Friday, February 27, 2009

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

I got some e-mails recently asking if any of this stuff I write about is true. Well the problem is that I'm not very imaginative, so it's hard for me to make anything up. Believe me - I've tried. And when I do it usually ends up sounding like really bad porn. I've discovered that it's soooooo much easier just to talk about what really happens around here.

Sure, I may exaggerate every now and then if it makes a story funnier, but for the most part everything I've written about here really happened. For example, did anyone notice how I didn't do a Freak of the Week for a long while there? That's because for all those weeks my customers were the usual, boring, topless-with-a-hand-release Regulars. If I get desperate again for another FOTW, I'd sooner just talk about someone from the good old days instead of trying to make something up.

Another example is the Sugar Daddies. I could only WISH that I had a dozen stories to share with you today, but times are tough and the SD's are all at home with their wives and kids. Right now I'm kicking myself for not starting my "confessions" 3 years ago when the economy was good and The Business was booming. Guys want the freakiest things when they have money to burn. But nowadays, they settle for your basic, mundane massage plus happy ending. Sucks for you since that doesn't give me anything to talk about!

And finally, if I were to make stuff up, wouldn't every post here look like something straight out of Penthouse Forum? I'd be blowing guys left and right, the money would be flowing, and I'd be saying all sorts of bullshit lies like "... normally I would never have done this, but I was just so horny!..." Instead, I'm bitching about cheap ass customers, an evil boss, and how I can't seem to find the right guy. Boring - yes, but that's reality for ya.

If I were to start making shit up, I think I'd like to start with my very own happy ending. Maybe a rich European prince who models swimwear in his spare time, when he's not doing charity work with AIDS babies, would sweep me off my feet (and better yet - my left hand) and take me away to his 100 room castle on the beach filled with maids and butlers and chefs and a personal bowling alley (this is my fantasy - not yours) where my very own baby unicorn lives.

So if you want some made up stuff, I'm sorry but I can't help you. As you can see, whenever I make stuff up it ends with a guy wearing Speedos in a bowling alley. If you don't mind, I'll just stick with what I know, even if that means fat guys dancing in ladies underwear.

CJ

12 comments:

jrepg said...

It has long been my dream to own a bowling alley. I was sad when visiting my home town 6 years back, I discovered the local bowling alley had closed down and been auctioned. It hasn't reopened since.

cj said...

SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not just me!

farceur said...

CJ,

I don't know how you would arrange it but I would love to see what they guys see when you are ready to massage them and give them a happy ending...

Sure, I know the big joke would be to fly my ass into your parlor and then I would get a view first hand....(no pun intended)

But just a glimpse would be nice...

emjaypeee said...

sorry, you lost me at the baby unicorn. Everyone knows having a pegasus horse would be much cooler.

Anonymous said...

I've never doubted that any of this was made up. Usually those blogs can be spotted a mile away. If anyone does want that, send them here:

http://100girlsin1year.blogspot.com/

BTW, what ever happened to SD Pete? After seeing him outside of work, I figured we'd be hearing more from him.

AJ

Anonymous said...

You're left handed?

Tom Moran said...

Don't worry about making things up. I much prefer the fat guy in ladies underwear (and believe it or not, that's the first time I've ever said that -- I can tell you're shocked).

I'd tell you what my own dream is, but I think you can guess. Or can you?

cj said...

Anon,
My little comment about all the SD's going home to their wives was a backhanded slap at SDP. We've texted a few times over the last couple of weeks, but that's about it. I think with the collapse of the economy, he's got more pressing things to worry about than getting his willy wacked.

Other Anon,
I'm not left handed, I just jerk that way. Read my old post on my Double-Handed Criss-Cross Technique.

Tom,
Does it involve unicorns? It sure as hell better involve unicorns. And you in a speedo.

CJ

Anonymous said...

i think this blog is funnier because it IS all true!

Anonymous said...

"It has long been my dream to own a bowling alley. I was sad when visiting my home town 6 years back, I discovered the local bowling alley had closed down and been auctioned. It hasn't reopened since."

Dude

sounds like a real opportunity.
I bet the place can be rented for a song,
get the place rocking again.

In Bethesda MD some guy bought a dying old
bowling alley, redid it as a disco and has it
as a rocking club and bowl

City said...

Cj,
First off, I just want to say what a terrific writer you are! I have just discovered this blog and can't stop reading it! Most people don't realize just how hard it is to write a cohesive, entertaining piece, much less do it consistantly over time and with such delicate material! It's amazing how you can be so frank about the material yet not be titilating for titilation's sake.

Now then, the reason I found this blog is because I have recently lost my FBSM cherry! It was an amazing expirience that I found you really can't discuss with anyone! Keep up the fantastic work and hope to read much more in the days to come!

pasthurt said...

Well. I for one think it's kinda funny that people are pestering you about are you for real or not. When you wrote about Sugar Daddy Pete and the episode in his vacation house, it was so obvious when you crossed to the porn, that you were leading us on to think you BJ'd the guy. You just didn't comment on your own feelings anymore and it was like reading a script. What he did next, what you did then. That's just to say that usually your writing is funny and has a nice flow to it, so it kinda stood out - the bad porn part. So, I do believe your for real. Life is usually stranger than fiction.