OK, I have a problem. First off, I don't get where this "Half Naked Thursday" thing came from. Second, I'm having an issue with the pictures I wanted to post.
The pic I wanted to use was of the 3 Amigos - Trina, Cindy and me. However, when I told Trina, she freaked out and said she doesn't want ANYTHING with her in it being shared. Well I tried to cut her out of the picture, but it just wasn't working.
So instead I dug up an old pic of me taken 2 boyfriends ago using something called "film." It looks like crap, but hey - that's the look I was going for.
As for Trina, I'm gonna talk to her because I LOVE that pic of us. I can't guarantee anything, but maybe if I put a big smiley face over hers, she'll give me the OK.
In the meanwhile, the comments on how we deal with cheapskates here at The Business got me going again, so I threw in my 2 cents - AGAIN. Enjoy!
CJ
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Cheapskate Option
Last week someone made a comment about how he always offers less than the regular cost for options. This set me off. I mean, I know that times are tough for everyone but would you start bartering at McDonalds? I didn't think so.
I think it would be helpful if I responded to this calmly. Yes, we do get guys in here who try to barter. In fact, over the past year it's gotten really bad. It's partly the shitty economy and partly because Audrey has kept cutting her prices without telling us.
This is how it works at The Business:
We keep our prices fixed. All the girls (including the boss) are supposed to charge the EXACT same amount for options. Now if you took notes last week, you'll remember that options are topless, G-string and nude (extras are our own business and we can charge whatever we want for them). We do this for your protection and ours.
It protects you (the consumer) because a girl can't rip you off by making up her own prices. And it protects us because it keeps our tips fair and prevents girls from stealing customers from each other. As long as everyone sticks to the posted prices, it actually increases repeat business.
Some may argue that what a girl charges in the room shouldn't be anyone's business. BUT, when a girl secretly cuts her prices, what happens is that her customers eventually start expecting the other girls to cut theirs. I can't tell you how many times over the past year I've gotten some cheap ass guys in here with a fucking $20 bill asking me for a hand job because "Audrey did it."
So back to the original issue, yes - we get guys in here trying to barter, but we tell them no. I mean, if a Regular comes in and he's a couple bucks short of what he usually gets, I'll let it go. But for the most part, we don't barter on options.
However... Over the past year things got so bad that I eventually created a new option for cheapskates. So whenever some cheap ass bastard came in and gave me a song and dance about how "I've only got $40" AFTER he's on the table, I would offer him a 1 time only deal:
Choose between a handjob or a topless massage - you can't have both.
I've discovered that this ultimatum worked in my favor. For anything less than $80, they either got FIVE MINUTES of my attention for a happy ending. or they got 15 minutes of massage with a view of the girls. That was my "Cheapskate Special." Remember that in the delicate art of negotiation, always offer 2 solutions - both in your favor. So if a guy tried to offer $60, he would either get a 5 minute handjob from a very disinterested masseuse, or 15 minutes of a half-hearted massage from a topless massuese (and that 15 minutes is spent on their stomachs so they can't see much!).
And let me tell ya, I think I've had maybe 2 guys walk out, but the rest stuck around. You would be surprised how many guys suddenly "found" a few extra bucks in their pocket. And the ones that came back ALWAYS paid full price after that.
OK, enough ranting for today. I was gonna post a new pic, but I got in a pissy mood about this sore subject. That's what you get for distracting me. So maybe Thursday!
CJ
I think it would be helpful if I responded to this calmly. Yes, we do get guys in here who try to barter. In fact, over the past year it's gotten really bad. It's partly the shitty economy and partly because Audrey has kept cutting her prices without telling us.
This is how it works at The Business:
We keep our prices fixed. All the girls (including the boss) are supposed to charge the EXACT same amount for options. Now if you took notes last week, you'll remember that options are topless, G-string and nude (extras are our own business and we can charge whatever we want for them). We do this for your protection and ours.
It protects you (the consumer) because a girl can't rip you off by making up her own prices. And it protects us because it keeps our tips fair and prevents girls from stealing customers from each other. As long as everyone sticks to the posted prices, it actually increases repeat business.
Some may argue that what a girl charges in the room shouldn't be anyone's business. BUT, when a girl secretly cuts her prices, what happens is that her customers eventually start expecting the other girls to cut theirs. I can't tell you how many times over the past year I've gotten some cheap ass guys in here with a fucking $20 bill asking me for a hand job because "Audrey did it."
So back to the original issue, yes - we get guys in here trying to barter, but we tell them no. I mean, if a Regular comes in and he's a couple bucks short of what he usually gets, I'll let it go. But for the most part, we don't barter on options.
However... Over the past year things got so bad that I eventually created a new option for cheapskates. So whenever some cheap ass bastard came in and gave me a song and dance about how "I've only got $40" AFTER he's on the table, I would offer him a 1 time only deal:
Choose between a handjob or a topless massage - you can't have both.
I've discovered that this ultimatum worked in my favor. For anything less than $80, they either got FIVE MINUTES of my attention for a happy ending. or they got 15 minutes of massage with a view of the girls. That was my "Cheapskate Special." Remember that in the delicate art of negotiation, always offer 2 solutions - both in your favor. So if a guy tried to offer $60, he would either get a 5 minute handjob from a very disinterested masseuse, or 15 minutes of a half-hearted massage from a topless massuese (and that 15 minutes is spent on their stomachs so they can't see much!).
And let me tell ya, I think I've had maybe 2 guys walk out, but the rest stuck around. You would be surprised how many guys suddenly "found" a few extra bucks in their pocket. And the ones that came back ALWAYS paid full price after that.
OK, enough ranting for today. I was gonna post a new pic, but I got in a pissy mood about this sore subject. That's what you get for distracting me. So maybe Thursday!
CJ
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Options and Extras
When I was answering all your questions, I noticed that there seems to be some confusion between "Options" and "Extras." I thought it would be helpful for me to talk about that because I also want to comment on the recent massage parlor experiences some of you guys have shared with me.
When I talk about "Options" I'm referring to the clothing options that I offer during session. Basically, when you come to The Business, you are offered 3 different clothing options for your erotic massage: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, and 3) nude. All of them come with happy ending, and you don't have to even ask.
The 4th option is the "Mutual" massage, where the customer gets to massage me. But I don't include it with my options nowadays because I only offer that to Regulars that I like. It's just not worth chancing it on a guy who's only going to dig his knuckles in my back for a minute, then spend the rest of his time pinching my breasts... Ugh.
This is how the options thing works... When you arrive at The Business, the only thing you discuss at the front desk is the amount of time you want in the room. This is when you pay the "House Fee." Once you're inside my room, I will then offer you the options. There is no code or secret handshake here - I break the ice by telling you up front that I will take my top off for a tip of such-and-such amount. The happy ending is implied at this point, so if any of you guys out there reach this stage, relax - you found an erotic massage parlor!
Remember - the hand release comes free with the option. If you decline an option, and just tell me to leave my clothes on and give you a massage - then you're getting a therapeutic only with no happy ending. At The Business, I make my money by what I wear (or not wear). So if your masseuse has not offered any options by your 4th session, she's not going to.
Now this brings me to your recent stories. What some of you boys have been telling me is that you've been getting a hand release at the end of a massage with NO clothing options offered. I have to tell you that THIS IS NOT an erotic massage parlor. What you've discovered is a massage provider who's giving you a happy ending "on the side." If no clothes are coming off, then it is definitely a hush-hush situation. Just consider yourself lucky and please don't ask her coworkers for the same treatment!
So now you're wondering why she's giving you a free handjob. Well for starters I HOPE you've been tipping her well for superior service. Second, you're probably going to see her again real real soon. And third, why on Earth would you want to switch masseuses when you've hit the jackpot?
It's just a little thing we call marketing. We used to joke about it in massage school. The gag was something like "with a technique like that, she better give a good hand job..."
This brings us to "Extras." These are basically anything above and beyond a hand release. So other releases like breast or thigh are extra. Also, any other kink like lingerie, dirty talking, doubles, etc. are extra. And if you're lucky enough to find a full service girl, then maybe you could try a nice blowjob.
As for me, I don't always offer extras, especially if you're a newbie or I'm just not comfortable around you. In fact, I usually don't bring them up - I don't have to. I mean, if a customer is obviously into feet then I may offer my laundry list of foot-related kinks. Typically a customer may ask what else is available after they've had a few regular sessions.
Now back to you guys who've found a free-lancer. You might be able to squeeze an "extra" outta her if you ask nicely. Ya see, here's the situation... She's providing you a little bonus that the boss doesn't know about. So she might be up for other things in the room that no one else could catch her at like dirty talking, doubles, etc.
But ya know what? I've lived such an insulated life here in my neck of the woods, that I may be totally off on how other parlors work. Who knows - maybe there are some parlors out there that include a hand release without any clothing options. If any girls out there work at a place with different or no options, please let me know!
CJ
When I talk about "Options" I'm referring to the clothing options that I offer during session. Basically, when you come to The Business, you are offered 3 different clothing options for your erotic massage: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, and 3) nude. All of them come with happy ending, and you don't have to even ask.
The 4th option is the "Mutual" massage, where the customer gets to massage me. But I don't include it with my options nowadays because I only offer that to Regulars that I like. It's just not worth chancing it on a guy who's only going to dig his knuckles in my back for a minute, then spend the rest of his time pinching my breasts... Ugh.
This is how the options thing works... When you arrive at The Business, the only thing you discuss at the front desk is the amount of time you want in the room. This is when you pay the "House Fee." Once you're inside my room, I will then offer you the options. There is no code or secret handshake here - I break the ice by telling you up front that I will take my top off for a tip of such-and-such amount. The happy ending is implied at this point, so if any of you guys out there reach this stage, relax - you found an erotic massage parlor!
Remember - the hand release comes free with the option. If you decline an option, and just tell me to leave my clothes on and give you a massage - then you're getting a therapeutic only with no happy ending. At The Business, I make my money by what I wear (or not wear). So if your masseuse has not offered any options by your 4th session, she's not going to.
Now this brings me to your recent stories. What some of you boys have been telling me is that you've been getting a hand release at the end of a massage with NO clothing options offered. I have to tell you that THIS IS NOT an erotic massage parlor. What you've discovered is a massage provider who's giving you a happy ending "on the side." If no clothes are coming off, then it is definitely a hush-hush situation. Just consider yourself lucky and please don't ask her coworkers for the same treatment!
So now you're wondering why she's giving you a free handjob. Well for starters I HOPE you've been tipping her well for superior service. Second, you're probably going to see her again real real soon. And third, why on Earth would you want to switch masseuses when you've hit the jackpot?
It's just a little thing we call marketing. We used to joke about it in massage school. The gag was something like "with a technique like that, she better give a good hand job..."
This brings us to "Extras." These are basically anything above and beyond a hand release. So other releases like breast or thigh are extra. Also, any other kink like lingerie, dirty talking, doubles, etc. are extra. And if you're lucky enough to find a full service girl, then maybe you could try a nice blowjob.
As for me, I don't always offer extras, especially if you're a newbie or I'm just not comfortable around you. In fact, I usually don't bring them up - I don't have to. I mean, if a customer is obviously into feet then I may offer my laundry list of foot-related kinks. Typically a customer may ask what else is available after they've had a few regular sessions.
Now back to you guys who've found a free-lancer. You might be able to squeeze an "extra" outta her if you ask nicely. Ya see, here's the situation... She's providing you a little bonus that the boss doesn't know about. So she might be up for other things in the room that no one else could catch her at like dirty talking, doubles, etc.
But ya know what? I've lived such an insulated life here in my neck of the woods, that I may be totally off on how other parlors work. Who knows - maybe there are some parlors out there that include a hand release without any clothing options. If any girls out there work at a place with different or no options, please let me know!
CJ
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Q&A - Round 2
OK guys, I promised you I'd answer ALL of your questions, so here goes. Q&A round 2:
Q: Well, I've been wanting to ask the following for a week, so here goes. In your post of 8/27/2009, you wrote, "Personally, I don't consider anything I do as actual sex, so I don't have any ethical dilemmas with it."
However, on a few occasions (for example 2/3/2009), you also claimed, "...(believe it or not) I would never want to date a guy who went to massage parlors. Heck, I even have problems with guys I'm dating going to strip clubs!"
My question: if you don't consider what you do to be sex, one can only assume the guys you're doing it with also aren't having sex. So in that case, they can't be cheating on anyone, so what's the problem with dating them?
A: You have assumed wrong. Just because what I do isn't sex, doesn't mean that the customers aren't having it. Think of what I do as a form of masterbation with a little assistance. The customers get off - I don't. And I wouldn't want a guy I was dating to be getting off with anyone other than me. And that includes strippers and other erotic masseuses.
Q: Are you still having fun with the blog or does it seem like a chore some days? I was gung-ho about my own blog for a few months and then it wore off and felt more like another obligation.
A: I love the blog and especially you guys. Sometimes after a particularly busy day I don't feel like saying much, but for the most part this thing serves as a sort of therapy.
Q: Do you want readers to email their pics to you at your yahoo address? are you curious about any of us like we're curious about you?
A: No, not really, but I'm a little curious about some of the guys who write me on a regular basis. LOL I want to be anonymous and you should too.
Q: How much do you charge for the different options?
A: The "Standard" prices for options are $80 topless, $120 G-string, and $150 nude. Mutuals (when I feel like offering them) are $200. But with the wacky economy, we've all been taking liberties with what we charge.
Q: How does "the business" make money? you said audrey doesn't take from your tips, then how does she pay for the business space, etc.?
A: Door fee. It's basically the same cost as a therapeutic massage. From that she pays for the rent, utilities, and our hourly salaries.
Q: Do they have happy ending parlors for women? lol
A: Oh they exist, but I've only heard stories of this from high end day spas where wealthy housewives go. The stories I've heard...
Q: What do you plan to do when you get older?
A: Own a tanning salon.
Q: Do you feel pressured to stay skinny/attractive due to your job?
A: I guess. I've seen some nasty looking girls in my time who still made decent money. But we're not like strippers where the appeal is purely visual. We're hands on (pun intended) so we tend to be more average looking. Also, we can't slut ourselves up for work either, because that would just draw attention. We have to dress and look conservative when at work.
Q: Do you plan to get married and have kids? if so, will your family ever be notified of your career? or would you switch careers?
A: LOL. By then I hope to be a very successful tanning salon operator.
Q: What are the most disgusting/ridiculous/inappropriate things you have ever dealt with from a parlor dude - or owner or co-maseusse for that matter - (and/or one of us jerks from the internet) and how did you handle it??
A: There are like 50 things that come to mind. But I'll save those for a post all by themselves. Short answer: Getting assaulted and almost raped was the worst experience. Getting told to blow the boss to keep my job is next. And finally, I just ignore jerks who say nasty things in the comments. I usually keep their stuff up there just so others can get a kick out of it.
Q: What time am I picking you up on friday?
A: I get off work at 5.
Q: Since you are into happy endings.. What is the size of the longest mr. happy your eyes has laid upon? Can you tell us your vital statistics...
A: 12 inches. As for me, I'm a size 2 with DD cups. And I put it that way because I know those are the only statistics you're interested in hearing. LOL
Q: Understanding you do your best to keep your sessions all business for you - that said - tell us about a time when you got home from work and masturbated thinking about a session earlier in the day.
A: Never. I've had hot customers before, but I've never had the urge to fantasize about it later.
Q: You've mentioned previously how you like to watch a man "shoot" - so tell us about a few memorable experiences where you couldn't believe how much the man "shot" during the release.
A: Guy shot so far - it went straight into his own mouth.
Q: Can you give me a Top 5 list of the best overall bodies you've massaged. I would think the categories should include height/weight/chest/arms/legs/buns/penis/skin tone. Feel free to add other criteria - thanks!
A: Ugh... too much effort. But I can tell you that the best bodies I've ever had the pleasure to work with were professional hockey players. Compared to other professional athletes, THOSE guys are in shape.
Q: During one of your earlier blogs you talked about what you've given for items received - playstation, fixed speeding tix, etc. I was fascinated with this one below - can you give me as much detail as you recall about it?
"He once came in to see her and ended up giving me a foot rub while waiting for her. I absolutely LOVE getting my feet rubbed – probably more than sex. No kidding. He did such a good job, I took him in the bathroom and took care of him right there."
