Thursday, July 9, 2009

Close Call

For those of you who've bothered to read some of the old crap I've talked about here, you know that I usually tell guys I meet that I'm a "shampooer" at a local day spa. Well for those of you who are new here, I usually tell guys I meet that I'm a "shampooer" at a local day spa. LOL

And that hasn't changed. As you may remember, I went online a while ago to try the internet dating thing. Since then I still give the old song-and-dance whenever someone asks me what I do for a living. It just simplifies things - believe me.

Anyway, the online thing has just gotten so boring. I will be the first to tell you that I give good chat. I can chat a guy up like you wouldn't believe, but the minute they ask for a phone number, I totally freeze up. I don't know what it is - everything completely changes on the phone for me.

Let me put it another way... I think since I went on the computer, I've chatted with probably a couple dozen guys (yes, I'm a chat slut), talked to maybe 5, and actually met only 2. And those 2 lasted only 1 date each.

Ya know, I think my problem is that I'm a real Fuck-em-and-leave-em kinda girl. When I really want to get laid, I usually just pick a friend of a friend of a friend who I know I'll never see again, and I just go for it. And with 3 degrees of separation, it's really easy to ditch them afterwards without offending any of my close friends.

Now a guy's gotta really rock my world for me to want to see him again. And unfortunately, this is the formula that I have inevitably used to find my last couple of loser boyfriends. Great in the sack? - you're in. Got a job and you're nice to your mother? - get lost.

And that brings me to Archie. I'll call him "Archie" because he has that clean-cut, nerdy kinda look of the comic book Archie (as opposed to my other male friend "Brad Pitt Clone" who looks like Ben Affleck). He's completely unlike anyone I've ever met. And by that I mean he's a friend of a friend. Yikes - That's a whole friend closer!!! That puts him within reach of my inner circle of friends, which for me is waaaaaaaay too close for comfort for reasons that you will see.

Now before you start thinking I'm a total whore - I have not done anything with Archie. We just met for Gawd's sake. But we did have a good time chatting last week when a bunch of us got together at a local bar. At first I thought he was interesting and nice, but without that extra "friend" of separation, I wrote him off as off-limits. Well, it turns out that he's the persistent kind, so he made a few inquiries and found out where to find me!

And to make things more interesting, he bypassed the whole surprise phone call thing and decided to surprise me at work.

AT WORK!!!!!!

Now I don't know who the fucking bitch-skank-whore-slut-pig-dog is who told this guy where I work (but I do have my suspicions JANE), but I have to now deal with the problem. So there I am, hanging out at the back door having a smoke after a particularly grueling session with a 300 lbs. trucker with erectile dysfunction issues, when I get a shout out from Audrey at the desk.

"Hey CJ! There's someone here to see you!"

Normally a scheduled appointment would just be booked in and led into the room by whoever's at the front desk, so this is odd. I stamp out my cigarette and walk up front. Let me tell ya - my heart skipped a beat when I saw Archie standing there. It's not the first time I've been surprised by someone at work, but it doesn't get any easier each time it happens.

"Uhhhhhhh... Hey you" I managed to say. "What are you doing here?" Notice it's not "Good to see you" or "What a nice surprise!"

He can tell I'm surprised, but he can't tell it's in a bad way. "Hi CJ. I just thought I'd stop by and..." (Time froze right here. I was terrified he was going to ask to be shown around) "... take you out to lunch."

PHEW! Time started moving again. You see, as a "shampooer" I would need rinsing sinks to shampoo in. Also, salon chairs, mirrors, racks of hair products, and all the other stuff you need in a day spa. Thank Gawd most guys have no idea what a day spa is supposed to look like (at first glance, our lobby looks like that of a tanning salon).

Audrey gave me a shit-eating grin. "I said it was fine! Go you two - have a good time." Grin grin grin.

To make a long story short, I got him the fuck outta there. Last thing I needed was for Archie to see some seedy looking guys coming in to "get their hair done." I made him take me to a McDonald's a good distance away where we made small talk for half an hour. I also got the message across that he was to never do that again - but in a nice way.

He tried to squeeze a real date out of me, but I talked him down to a scheduled phone call instead. I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but scaring the shit outta me at work is -1000 points right there. He's either an old fashioned romantic, or a stalker. It's still too early to tell.

But he does have a job. LOL



Flyinfox_SATX said...

Shit! (Flyinfox picks up Jaw after it hits the floor)

Athena Marie said...

Dayum. Close call is right.

Here was my way of dating people or "getting to know" someone. It's an act. I act confident and I act like it's no big deal. I act like I'm not totally freaking out and eventually it really is that way. You feel comfortable. No pressure.

Wack said...

Dang, One of your friends then must know what you REALLY do, eh? That still sucks that he/she would send this guy to your work. Maybe he/she is getting back at you for something?

Anonymous said...

How stressful! Glad you got him out of there fast.

RIV said...

After suffering a close call myself, I know exactly how you feel as I've had a close call as well.

While I don't think it was cool of him to do a surprise visit (unless you told him where you worked), I think its even worse that one of your friends gave him the info like that. She would totally be on my shit list.

Sorry to hear the dating thing is sucking for you, though. You seem like a great gal.

Double Trouble said...

I never have understood the online thing personally. For my friends who have done it, it seems that the cards are already stacked against a guy because of the weird factor when they do ask you out or give you their number because of the possible stalker feeling.

Whats your type that you search for? Do you get bombarded with emails from 50yr old guys claiming to be 25?

frenchies said...

So I can relate to the love 'em and leave 'em attitude. But I also enjoy that early stalker/romantic mystery of each man.

I wish you lots of fun with Archie, and look forward to reading more!


cj said...

I think I know who it is. She's a bitch and it's probably best I don't get into it with her. I don't want to give her the satisfaction, if you know what I mean.

I don't know if I have a "type" on line. I mean, you can't trust any of the pics so I mostly go with who's funny. But then I end up with all these 50 year olds pretending to be 25! LOL

I don't like the whole mystery thing. The last thing I want to do is figure someone out. I like to know up front what I'm getting into. At least I like to think that.


RIV said...

To be honest, CJ, I don't see how upfront someone can be online vs. meeting at a bar, through friends, or whatever.
Any new person you meet in life is a mystery to you. It doesn't matter if he tells everything about himself, there are going to be surprises even after years of marriage.

If anything, there can be more candor online and can get a "feel" for what they are like.

Anonymous said...

Well, well, well...this guy just might prove to be something interesting in your life. Never say never! When it comes to dating (and fucking) I always adivse you think outside the box. If you step outside of your comfort zone you just might be rewarded. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that until you acknowledge and embrace being a whore, your "dark secret" will always screw up your love life. No love or friendship without honesty.

I know I wrestle my own demons to the ground and when people try and throw them in my face to hurt me, I just go... "that's ALL you got?!"

But most folks live in denial and in turn lie to others, which keeps snowballing and ruining lives.

The thing is with you, the activity you hide is illegal so that's an extra layer in this cloud over your head.
Unless you can be truthful, I think you should steer clear of anything but one-night stands. I suspect that you know this deep down, and that it's where the "fuck-em-and-leave-em" thing comes from.