


Anonymous said...

Just started reading your blog! My roommate and I jsut LOVE it! And as a Canadian female just had to comment on this!

Actually us up in Canada legalized Pot for a bit (until the States bullied us into making it illegal again -- but usually weed is one of those "nuisance" things that the police dont pay much attention to... unless there is gang activity involved) and I think Gay marriage is legal for now.

I dont think its that we "don't care" It's that we are too busy being polite and politically correct and such. We try and be accepting of most people and lifestyles for the most part. Generally we're pretty open minded, and as long as it's not harming anyone it's okay.

That being said, it's not just a man's world up here in Canada. Life is pretty good for the ladies too.~

Keep up the good work on the blog! I know this is an old entry but my roomate and I send our best!

Anonymous said...

cjjjjjjj i love your blog! i know this post is old as fuck but im a toronto girl as well and i had to comment! im 18 and up until right now i was under the impression the prostitution was ilegal and highly punishable in canada..... guess not... im currently working at a massage parlour in sydney australia where prostitution is 100 percent legal, so theyre free to openly advertise and everything.... regardless, now that im aware this shit is going on at home too i may get back into it when i go home to canada... figures i only found out when i moved across the world! cheers and post on!

Psych Troll said...

Chiming in from DC - the scene here is a lot worse, both for clients and providers.

First off, 2/3 of the places have closed in the area in the last year, as the election cycles are going more law and order these days. We go through phases of extreme crackdown followed by total apathy. The cops here also tend to go after the clients almost as much as the providers, and any funny business is considered no go. In the pristine, clean city of DC there is no such thing as a "nuisance" industry.

Next up, there are no U.S. native providers. None. They are all either Asian or Latina, depending if you are in the city proper or the burbs. The trafficking issue is a huge one here, which may be why Johnny Law's boot ways so heavy here (in which case, go police! Exploitation to that degree is wrong!) As for services, almost everywhere in the district is full service, but the burbs are all happy ending only. The city parlors are switching over to the hands only approach now since enforcement is so severe.

All in all the scene borders on scary police state here; the guys and the gals all just feel scared at the moment. To make matters worse (for providers) rates have not gone up since good ol' crackhead Marion was in office. The girls make good money, but do a lot more for the rates you charge, CJ. Not complaining, just noting.

So that's the state of the Union in the capitol. If you're passing through you would do better to hit Richmond, VA or Dover, DE.