A: I took him straight into the bathroom and gave him a hand release into the sink while I let him squeeze my breasts through my shirt. Very quick and sanitary I must admit.
Q: Have you ever had a couple come in? or multiple people? Or does this happen ever?
A: Rarely. But I once had a couple where the girl just wanted to watch. She sat in a chair while I gave her boyfriend a typical session with Happy Ending. It was her B-day gift to him. She got turned on by watching, but I think she secretly wanted to make sure he only got a hand release and nothing more.
As for multiple people, we occasionally get college kids in groups of 2 or 3 who are too scared to come in by themselves. It's probably some kind of fraternity or dare thing. We usually tell them we're not "that kind of place" then send them home - angry and frustrated.
Q: You know how Letterman has his Top 10 list..well how about CJ's Top 10 or Top 5 list of the best dicks you've given a helping hand...forget about the person attached...just the most memorable dicks and why?
A:
# 5) Professional baseball player with a tiny dick. Laughed about it with the co-workers for weeks (kids - don't use steroids)
# 4) Guy with the super-wide dick (see above). Looked like a mutant worm.
# 3) 12 inch dick. Also see above. Scared the shit ouf of me.
# 2) Dick that made a 90 degree turn left. Freaky.
And the #1 answer...) 12 inch dick again (see above). But this time it was attached to a 70 year old man!!!!
Q: Let's say the shoe is on the other foot...and you walked into a spa for women, knowing you would be getting a happy ending at the finish, from a male masseuse. Based your experience in the industry, knowing quality, professionalism, etc...what would you expect from him, what would you want him to look like, what would you want him to do during the massage, what would you want for your happy ending and how much would you expect to pay?
A: Personally, I wouldn't use any service like that, but I get your point. I guess I'd want him to be good looking AND be a LMT so he knows what's he's doing. And for me, my happy ending would be a fabulous foot rub.
Q: What are your standard prices?
A: See above. But beyond the "options" are the "extras." Those are only offered to Regulars and include things like breast release, butt release, foot worship, etc. I usually charge $50 -$100 for the extras.
Q: How do you deal with customers who are assholes and just don't get it?
A: If they don't get it after a warning, I just throw their ass out and tell the other girls to blacklist him. No money is worth the hassle.
Q: What do you do if you see a client outside of work? As a former sex worker (I did internet porn and was also a domme), I had a very fun encounter running into a well known politician (at the local level) at an event. He was with his wife.
A: Not sure if you mean "meet" outside of work or "bump into" so I'll answer both.
I've only met Sugar Daddies outside of work. And they all knew I'm not full service, so the sessions were similar to what happens in The Business. It's more like a "date" so nothing was ever hurried, they often included dinner and drinks, and there was lots of casual time afterwards. It's funny - SD's have never asked for anything freaky like foot worship, or costumes or anything (other than lingerie).
As for bumping into a client... This is a small town, so it happens every now and then. Personally, it doesn't bother me one bit. But I have learned that the best thing to do is follow the customers lead. If he totally ignores me (i.e. with the wife), then I do the same. But if he says 'hi" then I'll respond. Can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "OH SHIT" look from some guy in a grocery store as he's pushing the cart for his wife.
Q: As a girl that basically tugs guys to survive (eat & pay rent), why are you so adamant that you don't date guys that visit parlors and do you think that it may be hipocritical (looking from the outside in) on your part? Also, would you be hurt if your boyfriend/husband visited a parlor (since you don't consider it a sexual act)?
A: I don't think it's hipocritical. The customers are getting off - I'm not. That's why I won't date a customer, or let anyone I date to visit a parlor.
Q: Are you ever ashamed that you constantly ask for free stuff, like a new car, money for Atlantic City, new computer, etc... Do you notice that you do that, or is it just a by-product of your job (to expect much for doing so little)?
A: I do that as a joke. Now if someone were to actually give me a car or a computer - that would be a whole different matter! At work I'm very careful about who I make such jokes to because more often than not, customers think you owe them if they give you something. Sorry guy, but I didn't ask for that Daughtry CD, so don't think I owe you a double.
And as for expecting so much for doing so little... Hey - handjobs are at market price. If you think I do "so little," I'd like to see you perform a full body massage for 60 minutes to a 250 pound trucker with lower back issues, THEN still have enough strength left in your arms to stroke his dick for 5 minutes.
Q: Would you ever consider having an open relationship or swinging. If not, why? If you have, what would it take to entice you to begin and would you feel comfortable with it long term?
A: Never occurred to me. Believe it or not, I'm the jealous type so the open relationship thing is out. Also, I'm very particular about who I date, so hooking up with a bunch of strangers at a swingers party doesn't appeal to me either.
Q: In previous posts, you've talked about pretending to masturbate for guys, doing a guy with a dildo, finishing them with your feet, and allowing them to finish on "The Girls". How is that different from blowing them with a condom on or having sex with a condom and how do you separate the two psychologically?
A: It's actually quite simple - I won't do anything that involves insertion. So no blowjobs, no fingers and no dildos. If a guy wants to cum on my feet - that's just a mess that can be wiped up and has no other meaning.
Another thing to keep in mind is even though I do have "extras," I don't offer them to everyone. So if a guys wants something above and beyond the hand release, he has to be a Regular and I have to be really comfortable with him.
Q: Have any females ever come in to the Business in search of an erotic massage? Or what about a couples massage? Or a couple where the female wants to watch the male get a happy ending? Have you encountered any of these situations and if not, would you be willing to do any of these if the situation occurred?
A: I answered a similar question last time. Yes, we do have female customers. But no, they are therapeutic massage only and have no idea about the other side of The Business. Once I had a couple where the girl wanted to watch her boyfriend get a happy ending. Other than that, the session was normal.
Q: CJ, Do most guys shoot when they cum? Or are most of them dribblers?
A: Most are shooters, but not very far. Sort of a combinaton I guess.
Q: How many guys have you slept with in your life?
A: Yikes. Wow. Including 1 night stands? Jeez. Let's just say that I've had about 6 serious boyfriends so far.
Q: What was it like the first bunch of times you got cum in your hair and on your face? Did you find it gross or was it no big deal? Have you ever titty fucked in your private life?
A: It's totally gross and I hate it. First, it's just nasty because it smells and it's hard to clean up. And second, you pretty much have to jump in the shower to get it out - then your hair is fucked up for the rest of the shift. It's just a pain.
The face isn't so bad as long as it doesn't get in the eyes. In that case - that shit burns! Then you're stuck with red-eye for the rest of the day and all the other girls will look at you and say "Allergies huh?... yeah right..."
I was titty fucking before I started in The Business. That's when I learned to start calling it a "Breast Release."
Q: Is your boss hot?
A: Audrey is hot for an aging rocker chick who got stuck in an 80's time warp. I swear - her hair style hasn't changed in 25 years. But a lot of guys seem to dig her.
Q: Do your customers have to sign a waiver?
A: No. It's hard enough trying to get them to use a real first name.
Q: What is the largest and longest cumshot you have seen?
A: Longest one hit the wall behind the guys head. Made him clean it up too. I don't know about the largest, but I have seen guys that must have been saving it for a month because their orgasm seems to last a full minute and that shit just keeps pumping out. And it doesn't freak me out either - I get a kick out of it like satisfaction of a job well done.
Q: Another blogger and I were talking about yours and commented how awesome it would be to have a female version of it. Amazing what beer does to your thought process. I'm sure that wouldn't be very realistic, would it?
A: There was a guy in my massage school who used to tell stories like this. Let me make a phone call and get back to you on this one!
Q: So do most masseuses get paid a salary or commission? They don't work just off their tips do they? Thanks
A: Depends on the place. I would say most probably pay their girls off the books, or they work for tips alone.
All right - I did it!!! I answered all your questions, now I can take a nice long nap.
CJ
Q: Well, I've been wanting to ask the following for a week, so here goes. In your post of 8/27/2009, you wrote, "Personally, I don't consider anything I do as actual sex, so I don't have any ethical dilemmas with it."
However, on a few occasions (for example 2/3/2009), you also claimed, "...(believe it or not) I would never want to date a guy who went to massage parlors. Heck, I even have problems with guys I'm dating going to strip clubs!"
My question: if you don't consider what you do to be sex, one can only assume the guys you're doing it with also aren't having sex. So in that case, they can't be cheating on anyone, so what's the problem with dating them?
A: You have assumed wrong. Just because what I do isn't sex, doesn't mean that the customers aren't having it. Think of what I do as a form of masterbation with a little assistance. The customers get off - I don't. And I wouldn't want a guy I was dating to be getting off with anyone other than me. And that includes strippers and other erotic masseuses.
Q: Are you still having fun with the blog or does it seem like a chore some days? I was gung-ho about my own blog for a few months and then it wore off and felt more like another obligation.
A: I love the blog and especially you guys. Sometimes after a particularly busy day I don't feel like saying much, but for the most part this thing serves as a sort of therapy.
Q: Do you want readers to email their pics to you at your yahoo address? are you curious about any of us like we're curious about you?
A: No, not really, but I'm a little curious about some of the guys who write me on a regular basis. LOL I want to be anonymous and you should too.
Q: How much do you charge for the different options?
A: The "Standard" prices for options are $80 topless, $120 G-string, and $150 nude. Mutuals (when I feel like offering them) are $200. But with the wacky economy, we've all been taking liberties with what we charge.
Q: How does "the business" make money? you said audrey doesn't take from your tips, then how does she pay for the business space, etc.?
A: Door fee. It's basically the same cost as a therapeutic massage. From that she pays for the rent, utilities, and our hourly salaries.
Q: Do they have happy ending parlors for women? lol
A: Oh they exist, but I've only heard stories of this from high end day spas where wealthy housewives go. The stories I've heard...
Q: What do you plan to do when you get older?
A: Own a tanning salon.
Q: Do you feel pressured to stay skinny/attractive due to your job?
A: I guess. I've seen some nasty looking girls in my time who still made decent money. But we're not like strippers where the appeal is purely visual. We're hands on (pun intended) so we tend to be more average looking. Also, we can't slut ourselves up for work either, because that would just draw attention. We have to dress and look conservative when at work.
Q: Do you plan to get married and have kids? if so, will your family ever be notified of your career? or would you switch careers?
A: LOL. By then I hope to be a very successful tanning salon operator.
Q: What are the most disgusting/ridiculous/inappropriate things you have ever dealt with from a parlor dude - or owner or co-maseusse for that matter - (and/or one of us jerks from the internet) and how did you handle it??
A: There are like 50 things that come to mind. But I'll save those for a post all by themselves. Short answer: Getting assaulted and almost raped was the worst experience. Getting told to blow the boss to keep my job is next. And finally, I just ignore jerks who say nasty things in the comments. I usually keep their stuff up there just so others can get a kick out of it.
Q: What time am I picking you up on friday?
A: I get off work at 5.
Q: Since you are into happy endings.. What is the size of the longest mr. happy your eyes has laid upon? Can you tell us your vital statistics...
A: 12 inches. As for me, I'm a size 2 with DD cups. And I put it that way because I know those are the only statistics you're interested in hearing. LOL
Q: Understanding you do your best to keep your sessions all business for you - that said - tell us about a time when you got home from work and masturbated thinking about a session earlier in the day.
A: Never. I've had hot customers before, but I've never had the urge to fantasize about it later.
Q: You've mentioned previously how you like to watch a man "shoot" - so tell us about a few memorable experiences where you couldn't believe how much the man "shot" during the release.
A: Guy shot so far - it went straight into his own mouth.
Q: Can you give me a Top 5 list of the best overall bodies you've massaged. I would think the categories should include height/weight/chest/arms/legs/buns/penis/skin tone. Feel free to add other criteria - thanks!
A: Ugh... too much effort. But I can tell you that the best bodies I've ever had the pleasure to work with were professional hockey players. Compared to other professional athletes, THOSE guys are in shape.
Q: During one of your earlier blogs you talked about what you've given for items received - playstation, fixed speeding tix, etc. I was fascinated with this one below - can you give me as much detail as you recall about it?
"He once came in to see her and ended up giving me a foot rub while waiting for her. I absolutely LOVE getting my feet rubbed – probably more than sex. No kidding. He did such a good job, I took him in the bathroom and took care of him right there."
A: I took him straight into the bathroom and gave him a hand release into the sink while I let him squeeze my breasts through my shirt. Very quick and sanitary I must admit.
Q: Have you ever had a couple come in? or multiple people? Or does this happen ever?
A: Rarely. But I once had a couple where the girl just wanted to watch. She sat in a chair while I gave her boyfriend a typical session with Happy Ending. It was her B-day gift to him. She got turned on by watching, but I think she secretly wanted to make sure he only got a hand release and nothing more.
As for multiple people, we occasionally get college kids in groups of 2 or 3 who are too scared to come in by themselves. It's probably some kind of fraternity or dare thing. We usually tell them we're not "that kind of place" then send them home - angry and frustrated.
Q: You know how Letterman has his Top 10 list..well how about CJ's Top 10 or Top 5 list of the best dicks you've given a helping hand...forget about the person attached...just the most memorable dicks and why?
A:
# 5) Professional baseball player with a tiny dick. Laughed about it with the co-workers for weeks (kids - don't use steroids)
# 4) Guy with the super-wide dick (see above). Looked like a mutant worm.
# 3) 12 inch dick. Also see above. Scared the shit ouf of me.
# 2) Dick that made a 90 degree turn left. Freaky.
And the #1 answer...) 12 inch dick again (see above). But this time it was attached to a 70 year old man!!!!
Q: Let's say the shoe is on the other foot...and you walked into a spa for women, knowing you would be getting a happy ending at the finish, from a male masseuse. Based your experience in the industry, knowing quality, professionalism, etc...what would you expect from him, what would you want him to look like, what would you want him to do during the massage, what would you want for your happy ending and how much would you expect to pay?
A: Personally, I wouldn't use any service like that, but I get your point. I guess I'd want him to be good looking AND be a LMT so he knows what's he's doing. And for me, my happy ending would be a fabulous foot rub.
Q: What are your standard prices?
A: See above. But beyond the "options" are the "extras." Those are only offered to Regulars and include things like breast release, butt release, foot worship, etc. I usually charge $50 -$100 for the extras.
Q: How do you deal with customers who are assholes and just don't get it?
A: If they don't get it after a warning, I just throw their ass out and tell the other girls to blacklist him. No money is worth the hassle.
Q: What do you do if you see a client outside of work? As a former sex worker (I did internet porn and was also a domme), I had a very fun encounter running into a well known politician (at the local level) at an event. He was with his wife.
A: Not sure if you mean "meet" outside of work or "bump into" so I'll answer both.
I've only met Sugar Daddies outside of work. And they all knew I'm not full service, so the sessions were similar to what happens in The Business. It's more like a "date" so nothing was ever hurried, they often included dinner and drinks, and there was lots of casual time afterwards. It's funny - SD's have never asked for anything freaky like foot worship, or costumes or anything (other than lingerie).
As for bumping into a client... This is a small town, so it happens every now and then. Personally, it doesn't bother me one bit. But I have learned that the best thing to do is follow the customers lead. If he totally ignores me (i.e. with the wife), then I do the same. But if he says 'hi" then I'll respond. Can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "OH SHIT" look from some guy in a grocery store as he's pushing the cart for his wife.
Q: As a girl that basically tugs guys to survive (eat & pay rent), why are you so adamant that you don't date guys that visit parlors and do you think that it may be hipocritical (looking from the outside in) on your part? Also, would you be hurt if your boyfriend/husband visited a parlor (since you don't consider it a sexual act)?
A: I don't think it's hipocritical. The customers are getting off - I'm not. That's why I won't date a customer, or let anyone I date to visit a parlor.
Q: Are you ever ashamed that you constantly ask for free stuff, like a new car, money for Atlantic City, new computer, etc... Do you notice that you do that, or is it just a by-product of your job (to expect much for doing so little)?
A: I do that as a joke. Now if someone were to actually give me a car or a computer - that would be a whole different matter! At work I'm very careful about who I make such jokes to because more often than not, customers think you owe them if they give you something. Sorry guy, but I didn't ask for that Daughtry CD, so don't think I owe you a double.
And as for expecting so much for doing so little... Hey - handjobs are at market price. If you think I do "so little," I'd like to see you perform a full body massage for 60 minutes to a 250 pound trucker with lower back issues, THEN still have enough strength left in your arms to stroke his dick for 5 minutes.
