Thursday, June 18, 2009

Confessions of an Internet Superstar

Audrey was surfing the web the other day when she found a couple new references to The Business in one of those adult review websites. Every couple of weeks I also check. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not.

Someone took the time to give a review on Audrey, Trina and myself. Each one of us had a different post. The guy said that Audrey was "OK in the face," gave a decent massage and an enjoyable happy ending. No mention of full service, so I'm guessing our anonymous reviewer must not be one of her Regulars.

My review consisted of "cute" blonde with "fabulous tits." Thanks guy. But I got annoyed because he said that during the massage I "bounced" The Girls off his back. I have no clue what he's talking about because I never do that. If you look at the height of the massage tables, it would be really tough for me to lean that much over the customer. The guy must be full of shit and I doubt he was ever my customer. I was mad but Audrey just laughed it off and told me not to worry about it. Easy for her to say - she got a decent review.

Then there was Trina's.

This asshole had nothing nice to say about her. Basically he went on and on about how she's ugly and overweight and has no business working in a parlor. Nothing about her massages, so I wonder if he was ever a customer of hers. Or maybe he was just one of those assholes who got pissed off when she wouldn't offer him full service. Shit like that happens often.

About a year ago we found a review of us in one of those local "Yellow Pages" type of sites. That really surprised us because it's meant for things like pizza parlors and car mechanics. But there we were - 3 reviews of The Business.

One was very nice and didn't say anything that would make you think we were anything less than a regular day spa. Then the other 2 reviews were obviously written by the same person under different names. They were both posted on the same day and basically trashed us.

The first said we were nothing but a whorehouse and that we had no right being in business and the police should come close us down, Blah blah blah. Now the other post I thought was funny. It was all about Audrey and how she's a man-stealing skank, and no one in their right mind should let their husbands go to this place, etc., etc.

Personally, I thought it was close to the mark. But for whatever reasons, Audrey was freaked out by it. So I called my personal Techno-Geek and asked him if he could do something about it. He made a few inquiries and figured out how to have the bad reviews deleted.

Every couple of months we'll find a new reference to The Business on the internet. I'm paranoid about them because they usually use my real name. If anyone I know ever put 2 and 2 together, I may be in trouble. But apart from the whole Everyone-Knows-What-I-Do-For-A-Living thing, the posts are usually not bad. I know I'm a good masseuse, and the reviews usually say I give a good massage and I'm not full service. That and "fabulous tits" anyway.

A friend of mine recently showed me some websites of callgirls. I was amazed that these girls show pictures, prices, descriptions and even reviews!!! I was shocked - I mean the thought of anyone I knew seeing me up on the internet like that.

Now imagine if erotic massage were perfectly normal and legal... The Business could have a website showing hours, directions, prices and even pictures of us! Talk about customer service. I've seen actual websites like this, but they were usually in places like New Zealand where it's legal (Hmmmmmmm... idea for next "Happyendingz - International"). A reader once forwarded me a site for a massage business that was questionable. It didn't really give away anything, or even use common code words or lingo, so I was surprised to learn that he actually got a happy ending there.

So there you have it guys - I'm actually floating around out there in cyberspace if you're lucky enough to find me. Here's an idea for a new contest... The first customer to get me in session and mention the word "HappyEndingz" gets a free double. Good luck!



Anonymous said...

When you started your post with "Audrey was surfing the web the other day when she found", I thought maybe she had found your blog. I hope that never happens, but have you ever wondered about that???

I been reading this blog from the very first post, and I think that I know the business you work for by doing a little detective work, but I'd never let that out to others. If you weren't so far away, I'd be trying to get that free double. I've been pretty sure that you change everyone's names on here, but have always wondered what would happen if I walked in (or called) and asked for CJ. Would you shit yourself, or what? Also, if I got "Audrey", would she try to steal me away for herself?

(who also prefers to remain anonymous)

cj said...


I think Audrey would totally freak out if she ever discovered this blog. Especially when you consider how much shit I say about her on a weekly basis!!! Another reason why I change up names and locations as best I can. But I definitely think my ass would be out the door if she ever found out.

Now if a customer ever walked in and asked if "CJ" worked here, only myself and Trina would get it. Audrey and Cindy would be clueless. But if anyone came in or called, I think I would be sweating bullets. I'd politely say "there's no one here by that name" but still I'd be freaked out.

But at the same time I think it would be kinda cool to meet an actual reader. I'd have a bunch of questions about what you think of the blog, how did you find it, have you learned anything, etc.

Now if a guy ever got in the room and then told me that he's been reading this blog called "Happyendingz" and that's what encouraged him to come in - I would probably shit a brick. I mean, I would be totally flattered, but I'd have to keep it all to myself. Know what I mean?


Flyinfox_SATX said...

So, this is kind of a shame, because I would want to meet you.

You are a cool chick! You have a great sense of humor. You are articulate.

I have met several blogger friends and it is just a shame that due to the nature of your business, it would be difficult for you to meet other bloggers.

Anonymous said...

We should have a "Finding CJ" contest with the prize being a session with CJ.

Wack said...

Anon, I agree. A finding CJ contest would be fun. I've read the whole blog and have tried (briefly) to put some clue together about where The Business is (although I'd probably never make it to PA) but to no avail.

Perhaps a good hour or so with dedicated time to Google could produce the answer.

CJ, keep us updated as to if/when the reader finds you!

Thorn said...

Being a retired police detective with free time to Google a bit I believe I've narrowed it down considerably.

But that is as far as I go with that.

CJ has nothing to worry about from the likes of me, though I am not that far from this place so I might come by to say hello and get a good massage... but that would be it.

Only reason I am even poking about with it is as a former detective I can't resist a mystery. :)

CJ I wish you nothing but the best and IF [big if] I ever do finally find the place and show up I absolutely promise on all I hope to hold holy you'd have nothing to worry about and we might even get a laugh out of it.

wishing well...

Anonymous said...

Whores can be so naive...

As I had one over at my place one day, I showed her an internet review site. She was amazed to read what guys said about her friends (she wasn't reviewed). But when she saw a photo of a naked chick getting eaten out on a banner, she freaked out: "Oh, she's crazy! She's going to get arrested!"
She was a naive and computer-illiterate Korean (one of CJ's so-called "slaves" that I dated and had just picked up at her expensive condo), and I had to explain that the pic was that of a pornstar, not an actual masseuse.

Mongers would lynch me for this of course, as they want to keep the sites a secret from providers. CJ is right that there is a certain amount of bragging and exaggeration, or payback, on those sites. So the last thing they want is someone doing what CJ did: forcing them to take down inaccurate or slanderous information, you know, like all the allegations about AMPs on here...

Anyway, I think that providers should know what's said about them. To protect themselves and possibly better their service.
But mongers also know that the girls can denounce unflattering reviews in bad faith, or manipulate the system by having friends post fake reviews. They can also refuse service to a guy who has made up stuff about them or their friends...

Escorts, those who post actual photos of themselves anyway, are apparently at peace with what they do, if not proud, and I think it's much healthier than the conflicted whores who live a lie, bury their heads in denial, and judge others.
Pornstars are like that (everyone can see their face) and some do escort.