Thursday, June 17, 2010

Tales of an Ugly Stepsister


OK - I'm back. Things have finally settled down, but OH THE DRAMA. I guess Audrey and I needed to have it out. We may have had a few disagreements in the past ("You stole my customer!", "I need you to work Saturday," "Why is my keyboard sticky?" etc.) but we do agree on one thing - the Business could use some extra help.

Now I'm not talking about another masseuse. I'm talking about someone to take care of all the non-handjob related stuff around here (this business ain't all glamour ya know).

So this is where another member of the Audrey Clan comes in. This time it's the older sister (and in this story I'm Cinderalla of course). Turns out that Audrey is the only "success" story in that family - being a genuine business owner and all. There are other bizarre members of Audrey's family I could talk about, but that's one trailer park I don't want to empty out just yet.

I'll affectionately refer to my new co-worker as "Maude." And I say co-worker, because technically she won't be telling us how to do our jobs. I'll still be in charge of schedule, but Maude will be a sort of Office Manager I suppose. She'll answer the phones, schedule appointments, order supplies, and clean the place. I think Audrey's doing it this way just to give Maude a source of income.

And don't worry - there's no secret plan for her to start stealing our customers. If you saw her you'd know why. She's around 50, short and very heavy set. The word "plumb" comes to mind when describing her. You wouldn't want to see her topless, let alone handling your junk.

She's supposed to start in a couple of weeks. I guess she's waiting to put the wheels on her place and get it towed over to this side of the Poconos. I'm not holding my breath over it since she may be a fuck up just like everyone else in that family.

Now thinking back to when Audrey and I had our fight, she did say that she was going to put her little sister in charge. Turns out she meant it only as a threat. Even Audrey's not that stupid. But I can talk more about that train wreck later.

And in case you were wondering, during my week off, I actually did 2 nights in my new gig as a bartender. Let me tell ya - that work is HARD. You bust your ass, break a sweat, stain your clothes and come home smelling like beer. But I have to admit that it was kinda fun flirting with customers and cracking jokes and stuff.

I had a couple of drunken college boys daring me to "... show us your tits!" I looked them right in the eye and said "Sure. $80." I think my dead serious tone of voice shut them up. The funny thing is that I wanted to add "... G-string is $120 and nude is $150."

If they only knew.

CJ

26 comments:

GC85 said...

Well, good luck to ya.
Is bartender long term or temporary? I really don't wanna see this blog change.....
Confessions of an erotic bartender doesn't have they same ring, dont you think?

GC85 said...

also you spelt plum wrong it doesn't have a B

GC85 said...

also you spelt plum wrong it doesn't have a B

Anonymous said...

All Jobs Suck, that's why
Work is a 4 letter word.

-pat

We know your job is hard, it's why
there is good money in it, but
it's why you get some static from guys about the money

Anonymous said...

And then there's Maude!
Hahahaha.

Great name, CJ.

"She's around 50, short and very heavy set...You wouldn't want to see her topless, let alone handling your junk."

Fucking hilarious post.

Joker_SATX said...

Welcome Back! Can't wait to see how Maude turns out....

Mike said...

Dude..

Not only did she NOT spell Plumb incorrectly, according to www.dictionary.com there are 17 different definitions for "Plumb".

You also failed to capitalize the first letter of a sentence, and you neglected to end your sentence with the appropriate punctuation, in which case should have been a period.

geivets said...

Maude is a great cover to protect the Business. Any cop sees her and he should immediately think legit massages.

Mike said...

Geivets..

Now that you mention it.. That IS pretty clever...

Anonymous said...

I would have paid the $80.

Continuous But Plural said...

LOL!

Sergio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

OMG...are we going to try and run her off by pointing out her spelling and gramatical mistakes..sheesh!! Give it a break guys. It is a fun blog..not the Washington Post!!

GC85 said...

Mike,
I only pointed out 1 spelling mistake because I thought CJ might want to correct it. Or not. You are right, CJ did spell plumb correctly - I never said she didn't.

Anonymous said...

What's funniest is she probably meant "plump", you dumbasses.

Anonymous said...

I'll give you $20 for a handjob. In this economy, you should be grateful to get that much.

Anonymous said...

I would give her $10 for a handjob and she would probably do it. Girls like CJ will do anything for the crack money.

Brick Henry brickhenry999@gmail.com said...

anonymouses 6/20/10 7:13 PM and 6/20/10 7:15 PM (the same dickwad sucking cyber bully) are at it again.

1. if you don't like cj don't be ugly to her unless you are only doing it to make yourself feel better about the miserable life you find yourself living.

2. if you don't like this blog don't read it unless reading, and commenting, make up for the sexual abuse you suffered at the hands of your step father who taught you how to suck cock and swallow his jiz.

3. if you hate yourself why don't you simply sign up for mental therapy instead of being mean to people behind the shield of anonymous posting, unless that is, being a cyber bully with no balls has been your goal for life all along.

4. take that used butt plug out of your mouth, grow some balls, and start commenting under your own name. in the real world a man stands behind his words, he doesn't hide behind the invisibility of anonymous posting.

brickhenry999@gmail.com

Brick Henry brickhenry999@aol.com said...

Also, CJ, if things don't work out with your current boyfriend please shoot me an e-mail, I'd love to meet you sometime and grab a drink.

I know you don't like to date guys who know what you do for a living but I think you can tell from my posts that I am really non-judgmental about such things and I actually think we'd have a lot in common. I don't live too far from your neck of the woods and would be happy to make the drive and meet up.

And even if things do work out with our boyfriend you are still welcome to e-mail me if you ever need some emotional support or just a friend to chat with.

You can reach me at:
brickhenry999@aol.com

Anonymous said...

LOL

I'll be happy to know my handjobs are coming from your girlfriend, too. Judging from your obsession with cock, i suspect you'd be into it too. Shit, you can even call me daddy, I know that turns your crank.

Brick Henry brickhenry999@gmail.com said...

Anon....So long as she's coming home to me at night I have no problem with it. How would you feel knowing CJ spent your money on me buying me a nice dinner?

And real men post their e-mail addresses you loser!

brickhenry999@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

Jesus Brick you are such an idiot. What a transparent suck up. It's called free speech, if you don't like the comments go somewhere else. You don't see CJ throwing a hissy fit about all this do you?

Just Some Guy said...

Maude is good. Christie works as well. Especially if she were a stunning blond.

NAUGHTY WEB said...

$80 sound like bargain

cj said...

GC85,
After this little episode of me almost quitting, I think I'll keep bartending long term, but on a part time basis. It's always good to have a 2nd source of income.


Geivets,
That's exactly what I was thinking. It's about time we got a real matron-type to work the front desk.


Other Anons,
You talk a lot of shit but once you're in the room, you lose the advantage. "All undressed and no where to go" we call it. Whenever I call some cheapskates bluff, I almost always win. So you can take your $20 bill and wrap it around your little prick out in the parking lot.


CJ

Anonymous said...

The only thing CJ has to offer is her body and sex appeal. She'll figure that out when she's the equivalent of a skanky old stripper and nobody's interested in her anymore because she has the empty soul of a whore.