Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Preaching to the Choir

It's funny - I really wasn't expecting anyone to comment about what I said on Saturday. But you guys still had some interesting things to say.

The reason why massage therapists require licenses is the same reason why plumbers need licenses. You wouldn't want any idiot with a wrench to call himself a plumber would you? As for us masseuses, we don't want anyone who thinks they know how to give a back rub to advertise therapeutic, pre-natal, or sports massage.

Then there's the erotic massage. If you ask me, I think most girls who do this for a living aren't qualified. Perhaps they need licenses too! I mean, any skank can give a handjob (up, down, repeat as needed), but what else are you gonna do for the other 30 minutes?

And that's why erotic massage is such a weird thing for the authorities to be concerned with. The actual happy ending portion is only 10% of the session - the rest is massage (or it normally is anyways.). Now in a brothel, you could spend your entire 30 minutes fucking and sucking. That's 100% of the session dedicated to an "illegal" activity. Compare that to us - why that's 10 times more illegal than we are!!!!

So it's a damn shame when I hear that one of you guys found a provider on the internet or wherever, and then the session went really bad. I mean - it gives the rest of us a bad name.

Case in point... I have a friend (we'll call him "Bill") who found a local provider on the internet and went to her place for an erotic massage. He ends up in this really dirty, skanky apartment - the kind where you actually worry about finding a clean spot to leave your clothes.

Anyway, he meets this woman and she spends the beginning of the session texting on her cell phone, and smoking like a chimney. "Bill" is expecting a sensual massage with happy ending... maybe negotiate a little something "extra" towards the end. Now before he can ask for any options, she puts out the cigarette and immediately wraps her mouth around his cock!!!!

Needless to say, the session ended quite quickly. So much for the massage. So much for the anticipation. So much for the happy ending.

And that's why I think we should start licensing erotic massage therapists, instead of driving them out of business. It's for the consumers protection.


CJ
Consumer Advocate

5 comments:

Advizor said...

As a big fan of full body massage, yet never a recipient of the "happy ending" except from my wife, I can tell you that the build up, the anticipation, the touching, the relaxing, is all part of the experience. If all it was about was the end, then it wouldn't be any fun at all.

I say that all erotic massage practitioners should be trained in massage, and tested in happy ending techniques.

It really is about good customer service.

DoubleTrouble said...

I give my vote to CJ for Consumer Advocate President and CE-OH! Since you will definitely need a personal ASSistant, I hereby volunteer my supporting hands pro-bono.

And to think of how much I would be bragging about my job too... a man can dream can't he CJ?

Anonymous said...

Nevada has done quite well with licensed sex work. It's safe, it's disease free and it's profitable.
if new jersey or deleware were to license the sex trade they'd make a fortune.

Al Sensu said...

When it comes to so-called vices, I'm a libertarian. It's particularly ridiculous that happy ending massage is under attack. It's a completely safe outlet. I just wrote a post on my blog about a great place that was run out of business. It's a damn shame!

Thanks CJ for this blog, but also for a great service you provide.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm a libertarian too, and I think that the market, NOT the authorities, should rule and drive lame providers out of business. A bit of paper has never turned anyone into a good pro - its cost only feeds some bureaucracy and the licensee just meets a minimum standard.

You're just being a protectionist about your own little turf. Everybody else should be outlawed. Yeah, right.
We're all free or no one is.

I've read reviews very similar to your friend's experience. And I've read many others of ecstatic customers. We can all tell a good massage from a bad one or a clean girl from a dirty one, but I don't know anyone who cares about a "diploma".

IF handjob or lovemaking technique is as simple as you claim (we guys are easily pleased, but it ain't), well the one for a decent massage also is.

I've gotten great, sensual, relaxing, and arousing massages from unlicensed girls. It's about the touch, the heart, the talent, and they don't test that.
Some women may have technique, but if they're cold-ass bitches... I won't want anything more from them.

Those who have specific health problems should go see real, licensed therapists. Like the kind who'd, you know, rub their feet for some reflexology, not let people come on theirs (wink).

The providers I know to be licensed (in full service houses) got the paper to take THAT reason away from LE to look into a private business between them and their customers.

And all the CRAP that goes on at The Business (menus, options, rules, cash upfront, speeches, etc.) has ALWAYS detracted from the erotic experience for me. Since I stick to AMPs, I've seen very little of it, BTW (wink-wink).

Keep your license. Thanks. It's just the equivalent of "we support our local police" stickers for me. A badge of conformity and pretend-integrity.