Thursday, April 8, 2010

Massage Parlor Secret #9 - The Bargain Massage

I'm back at work, but I'm still not feeling great. I just don't have much energy to put into my massages. I have to keep apologizing to customers for my lack of endurance. I'm good for about 15-20 minutes, then my arms go out. I've even been discouraging customers from taking 1 hour sessions (unless they're mutuals) because I'm just not up to it.

So this brings me to todays topic, which I actually got from a customer yesterday. I know that this blog is supposed to be about massage parlor secrets, so I'm going to reluctantly give you one today. And I say "reluctantly" because it's a scam that works well at Asian places.

If you're JUST looking for a decent massage at a discount price, then sometimes a massage parlor is your best bet. A spa may charge you $60 - $90 for a 1 hour therapeutic, while a massage parlor may only charge $30-$60. For example, you might see an ad in the back of the paper offering "1 hour massage for only $30!" This amount is just to get you in the door. The $30 probably all goes to the house and the masseuse will make her money offering you options and extras.

This is where the scam comes in...

Forget EVERYTHING I told you about how to act cool in a massage parlor. After you agree to a price, tell them:

1) This is your first time here.
2) You've never had a therapeutic massage before.

In other words, make it obvious you are a newbie looking for a therapeutic massage. This will set off all their red flags and they will go into "Legit" mode. So instead of sending you off with the next girl in rotation, they fetch the one backup girl who actually knows what she's doing.

Remember - you've just set off their alarms, so they need to convince you that they're a legitimate massage practice. Giving you a girl with giant implants dressed in lingerie who rubs your shoulders half-heartedly for a few minutes isn't going to cut it. Now they trot out the homely girl in back who's actually skilled in genuine therapy techniques.


I used to be that girl (only not so homely) at the last place I worked. They used to drag me out for anyone requesting a therapeutic, or just looking suspicious. I used to hate it because I'd never get tipped.

Customers tell me that this trick works particularly well at Asian massage parlors (AMPs) because they often advertise very low prices just to get you in the door. They can afford to because the house pockets the tip money as well. The customer I was talking to yesterday about this said he once got a fantastic massage from a woman who really knew what she was doing. Ugly as hell, but used her feet and everything on him.

I'm not advocating anyone going to an AMP, but if your purpose is to get a bargain therapeutic from them, then I won't blame you.

Now of course this trick isn't foolproof. Some places may try to hit you up with other "fees" when they realize you're not dropping $$$ for a happyending. Or all their girls may be suddenly "busy" when they realized you're only looking for a therapeutic. But, it's worth a shot - especially if they want to appear legit.

And the last piece of advice i will give you (so none of my colleagues out there will get too mad at me for revealing this secret) is to PLEASE tip your masseuse for therapeutics. $20 is my recommended amount. Most of the time we're not expecting it, and it would really make our day.



Matt said...

you mean to tell me that some guys don't tip for theraputic? geezz you should always give something. You give the girl who cuts your hair a tip.

Anonymous said...

Random question...

What percentage of your clients are uncircumcised? Is there anything you different for them?

Continuous But Plural said...

Very sneaky advice. Very interesting.

GC85 said...

What do american massage parlors charge for this? :-S

GC85 said...

What do american massage parlors charge for this? :-S

Jack said...

Phewww! Just finished reading your entire blog to date, I'm a little late I know. Really interesting and well written BTW. Was loving reading it for hours straight. Looking forward to putting my 2 cents worth in the future as well. Keep up the educating and entertainment work.
P.S nice rack!

Anonymous said...

Guaranteed way to get a strong therapeutic in an MP....KEEP YOUR UNDERWEAR ON!! Nothing will throw them into legit mode faster than that. I did that on my first trip to an MP and now, ten years later, I can still say that was the absolute best therapeutic I ever had. Eventually got the release that day, but took a hell of a lot of convincing that I was not the PO PO.

Lilacfairy said...

Hello, I just stumbled across your blog (awesome by the way!) Because I've just been offered a job as a hand relief masseuse. What should I do on the first time? Do I wear gloves? Will he be offended if I do? Help! I've never done anything like this before but the money is too good to pass up.

cj said...

MOST guys don't tip for therapeutic. Old housewives for that matter either. It's the worst thing about legit massage - bad tippers.

I'd say maybe 1/3?