Q: Would you ever consider having an open relationship or swinging. If not, why? If you have, what would it take to entice you to begin and would you feel comfortable with it long term?
A: Never occurred to me. Believe it or not, I'm the jealous type so the open relationship thing is out. Also, I'm very particular about who I date, so hooking up with a bunch of strangers at a swingers party doesn't appeal to me either.
Q: In previous posts, you've talked about pretending to masturbate for guys, doing a guy with a dildo, finishing them with your feet, and allowing them to finish on "The Girls". How is that different from blowing them with a condom on or having sex with a condom and how do you separate the two psychologically?
A: It's actually quite simple - I won't do anything that involves insertion. So no blowjobs, no fingers and no dildos. If a guy wants to cum on my feet - that's just a mess that can be wiped up and has no other meaning.
Another thing to keep in mind is even though I do have "extras," I don't offer them to everyone. So if a guys wants something above and beyond the hand release, he has to be a Regular and I have to be really comfortable with him.
Q: Have any females ever come in to the Business in search of an erotic massage? Or what about a couples massage? Or a couple where the female wants to watch the male get a happy ending? Have you encountered any of these situations and if not, would you be willing to do any of these if the situation occurred?
A: I answered a similar question last time. Yes, we do have female customers. But no, they are therapeutic massage only and have no idea about the other side of The Business. Once I had a couple where the girl wanted to watch her boyfriend get a happy ending. Other than that, the session was normal.
Q: CJ, Do most guys shoot when they cum? Or are most of them dribblers?
A: Most are shooters, but not very far. Sort of a combinaton I guess.
Q: How many guys have you slept with in your life?
A: Yikes. Wow. Including 1 night stands? Jeez. Let's just say that I've had about 6 serious boyfriends so far.
Q: What was it like the first bunch of times you got cum in your hair and on your face? Did you find it gross or was it no big deal? Have you ever titty fucked in your private life?
A: It's totally gross and I hate it. First, it's just nasty because it smells and it's hard to clean up. And second, you pretty much have to jump in the shower to get it out - then your hair is fucked up for the rest of the shift. It's just a pain.
The face isn't so bad as long as it doesn't get in the eyes. In that case - that shit burns! Then you're stuck with red-eye for the rest of the day and all the other girls will look at you and say "Allergies huh?... yeah right..."
I was titty fucking before I started in The Business. That's when I learned to start calling it a "Breast Release."
Q: Is your boss hot?
A: Audrey is hot for an aging rocker chick who got stuck in an 80's time warp. I swear - her hair style hasn't changed in 25 years. But a lot of guys seem to dig her.
Q: Do your customers have to sign a waiver?
A: No. It's hard enough trying to get them to use a real first name.
Q: What is the largest and longest cumshot you have seen?
A: Longest one hit the wall behind the guys head. Made him clean it up too. I don't know about the largest, but I have seen guys that must have been saving it for a month because their orgasm seems to last a full minute and that shit just keeps pumping out. And it doesn't freak me out either - I get a kick out of it like satisfaction of a job well done.
Q: Another blogger and I were talking about yours and commented how awesome it would be to have a female version of it. Amazing what beer does to your thought process. I'm sure that wouldn't be very realistic, would it?
A: There was a guy in my massage school who used to tell stories like this. Let me make a phone call and get back to you on this one!
Q: So do most masseuses get paid a salary or commission? They don't work just off their tips do they? Thanks
A: Depends on the place. I would say most probably pay their girls off the books, or they work for tips alone.
All right - I did it!!! I answered all your questions, now I can take a nice long nap.
CJ
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Freak of the Week - The Millionaire
I know I'm supposed to be answering questions, but I just had to tell you this story from Labor Day weekend.
I've had this one Regular for maybe about a year or so. He comes in every 2 or 3 months. Normally we just chit chat during session, but last weekend I asked him what his story was. He explained to me that he's now comfortably retired at the ripe old age of 43.
Now we get a lot of guys in here claiming to be rich. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you can't. I mean, anyone can drive up here in a Hummer - but that doesn't prove that you're rich, it only proves you have poor taste in cars. My personal technique is to see what the guys wearing - in particular his shoes and watch.
Anyway, "Frank" is a millionaire. His story is when he was 20, his parents won the lottery. Now instead of just giving a chunk of change to their sons Frank and Ernest, they turned it into a challenge. The parents put away a million bucks each into 2 trust funds for the sons. But here's the catch - the money would be turned over in 20 years ONLY if they had 1 million bucks CASH in the bank.
So at the tender young age of 20, Frank became a financial planning expert. He worked hard, socked away as much as he could in savings and investments, and basically led a rather disciplined life until he could cash in at the age of 40. He said it wasn't that bad when you think about it - he just had to add $50k to his assets every year.
So when the trust fund became available 3 years ago, he just cashed in all his stocks, bonds, real estate, etc (and with the booming economy back then he had more than enough to qualify for the money). It didn't hurt either that the million had been collecting interest for 20 years. And as part of the plan, Frank quit his job and retired at the age of 40.
Frank is not my Freak of the Week. Now I bet you weren't planning on me saying that in this story, did you? LOL
Ernest also got his money.
Franks brother was 18 when the game began, and just like Frank, Ernest worked hard and socked away every penny into savings. But unlike Frank, he relied more on savings than investing, so virtually every penny he earned went into the bank.
And apparently that was the problem.
Ernest became slowly obsessed with earning money and socking it away. His social life vanished because he was too cheap to go anywhere. He moved out of his apartment for a boarding house because it was cheaper. And he started taking advantage of everyone if it could save him a buck.
Then about 5 years before the deadline, something in him just snapped. It became almost impossible for Ernest to spend any money. He started living in his car. He would rummage through garbage cans for food. For all intents and purposes, he started living like a homeless guy, which is odd because he still had a good job as an equipment operator at the local plant.
Frank said his brother was pretty much normal in every other way, except he lived this homeless lifestyle. So when he became eligible for the trust fund at the age of 38, he took the money. BUT NOTHING CHANGED. Even today - you might see this guy downtown going through a dumpster for food - AND HE'S A MILLIONAIRE. Go figure.
I was like totally shocked when I heard this story. In my opinion, this would be the definition of Hell. A million bucks in the bank, but mentally incapable of spending it. I joked with Frank that he should send him here and maybe we could get him to lighten up a bit. He said we would regret it because Ernest stopped showering a long time ago... Ewwwwww.
Now for those of you who are only interested in stories with happy endings, don't worry. I'm still working on those answers for next week, so please feel free to keep asking questions in that post. Have a good weekend!
CJ
I've had this one Regular for maybe about a year or so. He comes in every 2 or 3 months. Normally we just chit chat during session, but last weekend I asked him what his story was. He explained to me that he's now comfortably retired at the ripe old age of 43.
Now we get a lot of guys in here claiming to be rich. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you can't. I mean, anyone can drive up here in a Hummer - but that doesn't prove that you're rich, it only proves you have poor taste in cars. My personal technique is to see what the guys wearing - in particular his shoes and watch.
Anyway, "Frank" is a millionaire. His story is when he was 20, his parents won the lottery. Now instead of just giving a chunk of change to their sons Frank and Ernest, they turned it into a challenge. The parents put away a million bucks each into 2 trust funds for the sons. But here's the catch - the money would be turned over in 20 years ONLY if they had 1 million bucks CASH in the bank.
So at the tender young age of 20, Frank became a financial planning expert. He worked hard, socked away as much as he could in savings and investments, and basically led a rather disciplined life until he could cash in at the age of 40. He said it wasn't that bad when you think about it - he just had to add $50k to his assets every year.
So when the trust fund became available 3 years ago, he just cashed in all his stocks, bonds, real estate, etc (and with the booming economy back then he had more than enough to qualify for the money). It didn't hurt either that the million had been collecting interest for 20 years. And as part of the plan, Frank quit his job and retired at the age of 40.
Frank is not my Freak of the Week. Now I bet you weren't planning on me saying that in this story, did you? LOL
Ernest also got his money.
Franks brother was 18 when the game began, and just like Frank, Ernest worked hard and socked away every penny into savings. But unlike Frank, he relied more on savings than investing, so virtually every penny he earned went into the bank.
And apparently that was the problem.
Ernest became slowly obsessed with earning money and socking it away. His social life vanished because he was too cheap to go anywhere. He moved out of his apartment for a boarding house because it was cheaper. And he started taking advantage of everyone if it could save him a buck.
Then about 5 years before the deadline, something in him just snapped. It became almost impossible for Ernest to spend any money. He started living in his car. He would rummage through garbage cans for food. For all intents and purposes, he started living like a homeless guy, which is odd because he still had a good job as an equipment operator at the local plant.
Frank said his brother was pretty much normal in every other way, except he lived this homeless lifestyle. So when he became eligible for the trust fund at the age of 38, he took the money. BUT NOTHING CHANGED. Even today - you might see this guy downtown going through a dumpster for food - AND HE'S A MILLIONAIRE. Go figure.
I was like totally shocked when I heard this story. In my opinion, this would be the definition of Hell. A million bucks in the bank, but mentally incapable of spending it. I joked with Frank that he should send him here and maybe we could get him to lighten up a bit. He said we would regret it because Ernest stopped showering a long time ago... Ewwwwww.
Now for those of you who are only interested in stories with happy endings, don't worry. I'm still working on those answers for next week, so please feel free to keep asking questions in that post. Have a good weekend!
CJ
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
ANSWERS!!!! (Part 1)
HOLY SHIT you guys are curious. OK, when I first had the idea to answer questions, I figured I was being lazy by making you guys do half the typing. But crap - you guys had me blushing on some of those. I promise I'll answer all of you guys, but I'll do it over a couple of posts. So here goes...
Q: OK, I'll be the first to ask a question. I don't mind parking my Jaguar in the lot of a topless bar, but I've never had the nads to visit a massage parlour. Have you ever heard of anyone taking license plate numbers and blackmailing patrons? Are there any other privacy concerns you can talk about? ...And a followup question, if you don't mind. What's the best online resource for rating parlours?
A: I've never seen anyone record licenses before, but occasionally we'll get a police car parked across the street to kinda scare away customers. Usually lasts about a day. And then when they come back as customers (we get a lot of cops, both local and state) they tell us that it was because a "concerned citizen" made a call, so they had to do something just for show.
I don't follow the rating websites that closely. As long as no one is saying anything bad about us (or using real names), I just ignore them.
Q: Ok, questions, im planning to visit a massage parlour next weekend and yes its gonna be my very first visit,do i pay the money upfront on the counter before we go in or after? ya other blogs did mention about asking the options and extras before the session starts, do u mean we ask all this on the counter or insider the room when im naked?? if u know what i mean, and yes im kinda nervous since its gonna be my first time and honesttly i really do need that massage with a little twist at the end
A: Money up front is just for the room. Tip inside is for the massage and options. I offer options after the customer is in the room and expect to be paid then. NOTHING about options is discussed outside the room, and if you bring it up we'll change the subject.
Q: You often refer to your old "Internet Sugar Daddy Days". Can you tell us more about that? I'm considering seeking a sugar baby. Did it ever work out well for either party?
A: I could do a whole post on this topic alone - so I proabably will later. But here's the shorts answer. A couple years ago when I was between boyfriends and just bored, I went on line to a couple of those sugardaddy websites. Had the weirdest conversations with guys claiming to be Wall Street big shots and Hollywood producers. Exchanged phone numbers with a couple. Met only 1 - and he turned out to be just a married travelling salesman who was just really lonely.
Q: What's the working life for a topless masseuse? strippers start rotating out at age 25, NFL players usually only average 3 years. and what's your plan for a second act?
A: Let me put it to you this way... my boss is pushing 50 and she still has more Regulars than any of us (she's a dirty slut too, but that's just me thinking out loud). I would say average age is 35. Young girls are rare in this business - I was sort of a novelty when I started. When I retire the masseuse table I plan on starting a tanning salon with the money I've socked away.
Q: So what's the smallest and or largest guy u ever tugged, and did you laugh or giggle at the size? Or when you saw mandingo, were you remotely curious, or just grossed by the sheer size.
A: Both ends of the scale I would call medical freaks. The smallest was the size of my thumb when fully erect. Largest is broken into width and length. Longest I'd say was about 12 inches - I didn't have a ruler on me. The widest one I ever worked with was barely big enough for me to put both my hands around - and it was by far the freakiest thing I've ever seen. The long one just scared me.
Q: How many times does a guy have to visit you (or how often does a guy have to visit you) to be considered a "regular" or "VIP"?
A: A "Regular" is anyone who sees me (and just me) on a regular basis, whether weekly, monthly, or even quarterly. I'll call someone a Regular after his 3rd visit. I guess I'd call a VIP anyone who routinely tips above and beyond the standard. And to be called a "Sugar Daddy" you have to tip GENEROUSLY beyond the standard.
Q: Is there any usual tip vs. door fee scale that nubes or rookies should expect?
A: I can only speak for The Business, but the house fee is standard no matter how many times you visit. You pay for the amount of time you spend in the room and is identical in price to a therapeutic massage place.
Q: If one takes a shower before visiting an mp, can one skip the TS/stand-up shower? (These seem to be common in NJ/NY)
A: Yes - they are used most often by customers AFTER the massage. We only insist on using it before the massage if the guy has some B.O. issues.
Q: Have you ever considered being an independent and working from an apartment? I don't know about the market where you are, but in most places you can get $120-180 per hour. You get to keep the full amount, but then you have your expenses such as rent, web site and such. But it seems to work for a lot of women and I've found the experience much better than a parlor.
A: No. As you can tell, I value my privacy and the last thing I need is a string of guys knocking on my door. As for a 2nd apartment - I wouldn't feel safe working by myself like that.
Q: 1) Is there anything we can do to get the happy ending if the masseuse doesn't bring it up at all? I've gotten nothing at a place from one person while a different person gave me the HE.
A: I've said it before and I'll say it again - you should never have to bring up the Happy Ending. If it's not being offered, there's a reason. Either they don't do it, or you're not eligible - yet. I would suggest asking the girl who gave you the HJ if the entire business offers happy endings.
Remember guys - if you've been to a place a couple of times and they've offered you NOTHING - then you're in a legitimate therapeutic place. We make most of our money offering options, so if they're not being offered to you, then don't embarass yourself by asking.
Q: When do we ask for extras? The place I have gone to, which does do the HE, hasn't offered any other extras. Do I just ask? I asked another person there and they just laughed and i didn't even GET the HE.
A: Sounds like you got lucky and she's offering you the Happy Ending on the side. If that's the case, DO NOT ask the other girls for one so she doesn't get fired. But since the HE door has been opened, feel free to ask for extras. But I have a feeling that if she's secretly giving handjobs on the side, then she's probably not likely to get topless.
Q: I would like to try the prostate massage -- is that common?
A: Hell no. That's a specialty you really have to ask around for.
Q: When is the last time you sucked a guy off? What have you learned from the parlor that you can you use on a boyfriend or person you're having sex with? How much is the most you've made in one year?
A: Thank you for showing an interest... Anyway, I won't answer that directly, but let's just say that I got laid about a month ago. As for the work tricks I bring home - I did a post about this a while ago. I don't bring any home. Guys I'm dating usually don't want handjobs and rarely ask for massages (believe it or not). During my prime, I got over 6 figures in cash during that 2-3 years when the economy was booming.
Q: How do I go and find a Massage parlor that offers options in my town? What are things to look for? Is it mostly word of mouth that is the advertising of such parlors?
A: Start with the phone book and look for places that DO NOT advertise as "therapeutic" or with LMTs on staff. Next, try the weekly entertainment rag - most towns have them and the seedy ads are in the back. We rely mostly on the weekly rag and our billboard - not word of mouth.
Phew - that was tough! I promise to get to the rest of them later, but in the meanwhile, feel free to keep 'em coming!
CJ
Q: OK, I'll be the first to ask a question. I don't mind parking my Jaguar in the lot of a topless bar, but I've never had the nads to visit a massage parlour. Have you ever heard of anyone taking license plate numbers and blackmailing patrons? Are there any other privacy concerns you can talk about? ...And a followup question, if you don't mind. What's the best online resource for rating parlours?
A: I've never seen anyone record licenses before, but occasionally we'll get a police car parked across the street to kinda scare away customers. Usually lasts about a day. And then when they come back as customers (we get a lot of cops, both local and state) they tell us that it was because a "concerned citizen" made a call, so they had to do something just for show.
