Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Freak of the Week - The Stripper

We got a new Regular that I'll call Chuck. Well Chuck is a heavy set guy who works locally with a DOT crew. Funny man - he has no problem parking his DOT truck in our parking lot whenever he comes in. We have guys who park 2 blocks over and across the street because they're so worried about being seen, but that's another story...

He's tried everyone here at one time or another, but he's finally settled on me as his favorite. Apparently Audrey treated him mean so he'll never see her again (she actually made fat jokes in front of him - Gawd she's stupid sometimes). Trina gave a good massage, but he said she's too quiet when compared to me (shit - a Mack Truck is quiet compared to me). And Cindy - she just freaked him out. First of all, he was turned off by all of her tattoos. And second, the last time he had her, he tried sucking on her breasts and got a nasty little surprise - Milk shot out!!!! Well that kinda shit's gonna happen when you're 6 month pregnant.

First time I had Chuck, he was just a normal customer. Yesterday was only the second time I had ever seen him. I got him in the room and sat with him on the table. When I asked him what options he wanted, he surprised me with a request. "Can I do something for you today?"

He seemed harmless enough so I said "Whatcha got in mind?"

"I want to strip for you."

I misunderstood him at first. "You want me to do a striptease for you? I can but I'm really bad at it..."

He shook his head, "No no no. I'm going to strip for you!" I think he saw the weird look on my face because he asked, "Do you mind? Would you be disgusted if I did that...?" he kinda trailed off.

"Oh hell no. I'd love it!" No one has ever stripped for me before, so I was all for it.

He nodded like a happy kid and asked again just to be sure it was OK. I said it was, so he paid up front for a topless. He got off the table while I began to take my clothes off. I lied on my side while he fiddled with the radio looking for dance music.

"It's not gonna be a lapdance. I mean, I don't want to crush you or anything." I laughed at this. "I just wanna strip baby!" And with that he started to gyrate.

"Woo Hoo Baby! Yeah!" I was loving it. This was a new one for me.

Let me tell ya - for a heavy guy he had some moves. He started doing these Chippendale moves while fully clothed. It totally reminded me of an old Saturday Night Live sketch with Chris Farley. Then the jacket came off and he threw it across the room. I almost fell of the table laughing. Next came the hat, then the shoes, the hoodie, socks, and finally his belt.

So I'm sitting there clapping and cheering him on when he moves closer and starts to slowly pull up his shirt in a sexy kind of way. As the shirt inched up over his chest that's when I noticed - he was wearing pasties! The kind with the little tassles on them!!!

I coulda died. At first I was shocked, but then I was totally impressed. This guy actually put some thought and practice into it. He swung that shirt around then threw it at me. By this time I was completely into it, so I picked up the cash he had left on the table. He got me feeling frisky so I reached forward and grabbed him by the front of the pants. I pulled him towards me then stuffed all the bills down the front.

Chuck started laughing with me. I pushed him away and began clapping and cheering for him to take the pants off. So he spun around, shook his ass in my face, then dropped them.

He was wearing a black thong.

You think the pasties shocked me? I think my jaw hit the floor. Chuck spun around and that's when I realized it wasn't just a thong. I guess Chuck doesn't have much experience with sexy underwear because he was wearing a LADIES thong. Chuck's junk was hanging every which way. And with every dance move, it just swung all over the place! His poor balls must have been black and blue from being squished like that.

And that's when I lost it. I just doubled up on the table laughing my ass off. Chuck lost it too and we both just laughed ourselves silly for a few minutes. When we both calmed down, I ordered him on the table. He took the thong off and laid back - still giggling.

I couldn't let that kind of performance go un-rewarded, so I immediately began to work his poor black and blue dick with my hands. After a few minutes he yells out "I'm ready!" and finishes right there. I told him that my intention was to give him a double, but he said that he got what he came for and he's happy. So he tipped me an extra $50 bucks and thanked me again. It was one of the most fun sessions I've had in a long time.

Why can't all my customers be that much fun? Oh well, count on a government worker to make my day.



RIV said...

That was awesome!
The guy seems like he is quite a bit of fun. If i had him as a regular, I'd do something special for him occasionally to keep him coming.
He really seemed like he brightened your day and i ook forward to more of his stories as he comes him.

Anonymous said...

Wow, that was hilarious. Best freak of the week in ages.

Cate said...

I have been quietly reading your blog for months because your stories are so entertaining. But this one has to be my favourite!

Why can't all men be this fun?

Riggstad said...

You are a good sport CJ! That was a great story.

For a guy like that to come in and get that sort of response from you must have made his day.

I don't know if this was some sort of fetish for him, or if he just likes making people laugh, but that was really cool of you to go with it.

great post!

Anonymous said...

I would have loved to have seen that....ROTFLMAO!

cj said...

The funny thing is that originally I had no plans to talk about Chuck. The Freak of the Week is a dubious honor usually reserved for guys who (for lack of a better word) freak me out. Chuck was just a total blast to be with, so it never occured to me that he could be this weeks topic. It was Trina who suggested I write about him.

I don't know... maybe I've become so jaded that it takes the assholes to get my attention nowadays. I mean 99% of my sessions are pretty much routine:

"How you been?"
"Cold enough for ya?"
"The usual?"
"Did you get a haircut?"

So when someone comes in and brightens up my day, I am sooooooo grateful. What have I told you guys over and over is the secret to having a good time at a parlor? It's all about attitude. You come in with just the right attitude, then we all get a happy ending.

But don't worry about my next "Freak." I already have a few winners to share with you soon.


Tom Moran said...

This one made me laugh out loud.

You are a very gifted writer.

Anonymous said...

Oh I just love it! Love, love, love! Just goes to show, if someone is chubby it doesn't mean they can't have the moves. It's the attitude that counts!