Thursday, December 3, 2009

Confessions of an Erotic Shopper

OK... I know the holidays are here when I've gotten my first request for a "Shopping Date." It's an extra service I offer to friends and family at no additional charge. When it comes to shopping, my skills are legendary and without compare.

My "date" is a customer I'll call Mike. He's married wth 3 kids AND a big wedding anniversary coming up. So not only does he have a shopping list a mile long, he also needs gifts with pizzaz. In other words, a Snuggie ain't gonna cut it this year.

The last time I saw him in session was 2 months ago, but he actually stopped by The Business yesterday and begged for my help. He's been a faithful Regular for years, so I had to help him. Besides - he has no problem of being seen with me in public since he lives over an hour away.

So do any of you guys out there find it in poor taste that the hands that oil up Mike's cock are the same hands that are picking out his family's Xmas gifts? Personally, I think it's funny. But think of it this way - as a girlie girl, I know exactly what kind of things his wife will like. And with all my nephews/nieces I know what all the hot toys are for this season.

And in return for my services, I'll get dinner at Red Lobster. Plus, he'll probably get me a gift card for Target or something as my Xmas present. I figure that's only fair considering I'm the one that will research and find all the coolest toys for the kiddies plus the most romantic and thoughtful jewelry/lingerie for the wifey - AND all within his budget.

Did I mention that we should be able to accomplish this within 2 hours? Now is THAT service worth something to you? Your entire Xmas list done in a fraction of an afternoon? Just think of me as a professional gift consultant.

Now I've never told anyone this before (except Trina), but I also provide one extra special service for the weary Xmas shopper. Two years ago, I was helping a rather timid gentleman who was deathly afraid of the mall and crowds. I managed to get him in and out of the mall and 2 shopping centers in 1 short evening. It would have been 3 shopping centers, but he was breathing funny and I thought the poor guy was gonna have a panic attack.

So I made some very bold decisions regarding Webkinz and an espresso machine so we could call it quits. He was relieved, but still a nervous wreck. I offered to buy him a beer, but he said he didn't drink. I still felt bad for the guy, so I told him to park the car at the far end of the parking lot. When we got there, I told him to just lay back and relax.

I took a quick peek around to make sure no one was nearby and I unzipped his pants. At first he was like "Whaaa?? Are we alone?? Can anybody see??" I told him we were fine and to just shut up. As a loyal Regular he was already quite familiar with my technique, so he calmed down quickly. Without the benefit of baby oil, I took care of him dry (The HJ technique is very different between lube and dry but a lot of inexperienced girls don't know the difference).

When he was getting close to cumming, I pulled his shirt up a bit (you try explaining cum stains on your shirt to your wife after "shopping"). He moaned out loud and made a neat mess on his belly. After directing me to hand him some paper napkins in the glovebox, he thanked me several times. I was just happy that he was finally breathing normally again. Then he rolled down his window and tossed the used napkins before driving me back to my car at the mall.

It's the one and only time I've successfully mixed work and shopping.

Happy Holidays!



Sadist said...

Awesome story. :D

Joker_SATX said...

Wow! That was great! I need to find someone like you in my neck of the woods....really.

I hate Christmas Shopping....

Anonymous said...

What if the guy couldn't get off from the dry handjob? Would you have blown him to get it over with or just stopped?

Anonymous said...

Exactly!! A need for a release can be a simple physical need without any emotion attached to it.

If I'm feeling emotional or romantic (or both!) I'll never choose anyone by my partner, but if I've got a physical "need" that has no emotion attached why can't someone else help me out?

Our societal rules are very silly on this subject.

Now I've got an erection, and will be distracted for hours... how simple it should be to ask for help (either a friend or a professional) and be able to be productive again.

Al Sensu said...

Sweet story.

It's what they call lagniappe in New Orleans.

Anonymous said...

Am curious ... can you summarise the difference in technique between wet & dry? (A video would be nice, but I'll accept words too)

Anonymous said...

Damn litterbugs

Anonymous said...

Anon- 2 It's not just our views on physical release that are messed up .I think marriage/monogamy are outdated and contrary to our true nature.

CJ,I think you just tapped into a previously undiscovered fantasy of mine... the happy ending shopping trip! Think I'll see if my masseuse will warm herself to the idea . You made me smile-thanks!

TheGoddessMaria said...

I like the commentary about monogamy. I agree wholeheartedly.

When a friend showed me this link, I thought the erotic shopping was about buying "adult novelties". That's what I do for a living, which means that I can say that I am in the adult entertainment industry! *giggle*

Anonymous said...

"different between lube and dry but a lot of inexperienced girls don't know the difference"


AR said...

Another great story CJ!

At first I was like, why didn't he dry hump you??? But fucking your fist sounds just as appealing!

Keep em cummin,

cj said...

Dude, are you serious? I mean, really.

Other Anon,
When using lube, the skin remains taut and pressure can be controlled with the fist.

There are two dry techniques. One is to keep the skin taut and use very light pressure with the hands. The other is to actually grip the foreskin and jerk it up and down over the shaft up to the head. The problem with dry is that it's really hard to get it just right without irritating the guy.

I prefer using lube because it's so much easier to get the right pressure friction to get the guy off.

That's what I thought! I couldn't believe he just threw the dirty tissue out the window.


Michael said...

Maybe you could talk about obsessed clients. I was seeing a massage therapist regularly for about 6 months (18 visits). I kinda lost control and fell in love with her. Finally, I looked her straight in the eyes and said "I love you." That was the last visit.

After that, she refused to see me again. I was always polite and didn't stalk or anything. She just brightened up my life and made me feel good about myself.

I don't think it should have bothered her because I was the one lost in the fantasy and not her. I was deeply depressed for many months.

What is your take?

Anonymous said...

Michael, I had a long time legit masseuse once (a year and a half). We were friends and had lots of chemistry so we did a bit more than normal sessions. Mutual touching (I even massaged her once), pecks on the lips, and a little more once or twice. And, no CJ, she didn't charge me extra for any of it...
But she only claimed to be single and not looking to get attached... while I really was.

We both got quite worked up a few times and since we were'nt getting intimate, I finally got tired of the teasing. The day I invited her over to my place, she politely declined. I started getting frustrated with her.
Then one day immediately after a session, she sent me an "I love you" text. Now she was Thai and her people can use the word very liberally... but I never went back to her. The "L-word" was my line not to cross.

I miss her and know she must have gotten hurt, but I was a monger getting everything I needed all over the place and didn't want to break anybody's heart.

Maybe your masseuse had always had that fear that customers would have feelings for her. I know married girls (frequent in Latinas) who don't smile at men to avoid sending any wrong signal.
I dunno, and it's sad, but you obviously crossed HER line, dude.

Anonymous said...

To the first anon: if the guy can't get it done on CJ's terms (timing or else), he's on his own, just read the blog.
Most of the providers I've seen would make it a personal mission of theirs to get me off before I hit the door (sometimes, I've had to stop them).