Friday, January 8, 2010

Freak of the Week - The Solo Pornstar

Well 2010 has started off with a bang (no pun intended). After a limp first week (no pun intended), things have started to rise (no pun intended) and finally climaxed (no pun intended) with my first FOTW of the new year.

[Note: Anyone wanting to send me to a creative writing course or even just get me a textbook, please contact me.]

"Ted" is a pornstar. That is, if you define pornstar as anyone who uses a crappy cell phone to video their own handjob. And when I say "their own handjob," I mean there was no appearance of a female co-star. I know, because he insisted on showing me before our session.

"What? You wanna show me a sample of your handiwork? Sure..." It's all in a days work around here.

"This is what I want to do" he said while pointing to his camera phone. "This is the angle I want to get it at." He then looked around the room. "Can we leave the light on? It works better with the lights on."

I've done video of the happyending before, so his request isn't unique. But I feel a little uncomfortable since I've only seen this customer a couple times before. The last time he was here was around Thanksgiving (The Mother of All Massage Weekends). I vaguely remember him being a good tipper, and not asking for anything weird back then.

"I don't know Ted..." I was stalling to see if he'd sweeten the deal. His face began to sink so I added "With the lights on...?" Suddenly it brightened up again.

Now that he had taken the bait, we negotiated a deal that would make a Hollywood agent proud.

A handjob on camera
No view of my face
The Girls would make a BRIEF cameo appearance
Room lights not on, but dimmed
Option of the table lamp for close ups of the money shot
Editing rights to the final cut (I get to delete any shot I don't like)

And all this for a decent compensation package. Not exactly Angelina Jolie rates, but more Lindsey Lohan just outta rehab.

With all that foreplay out of the way, Ted had no interest in a massage and wanted to get to production right away. I dimmed the lights and stripped down to a G-string (and by that I mean I stripped nude, then found a suitable G-string in my pants pocket to put on). Ted quickly got naked and hopped on the table.

"OK," he began directing... "Bring the bottle of lube over here so I can catch you oiling up your hands."

I obeyed. Ted brought up the cameraphone right up next to my hands. I kept an eye on him to make sure he wasn't trying to get a shot of my face. He made sure he got a good close look at my oily hands. He hit the pause button, "Say a few sexy things when you start to oil me up, OK?" then back to record.

I knew exactly what kind of stuff to say. "Mmmmm want to feel my warm hands on your cock?" Since the camera was still focused on my hands, I slowly rubbed them together so he could get a good view of the oil glistening off them. Then I slowly put my warm hands on both his dick and balls at the same time (guys love that sudden rush of sensation - especially when your hands are nice and warm).

His cock actually gave a good twitch. I took that as a good sign and began to slowly lather the oil up and down his growing shaft. "You like that? You like the way I stroke you, huh? Your cock feels sooooo good in my... "

"OH YEAH!" he barked suddenly. I mean he was LOUD. "That's it babe... Keep jerking my prick!" I was so caught off guard that I actually paused for a second. "Dont stop! Keep working my cock... Oh yeaaaaaah... jerk that thing...Grrrrrr...."

Let me pause right here to describe the scene. Ted is lying on the table and I'm on his right side. With his right hand, he's holding his cameraphone just over his belly so it's basically pointing straight down his dick. When I suggested he move the camera to his left side so he could get a good view of my stroking his cock with The Girls in the background, he said he wanted a "Point of View" video. He explained that this is where the camera angle is exactly what the viewer would see as if he were in the action.

I didn't realize porn could be so complicated. Anyway, back to our story...

"GRRRRRRR... That's it baby!... Jerk my staff!... Squeeze that dick!" At this point I started to feel like he really didn't need me there. Since his camera was pretty much zoomed in on my hand and his prick, I could see why he enjoyed taping his own handjobs. Heck, The Girls could be warmly tucked away in my hoodie for this. I was going to suggest he use his free hand to take over so I could go grab some lunch, but then I thought better of it. Besides, I didn't want to interrupt his Oscar Moment here.

"YES... OH YES... jerk my man meat..." (yes - he actually said "man meat") "... work that shaft... Grrrrrrrr... pinch my sack... Mmmmmmmm... stroke that rod... faster..."

I think he used a dozen different words to describe his dick. I'm not kidding. Looking back, it kinda felt scripted - like he's probably got a collection of these videos at home with lots of different girls.

