Friday, March 13, 2009

Everything You Wanted To Know About Erotic Massage But Were Afraid To Ask

I've been getting a lot of messages lately from guys who are new to the world of erotic massage. Well, welcome to my corner of the internet where I've been talking about all the secrets, tips, code words, and tricks of the trade!

A lot of you out there tell me you enjoy reading about my adventures, but haven't tried it themselves. Some guys are scared because they've never been around masseuses before while others are worried about getting arrested. And then there's the occasional guy worried about catching something. I can assure you guys that we are harmless, there's nothing to worry about, and you should JUST DO IT. I've been getting a lot of the same questions over and over, so maybe this is a good time to go over what I've taught you guys over the past year.

So let's review:

About Me
My name is CJ and I'm an Erotic Masseuse. I provide relaxing massages with a "Happy Ending" at my Business. I started this blog because it's fun to share all these wacky stories with everyone. And in order to do this, I have to remain anonymous and can't make appointments with any of you. Sorry! This hurts me more than it hurts you since I could really really really use the business right now.

The Index
The best thing you can do is to just start reading all this crap from the beginning. But for those of you who are lazy, or just in a hurry, you can quickly catch up on all the required reading. I guess you can treat this as an index of all the good stuff.

1) For those of you completely new to the world of the "Happy Ending" the best place to start is to click here to see what happens in a typical massage session.

2) For Massage Parlor lingo and terms, click here.

3) If you want to know how to identify a massage parlor in your area, click here.

4) Once you've found a place you want to visit, click here to learn proper massage parlor etiquette.

5) For those of you who are too afraid to visit a massage parlor, click Here, Here and Here.

6) Anyone who reads this mess regularly knows that I'm totally against the Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs). It's not because I'm a racist or anything, or that I just want to trash the competition. It's just that most of the asian places around here are tied to organized crime and the girls who work there are pretty much trapped there. Click here for the full story.

7) If I still haven't convinced you yet to try an erotic massage, but would like to work your way up starting with a regular therapeutic massage, click here.

8) Now for the rest of you who ended up here by accident, Click here if you want to escape quickly before your company figures out what you're doing and fire your perverted ass.

So far the funniest case of being in the wrong place is the girl who wrote me asking if she could "contribute" something to this blog. I figured she's a colleague out there just wanting to share a couple kinky stories. Nope - turns out she's a sports massage therapist looking to practice her writing skills. I guess she did a google search for "massage therapy" and wrote to everyone who popped up. I said "Honey, unless you're jerking off the lacrosse team, I think you're in the wrong place." I haven't heard back from her since.

OK, start your reading - I'll wait.

Done? To all the newbies out there - feel free to leave comments on the old stuff. I get to see all of them and will gladly answer your questions.

Welcome everyone! So get comfortable, lie back and relax. Your CJ will take care of you. And remember - I work for tips.



SirFWALGMan said...

I always have been sort of conflicted between knowing it would be fun and wondering if I am contributing to the abuse of someone who has issues.

Reading your blog you seem to have it together but how many girls in the business come from abusive homes/relationships, drug problems, whatever.. maybe it is more prevalent in hookers or porn chicks or maybe it is just old fashion kind of guy thinking chicks who do this kind of thing must have something wrong with them.

I guess this is why I have not done anything like this. Barely ever been to a strip club. I do actually watch a lot of porn. I wonder if the separation from a "live" person kind of shields me from thinking about them.

Anyways not saying there is anything wrong with what you do just sharing some of my own hangups.

Eric said...

How do you know if a masseuse will actually give you a massage, or just yank the crank? I think I'd be more interested the massage part, with the orgasm as a bonus.

As I think about it, getting the happy ending first seems like it may be better. A guy post-orgasm would be much more relaxed, and getting your heart rate up at the end may reverse the effects of all your work.

So, do you get guys asking for a happy beginning, other than the ones looking for a "double"?

Anonymous said...

"jerking off the lacrosse team????"
Laughing My Ass Off!
Thanks "CJ"

Anonymous said...

The lacrosse team line is an insta-classic.

cj said...

As long as you stay away from the Asian places, you'll be able to sleep at night. I won't lie and say that we don't have our share of druggies and what not, but places like ours that don't offer full-service tend to be regular girls who don't mind working in this gray area of the sex industry.

Remember - I'm a licensed LMT. I went to school for this and I still have a skill that I can fall back on in the "legit" world if I want. I do this because the money is good, plus I'd take a frustrated husband over a bitchy rich lady any old day.

Want to avoid the girls with issues? Avoid the real sleazy FS places. That's where the bottom of the barrel work.

Don't get 15 or even 30 minute sessions. When the session is that short, by the time you both get your clothes off, it's time for the happy ending. Take 60 minutes to really enjoy yourself. Remember, it's a lot easier to massage than it is to yank - just give yourself the time for both.

As for the "happy beginning" - I get a request for that once in a while. But most guys prefer it at the end because after all the touching (and The Girls bouncing around), the customer gets all worked up and wants to end on a high note.


Aelric said...

And for any newbies out there, I'll be happy to raise my hand to affirm that CJ's blog... in addition to being DAMN entertaining... is also DAMN helpful!!!!

Ummmm not saying whether I have/would partake of this industry =wink=... but if someone was able to successfully give it a shot (pun intended) it would have been because of the excellent tutelage found here!

And CJ... That's just CRUEL!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!

Aelric said...

Oh yea, and Eric... again, pure speculation on my part...

but I truly imagine you are 100% correct, in that a GOOD massage with a happy ending is MUCH MUCH better than just a happy ending.

I just can't help but imagine that if I were to try both ways, that I wouldn't be interested in just the latter after experiencing just that.

That's what makes ladies like CJ true GEMS... she IS an LMT as well as wonderfully opened minded.

Anonymous said...

Now I find the index ;0) Are there other helpful blog related posts that I should read out of order?

Do you have a link to the posts in chronological order for the new guys to your blog?

zeot said...

lol teddybears