Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Well Maude starts this week. I haven't met this sister, but if she's nothing like her slutty baby sister, then we'll be just fine. To refresh your memories, Maude is coming in to basically replace Audrey in a sort of office manager/cleaning lady kinda way. AND she gets to keep her clothes on while doing it.

When I had the blowup with the boss a couple weeks ago, it was because she said the skank ho sister was coming in to run the place. That little whore worked here for a short time a few years ago. And when I say "short" I mean we had to go to Audrey and demand that she get rid of her immediately before The Business went down in flames. Let me explain...

Slutzilla (as we affectionately called her) got a job from Audrey as a huge favor. She was basically useless and had no job (like everyone else in that trailer park they call a family), so Audrey gave her one out of pity I guess. And let me tell you - we all learned how useless she was almost immediately. Sat around and did nothing all day but talk on her phone and wait for us to give her customers. And when she did get one, he pretty much complained later what an awful session he had.

Then it dawned on Slutzilla how to improve her customer service skills. She discovered that a really bad massage could easily be remedied with a quick blowjob. In fact, why waste time on a massage at all when you can just fuck the guy and pocket the tip in a fraction of the time?
I am not kidding you when I say that she became an overnight success. One day no one knew her name - the next day the phone was ringing off the hook for her. She was getting tons of really short (15-30 minute) appointments. We were all shocked at first, then quickly suspicious. All the signs were there of a full service traitor: the short sessions, the instant popularity, and the wave of newbies. There's a saying in our business - if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a whore.

So I asked one of my Regulars to do some undercover detective work for me by taking a session with her and then reporting back. He confirmed all our suspicions - as soon as he was in the room, Slutzilla basically offered him the old suck-n-fuck.

[At this point in the story, you're probably wondering how I could force a loyal Regular of mine to go see if he could fuck my co-worker. I felt very guilty about making him take one for the team, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.]

We immediately went to Audrey and told her everything. At first she didn't believe us, but eventually she admitted that even some of her Regulars had mysteriously disappeared. Now that's saying a lot because her Regulars were already getting blowjobs, so I can only assume that Sluttzilla was either better at it, lower priced, or both.

Well Audrey confronted her little sister and pretty much fired her on the spot. Some of you are probably shaking your heads and wondering why we would get rid of a girl who was bringing in tons of new business by giving the customers what they want. Yes, she was bringing them in, but it was the wrong kind of customer and the wrong kind of business.

The "perfect" customer is a Regular that you know and trust to provide steady business. A flood of newbies makes you nervous because you have to wonder why there's suddenly so much interest. Have the cops noticed? Are local drug dealers trying to recruit since parlors are notorious for druggies? Are the other businesses in the building complaining to the landlord about the packed parking lot? And to make things worse, when a single girl goes full service - it takes away business from all the other girls. I think that was the biggest reason why Audrey fired her on the spot.

A true massage parlor has to walk a line between being legit and being a brothel. As long as we occupy that gray area in between we'll stay off everyone's radar screen. But considering that the number of raided parlors has now increased to SEVEN, the last thing we can afford right now is a girl that's just gonna cause trouble.



geivets said...

The difference between a rub-n-tug and an all out brothel is very subtle. Either way its nude people paying for orgasms. Looking legit by only doing the HJ's and not employing oriental sex slaves helps keep the cops away, as well as keeps the complaints down from the neighbors.

Joker_SATX said...

Yep, that is a good call. Murphy is always looking to invoke his law and who knows, maybe the next newbie could have been a cop.

BlueLantern said...

I can totally understand why she was immediately fired. By offering extras no one else is, she's stealing customers from everyone else, as well as giving the guys ideas that other girls working there may offer the same things.

I do wonder if she used condoms. I can't imagine how many guys she could work through during a day with those short sessions, and the large pile of used condoms in the trash would be a dead giveaway. If she wasn't, then wow that's just plain dangerous to all involved.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. It's ok to give a hand job but not to suck & fuck. What country do you live in? Hypocracyland?

I get that your parlor may not want to allow that, but drop the judgmental attitude. The author behind Real Princess Diaries is full service AND a great writer who has a masters degree. Fucking for money != trailer trash.

BTW from what I've heard from escorts, most guys come within 15 minutes even with condoms.

Double Trouble said...

So lemme guess how the comment section will continue to be from now on...

1) Typical few comments that give compliments, make jokes and double entendres, and have fun enjoying this read for what it is. Ahh the good ol' days. Remember them?
2) Hate-filled & judgmental comments and internet-worthy name calling after consulting the yellow "How to Cleverly Insult on the Internet... for Dummies" book. This is the the FUTURE of blog comment posting!!!

If you hate something so wretched and foul, why are you reading this blog in the first place? Only whores, deadbeats, pimple-faced cum-guzzling queens and anal leakage eating mouth breathers read this kind of shit... why would you want to be included with a group of worthless pond scum?

I'm glad CJ does not comment anymore because every time she does she can't even have a decent discussion without reading, "CJ IS A FUCKING WHORE AND A CUNT!" while having others try to virtually rescue her with the ever courageous, "WRITE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS YOU PUSSY!!!!"

No one honestly cares about your hatred of whores and we definitely could give two shits about your manly grandstanding posting of your email address. Threats of either of those types on the internet are so lame and empty. I mean come on guys, it's not 1994 anymore so please start playing a new game. Or just read another blog. Oh wait, those haven't been invented in your 1994 world yet.

So here's to missing the good ol' days of CJs blog.

Anonymous said...

Double Trouble- Amen Brother!!

geivets said...

Poor sex-crazed-poodle Al Gore could sure use The Business near his home. Instead, he's trying desperately for happy endings from old women and getting stories about his junk all over the news. Bet he wishes he knew CJ, or at least had an intern!

cj said...

Yes, we're definitely running under the radar right now. Good news is that no one's been raided in a month now!

I don't remember any condoms as evidence of her FS. Chances are she wasn't using them, or disposing of the evidence herself.

Your attitude is typical of guys who really know nothing about the sex industry. To you we're all the same, and that kind of defeats the purpose of you bothering to read the blog.

Your statement makes as much sense as saying a car salesman obviously sells bikes too. We don't suck and fuck at The Business because that is not what we're about. Personally I don't care if a girl is FS or not - there are plenty of places around here where you can get that. But that was the whole point of my story - we are not FS, so you have to go elsewhere.

As for Princess Diaries - I see that her masters degree isn't exactly keeping her off her back, is it?

I KNOW!!! There's just something fishy about the whole story if you ask me. Her story about what happened just does not jive with what I know of outcall massage.