I don't follow the rating websites that closely. As long as no one is saying anything bad about us (or using real names), I just ignore them.
Q: Ok, questions, im planning to visit a massage parlour next weekend and yes its gonna be my very first visit,do i pay the money upfront on the counter before we go in or after? ya other blogs did mention about asking the options and extras before the session starts, do u mean we ask all this on the counter or insider the room when im naked?? if u know what i mean, and yes im kinda nervous since its gonna be my first time and honesttly i really do need that massage with a little twist at the end
A: Money up front is just for the room. Tip inside is for the massage and options. I offer options after the customer is in the room and expect to be paid then. NOTHING about options is discussed outside the room, and if you bring it up we'll change the subject.
Q: You often refer to your old "Internet Sugar Daddy Days". Can you tell us more about that? I'm considering seeking a sugar baby. Did it ever work out well for either party?
A: I could do a whole post on this topic alone - so I proabably will later. But here's the shorts answer. A couple years ago when I was between boyfriends and just bored, I went on line to a couple of those sugardaddy websites. Had the weirdest conversations with guys claiming to be Wall Street big shots and Hollywood producers. Exchanged phone numbers with a couple. Met only 1 - and he turned out to be just a married travelling salesman who was just really lonely.
Q: What's the working life for a topless masseuse? strippers start rotating out at age 25, NFL players usually only average 3 years. and what's your plan for a second act?
A: Let me put it to you this way... my boss is pushing 50 and she still has more Regulars than any of us (she's a dirty slut too, but that's just me thinking out loud). I would say average age is 35. Young girls are rare in this business - I was sort of a novelty when I started. When I retire the masseuse table I plan on starting a tanning salon with the money I've socked away.
Q: So what's the smallest and or largest guy u ever tugged, and did you laugh or giggle at the size? Or when you saw mandingo, were you remotely curious, or just grossed by the sheer size.
A: Both ends of the scale I would call medical freaks. The smallest was the size of my thumb when fully erect. Largest is broken into width and length. Longest I'd say was about 12 inches - I didn't have a ruler on me. The widest one I ever worked with was barely big enough for me to put both my hands around - and it was by far the freakiest thing I've ever seen. The long one just scared me.
Q: How many times does a guy have to visit you (or how often does a guy have to visit you) to be considered a "regular" or "VIP"?
A: A "Regular" is anyone who sees me (and just me) on a regular basis, whether weekly, monthly, or even quarterly. I'll call someone a Regular after his 3rd visit. I guess I'd call a VIP anyone who routinely tips above and beyond the standard. And to be called a "Sugar Daddy" you have to tip GENEROUSLY beyond the standard.
Q: Is there any usual tip vs. door fee scale that nubes or rookies should expect?
A: I can only speak for The Business, but the house fee is standard no matter how many times you visit. You pay for the amount of time you spend in the room and is identical in price to a therapeutic massage place.
Q: If one takes a shower before visiting an mp, can one skip the TS/stand-up shower? (These seem to be common in NJ/NY)
A: Yes - they are used most often by customers AFTER the massage. We only insist on using it before the massage if the guy has some B.O. issues.
Q: Have you ever considered being an independent and working from an apartment? I don't know about the market where you are, but in most places you can get $120-180 per hour. You get to keep the full amount, but then you have your expenses such as rent, web site and such. But it seems to work for a lot of women and I've found the experience much better than a parlor.
A: No. As you can tell, I value my privacy and the last thing I need is a string of guys knocking on my door. As for a 2nd apartment - I wouldn't feel safe working by myself like that.
Q: 1) Is there anything we can do to get the happy ending if the masseuse doesn't bring it up at all? I've gotten nothing at a place from one person while a different person gave me the HE.
A: I've said it before and I'll say it again - you should never have to bring up the Happy Ending. If it's not being offered, there's a reason. Either they don't do it, or you're not eligible - yet. I would suggest asking the girl who gave you the HJ if the entire business offers happy endings.
Remember guys - if you've been to a place a couple of times and they've offered you NOTHING - then you're in a legitimate therapeutic place. We make most of our money offering options, so if they're not being offered to you, then don't embarass yourself by asking.
Q: When do we ask for extras? The place I have gone to, which does do the HE, hasn't offered any other extras. Do I just ask? I asked another person there and they just laughed and i didn't even GET the HE.
A: Sounds like you got lucky and she's offering you the Happy Ending on the side. If that's the case, DO NOT ask the other girls for one so she doesn't get fired. But since the HE door has been opened, feel free to ask for extras. But I have a feeling that if she's secretly giving handjobs on the side, then she's probably not likely to get topless.
Q: I would like to try the prostate massage -- is that common?
A: Hell no. That's a specialty you really have to ask around for.
Q: When is the last time you sucked a guy off? What have you learned from the parlor that you can you use on a boyfriend or person you're having sex with? How much is the most you've made in one year?
A: Thank you for showing an interest... Anyway, I won't answer that directly, but let's just say that I got laid about a month ago. As for the work tricks I bring home - I did a post about this a while ago. I don't bring any home. Guys I'm dating usually don't want handjobs and rarely ask for massages (believe it or not). During my prime, I got over 6 figures in cash during that 2-3 years when the economy was booming.
Q: How do I go and find a Massage parlor that offers options in my town? What are things to look for? Is it mostly word of mouth that is the advertising of such parlors?
A: Start with the phone book and look for places that DO NOT advertise as "therapeutic" or with LMTs on staff. Next, try the weekly entertainment rag - most towns have them and the seedy ads are in the back. We rely mostly on the weekly rag and our billboard - not word of mouth.
Phew - that was tough! I promise to get to the rest of them later, but in the meanwhile, feel free to keep 'em coming!
CJ
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Q&A 2: Free For All
Hey guys. Once again it's yours truly reporting to you live from the worlds slowest computer in her living room. I'm sorry, but I hate this damn thing so much that I really haven't been in the mood to write much lately.
So to make it up to you, I decided to post some new pics from an orgy that we hosted at The Business for a porn star convention that was recently in town...
Yeah right. Anyway, what I did decide to offer you guys is another Q&A session since I have been sooooooo bad lately at getting back to all of you who've had questions recently - especially the ones you asked during the Readers Poll.
So please feel free to ask (or in most cases re-ask) whatever you want to know. Even the shit that I've talked about a hundred times before. I promise I won't tell you to go back and read anything! LOL. And those of you who posted a question recently - just ask it again so I won't forget this time.
Ask whateveryou want. Business questions, massage parlor etiquette, prices, options, boyfriends, sex, whatever.
Thanks guys! And have a great Labor Day weekend!
CJ
So to make it up to you, I decided to post some new pics from an orgy that we hosted at The Business for a porn star convention that was recently in town...
Yeah right. Anyway, what I did decide to offer you guys is another Q&A session since I have been sooooooo bad lately at getting back to all of you who've had questions recently - especially the ones you asked during the Readers Poll.
So please feel free to ask (or in most cases re-ask) whatever you want to know. Even the shit that I've talked about a hundred times before. I promise I won't tell you to go back and read anything! LOL. And those of you who posted a question recently - just ask it again so I won't forget this time.
Ask whateveryou want. Business questions, massage parlor etiquette, prices, options, boyfriends, sex, whatever.
Thanks guys! And have a great Labor Day weekend!
CJ
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The New Girl
Sorry I haven't been around lately, but my fucking laptop got a virus and now it's shot. It's not completely dead, but it has been coughing up blood. I've been reduced to using my old computer at home. Ugh - it took me forever to get it up and running. So if there are any particularly generous gentlemen out there who would like to ensure I can update regularly, please feel free to send me a new laptop (did you honestly think I paid for the old one?).
Anyway, enough bitching and moaning about my problems. I want to tell you about the new girl. Things have been picking up around here so Audrey hired Carla to cover some of the problem shifts where we never seemed to have enough help. The problem though is that these shifts were a mess because it was summer and no one wanted to work them. Now that summer is over, we don't need the help.
So I guess we're stuck with Carla. I'm afraid that Audrey is going to put her only on shifts where she won't cut into HER clients. Already I'm expecting the worse. But oh well - watcha gonna do?
Carla is nice enough I guess. Not much of a talker, but not uncomfortable to be around either. She came from a Business much closer to the city, but has recently moved out here to the country. She's Italian and looks it. Very pretty face. She's also very curvy, and by that I mean her top half is balanced out by her bottom half. She has a 2 year old girl and is attending the local community college. So when she tells a customer she's a poor, struggling student - she ain't kidding (that reminds me that I need to get off my ass one of these days and go back to school).
She's working out OK so far, but during our first shift together, she gave a customer a topless hand release for $30. When she told me I nearly flipped out. Turns out that Audrey gave her almost NO direction when she started. I recalibrated her so now she knows the proper prices and to NEVER cut them - OR ELSE.
Now I know for a fact that the place she comes from is full service. But, she claims she only did hand jobs there. It might be true since I used to be in that same situation, plus she doesn't seem to give off that full-service vibe. But if she does do something stupid, I'm sure I'll find out eventually. And the last thing we need is a girl doing full service behind everyone else's back.
Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to throw this old antique computer out the window. This thing must have frozen about 12 times since I started typing this evening and I'm about to blow a fuse. So if I disappear for a couple of weeks - it's because I went postal on this piece of crap. I know I could go to the public library and use their computers, but I think I'd feel slightly self conscious trying to describe my latest freak in diapers and high heels, while sitting next to an old lady buying quilts on e-bay.
CJ
Anyway, enough bitching and moaning about my problems. I want to tell you about the new girl. Things have been picking up around here so Audrey hired Carla to cover some of the problem shifts where we never seemed to have enough help. The problem though is that these shifts were a mess because it was summer and no one wanted to work them. Now that summer is over, we don't need the help.
So I guess we're stuck with Carla. I'm afraid that Audrey is going to put her only on shifts where she won't cut into HER clients. Already I'm expecting the worse. But oh well - watcha gonna do?
Carla is nice enough I guess. Not much of a talker, but not uncomfortable to be around either. She came from a Business much closer to the city, but has recently moved out here to the country. She's Italian and looks it. Very pretty face. She's also very curvy, and by that I mean her top half is balanced out by her bottom half. She has a 2 year old girl and is attending the local community college. So when she tells a customer she's a poor, struggling student - she ain't kidding (that reminds me that I need to get off my ass one of these days and go back to school).
She's working out OK so far, but during our first shift together, she gave a customer a topless hand release for $30. When she told me I nearly flipped out. Turns out that Audrey gave her almost NO direction when she started. I recalibrated her so now she knows the proper prices and to NEVER cut them - OR ELSE.
Now I know for a fact that the place she comes from is full service. But, she claims she only did hand jobs there. It might be true since I used to be in that same situation, plus she doesn't seem to give off that full-service vibe. But if she does do something stupid, I'm sure I'll find out eventually. And the last thing we need is a girl doing full service behind everyone else's back.
Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to throw this old antique computer out the window. This thing must have frozen about 12 times since I started typing this evening and I'm about to blow a fuse. So if I disappear for a couple of weeks - it's because I went postal on this piece of crap. I know I could go to the public library and use their computers, but I think I'd feel slightly self conscious trying to describe my latest freak in diapers and high heels, while sitting next to an old lady buying quilts on e-bay.
CJ
Thursday, August 27, 2009
So you wanna be an Erotic Masseuse?
I've gotten a number of letters recently from girls interested in becoming Erotic Massage Therapists. There's no easy answer to that, and I'm not going to pretend that this line of work is for everyone. So for those of you out there who are considering a job as an erotic masseuse - here are my thoughts on the subject.
Let me start off by saying that I actually like my job. The hours are decent and the work isn't that hard. And for all the time I spend bitching about my co-workers and boss, I really like them (more or less). And the pay goes from Bad to Incredible, depending on the economy.
With that said there are a number of issues you have to consider before taking the leap into the exotic world of the massage parlor.
Sex Work
The biggest issue to consider is whether you're comfortable with the whole "sex" part of the work. Personally, I don't consider anything I do as actual sex, so I don't have any ethical dilemmas with it. I have my own definitions, I draw my own lines and I'm always ready to say "No" to anything I'm not comfortable with - so I'm quite OK with what I do in session.
What it all boils down to is - are you OK with giving a handjob to a guy you just met? That is the fundamental point of the erotic massage. If the answer is "yes" then you can read on, but if not then don't try it to "make a few bucks." You'll make a lousy masseuse and you'll hate yourself for even doing it in the first place. And whatever money you do make you'll end up spending on therapy in a few years. Leave it to the pros.
Guilt and Stigma
Unfortunately, this job can come with a lot of both - depending on how much you bring with you. I had issues of guilt at first, but since I've established my own boundaries I'm totally cool with it. The stigma is still there, so that's why I just tell people I'm a shampooer. I just love that word "shampooer" and I don't know why. It sounds boring and exotic at the same time I think.
Anyway, be prepared to keep your mouth shut about what you do for a living. If you have a boyfriend then be prepared to keep your personal and your business lives separate. I've had an easy time at doing that since most guys really don't care where I disappear to for 8 hours a day.
Just Say "No"
If you're OK with giving handjobs, that's fine and dandy. But one day you're gonna be asked to do more, so you have to be prepared to answer that question when it finally comes. I'm not going to judge you if you're interested in a full service place - that's your business. But you have to mentally prepare yourself to be submerged into an environment of groping guys and unpleasant requests.
Set your boundaries and stick with them no matter what. Believe me - it will help you go home with a clear conscious every day.
Location Location Location
Do some research on the places you want to work at. Talk to the girls - not just the boss. Things to find out are:
Is this place HJ only?
How are you paid?
# of customers per week?
If you only plan on doing HJ's, then stay away from full service places. I did that for a short while and the pay was lousy since I was basically getting the leftover cheap ass customers that the other girls didn't want.
Stay away from places that take a cut of your tips. What you do in that room to earn your money is your own business. Bosses that take a cut basically turn into "pimps" who are constantly accusing you of taking "their" money. These kinds of places also encourage you to do things you're not comfortable with because it's money in their pocket.
Stick with places that take their money at the door. Also find out how you're compensated for therapeutic customers. They usually don't tip, but require the most actual massage work.
And finally, make sure the place is doing decent enough business and whether you'll get some of the "gravy" shifts. At The Business, we rotate through the best shifts (Friday-day and Saturday-night) so we can all get some of the gravy. Tuesday mornings are DEAD.
Bosses
Stay away from places run by men. I can't repeat that enough. At every single place around here that I know of, male owners are usually slimy, disgusting guys who harass the girls. Sure - during the interview they'll be all nice to you, but once you start making some money, they'll start demanding their "piece" if you want to keep your job. Female bosses will only try to screw you on money - at least you know where you stand with them.
Once again I'm making a generalization, but this is why it's so important to actually talk to some of the girls who work there first.
Work Work
And lastly - this is a real job just like any other. 95% of your time will be spent MASSAGING. If all you're capable of is a decent "girlfriend" quality massage, then you'll be fine. But if you're not even good at that, then please don't work in a parlor. I don't know how many times I've heard a customer complain (or even lost a customer) because they had a bad experience with some girl who poked at his shoulders for a few minutes before grabbing his dick and sending him home WELL before the session was over.
And just like any other job, you'll be expected to be on time, put in a full day's work and help clean up around the place. A parlor is not the kind of place where you can just show up, jerk a few dicks and pocket a couple hundred bucks before you go clubbing. If you're interested in free lance work, consider a career in street walking.
As for The Business, we just hired a new girl to help us out now that things are picking up. Funny - she's a college student so I'm sure there will be some interesting things to tell about her later.
Good luck girls!!!!
CJ
Let me start off by saying that I actually like my job. The hours are decent and the work isn't that hard. And for all the time I spend bitching about my co-workers and boss, I really like them (more or less). And the pay goes from Bad to Incredible, depending on the economy.
With that said there are a number of issues you have to consider before taking the leap into the exotic world of the massage parlor.
Sex Work
The biggest issue to consider is whether you're comfortable with the whole "sex" part of the work. Personally, I don't consider anything I do as actual sex, so I don't have any ethical dilemmas with it. I have my own definitions, I draw my own lines and I'm always ready to say "No" to anything I'm not comfortable with - so I'm quite OK with what I do in session.
