Monday, March 1, 2010

Happy VD


You know I don't like talking about my personal life, but recently it crossed over to my business life. I didn't want to say anything, but it's been festering away for a couple weeks now so I feel like I need to tell someone about it.

As you don't know, I've been seeing a guy on and off for a couple months now. He's the one I mentioned earlier who actually recognized my voice from the Playboy interview. I didn't want to do this and I've been dreading it but here goes... I'm going to give him a name (*GASP*). Let's call him "Jason."

I just got a shiver as I typed that. It's like I'm making it official by actually naming him here on the blog. Wow.

Anway, about a month ago, "Jason" started asking me questions about work. At first I was able to deflect them easily ("I'm a shampooist"... Honestly - where do you go from there?), but then he started to get more persistent. I figured he was trying to dig up enough info to send me flowers for Valentines Day - or worse - surprise me at work!

I kept throwing road blocks at him like "I'm not working that day" and "don't embarass me like that" but I knew I wasn't getting through to him. I could have told Jason I don't like flowers, but he already knows that's a lie. I could have told him I don't like lunch, but he REALLY knows that's a lie. So here he is, trying to combine the 2 in the worst possible way.

I know he meant well, but it was really starting to piss me off the closer it got to VD. It finally got to the point where the Thursday before, I actually picked a fight with him just to make an excuse to avoid him for a few days. I figured this would give me a window big enough to prevent him from arranging any flower deliveries or surprise lunches. THEN I made up with him Sunday morning (since I wasn't working) and INSISTED we go out. This way, he still gets to feel like he did some romantic stuff for Valentines Day, and The Business is removed from the equation. Situation difused. Go me!

Well once again, my lack of understanding of the male mind has gotten me in trouble again. I figured seeing Jason on VD had ended the issue of where I work. Boy was I wrong. Apparently, my little hissy fit only made him even more determined to surprise me.

What is it with guys and surprises???? Scaring the shit outta me at work is not going to make lunch taste any sweeter. He knows I work Thursday morning shift, so the devious little shit made it a point to call my cell phone at noon to verify I was there. I think I said something stupid like "yeah... it's dead here... think I'll take my break soon..." Well guess who's ringing the bell a few minutes later?

My cousin "Agnes" turned out to be the weakest link. I guess he managed to sweet talk her into giving up directions on where to find me. He wasn't given the name of The Business, so this may have worked out to my advantage. Don't get me wrong - I still plan on murdering Agnes and disposing of the body using an elaborate scheme of 10 dozen hermetically sealed mayonaise jars, BUT I credit her with only giving out enough info to direct him to our door.

By the way he came in he wouldn't have seen our sign up front and realized it's not "...... Hair and Nails" like I've told him a hundred times. And from where he parked (and waited) he wouldn't have seen a line of men coming in and out of our front door. Luckily he was directed to the back entrance where there's nothing to see.

My jaw dropped when I saw Jason standing outside with that dumb smile of his. Having gone through this situation before, I immediately went into crisis mode and whisked him back to his car before any of our "nooners" came in looking for a quick session. I made an excuse of not wanting the boss to see him so I could spend "more time" at lunch. The real reason of course is what hair and nails salon only employs 1 woman and has no actual appliances for doing hair and nails? So I couldn't possibly let him in the front door. I literally jumped in the car and barked "Let's go!"

I think we were pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant before I realized I was sitting on a bouquet of flowers.

I wolfed my food down and kept the conversation focused on him. Then I made sure he brought me round back so he wouldn't see the front door. I told Jason I had a lovely lunch, but please never ever do that again. And unlike all my other stories, there was no happy ending to this one - I think I shook his hand.

So what did we learn today boys and girls?

Bring me pizza = handjob
Surprise me at work = handshake


Meanwhile, I have asked Agnes to meet me tomorrow night behind an abandoned gas station. And to "... bring a shovel."

CJ

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

If he recognized you from the Playboy interview, doesn't he know that you give massages with a happy ending?

Just curious. When you start dating a new guy, do you give him mostly HJs or BJs (besides regular sex)?

Do they know you're a massage therapist?

Do you avoid giving them HJs so they don't put 2 and 2 together about the happy endings?

Anonymous said...

I don't think your doing yourself any favors here- This is likely going to get worse, or potentially blow up.

Which would make for good reading though... :)

Good Luck

Anonymous said...

What if you meet his friends and one of them recognizes you because you jerked them off. Or they`re an ex sugar daddy.

Now that would make a great blog.

Anonymous said...

This is rather off topic, but the title of VD got me thinking.

Have you ever had an experience with a client who potentially has something going on? And if so, how do you proceed?

mommasboy said...

"disposing of the body using an elaborate scheme of 10 dozen hermetically sealed mayonaise jars"

HAH!! That's a great line, I think I'm going to steal it from you.

Aside from that, does he know what you do for a living? If not, it's getting to be time to fess up. You can't keep it hidden forever.

