Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Confessions of a Hustler Honey

We get a lot of guys in here claiming to be "photographers," but believe it or not, I've actually had a few real ones from Playboy, fashion mags and stuff. How do I know they were real? Well, the phony guys are the ones who are always "scouting" for talent, and want you to come to their room at the Best Western for some "test shots." The real McCoys tell you upfront that they only work with agencies.

Now the Playboy guy was interesting. He said that I'm probably better looking than most of the models he has to work with (mind you - this was a couple years ago). He confessed that most of the women you see in the magazine require hours of makeup, are too short to be fashion models, are a total nightmare to work with, and end up getting airbrushed anyway. He asked me if I had done any modeling before and I said no (unless you consider those pictures taken last summer at a wet T-shirt contest as "modeling"). Back then I was this young, naive girl who had a jealous boyfriend and never dreamed of leaving town, so I ended up telling him that I'd be too embarassed to do anything like that. This is one of the few opportunities in my life that I now regret not taking advantage of.

I told the guy that I could never show my face, but he said that's not a problem. This is when I learned that Playboy and other magazines use something called "body" models. Let's say that a model has a kickin' body and a butter-face. They could do photoshoots of just the body parts they like (breasts, ass, etc.) and then use them by themselves in ads and stuff. The other thing they can do (and this is the freaky thing) is that they can also digitally put my breasts on another womans body! The Playboy guy said they don't do that for the pictorials, but it's done all the time for advertisements in magazines and catalogs. If I was interested I could probably get $500 per photo session. I had to tell him "no" since I knew my boyfriend at the time would be totally against it.

Then there was the time I was contacted by a guy from Hustler magazine. Apparently a male friend of mine sent in a pic for their "Beaver Hunt" without telling me. Well LUCKILY they couldn't print anything without my permission, but I guess they found the pic interesting enough for them to try to find me. This "friend" of mine had some pics of me and a girlfriend washing our cars one hot summer day. Well, when you mix enough beer, water, suds, and bikini clad girls together, it quickly degenerates into the kind of soft porn you see on Cinemax late at night.

So out of the blue, this "friend" called me up and explained what he had done with the pics. After I finished screaming and yelling at him for an hour, I finally settled down and agreed to call the guy from Hustler. The person I ended up talking to was an editor from the magazine who wanted to put me in contact with a professional photographer.

We chatted for a bit and he said that my pics more than guaranteed me a spot in the Beaver Hunt (wow - what an honor!), but he wanted to know if I'd be interested in doing some nude modeling for ads or pictorials (apparently the actual "Honeys" are professional adult models and I would have to work my way up to that). We talked money and it turned out not to be great. But what really killed the deal was (once again) an overly jealous boyfriend.

I sat down with him afterwards to explain what happened. I had to be careful because I knew he would want to murder my "friend," so I played it up as a joke that we were both in on. He bought my story, but still gave a big "No fucking way" to the idea of me modeling nude.

Now this decision is NOT one of the ones that I regret as I look back! But every now and then when I feel like my life is a total train wreck, I think back to that phone conversation and what might have been if I had said "sure!" Who knows, maybe this blog woulda been called "Confessions Of An Aging Porn Star."



William Beem said...

There are plenty of photographers in the world that don't work for Playboy or other magazines, but we're still "real" photographers. In fact, the way the magazine and newspaper industry is going, you're more likely to find freelancers taking those shots than staff photographers.

I'm sure there are guys with cameras who just want an excuse to get a girl in a hotel room, and I'm sure more girls are smart enough to see through such a ruse. That doesn't mean every guy who asks you if you'd like to pose is trying to screw you. Sometimes, all we really want is to take your photo because that's what we do.

Anonymous said...

So? What's preventing you from doing this again today? Based on the one picture I have seen so far, looks like you can go do this anytime you want.

Riggstad said...

Hunt those ops down again. If it's what you want to do that is.

I don't want to sound cliche' or ghey, but don't settle. Nothing is unatainable

Anonymous said...

Having went through the modeling thing with my girlfriend a few years back, I agree with William that not all photographers work via agencies, there are plenty of freelancers. That said, NO professional will even offer do do a shoot alone with you, they will require that you bring a trusted friend or agent. This is as much for their own protection as yours, since any court case would be thier word against yours.

BTW, parts modeling is extremely common, and can be quite lucrative. Another lucrative niche is stock photography, you do not earn money up front typically, but you earn royalties down the line as your photos are sold, often repeatedly for years or even in some cases decades.

As for Playboy, there is nothing realistic about any of their photos. They are the gold standard for airbrushing/Photoshop work, I'd be suprised if anything from the neck on down was left as-is on thier pictures, and even from the neck up its all makeup and touchup.

Anonymous said...

Hey CJ,
I recently came across this blog, and WOW, what a fantastic read! The subject material is fascinating, but it's your writing that has got me hooked. This is really the best thing I have read in a while.
In fact, I couldn't help but tell all my co-workers about your blog! Now, I guess that teling one's co-workers about a blog called happyendingz is wierd, but, that's just me. My co-workers know I have no filter!
Anyway, I have a 2 part question. 1)Has business completly tanked since the new year? and 2)What (if any) are the current trends in down there hair care? I heard some folks want to bring back the "natural" look. Personally I'm all for well groomed, but do you have any funny "lost in the jungle" stories?
Thanks for your blog!

Anonymous said...

He's OK with you draining nuts for a living, but not OK with you posing nude? OK.

cj said...

Hey guys,
I'm not trying to trash photographers in general, it's just that I can't count the number of times some guy has tried to con me. And in this industry, dealing with guys who lie is just standard work practice. What I wonder about nowadays is whether I missed an opportunity or not back in my my "youthful" days. LOL

Read my early post on boyfriends. None of them ever knew what I did for a living.

Other Anon,
Business is definitely slow. And since we rely on expendable income, we're usually the first to know when the economy is tanking. As for the hair thing, I do the Hitler mustache.


Anonymous said...

it's called a "Clitler" CJ.


Tom Moran said...

Here's what you can do:

Pose nude, but wear a stocking over your face like a bank robber and a hat. Preferably a snap-brim Borsalino.

That would work for you, right? :-Þ

Slopjar Miller said...

Me likey berry muchy.

cj said...


You guys are too fucking funny!!!!!!!


yardley james jr said...

are you at sun spa in reading? i want to set up an appointment