What it all boils down to is - are you OK with giving a handjob to a guy you just met? That is the fundamental point of the erotic massage. If the answer is "yes" then you can read on, but if not then don't try it to "make a few bucks." You'll make a lousy masseuse and you'll hate yourself for even doing it in the first place. And whatever money you do make you'll end up spending on therapy in a few years. Leave it to the pros.
Guilt and Stigma
Unfortunately, this job can come with a lot of both - depending on how much you bring with you. I had issues of guilt at first, but since I've established my own boundaries I'm totally cool with it. The stigma is still there, so that's why I just tell people I'm a shampooer. I just love that word "shampooer" and I don't know why. It sounds boring and exotic at the same time I think.
Anyway, be prepared to keep your mouth shut about what you do for a living. If you have a boyfriend then be prepared to keep your personal and your business lives separate. I've had an easy time at doing that since most guys really don't care where I disappear to for 8 hours a day.
Just Say "No"
If you're OK with giving handjobs, that's fine and dandy. But one day you're gonna be asked to do more, so you have to be prepared to answer that question when it finally comes. I'm not going to judge you if you're interested in a full service place - that's your business. But you have to mentally prepare yourself to be submerged into an environment of groping guys and unpleasant requests.
Set your boundaries and stick with them no matter what. Believe me - it will help you go home with a clear conscious every day.
Location Location Location
Do some research on the places you want to work at. Talk to the girls - not just the boss. Things to find out are:
Is this place HJ only?
How are you paid?
# of customers per week?
If you only plan on doing HJ's, then stay away from full service places. I did that for a short while and the pay was lousy since I was basically getting the leftover cheap ass customers that the other girls didn't want.
Stay away from places that take a cut of your tips. What you do in that room to earn your money is your own business. Bosses that take a cut basically turn into "pimps" who are constantly accusing you of taking "their" money. These kinds of places also encourage you to do things you're not comfortable with because it's money in their pocket.
Stick with places that take their money at the door. Also find out how you're compensated for therapeutic customers. They usually don't tip, but require the most actual massage work.
And finally, make sure the place is doing decent enough business and whether you'll get some of the "gravy" shifts. At The Business, we rotate through the best shifts (Friday-day and Saturday-night) so we can all get some of the gravy. Tuesday mornings are DEAD.
Bosses
Stay away from places run by men. I can't repeat that enough. At every single place around here that I know of, male owners are usually slimy, disgusting guys who harass the girls. Sure - during the interview they'll be all nice to you, but once you start making some money, they'll start demanding their "piece" if you want to keep your job. Female bosses will only try to screw you on money - at least you know where you stand with them.
Once again I'm making a generalization, but this is why it's so important to actually talk to some of the girls who work there first.
Work Work
And lastly - this is a real job just like any other. 95% of your time will be spent MASSAGING. If all you're capable of is a decent "girlfriend" quality massage, then you'll be fine. But if you're not even good at that, then please don't work in a parlor. I don't know how many times I've heard a customer complain (or even lost a customer) because they had a bad experience with some girl who poked at his shoulders for a few minutes before grabbing his dick and sending him home WELL before the session was over.
And just like any other job, you'll be expected to be on time, put in a full day's work and help clean up around the place. A parlor is not the kind of place where you can just show up, jerk a few dicks and pocket a couple hundred bucks before you go clubbing. If you're interested in free lance work, consider a career in street walking.
As for The Business, we just hired a new girl to help us out now that things are picking up. Funny - she's a college student so I'm sure there will be some interesting things to tell about her later.
Good luck girls!!!!
CJ
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Peer Pressure
OK guys, you nagged me enough so I decided to give in. Well, not so much give in as finally get off my ass and come up with some new pics. So now up in "About Me" part of the screen is my new profile.
For now.
To make this more fun (for me) I've decided to do for a limited time only a "pic of the week." What I'll do is post a new pic as my profile and I'll keep it up for a week or 2 (or 7) before moving on to the next one.
I went to Velma and asked her to edit (heavily) some of my old internet pics that I used back when I was trolling for a Sugar Daddy, plus the now infamous "Drunken Titty Fighting" photo shoot. I told her to do whatever she could to hide me, but still make them fun to look at. Remember - these are pics that very few people have ever seen (except for all those 12 year old boys pretending to be rich business men on the internet).
I'm starting with this one that's innocent enough. Then I'll work my way through a couple more pics and end with the "Titty Fight." Then it'll probably be back to the green T-shirt. I love that pic!
And for those of you who still don't believe me... you can search www.tittyfight.com all you want. I promise you won't find it there.
CJ
For now.
To make this more fun (for me) I've decided to do for a limited time only a "pic of the week." What I'll do is post a new pic as my profile and I'll keep it up for a week or 2 (or 7) before moving on to the next one.
I went to Velma and asked her to edit (heavily) some of my old internet pics that I used back when I was trolling for a Sugar Daddy, plus the now infamous "Drunken Titty Fighting" photo shoot. I told her to do whatever she could to hide me, but still make them fun to look at. Remember - these are pics that very few people have ever seen (except for all those 12 year old boys pretending to be rich business men on the internet).
I'm starting with this one that's innocent enough. Then I'll work my way through a couple more pics and end with the "Titty Fight." Then it'll probably be back to the green T-shirt. I love that pic!
And for those of you who still don't believe me... you can search www.tittyfight.com all you want. I promise you won't find it there.
CJ
Friday, August 21, 2009
Apology
I really don't know what to say to you guys today. I had a whole thing I was gonna talk about yesterday, but I started to feel guilty about what I said the other day about bringing up the pictures.
I swear to Gawd that I didn't mean to lead you guys on and just thought it was a funny story about how I can't even come up with a simple picture suitable for the internet. Then you guys started to tease me about how it must be a joke or just another story.
Well I went through the pics on my phone today and took the first look at them in months. I'm sorry guys, but I am waaaaay to embarassed to put that shit up on my blog for the world to see. It's bad enough that some of you guys are still trying to find The Business, but topless pics of myself just kinda freak me out.
However, as a consolation there are the old pics I once used in my old Internet/Sugardaddy days. I'm going to give them to Velma the Techno-Nerd to see what she can do. These are much more innocent and I wouldn't mind seeing Britney Spears head attached to my body
Have a good weekend!
CJ
I swear to Gawd that I didn't mean to lead you guys on and just thought it was a funny story about how I can't even come up with a simple picture suitable for the internet. Then you guys started to tease me about how it must be a joke or just another story.
Well I went through the pics on my phone today and took the first look at them in months. I'm sorry guys, but I am waaaaay to embarassed to put that shit up on my blog for the world to see. It's bad enough that some of you guys are still trying to find The Business, but topless pics of myself just kinda freak me out.
However, as a consolation there are the old pics I once used in my old Internet/Sugardaddy days. I'm going to give them to Velma the Techno-Nerd to see what she can do. These are much more innocent and I wouldn't mind seeing Britney Spears head attached to my body
Have a good weekend!
CJ
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Poll Results So Far
First of all I would like to say Thanks to everyone who dropped by and said "Hi." Now I have a much better idea of who reads this crap and why.
Well it looks like the boys still outnumber the girls exactly 2 to 1. That's kinda funny considering it was the same a year ago. Oh well.
Now what you guys would like to see more of is interesting. To sum things up, the girls would like more stories and "secrets" while the boys want pictures. Well girls, you're in luck because secrets and stories are easy. Boys - it's tough to deliver because you know I guard my privacy.
I know this is gonna sound totally made up, but it's the Gawd's honest truth. I actually tried to come up with a new profile pic about 3 or 4 months ago. Remember what I said before about girls and cameras and alcohol don't mix?
Well Cindy and I went over to Trina's after work to have a few drinks. The subject of the blog came up and after a couple of beers I asked the girls to help me come up with a suitably anonymous picture. I tried a few poses wearing dark glasses, then Cindy and Trina wanted to pose with sunglasses too. To make a long story short, after SEVERAL more beers and a few dares, tops came off, breasts were everywhere, and Cindy and I even ended up having a "Titty Fight."
Needless to say, we all agreed the next day that NONE of the pics were suitable for publication. Sorry guys!
CJ
Well it looks like the boys still outnumber the girls exactly 2 to 1. That's kinda funny considering it was the same a year ago. Oh well.
Now what you guys would like to see more of is interesting. To sum things up, the girls would like more stories and "secrets" while the boys want pictures. Well girls, you're in luck because secrets and stories are easy. Boys - it's tough to deliver because you know I guard my privacy.
I know this is gonna sound totally made up, but it's the Gawd's honest truth. I actually tried to come up with a new profile pic about 3 or 4 months ago. Remember what I said before about girls and cameras and alcohol don't mix?
Well Cindy and I went over to Trina's after work to have a few drinks. The subject of the blog came up and after a couple of beers I asked the girls to help me come up with a suitably anonymous picture. I tried a few poses wearing dark glasses, then Cindy and Trina wanted to pose with sunglasses too. To make a long story short, after SEVERAL more beers and a few dares, tops came off, breasts were everywhere, and Cindy and I even ended up having a "Titty Fight."
Needless to say, we all agreed the next day that NONE of the pics were suitable for publication. Sorry guys!
CJ
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Never EVER Tell A Lie - Unless It's Absolutely Convenient
Since we're on the subject of lying, I thought I'd talk about some of the more common ones I use on a regular basis. Yes, CJ is not as pure and innocent as I portray myself. I believe that little white lies are a form of social "lubricant" that just keeps things moving along smoothly.
As you all know by now, my favorite little white lie is telling people I'm a shampooer (there's that word again!). It's the perfect lie for the question of "So what do you do?" Let's face it - 9 times out of 10 that question is meaningless and is used by guys in bars to buy an extra minute of staring at my shirt. When I respond with "shampooer" their eyes kinda glaze over and I'll get a polite "uh huh." NO ONE has ever asked me what that's like and whether I enjoy it or not - EVER.
My next little white lie I use at work is "I'm single." In fact, it's not so much a lie as it is part of the script that all of us follow in this business:
Erotic Massage Rule #7 - ALWAYS make the customer think that you're available.
It plays into the whole seduction fantasy that most guys have. Most customers (especially newbies) do not want to hear the honest truth about our boyfriends/husbands/baby-daddies. They want stories of how we're on the prowl and looking for "Mr. Right." If guys think they even have a tiny microscopic bit of chance with us, they're more attentive and easier to arouse.
One of my favorite variations of the "I'm single" lie is "I just broke up with my boyfriend." It's like taking the "I'm single" line and bathing it in vulnerability. And if you say it with a little sigh at the end, you can add a tiny hint of desperation. It's almost guaranteed to increase your tips!
I was debating whether to include "I'd love to see you again" as one of my favorite lines. Usually it means, "I'd love to see your wallet again" but when I thought about it I realized it's my way of saying "Thank you for not being an asshole." So when I say it, I really would like you to come back.
Now the most common thing I say at work that's usually a total lie is "No, that's fine." It's a sort of coverall for all kinds of things that are offensive or problematic.
For example, I may say "No, that's fine" when a customer apoligizes for farting or something. But to give you an example of how often I rely on this particular white lie, here is a list of the times I'll use it:
Farting
Premature ejaculation
Body odor
Limp dick
Cleanliness, etc.
I mean, when it's bad I'll say something but for the most part I'll just say "it's fine" if it'll keep the session going and hurry things up. Meanwhile, I'm saying to myself "You pig!!"
And those are the most common lies I use on a regular basis. But I don't use them all the time. With Regulars who I get to know and trust I'll tell it like it is. Some guys really do want to hear about the boyfriends, or whether they should jump in the shower before we begin.
I've learned over the years to be REALLY REALLY careful about who I can reveal a boyfriend to. A couple of times, I've opened up to customers about my real social life - only to discover later that they used the info to stalk me. Ugh... the stories I could tell you. But that's for another time.
Still trust me? No? It's fine.
"CJ"
(Look! Another lie right there!)
As you all know by now, my favorite little white lie is telling people I'm a shampooer (there's that word again!). It's the perfect lie for the question of "So what do you do?" Let's face it - 9 times out of 10 that question is meaningless and is used by guys in bars to buy an extra minute of staring at my shirt. When I respond with "shampooer" their eyes kinda glaze over and I'll get a polite "uh huh." NO ONE has ever asked me what that's like and whether I enjoy it or not - EVER.
My next little white lie I use at work is "I'm single." In fact, it's not so much a lie as it is part of the script that all of us follow in this business:
Erotic Massage Rule #7 - ALWAYS make the customer think that you're available.
It plays into the whole seduction fantasy that most guys have. Most customers (especially newbies) do not want to hear the honest truth about our boyfriends/husbands/baby-daddies. They want stories of how we're on the prowl and looking for "Mr. Right." If guys think they even have a tiny microscopic bit of chance with us, they're more attentive and easier to arouse.
One of my favorite variations of the "I'm single" lie is "I just broke up with my boyfriend." It's like taking the "I'm single" line and bathing it in vulnerability. And if you say it with a little sigh at the end, you can add a tiny hint of desperation. It's almost guaranteed to increase your tips!
I was debating whether to include "I'd love to see you again" as one of my favorite lines. Usually it means, "I'd love to see your wallet again" but when I thought about it I realized it's my way of saying "Thank you for not being an asshole." So when I say it, I really would like you to come back.
Now the most common thing I say at work that's usually a total lie is "No, that's fine." It's a sort of coverall for all kinds of things that are offensive or problematic.
For example, I may say "No, that's fine" when a customer apoligizes for farting or something. But to give you an example of how often I rely on this particular white lie, here is a list of the times I'll use it:
Farting
Premature ejaculation
Body odor
Limp dick
Cleanliness, etc.
I mean, when it's bad I'll say something but for the most part I'll just say "it's fine" if it'll keep the session going and hurry things up. Meanwhile, I'm saying to myself "You pig!!"
And those are the most common lies I use on a regular basis. But I don't use them all the time. With Regulars who I get to know and trust I'll tell it like it is. Some guys really do want to hear about the boyfriends, or whether they should jump in the shower before we begin.
I've learned over the years to be REALLY REALLY careful about who I can reveal a boyfriend to. A couple of times, I've opened up to customers about my real social life - only to discover later that they used the info to stalk me. Ugh... the stories I could tell you. But that's for another time.
Still trust me? No? It's fine.
"CJ"
(Look! Another lie right there!)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Girls Are All Lying Liars
I am fucking pissed right now. Every one of these fucking bitches I work with is a lying piece of shit.
Trina
Or as I will refer to her from now on - Queen Lying Mega Bitch. Anyway, the other day she was going on and on about how she wasn't making any money and the rent was due and she had no cash for lunch and blah blah blah.
Being the gold hearted saint that I am, I passed a couple customers her way (a newbie and a Regular who didn't mind getting pawned off). She makes an extra $250 that day, which basically means I lost $250. Not a big deal since we're all friends here and business has been decent.
Well this morning I get a phone call from Trina. "Hey CJ! Guess what? I'm calling you from my new iPhone!"
My jaw dropped. I was like "What the fuck!? I thought you were broke and had to pay rent!" Let me tell ya - we got into it right then and there. It was so bad that I ended up calling her a bitch and hanging up on her. She's called back a couple of times so far, but I've just let it kick to voicemail. Fuck her. I'm still mad. Partly because she now has an iPhone and I don't.
Cindy
Then there's the retarded liar Cindy. We went out shoe shopping the other day and she got a bunch of good stuff for herself. When it was time to go home, she asked if I could carry the bags in and claim that these were all b-day gifts for her. When I asked why, she said she doesn't want her baby-daddy to know she has money to spend on shoes.
That got me going. The jobless pothead just sits around the house all day playing Xbox. What she does with her money is none of his Gawd-darn business - and I told her so. We argued about it the entire way home, but in the end I just carried the bags in and didn't say anything. I was still angry so I didn't say two words to him while I was there.
Audrey
And last there's Lying McBitchmaster. Once again, she's started up with the whole "I'm shutting this place down" crap. Last time it happened I was concerned because the landlord was involved. This time it's because of her new boyfriend.
This shit happens EVERY time she dates a customer. They met her on the job. They fucked her on the job. And then after 2 dates, they're all like "You need to close that place..." and "You're better than this..." Happens every fucking time. At first I used to panic that I needed to find a new job. Now I just get pissy when she pulls that shit. Then she lies about it and says "I'm not seeing anyone..." and "It's all my idea..."