Can't talk for other businesses, but at ours the assumption is that the "massage" is included with the door fee and tipping is extra. So that's why it's such a bargain - we're not expecting you take no options. We charge $45 for half hour and $60 for the hour.

Good tip!! I forgot about the underwear thing. Total red flag when a guy won't take the underwear off. Thanks for that one!

Welcome aboard! Gloves seem like overkill and it won't help turn your clients on any. But if you feel safer doing it that way, then go for it.

You know how to give a handjob I assume? It's just up, down, repeat as necessary. You'll get the hang of it! LOL The key is to stick to your own standards and don't do ANYTHING in the room that makes you feel uncomfortable. Good luck!


Anonymous said...

Wow CJ, I have got to tell you, your blog is unbelievable. You should really set your sites higher than owning/managing a tanning salon. You are funny, intelligent, and insightful. Your blog is in turns ingaging, outrageous, humorous, tender, honest, sad, shocking, mundane, and always thoroughly and completely gripping. Honestly, I am a voracious reader and your blog is the best thing I have read in a long time. Your blog would make a fascinating book.

You write well and frenquently a phrase yuou have written jumps off the page and just strikes me as funny or shocking or even sublime. One of my favorites is "Thank Gawd I jerk lefty." So few words and yet is says so much. Funny, cryptic, and simply stating the facts.

I think that you should have readers send in their favorite phrases lifted from your blog. It would make for for interesting micro-reading.

Keep writing.


Matt said...

Gloves for a HJ would be a real bummer to be honest. It would feel like you are getting an exam or something, just my .02cents

Anonymous said...

Hmm, my guess is the guys who don't tip know they are at a place with extras (from review sites or their buddies, for example) and are PISSED to have to be made to walk out with their hard-on.

About that "guaranteed" underwear tip... I was used to (legit) Thai parlors where they provide you with shorts to wear during the massage when I stumbled into my first handjob joint by accident. I couldn't tell that the chicks at the counter were actually Chinese, or why they giggled when I asked for 90 minutes...
No shorts or towel on the table, so I just kept my own briefs on.
The girl entered, said nothing at first and started a very sensuous massage, VERY different from what the Thai do. Once I turned over she asked me, laughing and pointing at my crotch, if she could take "that" off. I had never had extras in a parlor so I was a bit surprised and just mumbled, "Um, yeah... sure". She, of course, insisted on ME requesting that she removove them (legal CYA) and pulled them off, still laughing. With a grin from ear to ear, she then oiled me up and I watched her proceed in amazement.
Rule #1 of AMPs? There are NO rules! (Can you tell I love 'em, already?)

And about targetting AMPs to screw them out of a couple of bucks... I got one better! Once in the room you flash a badge and demand a blowjob. The scared shitless girl is used to getting raped by The Man (and ratted out by non-asians) so she just gives five-o its freebie!
Funny? NOPE.

Anonymous said...

Love this blog. About 2 years ago after getting out of a bad relationship I made my first leap into going to a massage parlor. I've been back several times of course. Also to several different locations. On a couple occasion I asked for full service and got it. Wasn't that difficult. You wait to the end and ask. The first time I asked they provide protection but told me that they weren't supposed to carry them in case of inspection. One time I got really brazen, went in and when the gal left for me to undress I slapped down the money and put a condom on top. She came in and said " oh, you scare me" "is this for me?" I played shy/coy. What was the worst she could do? Throw me out. But instead I didn't have to say a thing and got a wonderful bare breast massage And full service.

So now I've confessed my sins... Here is another... I hope you can forgive me. It has been after sometime that I have been going that I've looked it up online to research some. I wondered because all these places I went to were pretty much the same... How is it that they don't get closed down all the time? And then I saw the human trafficking issues they have with these kinds of places. All the ones I've been to have been Asian message. In my searches for new places they always come up Asian this and oriental that. I don't want to contribute to human trafficing but would still like to get a good rub and tug now and then. How can I find a good place? Would love a nice place with a blond American gal with nice chest as yourself to give me the relaxation I'm looking for with out the human trafficking part. Any suggestions?
I live in MD... Not to far from southeast PA. Wish I could come by and visit but already know your thoughts on this plus the whole giving away part. I guess for now I can keep reading and dreaming. So again... To quote Blazing Saddles "where are all the white women at?"