Little Red said...

What would you expect his reaction to be if he did find out?

I know my worst fear is my bf finding out what I do...

Tom Moran said...

This is a disaster waiting to happen, sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like life can be tricky for you CJ. I live in Reading... Any thoughts on the recent bust on the Regency? I was wondering if it affected all erotic massage places.

Lilith Kessler said...

Haha. Man, and I get annoyed when my boyfriend surprises me at work and I work a totally legit boring job. I love surprises, but somehow boys always do it at the least romantic time/place when I'm not in the mood to be surprised. Sighhhhh. But obviously I could have it worse!

Anonymous said...

newbie question......is it uncool to request glutes?....adductors?

Anonymous said...

So what did we learn today boys and girls?

Not to bother being nice when it's not even appreciated.

Seriously, the nerve of this guy wanting to take you to lunch and give you flowers. What a jerk! I'm real glad to see he's being treated like crap and being lied to, sounds like he really has it coming to him.

Poor schmuck. He should've saved his lunch/flower money and just bought himself a HJ.

Joker_SATX said...

Sounds like "Jason" is still not the one.

I mean, if he were there would be no secrets right?

Continuous But Plural said...

You picked a fight with him on purpose? Wow.
I mean I understand why you wouldn't tell him about your job, but...I mean what is your solution to this going to be?

Anonymous said...

So, if this guy heard you on playboy radio, he would have heard about the blog. Doesn't it stand to reason that he might get curious, check out the site, and go, "hey, this sounds pretty freakin familiar!"? I mean, two and two probably wouldn't be that hard to put together if he ever had a mind to.
-red

Anonymous said...

That's sad you feel pressured to make up elaborate lies and have to miss out on enjoying the guy you're dating's company. But, good reading.

MagnumWong said...

Hey CJ, love your blog. Just started reading it from the beginning, a few days ago, and finally caught up.

So what would "Jason", or any potential bf for that matter, have to do to get you to open up? I figure maybe if you were dating longer it would be easier, but is there a "sign" that you're looking for?

G dragon said...

hey cj! why do some massage palor masseuses look at u and say how old are u? all da time? do they hav problems with da younger guys or somthing or wht? Do they prefer older guys? or do it just depend on da masseuse providing the massage? i ask this cuz this happened to me, ringed da bell masseuse hi! then saw me "how u are?" well i wasn't thiking straight said my real age lol! 20 i said. she said sorry 21 and over haha! wtf! i said i be back later when i am 21 haha! she said ok haha! so wht u think cj?

G dragon said...

hey cj! why do some massage palor masseuses look at u and say how old are u? all da time? do they hav problems with da younger guys or somthing or wht? Do they prefer older guys? or do it just depend on da masseuse providing the massage? i ask this cuz this happened to me, ringed da bell masseuse hi! then saw me "how old u are?" well i wasn't thiking straight said my real age lol! 20 i said. she said sorry 21 and over haha! wtf! i said i be back later when i am 21 haha! she said ok haha! so wht u think cj?

Anonymous said...

I call bullshit... the odds of this guy having a subscription to satellite radio, and upgrading to the playboy package and listening to this unpopular show rather than one of the other 110 channels and bringing it up to his girlfriend for discussion are miniscule.

cj said...

Hey Guys...

You really got me spun up over this topic, so I answered all your questions outside...

CJ

Anonymous said...

The message parlor I go to is no five star establishment. The music they pipe into the room to help you 'relax' is a top 40 pop station. Dance music and whatnot. Not the best atmosphere to relax in but usually the coversation/massage is good enouph to tune it out.

The part I have a problem with is the happy ending. Last time I was there my handy started just as the station went to commercials. Kinda hard to cum when some asshole is trying to sell you tires.

I still got my release just took her longer to work it up.
I know this message is a little off topic. I just wanted to share.

Gerard said...

Fuck that,I wouldn't give a damn if the girl was the nastiest hooker in town,if she does it for me,she does it for me!
I'll date a 'Erotic Masuesse' in a heartbeat!
A girl who actually KNOWS how to give a decent handjob?
where do I sign?
Is there a dating website for this yet?

Anonymous said...

I, too, thought it was "Happy Venereal Disease" - a context thing.

As for the induced fight... wow. Didn't think it happened in real life; it's sitcom material. Chicks really ARE fucked up.

Anyway, "little shit", "dumb smile"... it's love, alright!

Natalie said...

I understand your concerns, but I think it's really sweet if a guy wants to surprise the girl he likes, like other commenters have said.

What I would suggest is saying that you're not on good terms with your bosses and they get pissed when girls' friends/boyfriends/husbands stop by since they consider it "unprofessional". Say that the best bet would be for him to chill in his car and text you that he's there if he really, really wants to come by. That way you're not saying "I don't want you there", you're saying "I'd love to see you, but it could get me into a lot of trouble with my boss...". They'll stay away, and you won't offend them. That's what I do and it works like a charm :)