At least with guys the lies are more obvious like "My name is John Smith..." or "I'm not married..." But a woman can lie to your face one minute then tell you the Gawd-awful truth the next - and expect you to be forgiving.
OK enough bitching for today! I feel better now.
CJ
Trina
Or as I will refer to her from now on - Queen Lying Mega Bitch. Anyway, the other day she was going on and on about how she wasn't making any money and the rent was due and she had no cash for lunch and blah blah blah.
Being the gold hearted saint that I am, I passed a couple customers her way (a newbie and a Regular who didn't mind getting pawned off). She makes an extra $250 that day, which basically means I lost $250. Not a big deal since we're all friends here and business has been decent.
Well this morning I get a phone call from Trina. "Hey CJ! Guess what? I'm calling you from my new iPhone!"
My jaw dropped. I was like "What the fuck!? I thought you were broke and had to pay rent!" Let me tell ya - we got into it right then and there. It was so bad that I ended up calling her a bitch and hanging up on her. She's called back a couple of times so far, but I've just let it kick to voicemail. Fuck her. I'm still mad. Partly because she now has an iPhone and I don't.
Cindy
Then there's the retarded liar Cindy. We went out shoe shopping the other day and she got a bunch of good stuff for herself. When it was time to go home, she asked if I could carry the bags in and claim that these were all b-day gifts for her. When I asked why, she said she doesn't want her baby-daddy to know she has money to spend on shoes.
That got me going. The jobless pothead just sits around the house all day playing Xbox. What she does with her money is none of his Gawd-darn business - and I told her so. We argued about it the entire way home, but in the end I just carried the bags in and didn't say anything. I was still angry so I didn't say two words to him while I was there.
Audrey
And last there's Lying McBitchmaster. Once again, she's started up with the whole "I'm shutting this place down" crap. Last time it happened I was concerned because the landlord was involved. This time it's because of her new boyfriend.
This shit happens EVERY time she dates a customer. They met her on the job. They fucked her on the job. And then after 2 dates, they're all like "You need to close that place..." and "You're better than this..." Happens every fucking time. At first I used to panic that I needed to find a new job. Now I just get pissy when she pulls that shit. Then she lies about it and says "I'm not seeing anyone..." and "It's all my idea..."
At least with guys the lies are more obvious like "My name is John Smith..." or "I'm not married..." But a woman can lie to your face one minute then tell you the Gawd-awful truth the next - and expect you to be forgiving.
OK enough bitching for today! I feel better now.
CJ
Friday, August 7, 2009
Living A Lie
I got a comment the other week that's really been annoying me. The guy who left it thinks it's sad that only 4 people in the whole world know what I do for a living and it's a shame I can't "share" with everyone.
I have since spoken with the commentor and he explained himself better, but still, I don't see the shame in any of it. I mean, all my family and friends already know that I'm a massage therapist. So what more is there to say? I spend 90 percent of my work day massaging tired, aching muscles, and only 10 percent massaging something else. How does "confessing" that extra 10% to eveyone improve my quality of life?
Does my mother need to know how I spend every second of my work day?
MOM: "So how was your day at work dear?"
ME: "Business is slow and Audrey wants us all to help paint the front lobby, but apart from that it was fine."
Isn't that basically what we all do at the end of our day? So what's the point of adding a few gory details:
MOM: "So how was your day at work dear?"
ME: "Business is slow and I got a wad of cum in my hair, but apart from that it was fine."
No one wants to hear that shit. That's what all you guys out there on the internet are for! I think it's great that I only have to worry about 4 people in my Inner Circle to say anything "compromising." And for the rest of them who think I do massages in a bikini - that's fine by me cause it's exactly what I want them to think.
And after all these years, I'm just tired of dealing with peoples reactions to what I do. Once they know about the handjob part, I'm immediately labled a prostitute, whore, skank, Ho, etc. And I thought it was hard convincing you guys out there that handjobs are where I draw the line (I think some of you guys still don't believe me). You try explaining that to a dimwitted cousin who you know will tell the entire family "Guess what! CJ's a hooker!!!"
Now when you really think about it, how many people outside of your work really truly understand what you do for a living? Do they even care? I have this 1 customer that travels all over the world doing something with electricity and satelites or something. NO ONE knows what the fuck he does - not even his wife.
So don't worry about my little circle of friends. You can't talk shop all of the time, and why would you want to?
CJ
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Boys Vote Here
Hey Guys,
Just say something (or nothing) in the comments section so I can add these up later.
Please feel free to leave any questions or comments. Last year the boys outnumbered the girls 2 to 1. So be sure to vote!
CJ
Just say something (or nothing) in the comments section so I can add these up later.
Please feel free to leave any questions or comments. Last year the boys outnumbered the girls 2 to 1. So be sure to vote!
CJ
Girls Vote Here
Hey Girls,
Here's how it works... Just go in the comments section and say "hi." In fact, you don't have to say anything - just leave something that I can count.
Feel free to leave any comments or questions while you're at it. And don't leave more than 1 comment!
CJ
Here's how it works... Just go in the comments section and say "hi." In fact, you don't have to say anything - just leave something that I can count.
Feel free to leave any comments or questions while you're at it. And don't leave more than 1 comment!
CJ
2009 Readers Poll (not pole you perverts)
It's been a year since my last poll, so I thought I'd do it again. Last year it looked like the ratio of boys to girls out there was 2 to 1. I'm really curious if it's changed any so here it goes...
I have 2 posts up - one for boys and one for girls. All you have to do is just say "hi" in the comments. I will leave these posts open for a couple weeks, then add up the results.
But this time, I'd also like to know what you guys are interested in hearing me talk about. Do you want more parlor "secrets?" Funny stories? Sexy stories? Personal life crap? Freaks of the Week? Let me know. I aim to please.
In particular I'm fascinated with stories on how people find this blog, so please feel free to share. "I was doing research for my doctoral thesis on the socio-political ramifications of the use of sexual surrogates in expanding agrarian societies when I just happened to find a link to your page and..."
Yeah right.
CJ
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Confessions of an Erotic Economist
The recession is over! Let me be the first to announce it - before any eggheads on TV, or crooked politicians, or stupid college professors. Yes sir - you heard it first right here from an Erotic Masseuse.
And you want to know how I know this? Well, unlike all those millionaire talkshow hosts and congressmen, my livelihood is almost totally dependent on disposable income. So as the economy goes, so goes my paycheck. And my paycheck has definitely gotten fatter recently. Let me explain...
Over the last month or so, I've noticed an increase in numbers of customers - newbies and the return of some Regulars. And just recently, I've seen an increase in nudes and mutuals - the more expensive options we offer. These are obvious signs that times are finally starting to get better.
As someone who relies on disposable income, I'm one of the first people at the bottom of the economic ladder to see if people have money to spend. And this is how I invented what I call "CJ's Handyman Index." Forget the Dow Jones stock market crap. CJ's Handyman Index is way more reliable and accurate.
You see, Handymen (carpenters, electricians, etc.) rely on disposable income more than me. So when the economy is hot, people want that new garage, or pool, or 4th bedroom. But when it slows down, their work changes to just fixing things. So instead of replacing a whole kitchen, people just want things maintained so they'll last longer. And how their business goes is reflected on my massage table. When things are good, Handymen ask for longer massage times and more expensive options.
New deck with hot tub = 1 hour mutual massage with breast release.
Paint the kitchen and fix a leaky faucet = 30 minute topless with regular hand release
And when the economy is in the shitter you ask? That one's easy - the Handymen disappear altogether. That's what started happening a year ago. I was losing Regulars left and right, and those that stuck around were cutting back on the options.
Now this index only really works with Handymen. Customers with steady jobs spend differently when times are bad. For example, my Regulars who work at the local plant still kept making appointments, but they cut back on options because everything else became more expensive.
[Funny story - last winter a guy offered me firewood in exchange for a massage. That's how bad things got.]
Let me tell ya - when gas prices shot up last summer, guys were coming in and asking for the bare bones cheapest options. It got so bad that we had to create a new option for these cheapskates. I called it the "Topless or HandJob." So if a customer came in with some cash, but not enough for any of the regular options, I would offer him a choice "I can either leave my clothes on for the massage and give you a happy ending, or I can take my top off but you're on your own at the end."
I did this mostly with Regulars that I kinda felt sorry for. Most newbies I would just show them the door. I know that the "Happy Ending" is the crux of my job as an erotic massage therapist, but it just feels weird to have a guy offer you $20 just for a handjob and no massage. That's crack-ho territory there. So guys I didn't know who couldn't afford a standard option - hit the road Jack.
And there you have it - CJ's Handyman Index. I think this really is the best economic indicator out there, and should be included on the daily news reports. Then we could all have a good laugh when the TV guy says "Today there was a sharp rise in the 'Handyman' which lasted for a few moments before a sudden decline..."
CJ
And you want to know how I know this? Well, unlike all those millionaire talkshow hosts and congressmen, my livelihood is almost totally dependent on disposable income. So as the economy goes, so goes my paycheck. And my paycheck has definitely gotten fatter recently. Let me explain...
Over the last month or so, I've noticed an increase in numbers of customers - newbies and the return of some Regulars. And just recently, I've seen an increase in nudes and mutuals - the more expensive options we offer. These are obvious signs that times are finally starting to get better.
As someone who relies on disposable income, I'm one of the first people at the bottom of the economic ladder to see if people have money to spend. And this is how I invented what I call "CJ's Handyman Index." Forget the Dow Jones stock market crap. CJ's Handyman Index is way more reliable and accurate.
You see, Handymen (carpenters, electricians, etc.) rely on disposable income more than me. So when the economy is hot, people want that new garage, or pool, or 4th bedroom. But when it slows down, their work changes to just fixing things. So instead of replacing a whole kitchen, people just want things maintained so they'll last longer. And how their business goes is reflected on my massage table. When things are good, Handymen ask for longer massage times and more expensive options.
New deck with hot tub = 1 hour mutual massage with breast release.
Paint the kitchen and fix a leaky faucet = 30 minute topless with regular hand release
And when the economy is in the shitter you ask? That one's easy - the Handymen disappear altogether. That's what started happening a year ago. I was losing Regulars left and right, and those that stuck around were cutting back on the options.
Now this index only really works with Handymen. Customers with steady jobs spend differently when times are bad. For example, my Regulars who work at the local plant still kept making appointments, but they cut back on options because everything else became more expensive.
[Funny story - last winter a guy offered me firewood in exchange for a massage. That's how bad things got.]
Let me tell ya - when gas prices shot up last summer, guys were coming in and asking for the bare bones cheapest options. It got so bad that we had to create a new option for these cheapskates. I called it the "Topless or HandJob." So if a customer came in with some cash, but not enough for any of the regular options, I would offer him a choice "I can either leave my clothes on for the massage and give you a happy ending, or I can take my top off but you're on your own at the end."
I did this mostly with Regulars that I kinda felt sorry for. Most newbies I would just show them the door. I know that the "Happy Ending" is the crux of my job as an erotic massage therapist, but it just feels weird to have a guy offer you $20 just for a handjob and no massage. That's crack-ho territory there. So guys I didn't know who couldn't afford a standard option - hit the road Jack.
And there you have it - CJ's Handyman Index. I think this really is the best economic indicator out there, and should be included on the daily news reports. Then we could all have a good laugh when the TV guy says "Today there was a sharp rise in the 'Handyman' which lasted for a few moments before a sudden decline..."
CJ
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The Massage Parlor - A Fetishists Best Friend
I've had customers from NYC, LA and other big cities tell me about these fetish "clubs" that are actually like a massage parlor, except it's for fetishes only. So instead of getting a massage therapist for your session, you get a domme or a slave or whatever. And I assume these people are experts in whatever kink you're in to.
I once met a girl at another Business who said she used to work in a place like that. She was a "sub" so her specialty was having guys do stuff to her.
She claimed there was no straight sex involved, but the clients would get very creative. For example, customers were allowed to cum on her as long as she was covered with something like a towel or a plastic sheet. Customers could spank her, squeeze her breasts, etc., but they couldn't insert anything in to her. She did confess though that for "special" clients, she would offer to use a dildo on herself. It's also interesting to note that she described most of her clients as "mild mannered." LOL. It's always the quiet ones...
Most of the stuff she did involved getting tied up, spanked, etc., with lots of pleading and begging and whimpering. I asked her about all the exotic leather outfits and torture contraptions you see in the movies, and she said it was usually not that elaborate. Anyway, I've told you about my friend Wanda who's a domme. Well, she works out of her own studio, but I would imagine that in a "club" it would be something similar.
Out here in the boonies, we don't have them thar fancy fetish clubs. So the locals have discovered that your friendly neighborhood massage parlor is a nice alternative. I've learned over time about some of the basic BDSM stuff. But in the rooms, you kinda have to keep it simple. For example, we couldn't do the candlewax thing - too messy. I draw the line at:
Knives
Restraints on me (but I'll tie the shit outta you)
Candlewax
Spanking on me (but I'll beat the shit outta you)
Little girl role play (I won't do anything that references kids)
Customers feet (I will NOT touch a guys feet - EVER)
Fetish things that I have done at work include:
Foot worship
Role play
Dildoes/vibrators/strap-ons (no insertion)
Costumes (lingerie, high heels, boots, etc.)
Smoking
Ball busting (I could write a book on this alone)
Cum play
Dirty talk
Foot worship I just talked about, and I did older posts on dirty talk, smoking and dildoes/strap-ons. So that leaves...
Role Play
This is kinda fun for me, and it breaks up the monotony of the standard rub-n-tug session. I don't get requests for it very often, but when I do it's usually the "You've been a bad boy" kind. I've been asked to put my hair up and wear glasses as a school teacher who has to spank her bad student.
In my professional acting life I have played such dramatic roles as:
Bad Student (in need of discipline)
Seductress Teacher (you've been a bad boy)
Sexy Nurse (checking your temperature)
Police girl (I get to handcuff you)
Secretary (pleading for her job)
Boss (you plead for your job)
Ex-girlfriends (a weird one where I put on a wig and get called "Mary" or "Rachel" or whatever for an hour)
But my very personal favorite was Pizza Delivery Girl. A Regular had this detailed fantasy of seducing a Pizza Delivery Girl, so I agreed to do it. He got an outfit for me and even showed up with a fresh pizza! I put on A T-shirt with the name of some local pizzeria and had to knock on the massage room door while carrying the box. The fantasy revolved around him complaining about a cold pizza and how I could "make it up" to him. Of course it ends with a handjob and he tips me extra. And the best part about it was we got to have pizza afterwards!
Costumes
I'll wear outfits as long as they're new with the tags. I'll put on a Catholic school girl outfit, but I draw the line at any references to "little girls." Mostly I get requests to wear sexy lingerie. But occasionally a Regular will bring in something fun like a prison guard outfit or sexy nurse.
Now the serious guys will bring in very specific outfits such as conservative blouses and long skirts for a "secretary" or "she-boss" roll play. I think the most unique outfit I've ever had was a Burger King employee uniform. Complete with name tag and ugly hat! You can only guess what that role play was about, but let's just say that the outfit ended up needing a serious washing afterwards.
Ball Busting
This is a whole thing in and of itself. This is where guys want you (actually NEED you) to do extreme things to their balls and/or penis in order for them to get off. Some guys have virtually no sensation in their junk, so they ask you to do all sorts of weird stuff to them like punch, pinch, squeeze, and in some extremes stomp. I haven't said much about it in the blog because I haven't had a good one in a while, but I've got some stories of the things I've been asked to do that I swear none of you would believe.
Cum Play
This is a messy one that I'll only do with Regulars that I like and trust. Guys in general are fascinated by their own cum and just marvel at the little messes that they make. That said, some customers take it to extremes.
Breasts and face are the most common requests I get. I don't mind breasts, but only a very priveledged few have ever popped on my face (that shit stings the eyes!!!). Next most common is feet, and I'll get the occasional request for ass or stomach. I draw the line at hair - no fucking way.
Another variation of this is with clothing. The guys who bring in lingerie often request to cum on bras, stockings, and occasionally shoes. Weirdest request I ever got was from a guy who wanted to cum on a cowboy hat while I called him my "Pimp Daddy." The runner up to that was a guy who came on a pair sunglasses, then took them off me and licked them clean.
So for all you closet foot worshipers, diaper wearers, cross-dressers, role players, and spankers out there - don't give up. If you're tired of paying full-service prices at brothels, or you can't find one of these "clubs" around you, then give your local massage parlor a try. Don't be afraid to ask about your particular kink. Remember - there is NOTHING we haven't heard before.
