Thursday, April 29, 2010

Urban Legends

My previous topic got me thinking about other stories that float around the local businesses. We have our own set of local gossip and urban legends, so I thought I'd share them here since it's the kind of stuff that you'll never see on the internet (until now).

The Undercover Cop
This is more of a scam than an urban legend. Rumor has it that some guy has been going around pretending to be a cop in order to get out of paying for his sessions. The scam goes something like this...

He shows up at the front desk talking on his cell phone and acting all serious. In the room, he may pretend to be on his phone again. He doesn't put the money down first (scam artists NEVER do). Then immediately after the happy ending, he puts on a convincing show about how he's a cop, but he really really doesn't want to arrest you because you're such a "good girl." So after the masseuse is scared to death, he gives her a warning, then takes off without paying.

Hasn't happened to me, but I've heard it more than a few times lately. Remember ladies - ALWAYS take the money up front.

The Millionaire
Anna Nicole Smith is the patron saint of all strippers. She lived the dancers dream of actually marrying a rich customer. Well, we have an urban legend like her around here.

Supposedly there was a girl at a local business that had a millionaire as a Regular. I didn't know her (of course), and the story is always told by a friend of a friend of a friend who knows it's true.

Local wealthy guy goes to a massage parlor out of loneliness and falls in love with his masseuse. He makes an honest woman out of her, and now she's a local socialite hosting tea parties and running his massive business empire.

I call bullshit on this one. Now I'm sure there's some local businessman who has a wife who used to be an erotic masseuse, but that's probably where the story ends. But with each telling he gets richer and richer and she becomes fancier and fancier. The truth is probably closer to Gas Station Owner Knocks Up and Marries Local Masseuse. Occasionally she runs the cash register.

The Divorced Guy
A guy going through a messy divorce goes around town giving away all of his wife's jewelry to masseuses and escorts. Now this is a story that I think is true because it happened to a friend of mine.

Apparently a local guy discovered that his wife had been cheating on him, so they split. The divorce gets so ugly that the guy decides to take his revenge by taking all of her jewelry and then going on a happy ending spree.

The story is that he would take a session, but instead of paying in cash he would offer some super expensive bit of his wife's jewelry. I worked with a girl at the Old Business who got a pair of diamond earrings from this guy - that's why I know it really happened. Rumor has it he did this all over town and managed to clean out his wife of thousands of dollars worth of gold and gems.

OK - it's true that my friend got a pair of earrings from a customer. BUT let me tell you what I think really happened.

I think some local got hold of a large stash of cheap-ass costume jewelry. Then he came up with a convincing sob-story about where it came from and why he wants to unload it. And in the dim lighting of a session room, I'm sure any $10 trinket looks like a thousand bucks.

I never saw the earrings in question, but I'm sure they looked great in the dark. Heck, even I have a collection of jewelry I've gotten from customers. The difference is I won't take it as a tip.

So those are some of the best stories we tell each other after a hard day at work over a few drinks. Sometime after the 3rd shot the conversation always goes like "Didya hear about Candy...? You're not gonna believe this, BUT..."

And now that you've all read this on the internet it has to be true!



Anonymous said...

Funny. Especially the "tea party" bit.

Unrelated, here's how you make a "massage" business website (something to learn for everyone):

Matt said...

I heard about Candy - she takes it up da poopa!!!

Joker_SATX said...


Advizor said...

For the "I'm a copy" ruse, just ask him for his badge number so you can thank him for not reporting you.

Little Red said...

I wish I hadn't fallen for the cop scam. That's the absolute worst feeling ever. Oh well, I really loved this post CJ.

Anonymous said...

Any urban legends on crime?

I got a massage from a wonderful gal
where the shop got robbed by 3 guys
with guns.

cj said...

Last Anon,
OH SHIT - there are lots of stories about getting robbed. I should do a post on that one of these days.


Anonymous said...

One rumor is that there are cameras or two-way mirrors in the rooms. Some say it's for the girls' safety, others to secretly record the action and sell it on the black market in Asia (!), and others yet to make sure that nothing illegal takes place or to have evidence of entrappment if the customer is a cop and pulls a fast one.
I don't know if it's true, but I think it's likely for at least the first reason. Mirrors by the table have therefore been more of a worry than a turn-on for me, but hey, gotta get laid.
No provider, monger or blogger has ever given me a satisfying answer, BTW (not counting on CJ either).

Another urban legend: AMPs are run by the mob and you'll get ripped off, robbed, or beaten up if you don't tip or are rude to the girl.
I was leery of leaving my clothes and wallet behind to shower because of that rumor when still a rookie. Would "they" go through my stuff looking for cash or police ID?
Well, I can tell you that after patronizing countless AMPs of various quality (some WERE probably mob-run), and leaving wads of cash in my pockets (good tipper)... I have NEVER had anything missing from my stuff.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I have read and heard of many a monger who undertipped, or even stiffed the masseuse and walked out with ONLY a frown and few harsh words from the girl or the owner as "punishment".
I even know a scumbag who helped himself to several benjamins left on the counter when the mamasan wasn't looking. He had the nerve to come back a few days later and leave a large tip to relieve his conscience! If there was CCTV everywhere, as is often claimed, and he had been recognized by "the mob", I don't have to tell ya what would've happened upon his return...

So before long I stopped worrying. Being nice to the staff always helps, in any context, and probably in that respect.
This to put another nail in the coffin of THAT rumor spread by ignorants and outsiders with an agenda.