Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Confessions of an Erotic Cripple

I'm back! Thanks to Trina for helping me out for the last week. What happened to me was incredibly stupid and I'm really embarassed to even talk about it now. But here goes...

Early last week I volunteered to go pick up my nephew after school. As I was walking down the sidewalk toward the building, I wasn't paying attention and ended up tripping on an uneven part of the sidewalk. I guess the toe of my shoe caught the edge of the concrete just right because my right foot came to a complete stop and I fell forward.

As I was falling forward, I was twisting so that the right side of my body made FULL contact with the ground. And I mean HARD. Luckily I didn't hit my head, but my right shoulder took the full impact. I was lying there on the ground, stunned at first, but then I sat up and it didn't feel like anything was broken - just bruised. The crossing guard saw the whole thing and that bitch started laughing. Ya know, there's nothing funny about falling down - unless it's happening to someone else, and then it's hilarious.

But that wasn't the hilarious part. The hilarious part was when I finally tried to get back on my feet. I kinda stumbled for a second, then took my first step and THWACK!!! It happened again!!!! Only this time, as I started to fall forward, I put my right hand out in front of me. My hand took the full force this time, then my arm bent and I slammed on my elbow. NOW my right hand is all bruised and cut, and my right elbow is sore as shit!!!

At least my legs were OK, so I was still able to pick up my nephew and drive him home. I didn't think it was too bad at first. I mean, the bleeding in my hand had stopped and I was OK to drive with my left hand. Later that night I had a few beers with some friends and I just sort of nursed my right arm and shoulder. They were sore, but I was still able to move them around.

The Next Morning (dot dot dot)

I COULD NOT LIFT MY RIGHT ARM AT ALL. My body was sore from the top of my right shoulder blade, all the way down to my hip. I couldn't bend my elbow and my right hand was black and blue. I cried for a good part of the morning as I swallowed a handful of Advil and attempted to wash and dress myself for work.

Yes, I went to work. Here I am - a total cripple who relies on her skilled hands to make a living, and I'm going to work. I was working with Cindy that first morning, so I relied on her to fetch me pillows, answer the phone and cover the front desk. I was hoping that the Advil would kick in and I'd be able to at least do some light massage, but no such luck. And by the time the door bell started ringing, I knew I had to improvise.

I had 2 customers that shift. I was hoping for Regulars who would be understanding, but I got 2 newbies instead. Well boys, you're in for a treat because about all I was capable of doing was getting naked and giving happy endings (thank Gawd I jerk lefty).

By the time I got the first guy in the room, I knew I couldn't fake my way through the massage. I explained to him my dilemma and told him that all I could really offer was a Mutual Massage. At first he didn't know what to make of me and his first ever erotic massage, but when I explained to him that the Mutual is where we take turns massaging each other (except I won't be returning the favor this time), he readily accepted. Normally I only offer Mutuals to Regulars I'm comfortable with, but I was stuck! I was only afraid that I was gonna get screwed because I charge extra for those, but he didn't seem to mind.

He took the nude option with the Mutual, so I dropped my pants with some difficulty. But when it came to the shirt I realized I couldn't lift my right arm higher than my shoulders!!! I started making whimpering noises and asked him with big puppy dog eyes if he could help take my shirt and bra off.

Surprisingly he didn't complain. In fact, he was incredibly sweet and attentive for a new guy. He gave me a pretty good massage, and even worked the sore areas under my direction. And since I couldn't switch places with him, I let him have some extra time playing with The Girls instead. That seemed to make him happy, so when it was finally time for the happy ending, he was more than ready. My left hand was fine, so I had no problem with the hand release. He left happy and even tipped me an extra $10 for my "pain and suffering." LOL

The second guy was also a newbie. I gave him the same song and dance, but added that he'd have to undress me as well. He seemed way more than happy to help out. That's when I realized that I could play the pity card and use this injury to my advantage. I thought that customers would get pissed at me for being out of commission, or at least accuse me of trying to rip them off. But for the last couple of days, everyone's been more than happy to take the Mutual option and "help me out of these clothes."

A couple of my Regulars I didn't charge extra because they've always paid the same amount, and 1 guy actually cancelled his appointment "until you get better." But in the end, this past week has turned out to be quite lucrative for a masseuse who can't actually massage.

And thanks to you guys for being so understanding these last few days. Trina said she had fun telling her story, but is in no hurry to do it again. She said writing hurts her brain.



mommasboy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mommasboy said...

I'm not surprised the guys are more than happy to help you undress, I certainly would be.

I finally found a local massage therapist who offers nude and hand release. She's a bonafide LMT, and as someone who has had a couple of regular LMTs over the years (I'm a work-out addict when I'm not being a pervert) she's actually quite good at deep tissue/sports massage.

I had never seen her before and mentioned that I was so desperate for a real massage to the point where I almost went to one of those asian places, and that I would appreciate that kind of massage but it wasn't what I was looking for. I thanked her for getting me in that day. She replied with the offer of nude and hand release. Unfortunately, the time was about up and she had another customer coming so we didn't have time for the happy ending.

Your customers are certainly lucky if they get relaxing massage as good as that plus a release at the end. We made a point of doing it the next time we meet.

Tom Moran said...

Poor CJ. I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself, okay?

RIV said...

Well i am certainly bummed about your accident, I am sincerely thankful that you didnt do anything permanent to yourself.

Are you going to ad the "undress me" part to your bag of tricks? I never would have thought of that, honestly.

Anonymous said...

Guys love taking care of a woman, and of course, a little vulnerability is sexy. I'd be surprised if you didn't make out like a bandit with the tips and the happy customers (except for the occasional douchebags who just want it to be all about them).

mark said...

Well, I hopeyou're feeling better and I'm not surprised that they were happy, eager, to help you out of your clothes, who wouldn't be. It is actually pretty sexy helping a woman disrobe and all the more so when you can feel like you're doing her a favor.

I'd love to provide a massage to real masseuse who was willing to offer honest feedback. I think I give a pretty good massage (I know, I'm sure most people think this) but I'd love to learn to give a better one. Is there much in the way of advice or comment that you could offer a person as they were massing you to help with their technique? Or do you really need professional instruction?

Funny thing is, I do a tumble yesterday in my garden. I have a 2-3 ft high fence around it and I'm tall so I notrmally just step over it, but I caught my toe yesterday and wavered there for a moment before realizing there was no hope, I was going down. Luckily for me, I fell on a soft garden bed and nothing was injured except my pride as I looked up and saw my neighbor smiling at me.

Riggstad said...


It's funny that you never offered the "undress" part before. I would expect that most guys would love that... AND pay extra for it.

See! With pain comes opportunity!

I wish you a speedy recovery, and I wonder if this is something that you will now incorporate into your regular menu?

cj said...

Hey guys,

Believe it or not, I don't get many requests to help me undress. Also, I've never encouraged it because I've always found it kinda creepy. Last week it never occurred to me at all that customers would be in to it. But now that I'm better, I won't be doing it anymore.

Most guys area capable of the typical "boyfriend" type massage. What I usually do is direct them very specifically. Nothing is worse than a guy who doesn't know what he's doing and ends up bruising me. The customers also appreciate it when I tell them exactly what to do because they end up learning something they can take home to the wife! LOL