Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Life and Death of “Seductions Spa”

Well, the weekly rag for this weekend is out and it has our “Now Hiring” advertisement. We’ve already started getting phone calls about the job earlier this week. Luckily I have this weekend off so I don’t have to talk to any of those poor women desperate enough to work here. LOL

But that’s not what I wanted to tell you guys about. I also noticed that our most recent competitor – Seductions Spa – no longer has an ad on the back page.

Now let me explain how the advertising works for places like us. We advertise in the weekly rag, which is one of those free “entertainment” papers you find in gas stations and grocery stores. The last few pages are usually reserved for your “adult” entertainment such as strip clubs, adult bookstores, massage parlors – and in large cities – escort services. It’s back here that you’ll find ads for places like The Business. Whenever Audrey runs an ad, she always requests that it’s not in the very back – next to the strip clubs and dirty bookstores. You can usually find us somewhere between the Asian massage places and the ads for making money at home in your spare time. I mentioned in one of my first posts how to recognize the ads for massage parlors – well, we actually try to avoid looking too obvious. This is how we first noticed “Seductions Spa.”

It was about 2 months ago that we saw this ad for a new place. It stuck out like a hard prick since it featured bikini clad women and said something like “Seductions Spa – Cumming Soon!” Now why would you go and make yourself look like a whore house? I remember showing the ad to Audrey and we both had a good laugh. Do you really think cops don’t read these things?

So like we always do when we see a new business in town, we started doing our own form of “industrial espionage.” Ya gotta keep a leg up on the local competition – right? Well, the first thing we do with a new business, is to call up and see what they're paying. So I put on my most innocent voice and try their number. The conversation went something like this…

“Hello, Seductions.” It was a man’s voice. They must be brand spanking new because most first-time customers will hang up if a man answers the phone.

“Yeah hi. My name is Candy and I was wondering if you’re hiring?”

“Oh yeah?” He almost sounded surprised. “I’m Carl. I just opened the place and I’m looking for 8 girls. I got 2 already. Where you from Honey?”

I hate being called “Honey.” I made up a story about being from Philly.

“Oh that’s fine Honey. I’m paying my girls $100 a day plus you get to live in the house. Every customer you get will be $25 to the house. You can charge whatever you like in the room. Everything else is yours.”

Did he say HOUSE? He expects us to live there? This place has brothel written all over it. And he’s going to pay us $100 a day just to be there? This guy obviously has no idea what he’s doing.

I’m taking down notes while he’s talking. “Sounds great Carl! Let me get back to ya.” Carl gives me another phone number to call and an address if I want to see the place. I hung up then went over what I had written with Audrey. We had a good laugh.

I checked out his address and it turns out he’s 20 miles north of the freeway in the middle of nowhere!!! Maybe he’s thinking he won’t draw attention up in the woods, but he’s made 2 mistakes. First, those country cops have nothing better to do than check out "The New People" in places like that. Second, truckers won’t drive an hour out of their way for our type of services. Then there’s how he pays his girls. He obviously has never been in the business before because there is no way in hell he can afford 8 girls to sit on their ass'es at $100 each, unless he’s expecting 50 customers a day.

Now a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the ad for Seductions was still running, so I had one of my Regulars - Eric - call them up and see how they were doing. So after session, I handed my phone over and showed him the ad. Once again, the guy answered the phone and Eric asked about the girls.

“I’ll be honest with you… I ain’t got no one working here yet. I’m still trying to get the place together and it’s hard hiring anyone. I’m new at this.” Apparently our old buddy Carl wasn't doing too well. Eric pressed him for more info.

“Yeah I hear ya. I’m tired of the girls down here and was hoping to try something new. That’s why I called when I saw your ad.” Eric’s a great liar. He’s a traveling salesman from New York. You know those little metal pieces on the ends of garden hoses that you use to attach it to things? Well, he sells those. Eric is one of my favorite Regulars and also my personal psychiatrist. I call him a couple times a week and tell him all my problems while he gives me advice. In return I let him cum on various parts of my body during his Happy Ending. That’s his kink. I’ve jerked him off onto my breasts, ass, face, and even feet. The one thing I won’t let him have is my hair. A girls gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

So anyways – back to Carl. It turns out he used to date someone working in a massage parlor and thought he could run a place by himself with no experience. But now he was at the end of his wits (and money) and ready to give up (damn – Eric’s a good spy). That brings me back to today. The ad for Seductions is gone. This time I had Audrey call, and no one picked up. Oh well. Wherever you are Carl – good luck and adios!

One more thing Carl - leave the erotic massage to us ladies.



Historical Wit said...

Eric gets some nice perks.

I imagine it is hard to run an exotic massage parlor when you don't have a way with the ladies. I bet it was fun to spend the money tho-

cj said...


I bet it wasn't as much fun as you think. Probably spent all his money renovating an old house. And he probably never had those 2 girls he talked about. Oh well. LOL


Anonymous said...

"Do you really think cops don’t read these things?"
They sure do.

I'm surprised that you didn't call the cops on this competitor. It was probably more fun to see him crash and burn on his own, I guess.