Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Happy Fathers Day!
Hey guys, I have a quick update for you that I didn't know whether to call a Freak of the Week, or not. I'll let you decide.
As you know, we are under DefCon 11, or whatever the highest one is. Someone told me it's 1, but that just doesn't seem to capture the paranoia we're all feeling here at The Business. Another Asian Massage Parlor (AMP) got busted 2 weeks ago. Good news and bad news as far as I'm concerned, but still bad enough to keep us on our guard.
So under DefCon 11, all new customers are therapeutic massages only. Well, a Regular of mine asked me for a special favor last week. He wanted to get his dad a "genuine happy ending massage" for Fathers Day. In other words, he's giving his dad a handjob. Technically speaking. At least it makes me and the other girls snicker when we say it that way.
How could I say no? I mean under the conditions it's OK. So do you guys out there consider the son as a candidate for FOTW or the coolest son ever? If anything, it just shows they're a VERY close family.
So the guy bought him a gift certificate (yes - we have gift certificates and you'd be surprised how many we actually sell in a month) for enough to guarantee I'd show him a "good time." But not too good because he's over 70 and hasn't been with a woman since the mom died a number of years ago.
"Mort" as I'll call him since that's a real Dad kinda name, stopped by Monday night. I guess that gift certificate was burning a hole in his pocket.
I wonder what the card said?
Anyway, Mort was easily 75. Moved slowly and was quietly spoken. Sweet old guy and not the dirty old man type. Mort came in and asked for me before handing over the certificate.
"My boy said you were the best and you'd make me feel like a million bucks."
Ya ever notice how nicely seniors talk? I mean that was probably the sweetest thing anyone has said to me all week.
I asked him if he's ever had an erotic massage before and he said no. So I gave him rather explicit instructions for a newbie since I assumed his son filled him in on the REAL gift - "assume" being the operative word here.
"Uhhhhhh... I don't know really. He just said you'd 'take care' of me. Wink wink." Then he grinned, showing me his beautiful dentures.
"OK, Mort. Just lie back and relax. I'm gonna take care of you." I turned the lights down and moved close to the table to make sure he would get a good look at me undressing. His son wanted "the works" so I wasn't going to skimp any. I figured they'd compare notes later, so I better make this memorable.
Mort said "Ohhhhhh... You are beautiful" in a way that hinted he knew what was coming. I was just hoping he didn't have to strain his eyes too much under that dim lighting. I had him roll on his stomach and I proceeded to do a thorough job of his back and legs. With older customers, you really have to be careful around their back and joints. The massage uses a more gentle technique that focuses on caressing and not deep pressure. You also need massage oils that won't irritate delicate skin.
Well, Mort was loving all of it. He really didn't say much during the massage, but he made lots of happy noises. When I finally told him to flip over, he almost sounded sorry. I assured him that the best part was yet to come (no pun intended). But then he made a little joke about how I did such a good job that he should return the favor. So I told him "OK."
I swear to you, I think he had a tiny stroke when I said that because his mouth just kinda froze in place and he stammered a few times. I told him It's OK and that it's all about him on Fathers Day. So we switched places and I let Mort massage my back and legs. Let me tell ya - Mort was so cute. He actually wrapped a towel around his waist so I wouldn't be "blinded" by his butt.
Mort was sooooooooo gentle. I could tell he really was nervous and obviously hadn't touched a woman in a while. It was almost like he thought I would break. I had to tell him a couple times that it was OK to use more pressure, especially in my shoulders. I got bored quickly when he worked on my legs so I let him go a few minutes and made a few "mmmmm" noises to make him think he was doing a good job.
Then I rolled on to my back.
Mort just kinda stared at me and The Girls for a few moments. Then at The Girls for a bit. Then back to me as if asking "now what do I do?" Heck - he was so gentle with my back I figured he'd be safe to trust with The Girls.
Boy was I right.
I gave him the OK to massage The Girls and you'd think he was a kid in a candy store. He oiled them up nicely and did a series of gentle circular motions around them - starting around my armpits, moving underneath them, then slowly up the middle of my chest and ending just above the pecs. It was HEAVEN.
During most mutuals, guys just want to grab and pinch - that's why I don't like offering them anymore. It's only once in a blue moon you find a guy who actually knows his way around breasts. Mort was that guy.
I let Mort go to town for a while since we were both enjoying it. It's times like that when I can't believe I get paid to do this. After a long while of being totally selfish, I finally (and reluctantly) told Mort it was time for his happy ending.
I got him back on the massage table and proceeded with the hand release. Mort had some difficulty getting excited and he wasn't quite fully erect when he came. At least he was able to finish though - I've had some old timers who take forever.
And that is my story of what may be the oddest Fathers Day gift ever. Sure beats a tie and bad cologne.