CJ
I once met a girl at another Business who said she used to work in a place like that. She was a "sub" so her specialty was having guys do stuff to her.
She claimed there was no straight sex involved, but the clients would get very creative. For example, customers were allowed to cum on her as long as she was covered with something like a towel or a plastic sheet. Customers could spank her, squeeze her breasts, etc., but they couldn't insert anything in to her. She did confess though that for "special" clients, she would offer to use a dildo on herself. It's also interesting to note that she described most of her clients as "mild mannered." LOL. It's always the quiet ones...
Most of the stuff she did involved getting tied up, spanked, etc., with lots of pleading and begging and whimpering. I asked her about all the exotic leather outfits and torture contraptions you see in the movies, and she said it was usually not that elaborate. Anyway, I've told you about my friend Wanda who's a domme. Well, she works out of her own studio, but I would imagine that in a "club" it would be something similar.
Out here in the boonies, we don't have them thar fancy fetish clubs. So the locals have discovered that your friendly neighborhood massage parlor is a nice alternative. I've learned over time about some of the basic BDSM stuff. But in the rooms, you kinda have to keep it simple. For example, we couldn't do the candlewax thing - too messy. I draw the line at:
Knives
Restraints on me (but I'll tie the shit outta you)
Candlewax
Spanking on me (but I'll beat the shit outta you)
Little girl role play (I won't do anything that references kids)
Customers feet (I will NOT touch a guys feet - EVER)
Fetish things that I have done at work include:
Foot worship
Role play
Dildoes/vibrators/strap-ons (no insertion)
Costumes (lingerie, high heels, boots, etc.)
Smoking
Ball busting (I could write a book on this alone)
Cum play
Dirty talk
Foot worship I just talked about, and I did older posts on dirty talk, smoking and dildoes/strap-ons. So that leaves...
Role Play
This is kinda fun for me, and it breaks up the monotony of the standard rub-n-tug session. I don't get requests for it very often, but when I do it's usually the "You've been a bad boy" kind. I've been asked to put my hair up and wear glasses as a school teacher who has to spank her bad student.
In my professional acting life I have played such dramatic roles as:
Bad Student (in need of discipline)
Seductress Teacher (you've been a bad boy)
Sexy Nurse (checking your temperature)
Police girl (I get to handcuff you)
Secretary (pleading for her job)
Boss (you plead for your job)
Ex-girlfriends (a weird one where I put on a wig and get called "Mary" or "Rachel" or whatever for an hour)
But my very personal favorite was Pizza Delivery Girl. A Regular had this detailed fantasy of seducing a Pizza Delivery Girl, so I agreed to do it. He got an outfit for me and even showed up with a fresh pizza! I put on A T-shirt with the name of some local pizzeria and had to knock on the massage room door while carrying the box. The fantasy revolved around him complaining about a cold pizza and how I could "make it up" to him. Of course it ends with a handjob and he tips me extra. And the best part about it was we got to have pizza afterwards!
Costumes
I'll wear outfits as long as they're new with the tags. I'll put on a Catholic school girl outfit, but I draw the line at any references to "little girls." Mostly I get requests to wear sexy lingerie. But occasionally a Regular will bring in something fun like a prison guard outfit or sexy nurse.
Now the serious guys will bring in very specific outfits such as conservative blouses and long skirts for a "secretary" or "she-boss" roll play. I think the most unique outfit I've ever had was a Burger King employee uniform. Complete with name tag and ugly hat! You can only guess what that role play was about, but let's just say that the outfit ended up needing a serious washing afterwards.
Ball Busting
This is a whole thing in and of itself. This is where guys want you (actually NEED you) to do extreme things to their balls and/or penis in order for them to get off. Some guys have virtually no sensation in their junk, so they ask you to do all sorts of weird stuff to them like punch, pinch, squeeze, and in some extremes stomp. I haven't said much about it in the blog because I haven't had a good one in a while, but I've got some stories of the things I've been asked to do that I swear none of you would believe.
Cum Play
This is a messy one that I'll only do with Regulars that I like and trust. Guys in general are fascinated by their own cum and just marvel at the little messes that they make. That said, some customers take it to extremes.
Breasts and face are the most common requests I get. I don't mind breasts, but only a very priveledged few have ever popped on my face (that shit stings the eyes!!!). Next most common is feet, and I'll get the occasional request for ass or stomach. I draw the line at hair - no fucking way.
Another variation of this is with clothing. The guys who bring in lingerie often request to cum on bras, stockings, and occasionally shoes. Weirdest request I ever got was from a guy who wanted to cum on a cowboy hat while I called him my "Pimp Daddy." The runner up to that was a guy who came on a pair sunglasses, then took them off me and licked them clean.
So for all you closet foot worshipers, diaper wearers, cross-dressers, role players, and spankers out there - don't give up. If you're tired of paying full-service prices at brothels, or you can't find one of these "clubs" around you, then give your local massage parlor a try. Don't be afraid to ask about your particular kink. Remember - there is NOTHING we haven't heard before.
CJ
Thursday, July 23, 2009
My Day Off
Yesterday I got a day off because Trina wanted to trade shifts for this weekend so she could attend a wedding. I don't mind picking up some hours on Saturday because business has just started booming again.
Don't listen to those idiots on TV about the economy, listen to a masseuse. The economy is finally recovering because business has taken off for the first time in a year and a half!!!!
Anyway, what do you think I did on my precious weekday off? Go to a movie? Picnic in the park? Shopping at the outlets?
No. CJ went ghost hunting. Yes, you read that right. I was chasing ghosts like a regular old Ghostbuster. A couple of friends of mine (outer circle) are super into the paranormal. I mean these guys have the books and movies and everything about ghosts and spirits. But it's not too weird considering we have Gettysburg and the Amish country and such nearby, so there's actually a lot a ghost groupie can do around here.
The weather was decent so I thought it would be a nice day to spend driving around the countryside.
Wrong. My friends (Stacy and Greg) tracked down 2 places they wanted to investigate - an old gas station and an abandoned factory. Great - I just bought some fabulous new tank tops that The Girls have been dying to try out, and I'm crawling around old buildings.
Ghost hunting isn't just walking around an empty building at night after a six pack of Old Milwaukee. Stacy and Greg are totally serious about it. They do that "spirit photography" and seances and all that freaky shit. What we were trying to do was call the spirits out then take their pictures. I am not kidding.
They had a list of names of people who had died (I assume horribly) in these 2 buildings. So my job was to walk around calling out their names while they took pictures. To get an idea, Stacy would walk in front taking pics followed by me saying things like "Joe Smith... Are you here? Make yourself known to us..." Meanwhile, Greg would walk behind taking more pics.
The gas station was still in business, so we walked around the outside and tried not to draw attention to ourselves. The factory was empty and we went in through an open door, ignoring the "No Trespassing" signs. Talk about being scared as shit... if the ghosts don't get you, the meth-heads might. Luckily we didn't see anything other than pigeons living there.
I don't want to say that Stacy and Greg are full of it, but I don't see anything in those pics. They claim you can see "energy fields" or something like that if you look closely, but I just see specks of dust floating in the air.
And that's how I spent my day off. The End.
CJ
p.s. I know that some of you were probably hoping that our little field trip in the country would have ended up in a 3-some in the back of the car. Unfortunately, not all of my adventures end with a handjob. But I promise to think up something freaky for next time. LOL
Don't listen to those idiots on TV about the economy, listen to a masseuse. The economy is finally recovering because business has taken off for the first time in a year and a half!!!!
Anyway, what do you think I did on my precious weekday off? Go to a movie? Picnic in the park? Shopping at the outlets?
No. CJ went ghost hunting. Yes, you read that right. I was chasing ghosts like a regular old Ghostbuster. A couple of friends of mine (outer circle) are super into the paranormal. I mean these guys have the books and movies and everything about ghosts and spirits. But it's not too weird considering we have Gettysburg and the Amish country and such nearby, so there's actually a lot a ghost groupie can do around here.
The weather was decent so I thought it would be a nice day to spend driving around the countryside.
Wrong. My friends (Stacy and Greg) tracked down 2 places they wanted to investigate - an old gas station and an abandoned factory. Great - I just bought some fabulous new tank tops that The Girls have been dying to try out, and I'm crawling around old buildings.
Ghost hunting isn't just walking around an empty building at night after a six pack of Old Milwaukee. Stacy and Greg are totally serious about it. They do that "spirit photography" and seances and all that freaky shit. What we were trying to do was call the spirits out then take their pictures. I am not kidding.
They had a list of names of people who had died (I assume horribly) in these 2 buildings. So my job was to walk around calling out their names while they took pictures. To get an idea, Stacy would walk in front taking pics followed by me saying things like "Joe Smith... Are you here? Make yourself known to us..." Meanwhile, Greg would walk behind taking more pics.
The gas station was still in business, so we walked around the outside and tried not to draw attention to ourselves. The factory was empty and we went in through an open door, ignoring the "No Trespassing" signs. Talk about being scared as shit... if the ghosts don't get you, the meth-heads might. Luckily we didn't see anything other than pigeons living there.
I don't want to say that Stacy and Greg are full of it, but I don't see anything in those pics. They claim you can see "energy fields" or something like that if you look closely, but I just see specks of dust floating in the air.
And that's how I spent my day off. The End.
CJ
p.s. I know that some of you were probably hoping that our little field trip in the country would have ended up in a 3-some in the back of the car. Unfortunately, not all of my adventures end with a handjob. But I promise to think up something freaky for next time. LOL
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Freak of the Week - The Cloud
This one's just nasty. The latest Freak of the Week isn't even a person - it's a monster. I don't know where to start because it's disgusting and weird and funny all at the same time.
Anyway, on Friday I was working the day shift with Audrey and business was decent (finally). I had in this one guy in the early afternoon who was your average Joe. I think he'd been in once or twice before. What I distinctly remember about our session was that he said he had Thai food for lunch. I remember because I love Thai food, but I rarely ever have it. I mean, who sits around and says "Hey, let's have Thai for lunch!"
So we finish the session and as we're both getting dressed he asks if he can use our bathroom before he leaves. I said sure, then I headed out the back door to have a smoke. Well, as I'm finishing my smoke, I hear Audrey up front yell "CJ! Get over here!"
I note the panic in her voice as I run back inside. I find Audrey standing smack in the middle of our lobby with her nose all crinkled. I'm wondering what the heck's going on when suddenly it hits me too... the absolute worst Gawd-awful shit-stinking smell that's ever been in history.
To help you picture the scene, the front of The Business is a lobby with front desk. A hallway runs directly down the middle of The Business with session rooms on either side (it's basically the same layout as a tanning salon). The first room on the left is a restroom for customers. So basically, the restroom is in the MIDDLE of everything.
I'm like "What the fuck is THAT smell?" and Audrey's like "I think it was your last customer."
The bathroom has one of those useless exhaust fans that only makes a noise so you'll think it's doing something. I was almost afraid to look and see what horrible devastation took place in the bathroom, but I knew Audrey wouldn't do it - AND ITS HER BUSINESS.
I kicked the door open and was shocked to find...
It was completely clean. Even the toilet was empty. Whatever he left behind - it was just a Cloud of Pure Evil Stink. I noticed that there were no paper towels in the wastebasket, so he didn't even wash his hands - EWWWW.
With nothing to actually scrub down or flush away, Audrey found a can of air freshener to fight off the foul smell. She sprayed and sprayed till the can was empty - the Cloud of Evil Stink ate the whole thing!
I swear to Gawd that I could hear it laughing at us.
Next we propped open the front and back doors, but that only seemed to help the Cloud spread through the entire building! Now the back office started to smell.
I got desperate, so I went through all the session rooms (holding my breath) and immediately lit all the aromatherapy candles in an effort to head 'em off at the pass. In the back closet I grabbed scented candles like hand grenades and brought them up front to join the fight. In the bathroom alone I tossed in 4, and the rest I scattered around the lobby.
This only made the Cloud angry and we could see lightning starting to flash around it's edges.
At about this point, a customer came in and stood at the front desk. Audrey booked him for 30 minutes, and no joke - he changed it to 15 after he got a good whiff of the lobby. Audrey took him to the last room down the hallway, but later said you could still smell it inside.
I wasn't about to sit at the desk with the Stink Cloud from Hell hovering over me, so I actually stood just outside the doorway and lit up another cigarette. A walk-in customer came up and I warned him about our little problem. He didn't believe me until he got one whiff, was totally skeeved out and left. 15 minutes pass and Audrey comes back out of her room just as a second customer also changes his mind.
I told her we can't do business like this. She agreed, so we put up the "Back in --- Minutes" sign and took a 1 hour lunch. Damned if we were going to put up with that smell. We were so desperate to kill the Evil Cloud that we actually left all the candles burning too. Torching the entire building would have been worth it to save the city from that Evil Smell.
And no - we didn't have Thai.
CJ
Anyway, on Friday I was working the day shift with Audrey and business was decent (finally). I had in this one guy in the early afternoon who was your average Joe. I think he'd been in once or twice before. What I distinctly remember about our session was that he said he had Thai food for lunch. I remember because I love Thai food, but I rarely ever have it. I mean, who sits around and says "Hey, let's have Thai for lunch!"
So we finish the session and as we're both getting dressed he asks if he can use our bathroom before he leaves. I said sure, then I headed out the back door to have a smoke. Well, as I'm finishing my smoke, I hear Audrey up front yell "CJ! Get over here!"
I note the panic in her voice as I run back inside. I find Audrey standing smack in the middle of our lobby with her nose all crinkled. I'm wondering what the heck's going on when suddenly it hits me too... the absolute worst Gawd-awful shit-stinking smell that's ever been in history.
To help you picture the scene, the front of The Business is a lobby with front desk. A hallway runs directly down the middle of The Business with session rooms on either side (it's basically the same layout as a tanning salon). The first room on the left is a restroom for customers. So basically, the restroom is in the MIDDLE of everything.
I'm like "What the fuck is THAT smell?" and Audrey's like "I think it was your last customer."
The bathroom has one of those useless exhaust fans that only makes a noise so you'll think it's doing something. I was almost afraid to look and see what horrible devastation took place in the bathroom, but I knew Audrey wouldn't do it - AND ITS HER BUSINESS.
I kicked the door open and was shocked to find...
It was completely clean. Even the toilet was empty. Whatever he left behind - it was just a Cloud of Pure Evil Stink. I noticed that there were no paper towels in the wastebasket, so he didn't even wash his hands - EWWWW.
With nothing to actually scrub down or flush away, Audrey found a can of air freshener to fight off the foul smell. She sprayed and sprayed till the can was empty - the Cloud of Evil Stink ate the whole thing!
I swear to Gawd that I could hear it laughing at us.
Next we propped open the front and back doors, but that only seemed to help the Cloud spread through the entire building! Now the back office started to smell.
I got desperate, so I went through all the session rooms (holding my breath) and immediately lit all the aromatherapy candles in an effort to head 'em off at the pass. In the back closet I grabbed scented candles like hand grenades and brought them up front to join the fight. In the bathroom alone I tossed in 4, and the rest I scattered around the lobby.
This only made the Cloud angry and we could see lightning starting to flash around it's edges.
At about this point, a customer came in and stood at the front desk. Audrey booked him for 30 minutes, and no joke - he changed it to 15 after he got a good whiff of the lobby. Audrey took him to the last room down the hallway, but later said you could still smell it inside.
I wasn't about to sit at the desk with the Stink Cloud from Hell hovering over me, so I actually stood just outside the doorway and lit up another cigarette. A walk-in customer came up and I warned him about our little problem. He didn't believe me until he got one whiff, was totally skeeved out and left. 15 minutes pass and Audrey comes back out of her room just as a second customer also changes his mind.
I told her we can't do business like this. She agreed, so we put up the "Back in --- Minutes" sign and took a 1 hour lunch. Damned if we were going to put up with that smell. We were so desperate to kill the Evil Cloud that we actually left all the candles burning too. Torching the entire building would have been worth it to save the city from that Evil Smell.
And no - we didn't have Thai.
CJ
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Freak of the Week - Foot Lovers
Yesterday I had another foot guy come in. The foot fetish is so common that it never occurred to me to write about it, let alone elevate it to Freak of the Week. THAT is how common it is. So there I was, sitting on the massage table (fully clothed) patiently waiting as my fully naked customer was kneeling in front of me - my right foot in one hand, himself in the other – when it suddenly dawned on me that some people may consider this odd. So today I will talk about the Foot Lovers.