With the cue to go faster, I knew he was almost done. I started stroking him a little faster and his dialogue trailed off to a soft "grrrrrrrr." I started to wonder if he was going to shoot cum all over his phone, when he suddenly moved it up and over his cock. So now he was looking straight down as if capturing my point of view.

"Grrrrrrr... I'm going to shoot my load baby!... Squeeze that jizz out!... Shoot that semen!... Uhhhhhhh..." Ted shot a few streams of cum on his belly. I slowed down until he was done. He stopped talking too - thank goodness Since he kept the camera hovering over his own cumshot, I took my left hand and just sort of playfully rubbed it around his belly while saying "Wow... That was a lot of cum. You made such a huge mess." Guys are just fascinated by their own loads.

Ted finally put the camera down and I cleaned him up. He just sort of lied there and sighed before thanking me for being a good "actress." I stood there in my G-string and reviewed his little porn video while he got dressed. I have to admit - he kept the camera steady. Ted kept to his word and there were no views of my face. In fact, I don't even remember seeing much of anything other than my left hand and his cock. I then quickly got dressed and walked him out.

I've done some video work in session before, but Ted definitely took it more seriously than anyone else. Now if any of you handjob afficienados out there happen to see something on "" that resembles what I just described, please let me know. Someone owes me a movie credit.



Double Trouble said...

FOTW stories are always interesting to read. CJ - Do you ever walk down the street or through the mall and laugh inside knowing that some of the normal looking guys out there have the most... er... "unique" sex preferences? It's almost comical he wasn't even interested in the girls at all, much less dialogue. Sounds like he will be posting it to some seedy site this weekend just after converting into 3D like Avatar. haha. Here comes his Oscar now!

Although I do know who deserves best "supporting" actress.

Mitch said...

Geez, I don't know how hot it would be to watch a video where my own parts take up 90% of the frame.

How are your nails done, anyways? Are they manicured? Clear polish? Bright colors?

Joker_SATX said...

Good for you! WOW A movie star! You got my vote for best supporting actress (no pun intended)

Little Red said...

There are tears in my eyes that's how hard I was laughing. I think this guy has a crush on his "man meat".

Ruby N. Esque said...

Yaay, a FOTW for my birthday! Thanks CJ!

Lawrence said...

Ok, that was pretty hilarious! Don't you have a strong suspicion that he'd be LOUSY in bed?? However, he sounds pretty harmless, and whatever gets you off...

Hey, aren't we all FOTWs, each in our own special way?

Turbo_guy said...


Another great FOTW post and a great one to begin the new year. Two questions:

I once had a session where the masseuse offered to shave me down there. I was surprised and declined but I was wondering if you've ever encountered someone asking for that. Also, a place I used to be a regular has new staff and there's this one masseuse that is always there and always at the front desk, but I don't want a session with her (she's pushing the 250lb club). I've walked out several times. I've called and there seems to be other girls, but would it be bad for me to inquire about other staff if she's at the front desk?

Mitch said...

hey, I just noticed that you're linking back to old posts.

CJ, you're getting better at this whole blogging thing! (or you had your cyberdork do it for you, either way it's good!)

Riggstad said...

This is way too funny. You know this is going to end up on one of the "tube" sites.

At least your hands will be famous!

Awesome post!

Anonymous said...

Little Red, I like your post and I bet alot of people look at it, too. Maybe, you could set it up so people can make comments more easily like CJ's blog? (sorry about posting this here, CJ).

Anonymous said...


cj said...

It's always the guys you least expect that have the weirdest kinks. Family guy who goes to church? Probably a closet diaper wearer who enjoys spanking.

Nails are kept short for work reasons. But bright pink polish at the moment. Changes about once a week.

I think most people are freakier than we realize. It's all just a matter of finding a way to let it all hang out. That's why parlors are the perfect place for revealing your kinks. We've seen it all before.

Yes, I've had shavers before. It's a weird little kink and I don't see it too often.

Asking about other girls is a little rude since the girl at the desk is usually the next one up in the rotation. But if she's always there, then feel free to ask about other girls. Just don't ask to "see" the other girls first. That's just rude. One way to do it without causing a scene is to call and ask who's working that day - then pick a girl you haven't seen before. Good luck!


Anonymous said...

I had flashbacks of the dude who referred to himself in the 3rd person in Seinfeld (
"Jimmy's so hard!"... "Jimmy's not paying attention to the angle!"... "OW! Jimmy broke his dick!"... "Jimmy's down..."