Of all the fetishes I’ve seen, I would definitely say that foot worshiping is the most common. Now before I go on about foot stuff, I have a theory as to why we see so many of them here at The Business. It’s not because PA is home to the most pervs who are into feet - I think it’s because massage parlors are the most ideal place to cater to their needs.
Let me explain… Any full service place would gladly take them as customers, but for the most part, the foot guys are not interested in sticking their dicks in anything. So why pay for full service when there’s an alternative? The guys that I’ve talked to about it say that in a brothel, they don’t really know how to accommodate a guy who just wants access to a girls feet. For example, they would pay $60 for the door fee, another $200 for a full-service session, AND THEN another $100 or more for “fetish” stuff.
Since a massage parlor isn’t supposed to be full service, our prices are lower and clothing options are available. So if a guy just wants to look at my feet and take care of his own hand release, then he’s looking at $45 at the door, $60 for the fully-clothed option, and maybe an additional $60 for my “foot fee” ($100 if you want to cum ON my feet). So massage parlors just make economic sense, which is important in these trying times.
Anyway, back to the foot worshippers. There are a number of different kinks including:
Toe sucking
High heels
Leg humping
Pantyhose/socks
Foot release
Toenail polish (yes, some guy paid me to do my toes)
Foot massage
The most common are toe sucking followed by a foot release. With the foot release, I usually sit down while the guy gets on his knees (or lies on his back), holds my feet together and then slides his cock in between. Another variation has me on my back with my feet in the air while he fucks my feet from a standing position. And they almost always end with cum on the feet. I don’t mind, I just charge a little extra for it.
Some guys are just kinda turned on by it, and want to see my bare feet during a normal session (one guy insisted I keep wiggling my toes). Then they go all the way to the hardcore “I only wanna see your feet” kind. I LOVE those guys! They only take up 15 minutes of your time, you only have to take off your shoes and socks, and THEY do all the work! LOL.
My customer yesterday was one of them. Easiest session I’ve had in a while. He was new to The Business and he had trouble asking for what he wanted. Luckily I’m quite skilled in the language of the foot, so I quickly figured out what he wanted. I swear, he looked like a kid in a candy store as soon as I went over some of the foot-friendly options I offer. He settled on the barefooted, do-it-yourself Happy Ending, with jizz on the side (or the #2 as I like to call it). What was unique about the session was that he insisted on getting completely naked himself, except for his socks and shoes (yes, he put his shoes BACK on).
So I guess there are a few foot enthusiasts out there who are a little odd as well.
CJ
Of all the fetishes I’ve seen, I would definitely say that foot worshiping is the most common. Now before I go on about foot stuff, I have a theory as to why we see so many of them here at The Business. It’s not because PA is home to the most pervs who are into feet - I think it’s because massage parlors are the most ideal place to cater to their needs.
Let me explain… Any full service place would gladly take them as customers, but for the most part, the foot guys are not interested in sticking their dicks in anything. So why pay for full service when there’s an alternative? The guys that I’ve talked to about it say that in a brothel, they don’t really know how to accommodate a guy who just wants access to a girls feet. For example, they would pay $60 for the door fee, another $200 for a full-service session, AND THEN another $100 or more for “fetish” stuff.
Since a massage parlor isn’t supposed to be full service, our prices are lower and clothing options are available. So if a guy just wants to look at my feet and take care of his own hand release, then he’s looking at $45 at the door, $60 for the fully-clothed option, and maybe an additional $60 for my “foot fee” ($100 if you want to cum ON my feet). So massage parlors just make economic sense, which is important in these trying times.
Anyway, back to the foot worshippers. There are a number of different kinks including:
Toe sucking
High heels
Leg humping
Pantyhose/socks
Foot release
Toenail polish (yes, some guy paid me to do my toes)
Foot massage
The most common are toe sucking followed by a foot release. With the foot release, I usually sit down while the guy gets on his knees (or lies on his back), holds my feet together and then slides his cock in between. Another variation has me on my back with my feet in the air while he fucks my feet from a standing position. And they almost always end with cum on the feet. I don’t mind, I just charge a little extra for it.
Some guys are just kinda turned on by it, and want to see my bare feet during a normal session (one guy insisted I keep wiggling my toes). Then they go all the way to the hardcore “I only wanna see your feet” kind. I LOVE those guys! They only take up 15 minutes of your time, you only have to take off your shoes and socks, and THEY do all the work! LOL.
My customer yesterday was one of them. Easiest session I’ve had in a while. He was new to The Business and he had trouble asking for what he wanted. Luckily I’m quite skilled in the language of the foot, so I quickly figured out what he wanted. I swear, he looked like a kid in a candy store as soon as I went over some of the foot-friendly options I offer. He settled on the barefooted, do-it-yourself Happy Ending, with jizz on the side (or the #2 as I like to call it). What was unique about the session was that he insisted on getting completely naked himself, except for his socks and shoes (yes, he put his shoes BACK on).
So I guess there are a few foot enthusiasts out there who are a little odd as well.
CJ
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Inner Circle
As I've been trying to figure out who the fuck's been telling people where I work, I have sorted out my friends into the "knows" and "don't knows." Some of you may be shocked to hear this, but the career field of Erotic Masseuse is not necessarily cherished and respected by all aspects of polite society. In fact, some would go so far as to hold us in less esteem than say "Hooter's Waitress."
So we are forced to keep a low profile. Now most of my friends and family know that I'm an LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist). The whole "shampooer" thing I only use with guys I meet, or anyone else annoying who just has to know what I do for a living (like salespeople).
Out of all those people, most of them think I work in a normal day spa. Then there are the privileged few who know I don't work for a "normal" spa. I'd say maybe a dozen or so know this. What they think is that I work in a massage parlor where all the girls wear bikinis. I would call these people the "Outer Circle" because they have an idea that it's not a normal massage place, but they know better than to ask too many questions. This group consists mostly of close friends, a couple ex-boyfriends, and my sister.
Then there is the "Inner Circle." This is the handful of people who know exactly what I do for a living. If you don't include co-workers (current and ex), Ex-boyfriends (who I confessed to), and customers-turned-friends, there are exactly 4 people who know I'm an Erotic Masseuse. Now if you add in the co-workers, ex's, and customers-turned-friends, that number jumps up to maybe 2 dozen.
And that's not a bad number to manage when you live in a small town where everyone knows your business. And for the most part, they've all proven to be trustworthy (except for that slip up last week).
As for this blog thing... I can safely say that only 3 people in the whole world know about it. That's 2 co-workers and my Techno-Geek that helps me with the computer/internet stuff. And that's it. Luckily, no customers have surprised me yet with "Have you read this blog called 'HappyEndingz?' I think you'd enjoy it."
So my secret identity is still safe for now!
CJ
So we are forced to keep a low profile. Now most of my friends and family know that I'm an LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist). The whole "shampooer" thing I only use with guys I meet, or anyone else annoying who just has to know what I do for a living (like salespeople).
Out of all those people, most of them think I work in a normal day spa. Then there are the privileged few who know I don't work for a "normal" spa. I'd say maybe a dozen or so know this. What they think is that I work in a massage parlor where all the girls wear bikinis. I would call these people the "Outer Circle" because they have an idea that it's not a normal massage place, but they know better than to ask too many questions. This group consists mostly of close friends, a couple ex-boyfriends, and my sister.
Then there is the "Inner Circle." This is the handful of people who know exactly what I do for a living. If you don't include co-workers (current and ex), Ex-boyfriends (who I confessed to), and customers-turned-friends, there are exactly 4 people who know I'm an Erotic Masseuse. Now if you add in the co-workers, ex's, and customers-turned-friends, that number jumps up to maybe 2 dozen.
And that's not a bad number to manage when you live in a small town where everyone knows your business. And for the most part, they've all proven to be trustworthy (except for that slip up last week).
As for this blog thing... I can safely say that only 3 people in the whole world know about it. That's 2 co-workers and my Techno-Geek that helps me with the computer/internet stuff. And that's it. Luckily, no customers have surprised me yet with "Have you read this blog called 'HappyEndingz?' I think you'd enjoy it."
So my secret identity is still safe for now!
CJ
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Close Call
For those of you who've bothered to read some of the old crap I've talked about here, you know that I usually tell guys I meet that I'm a "shampooer" at a local day spa. Well for those of you who are new here, I usually tell guys I meet that I'm a "shampooer" at a local day spa. LOL
And that hasn't changed. As you may remember, I went online a while ago to try the internet dating thing. Since then I still give the old song-and-dance whenever someone asks me what I do for a living. It just simplifies things - believe me.
Anyway, the online thing has just gotten so boring. I will be the first to tell you that I give good chat. I can chat a guy up like you wouldn't believe, but the minute they ask for a phone number, I totally freeze up. I don't know what it is - everything completely changes on the phone for me.
Let me put it another way... I think since I went on the computer, I've chatted with probably a couple dozen guys (yes, I'm a chat slut), talked to maybe 5, and actually met only 2. And those 2 lasted only 1 date each.
Ya know, I think my problem is that I'm a real Fuck-em-and-leave-em kinda girl. When I really want to get laid, I usually just pick a friend of a friend of a friend who I know I'll never see again, and I just go for it. And with 3 degrees of separation, it's really easy to ditch them afterwards without offending any of my close friends.
Now a guy's gotta really rock my world for me to want to see him again. And unfortunately, this is the formula that I have inevitably used to find my last couple of loser boyfriends. Great in the sack? - you're in. Got a job and you're nice to your mother? - get lost.
And that brings me to Archie. I'll call him "Archie" because he has that clean-cut, nerdy kinda look of the comic book Archie (as opposed to my other male friend "Brad Pitt Clone" who looks like Ben Affleck). He's completely unlike anyone I've ever met. And by that I mean he's a friend of a friend. Yikes - That's a whole friend closer!!! That puts him within reach of my inner circle of friends, which for me is waaaaaaaay too close for comfort for reasons that you will see.
Now before you start thinking I'm a total whore - I have not done anything with Archie. We just met for Gawd's sake. But we did have a good time chatting last week when a bunch of us got together at a local bar. At first I thought he was interesting and nice, but without that extra "friend" of separation, I wrote him off as off-limits. Well, it turns out that he's the persistent kind, so he made a few inquiries and found out where to find me!
And to make things more interesting, he bypassed the whole surprise phone call thing and decided to surprise me at work.
AT WORK!!!!!!
Now I don't know who the fucking bitch-skank-whore-slut-pig-dog is who told this guy where I work (but I do have my suspicions JANE), but I have to now deal with the problem. So there I am, hanging out at the back door having a smoke after a particularly grueling session with a 300 lbs. trucker with erectile dysfunction issues, when I get a shout out from Audrey at the desk.
"Hey CJ! There's someone here to see you!"
Normally a scheduled appointment would just be booked in and led into the room by whoever's at the front desk, so this is odd. I stamp out my cigarette and walk up front. Let me tell ya - my heart skipped a beat when I saw Archie standing there. It's not the first time I've been surprised by someone at work, but it doesn't get any easier each time it happens.
"Uhhhhhhh... Hey you" I managed to say. "What are you doing here?" Notice it's not "Good to see you" or "What a nice surprise!"
He can tell I'm surprised, but he can't tell it's in a bad way. "Hi CJ. I just thought I'd stop by and..." (Time froze right here. I was terrified he was going to ask to be shown around) "... take you out to lunch."
PHEW! Time started moving again. You see, as a "shampooer" I would need rinsing sinks to shampoo in. Also, salon chairs, mirrors, racks of hair products, and all the other stuff you need in a day spa. Thank Gawd most guys have no idea what a day spa is supposed to look like (at first glance, our lobby looks like that of a tanning salon).
Audrey gave me a shit-eating grin. "I said it was fine! Go you two - have a good time." Grin grin grin.
To make a long story short, I got him the fuck outta there. Last thing I needed was for Archie to see some seedy looking guys coming in to "get their hair done." I made him take me to a McDonald's a good distance away where we made small talk for half an hour. I also got the message across that he was to never do that again - but in a nice way.
He tried to squeeze a real date out of me, but I talked him down to a scheduled phone call instead. I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but scaring the shit outta me at work is -1000 points right there. He's either an old fashioned romantic, or a stalker. It's still too early to tell.
But he does have a job. LOL
CJ
And that hasn't changed. As you may remember, I went online a while ago to try the internet dating thing. Since then I still give the old song-and-dance whenever someone asks me what I do for a living. It just simplifies things - believe me.
Anyway, the online thing has just gotten so boring. I will be the first to tell you that I give good chat. I can chat a guy up like you wouldn't believe, but the minute they ask for a phone number, I totally freeze up. I don't know what it is - everything completely changes on the phone for me.
Let me put it another way... I think since I went on the computer, I've chatted with probably a couple dozen guys (yes, I'm a chat slut), talked to maybe 5, and actually met only 2. And those 2 lasted only 1 date each.
Ya know, I think my problem is that I'm a real Fuck-em-and-leave-em kinda girl. When I really want to get laid, I usually just pick a friend of a friend of a friend who I know I'll never see again, and I just go for it. And with 3 degrees of separation, it's really easy to ditch them afterwards without offending any of my close friends.
Now a guy's gotta really rock my world for me to want to see him again. And unfortunately, this is the formula that I have inevitably used to find my last couple of loser boyfriends. Great in the sack? - you're in. Got a job and you're nice to your mother? - get lost.
And that brings me to Archie. I'll call him "Archie" because he has that clean-cut, nerdy kinda look of the comic book Archie (as opposed to my other male friend "Brad Pitt Clone" who looks like Ben Affleck). He's completely unlike anyone I've ever met. And by that I mean he's a friend of a friend. Yikes - That's a whole friend closer!!! That puts him within reach of my inner circle of friends, which for me is waaaaaaaay too close for comfort for reasons that you will see.
Now before you start thinking I'm a total whore - I have not done anything with Archie. We just met for Gawd's sake. But we did have a good time chatting last week when a bunch of us got together at a local bar. At first I thought he was interesting and nice, but without that extra "friend" of separation, I wrote him off as off-limits. Well, it turns out that he's the persistent kind, so he made a few inquiries and found out where to find me!
And to make things more interesting, he bypassed the whole surprise phone call thing and decided to surprise me at work.
AT WORK!!!!!!
Now I don't know who the fucking bitch-skank-whore-slut-pig-dog is who told this guy where I work (but I do have my suspicions JANE), but I have to now deal with the problem. So there I am, hanging out at the back door having a smoke after a particularly grueling session with a 300 lbs. trucker with erectile dysfunction issues, when I get a shout out from Audrey at the desk.
"Hey CJ! There's someone here to see you!"
Normally a scheduled appointment would just be booked in and led into the room by whoever's at the front desk, so this is odd. I stamp out my cigarette and walk up front. Let me tell ya - my heart skipped a beat when I saw Archie standing there. It's not the first time I've been surprised by someone at work, but it doesn't get any easier each time it happens.
"Uhhhhhhh... Hey you" I managed to say. "What are you doing here?" Notice it's not "Good to see you" or "What a nice surprise!"
He can tell I'm surprised, but he can't tell it's in a bad way. "Hi CJ. I just thought I'd stop by and..." (Time froze right here. I was terrified he was going to ask to be shown around) "... take you out to lunch."
PHEW! Time started moving again. You see, as a "shampooer" I would need rinsing sinks to shampoo in. Also, salon chairs, mirrors, racks of hair products, and all the other stuff you need in a day spa. Thank Gawd most guys have no idea what a day spa is supposed to look like (at first glance, our lobby looks like that of a tanning salon).
Audrey gave me a shit-eating grin. "I said it was fine! Go you two - have a good time." Grin grin grin.
To make a long story short, I got him the fuck outta there. Last thing I needed was for Archie to see some seedy looking guys coming in to "get their hair done." I made him take me to a McDonald's a good distance away where we made small talk for half an hour. I also got the message across that he was to never do that again - but in a nice way.
He tried to squeeze a real date out of me, but I talked him down to a scheduled phone call instead. I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but scaring the shit outta me at work is -1000 points right there. He's either an old fashioned romantic, or a stalker. It's still too early to tell.
But he does have a job. LOL
CJ
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